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Things never to ask a pregnant woman - Page 5post #81 of 1104/14/13 at 5:32amYesterday I went shopping with my mom. She was at the cosmetics counter in a department store, and the woman working at counter made a comment in my nice skin. So of course, my mom had to tell her that I'm pregnant. Without hesitation or inquiry, the woman launched into an explanation of how much weight she gained during her pregnancy, how terrible GD was, how awful her her labor was, how her bladder almost fell out (!), and then BEGGED me not to gain too much weight. It was so uncomfortable!!!post #82 of 1104/16/13 at 5:31am
I recently took early medical leave because my job is very physically strenuous and my midwife was worried about threatened pre-term labour...
anyways I'm 7 months pregnant and went into my work (grocery store) to buy some groceries. My manager looked me up and down (with a shocked/ discusted look on her face) and asked "How much WEIGHT! have you PUT ON?" I was taken back as she just looked so horrified. She then went on to say "You must be retaining water or SOMETHING!" to which I replied "umm... I don't think so?" She then kept insisting that I share (with her, my co workers serving me and the line up of people behind me) exactly how much weight I've put on... to which I proudly stated at least 30 lbs, maybe 40... She went on to say that she doesn't understand why I would gain so much because she knows I'm a health-obsessed vegetarian that never eats junk food or sweet things (while she stated this she glanced at the groceries I was buying today as if to try to find evidence of my weight gain... sadly I only had spinach, zucchini, and some fruit with me so no luck there)
I mean, I only stopped working there two weeks ago, and I'm in there all the time buying groceries AND I've only gained 5 lbs max since I did work there so... not sure why she was so shocked to see me today but still... I wasn't overly offended (I'm comfortable with my body, I know I'm eating right and exercising and if my body needs to put on 30+ lbs then so be it) but I was just more shocked at how rude she was and how if I wasn't such a secure person with my body shape and size right now, she could have really upset me. I finished the conversation by saying, "I'm not worried about my weight gain, I know I'll loose it all after, that's what happened to my mom!" She didn't respond but had a look of doubt on her face like I must be dreaming and in denial that I would ever get my body back to pre-pregnancy weight. I guess I will just have to show her! ha hapost #83 of 1104/16/13 at 7:03amWow, nattery, sounds like your manager just showed a bunch of her employees and customers what a rude b**** she is. If I'd been in the line behind you, I would have stopped shopping there! Possibly complained, too. I get very sensitive while pregnant, and I wouldn't want to risk her saying crap like that to me!
Come to think of it, did the other customers in line even know you work there? I can imagine it appearing like she just insulted a pregnant customer out of nowhere!post #84 of 1104/16/13 at 7:31am
I'm loving reading this thread because it just blows my mind that ANYONE ever thinks it's ok to talk like that to ANYONE - regardless of whether or not they are pregnant. It's like as soon as we start growing a baby our bodies and decisions should be open to public opinion. Amazing.
My rant is about my mom, who I love more than anything, but who doesn't always say things that people should hear. I was in labour at the hospital with my DD (my first). I was in full labour at 34 weeks - my midwife was there, but it was a transfer of care to an OB since it was early. My contractions weren't super painful and I was breathing through them well and feeling very confident and prepared for this birth. I felt great. My DH was incredibly helpful and supportive along with my midwife. My mom though kept repeating how much WORSE it was going to get. "Oh just wait - you think this is easy, but it's going to get WAY worse, just wait!". Um, thanks?? That's what I need to hear. I'm not freaked out enough about being in labour 6 weeks early I need you to remind me about how much pain is coming when you know I don't want any pain meds. Thanks.
And my labour was amazing. I delivered my daughter naturally with no pain medication and she was born very healthy.post #85 of 1104/16/13 at 2:12pmQuote:
Ha ha never thought of it that way! Makes me laugh to think of what an ass she made herself look likepost #86 of 1104/17/13 at 7:01ampost #87 of 1104/18/13 at 5:39am
Agree with the other ladies... I hate hearing, "Did you guys plan this pregnancy?" "Were you on birth control?" "Did you want this baby?" and another I HATED... "Wow you're HUGE!" STFU. I feel like a whale anyways, don't make such rude comments on my growing child. I was fairly large when I was pregnant with my daughter, but she was a tall, skinny baby at birth so we haven't the slightest clue why. I was all belly with her lol. My mom felt my stomach when I was about 14 weeks pregnant and she says, "It's still all soft and flabby, it's not even hard yet." Really? I'm 14 WEEKS PREGNANT... wonder why my belly isn't "hard" yet! Then you get the whole, "Do you know what you're having? Do you want to know? Do you have names picked out?" Those don't bother me as much as they are tedious... .I think with this pregnancy I'll just wear a shirt that says everything on it lol.post #88 of 1104/18/13 at 6:03amWith this pregnancy, I'm anticipating at least a few people saying, "But I thought you were done having kids!" I'm so tempted to respond, "Sorry, I guess I should have warned you before DH and I decided to have sex."
Anybody got any comebacks for the inevitable, "When are you going to do something about that (ie, get fixed)?" We actually *are* going to "do something" after this baby, but I'm sick of people asking me that every time I get pregnant! It makes me want to have 8 more, just to rebel against the naysayers!post #89 of 1104/21/13 at 8:27amQuote:OMG THIS!!! I've been so sick for almost 6 weeks now and my OB is extremely concerned anyway. Don't you think they have given me suggestions and I am trying them? Or do you just think I love to barf constantly?
Then I had a lady lecture me for taking zofran. Um excuse me, but 1) I AM an adult. 2) I'm already uncomfortable with taking it, but it is literally the only thing that helps me at this point. This lady has also never had any children, by choice. Maybe I'm too sensitive.
Also my manager said to me your husband must be so frustrated. Well excuse me, but unlike you my husband cares about my well being. He's actually pretty concerned. Agh.post #90 of 1104/21/13 at 12:16pm
I had a coworker that I thought might be pregnant, but given how sensitive I have been with my infertility journey and the fact that I knew she had lost a lot of weight, I didn't want to ask her "Are you pregnant?" especially if she was just gaining weight or truly wasn't and having difficulties getting pregnant. I was waiting for her to make an announcement of some kind to give people the head's up that, "yes, I am pregnant" not just getting fat. Never happened. Then I was attending a baby shower of a mutual friend and learned that the coworker was 7.5 months pregnant and she was handing out baby shower invites to everyone but me! Okay. How to handle that tactfully. I just ignored the event. The next day I congratulated her on her pregnancy and told her I didn't know she was pregnant. "Oh, I thought you knew." I thought to myself, "Um, no, you didn't tell me (but obviously all the other female workers know) and I didn't want to ask for fear to offend you if you were just getting fat." Granted at the time I had just gotten a bfp a week before and I am not telling co-workers yet.
Since I had to go through IVF to get pregnant, the "You know how that happens" comment response will be priceless. "Yep, I gave myself painful injections 3 times a day for 2 weeks, then went through a painful egg retrieval process, waited on pins and needles for the doctors to tell me if my DH's sperm that they injected into my eggs had done its job, then had a painless transfer of two amazing embryos, now I am trying to stay peaceful as I wait for the next few months to pass before I meet my little one (or ones since I don't know if I am having twins yet)." I know way more about "how it happens" than I ever thought I would. It is amazing that any woman gets pregnant given all the things that must happen perfectly timed.post #91 of 1106/8/13 at 10:42ampost #92 of 1103/3/14 at 9:30ampost #93 of 1103/3/14 at 3:05pm
Ugh, some of these are so terrible! I was 19 when I had my daughter (and single) but actually never got any particularly bad comments. I mean, some from my upset mother, but in general people were nice. With my son, when I was 24, I got a lot of the standard "You must be due any day now!" starting at 20 weeks and a lot of "A boy and a girl! Now you can be done." What does that have to do with it, honestly? And my father in law several times asked me, "Well, how do your parents feel about this?" when pregnant with DS. And he asked it in a very negative way. Then once I got more pregnant looking he was creepily flirty and several times said, "I just love a pregnant woman." Dude, leave me alone. Oh! And with DS when we called to tell him it was a boy he just sighed, "another grandson" in a disappointed voice.post #94 of 1103/4/14 at 12:04ampost #95 of 1103/4/14 at 6:41amBeing American and pregnant while living in a culture that advertises abortion on tv, I'd have to say the MOST offensive question, asked three times by three different doctors was "do you want to keep it?" Another was when I heard the heartbeat for the first time and started crying they asked, "are you ok? Why are you sad?" Clearly tears of joy people!post #96 of 1103/9/14 at 8:18pm
I must confess, I showed my SIL a mean picture worth 1000 words of things she didn't want to hear.... a photo of my distended, stretch marked, GINORMOUS belly hours before my daughter was born.Quote:Originally Posted by lilblueberry
Being American and pregnant while living in a culture that advertises abortion on tv, I'd have to say the MOST offensive question, asked three times by three different doctors was "do you want to keep it?" Another was when I heard the heartbeat for the first time and started crying they asked, "are you ok? Why are you sad?" Clearly tears of joy people!
And here i am thinking that it isn't discussed enough in media! How our world is colored by our desires....post #97 of 1103/11/14 at 1:40pmJumping in... When I was pregnant the guy who kept on coming to repair our washing machine (it took forever) told me on every single visit how sorry he was that we'd be having a girl. I assured him again and again that we were very happy about her, but somehow he didn't get it. I felt so sorry for any female babies in his family!!post #98 of 1103/12/14 at 12:18pmThe first time I met my boss's boss, we literally weren't done shaking hands hello when he said, "Are you going to breastfeed?" That's not a question that bothered me in general, but it felt rather inappropriate as the first thing said to me by a work superior.
At the baby shower for my first baby, my friend's mom came in with this weird, sympathetic look on her face and said, "So ... not quite what you had planned, but you're going with it, huh?" Er, say what? I was a married, 29-year-old homeowner who went off the pill because DH and I were ready for kids.post #99 of 1103/14/14 at 5:15pmQuote:
I WANT THAT SHIRT!!!
Oh my gosh, i am almost 28 weeks with my 3rd, 1st is almost 3 years old and 2nd is only 9 months. EVERYONE asks if it was planned.. So i respond with "Yes and no." ... they are usually so confused they just quiet down. Oh and I am married to the father of my children and am 23.
They may as well just say "So were you two having intercourse purely to create a child, or did you two just have a random night of passionate sex!"........ Honestly, it'd be just as awkward.. -_-
I am actually not wanting any more kids after this one just so i don't slap a doctors face! Apparently it is law now here in South Australia for a Doctor to HAVE to ask if you want to abort or not... I was over 15 weeks pregnant, could feel baby moving and everything! And the Doctor asked if it was planned, i said not really. (in fact i didnt want another for 4 years and hubby and i weren't doing anything, so i just stopped taking the pill as was useless.. *cough* did something once.. Tada! Pregnant.) So he asked if I'd like to terminate the pregnancy... I almost leapt to my feet and screamed "DO I WANT TO MURDER MY HEALTHY STRONG BABY?!?" Of course i snapped back "No! Of course not!" and he was very happy to hear my response.. But yes.. I HATE that question! He apologised afterwards saying that they are required to ask... Grrrr.
And yes, strangers touching my belly.. Strange women i tend to just bear with it.. But any male i must say just freaks me out and i have to be rude and tell them no touchies. HOW being pregnant makes your body public property i don't know!
Edited by Kinny - 3/14/14 at 5:40pmpost #100 of 1103/15/14 at 10:03am
Oh my... I am very pro-choice but I think that requiring doctors to ask if a pregnant woman wants to terminate is just as bad as requiring them to show an ultrasound or give misleading information about the risks of abortion.
I think if I were the doc and the mom seemed okay with being pregnant I would probably say something like "So they legally require me to ask if you want to terminate".
I got the whole gamut of stupid comments during this most recent pregnancy. Not very many of them but there were a couple of really rude ones! Like the "you know what causes that?" and the one who looked at my ring finger and said something like "oh, you're married, that's too bad, I have a son about your age and I thought we could work something out". Both from middle-aged men. I continued to work retail the whole time. The strategy I chose to employ was to basically pretend the person had not made the comment at all, and continue with what I was saying as if I'd never heard it... I don't think people liked this all that much, but oh well.
I hate being interrogated! I don't say anything to another person about pregnancy. I talk to her like a normal person. If she wants to discuss it she can. "How's it going?" or "How are you?" seem to change to "How are you feeling?" which is weird to me... I would rather just ask the same as I would ask a non-pregnant person, and if she wants to talk about how she's feeling, she can. I know, people mean well, but I just get tired of getting asked the same thing over and over.
And now that I have a boy and a girl, I've gotten a lot of those comments on how I have the perfect family. I'm sure people with 2 or 3 of the same sex get comments about how they must be disappointed/trying for one of the other sex next or whatever... blah. People should just stick to "Oh, your baby is so adorable" or the like.
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