Things never to ask a pregnant woman - Page 4

[Kate&Joey]

Originally Posted by skycheattraffic 

We did have a nursery for DD and guess what? We painted it a vibrant green and hung pictures of animals. Seriously, the greatest way to make me run the other way when I'm shopping for DD is to make toys/linens, etc pink. You can totally tell which of her clothes are gifts: the pink ones! Lol. I just really don't like the pink/blue polarization... As mentioned above, there are so many colours in the rainbow

This is totally me as well!  We found out the gender this time (mostly because I wanted to consign all of the obviously boy infant/baby clothes if it is a girl).  Well, it is indeed a girl.  I haven't bought one pink item.  We don't *do* nurseries, but the color scheme of her area of our room is orange/brown/white.

With DS, I didn't find out the gender and had no issues with stocking up on cream/ivory/white/pale green.  And again, the only blue items I got were gifts. 

[A2JC4life]

Originally Posted by JennJenn84 

I am pregnant with my second (DD is 6 1/2) and have a different sperm doner for this one (I call him that as he has been a complete JERK the whole time I've been pregnant.) I get the "well, you don't need anymore children now because a nother Baby Daddy would make you look trashy." Excuse me??? That is the worst and this person was lucky I didn't punch her in the face!

Oh, my gosh.  I think this takes the cake.  Pretty sure this is the WORST thing I've ever heard of anyone saying to a pregnant woman.  I'd have been tempted to punch her FOR you if I'd been there.  (Except I would probably have been too stunned.)

[JennJenn84]

Originally Posted by A2JC4life 

Oh, my gosh.  I think this takes the cake.  Pretty sure this is the WORST thing I've ever heard of anyone saying to a pregnant woman.  I'd have been tempted to punch her FOR you if I'd been there.  (Except I would probably have been too stunned.)

The thing is, it was a manager at work! I know I should have complained on her, but I just let it go. I had better things to worry about. Now? I definitly would have, as my moodyness is at an all time high.

[revolting]

My first pregnancy was when I was 17, and I miscarried. People asked me, "Did you get pregnant on purpose?" and told me that, "It was probably a good thing you miscarried." My mother explained to me that sleeping with lots of guys (which I wasn't; I am married today to the guy who impregnated me at 17) won't make them love me.

I got pregnant again at 19. My mother, ever the sensitive one, told me that when she found out I was pregnant, she wanted to shoot herself in the head. My mother told me that I was selfish for refusing to give my baby up for adoption, and that I should be thankful that she was trying to arrange an open adoption for me (as opposed to a closed one). She also asked me if my partner was also the father of the miscarried baby. She also said, "Your dad and I are NOT raising another child!" My father said he wished I had told him early enough to get an abortion. This was on top of everyone and their mother asking me how old I was, if the father was involved, etc... (Which I got a little bit when I was pregnant at 22) Oh, and I also really hated when people would say, "At least you're taking responsibility..." because I didn't have an abortion.

[A2JC4life]

How horrible for people to say it was a good thing you miscarried!  Some people must seriously never think.
 

[LLQ1011]

Originally Posted by revolting 

My first pregnancy was when I was 17, and I miscarried. People asked me, "Did you get pregnant on purpose?" and told me that, "It was probably a good thing you miscarried." My mother explained to me that sleeping with lots of guys (which I wasn't; I am married today to the guy who impregnated me at 17) won't make them love me.

I got pregnant again at 19. My mother, ever the sensitive one, told me that when she found out I was pregnant, she wanted to shoot herself in the head. My mother told me that I was selfish for refusing to give my baby up for adoption, and that I should be thankful that she was trying to arrange an open adoption for me (as opposed to a closed one). She also asked me if my partner was also the father of the miscarried baby. She also said, "Your dad and I are NOT raising another child!" My father said he wished I had told him early enough to get an abortion. This was on top of everyone and their mother asking me how old I was, if the father was involved, etc... (Which I got a little bit when I was pregnant at 22) Oh, and I also really hated when people would say, "At least you're taking responsibility..." because I didn't have an abortion.

Your Mom is a jerk!
Edited by LLQ1011 - 3/16/13 at 4:34pm

[dayiscoming2006]

Wow, Revolting! I would totally block any contact with anyone that ever spoke to me like that, I don't care if we're related, your my mom or dad. That's not something anyone needs in their life. 

[here we are]

Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 

You shouldn't call 911 for a non-emergency. Just keep an eye out and if someone seems to be coming toward your belly, tell them no. That would kinda be like if you called 911 for someone grabbing on your shoulder to get your attention, unless they were hurting you and continuing to hurt you or something. I understand how it would make you feel though.

I'm on my fourth pregnancy and I don't think any stranger has ever touched my belly. 

Yeah, it wasnt really a rational thought! & the way I imagined it feeling wasnt anything like my shoulder, it was definetly an emotional hurt & invasion.of my personal space.

[vc2013]

Originally Posted by here we are 

How about "how are you feeling?"...am i the worst for saying this is not to be asked? Its just theres SO many feelings going on, its hard to give an answer, but i dont like this question anyways, i am just too private&moody in general.

i actually like when people ask me how i'm feeling. i'm 12 weeks pregnant with my first baby. some people didn't ask how i was feeling and it made me feel weird. 

so far i haven't had any weird questions really or anything that bothered me said to me. my midwife asked me if i have a feeling about it being a boy or a girl and i said i didn't know, and i didn't think so. it's fine. we fortunately both have supportive parents who keep their distance and aren't trying to influence our lives or decisions. 

before i got pregnant myself, i never knew whether it would be taken as an insult or as a compliment to acknowledge that a pregnant friend looks "huge" at a certain point. so i never commented on their size although they usually talk about how huge they are all the time.

i'm excited to see if i'll get any strangers commenting on my belly once i actually start showing. at this point, i might as well be overweight or just oddly shaped. :P

[CoBabyMaker]

I always start getting the "Due any day now" comments around 6/7 months.   I really just feel like there is never an ok time for this question.  You basically have three options:

1. They are not due for quite some time and you are now a jerk.

2. They are due any day now and are probably antsy about it anyway.

3. They are "over due" and more than ready to be done with this stage of things.

You can't win.

They size questions are also SO rude to me.  I am fairly small when I am not pregnant but I get big when I am pregnant, it's just what my body does.  My MIL has commented (and did throughout my last pregnancy too) on how big I am.  Implying that they baby will probably be so much bigger than my first (we lived in a different state during my first, also huge, pregnancy).  Commenting that they might deliver baby early since I am so big-I'm having a scheduled c-section this time so there isn't an issue of the baby "not fitting". Eyeing my belly with the "How are you measuring?" or "Have they made any guesses as to baby's size?"  Ugh.  I'm big, I know it, I hate it.  Can we just not discuss it please?  I don't talk about your size.

[michelleepotter]

I'm starting to worry about the comments I might get this time. Since this is our eighth, I'm sure there will be the requisite, "Another one?!?" and "Don't you know what causes that?!?" and "I could never do that!" Yeah, ok.

I'm 31 this time, and hoping that I finally look old enough to avoid all the, "You're pregnant? I thought you were in high school!" Not sure, though. Only a few weeks ago someone thought I was my husband's daughter, seriously, and it's her job to work with kids and families. It's crazy. I might look young (mid to late 20s, IMO), but no way my husband looks that much older than me.

I was 20 when I had my first, but I adopted my step-children at the same time, so I really had three at 20. I've had some nasty comments. The cashier in the grocery store, during my second pregnancy, who said that if I was her daughter, she'd kill me. The guy working a carnival ride who wanted to lecture me on how my children will hate me when they are grown for having such a large family. One online commenter who said there must be something wrong with me to be pregnant at such a young age (22), and the one who said that anyone who had a baby before 25 was ruining their lives (I was 24 and TTC our sixth).

[BaileyB]

Originally Posted by revolting 

My first pregnancy was when I was 17, and I miscarried. People asked me, "Did you get pregnant on purpose?" and told me that, "It was probably a good thing you miscarried." My mother explained to me that sleeping with lots of guys (which I wasn't; I am married today to the guy who impregnated me at 17) won't make them love me.

I got pregnant again at 19. My mother, ever the sensitive one, told me that when she found out I was pregnant, she wanted to shoot herself in the head. My mother told me that I was selfish for refusing to give my baby up for adoption, and that I should be thankful that she was trying to arrange an open adoption for me (as opposed to a closed one). She also asked me if my partner was also the father of the miscarried baby. She also said, "Your dad and I are NOT raising another child!" My father said he wished I had told him early enough to get an abortion. This was on top of everyone and their mother asking me how old I was, if the father was involved, etc... (Which I got a little bit when I was pregnant at 22) Oh, and I also really hated when people would say, "At least you're taking responsibility..." because I didn't have an abortion.

Sounds like we have the same breed of mother. My mom was snooping through my purse when I was home visiting from college and 'accidentally' discovered a packet of birth control. Immediatley started accusing me of sleeping with the whole hockey team. This was after she had met (many times) my boyfriend of many months. Bitch...

 Anyway, sorry people said that about your miscarriage. What a horrible thing to say to someone!

Originally Posted by CoBabyMaker 

I always start getting the "Due any day now" comments around 6/7 months.   I really just feel like there is never an ok time for this question.  You basically have three options:

1. They are not due for quite some time and you are now a jerk.

2. They are due any day now and are probably antsy about it anyway.

3. They are "over due" and more than ready to be done with this stage of things.

You can't win.

They size questions are also SO rude to me.  I am fairly small when I am not pregnant but I get big when I am pregnant, it's just what my body does.  My MIL has commented (and did throughout my last pregnancy too) on how big I am.  Implying that they baby will probably be so much bigger than my first (we lived in a different state during my first, also huge, pregnancy).  Commenting that they might deliver baby early since I am so big-I'm having a scheduled c-section this time so there isn't an issue of the baby "not fitting". Eyeing my belly with the "How are you measuring?" or "Have they made any guesses as to baby's size?"  Ugh.  I'm big, I know it, I hate it.  Can we just not discuss it please?  I don't talk about your size.

Ugh! I get all of this too! My dang Grandmother-IL just cannot keep her opinions to herself. I am "soooo thin!" when I am not pregnant and yet I am "sooo huge!" when I am pregnant. Either way I.do.not.care.what.your.opinion.is! woman. Plus, I hold her to a higher standard being that she has had 11 pregnancies. She should know what not to say.

Originally Posted by michelleepotter 

I'm starting to worry about the comments I might get this time. Since this is our eighth, I'm sure there will be the requisite, "Another one?!?" and "Don't you know what causes that?!?" and "I could never do that!" Yeah, ok.

I'm 31 this time, and hoping that I finally look old enough to avoid all the, "You're pregnant? I thought you were in high school!" Not sure, though. Only a few weeks ago someone thought I was my husband's daughter, seriously, and it's her job to work with kids and families. It's crazy. I might look young (mid to late 20s, IMO), but no way my husband looks that much older than me.

I was 20 when I had my first, but I adopted my step-children at the same time, so I really had three at 20. I've had some nasty comments. The cashier in the grocery store, during my second pregnancy, who said that if I was her daughter, she'd kill me. The guy working a carnival ride who wanted to lecture me on how my children will hate me when they are grown for having such a large family. One online commenter who said there must be something wrong with me to be pregnant at such a young age (22), and the one who said that anyone who had a baby before 25 was ruining their lives (I was 24 and TTC our sixth).

The only thing that scrambles people's brains more than seeing a pregnant woman, is seeing a family of more than 3 children. They just can't handle it. And the people that say they could "never do that" just shouldn't then. What does it matter to them?

I've decided there is no good question to ask a pregnant woman. Just say, "You look great!" and talk about something else! Even the most well intentioned questions or comments can go wrong. For some reason our clinic now has 'greeters' like it is WalMart or something and our 'greeter' rushed up to me (like almost a run) at my last appt (I had my 2 year old daughter with me) I asked in a very concerned voice if I was having a boy. Just out of the blue, I hadn't even made eye contact with her. I said no, another girl. "Well............well..............well...............................I guess as long as they are healthy right?"

[vc2013]

Ok, I have officially joined the club - first stupid comments at work last week by my (male) coworker:
- was it intentional or an accident?
- are you gonna be a stay at home mom now?

Made me happy I waited as long as I could before announcing.

Also, the unwanted advice-giving has begun.
- do not use an electronic heating pad. The emit a huge mount of electromagnetic waves, it's really bad for the baby.
- tips on hydration (I am very well hydrated, thank you)
- "take good care of you!" - well ok, you take good care of yourself too!

I'm scared of when I really start showing, that people might just start touching my belly without asking. And I now hate that male coworker of mine who made those comments. He didn't even congratulate.

But all this is nothing in comparison to what some of you heard! I simply have no explanation for why anyone would be so hateful, both to a random stranger and also to their own child.

[thezoolife]

When I told my supervisor that I was pregnant her response was "I have to stop hiring girls". Lol.

[Edelweiss98]

I've gotten lots of comments with being PG with twins. "Did you have something done?" (thanks grandma), "you're going to be busy!" (yeah, after 3 MC, I want to be busy with babies). I also "look really PG" and I'm just 5 mos. I can't wait to see how big I get this time but seriously, I'm trying to pack wt onto the babies and don't want them to come early. With my daughter who wasn't due till mid-July I got "wouldn't it be cool if she came in June?" what is cool about having her pre-mature??

[skycheattraffic]

Originally Posted by Edelweiss98 

I've gotten lots of comments with being PG with twins. "Did you have something done?" (thanks grandma), "you're going to be busy!" (yeah, after 3 MC, I want to be busy with babies). I also "look really PG" and I'm just 5 mos. I can't wait to see how big I get this time but seriously, I'm trying to pack wt onto the babies and don't want them to come early. With my daughter who wasn't due till mid-July I got "wouldn't it be cool if she came in June?" what is cool about having her pre-mature??

With the timing, I get "wouldn't it be great if you two shared a birthday?" That would put baby 20 days overdue... Maybe not as dangerous as coming too early but definitely not cool!

[scottishmommy]

I'm surprised that people get annoyed by the gender questions. I dunno seems harmless to me. I once asked a woman I work with if she "knew what she was having" and she answered "I'm having a baby" in a really snippy tone. I was just trying to be nice. Anyway I kind of avoided her after that, because she came off as really rude.

[Edelweiss98]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy 

I'm surprised that people get annoyed by the gender questions. I dunno seems harmless to me. I once asked a woman I work with if she "knew what she was having" and she answered "I'm having a baby" in a really snippy tone. I was just trying to be nice. Anyway I kind of avoided her after that, because she came off as really rude.

Yeah before I was ever PG I told a lady she looked cute and she went on a tirade about how she didn't feel cute and she'd never tell a PG woman she looked cute again. So sorry.

[lilmamita]

Ugh, I get annoyed at so much of what people say to me.  A summary:

Everyone's an expert. Unsolicited home remedies for morning sickness that you've already tried and didn't work and unsolicited OB/GYN recommendations are the most common and most annoying.

"You know you need to be taking care of yourself."  I want to respond, "Really? I was just going to drink whiskey and sit on the couch eating chips this whole time."

I haven't been directly asked if the pregnancy was planned because I think most people (correctly) assume it wasn't.  But I can't stand when I can tell people are trying to figure out how me and my partner are feeling about it.  Quite a few have asked, "Are y'all freaking out?" 

When I ran into a friend at the grocery store and told him I was pregnant he responded, "So your period was late and you were like WHAT!?!?!"

My supervisor at work asked me if this was the result of a failed contraceptive device or just carelessness.  At the time I was so shocked by the question that I just answered it and said we weren't using any form of birth control. But I later gave her the feedback that I thought that had been a completely inappropriate question.

One acquaintance actually said, "Tell [your partner] congratulations! Wait....it is his, right?"

Almost any pregnancy advice from those who have never been pregnant or parenting advice from those who aren't parents is always grating, even when it's well intentioned.

[michelleepotter]

Originally Posted by lilmamita 

Almost any pregnancy advice from those who have never been pregnant or parenting advice from those who aren't parents is always grating, even when it's well intentioned.

I worked with someone like that during my first pregnancy. She thought she knew EVERYTHING about pregnancy, despite never having been pregnant herself, and was always telling me all about it unasked. Constant stream of unnecessary and unwanted advice.

Another lady I'm glad is no longer around is the neighbor who was constantly telling people how much BIGGER I was during my second pregnancy than my first. I'd be talking to someone, and she'd just start telling them how I was SO MUCH BIGGER this time. The really strange part is that she didn't know me during my first pregnancy. Never so much as saw a photo. I have no idea where she even got this idea, much less why she thought she needed to tell everyone and their brother.