book recs needed - angry almost 8yo

[mom_2_carson]

DS will be 8 at the end of the month is angry most of the time.  He stomps, slams doors, screams, rolls eyes, covers his ears when someone is talking, and is generally angry.  More so when we ask him to do something - brush his teeth, put his plate in the kitchen, do his homework, anything.  This morning was absolutely dreadful getting ready for school.  He was mad that I asked him to take his blankets and stuffed animals in his room (asked at the same time everyday) and he screamed at me and poured his glass of juice all over the couch.  Needless to say I was at the end of my rope already and lost it (started yelling).  I can't take it anymore.  He's getting enough sleep, eats a good diet, we had a great weekend.

Please help, I need some good books to read to help him and the family thru this and give him ways to cope.

[mamazee]

My favorite book for this age is How To Talk So Kids WIll Listen. Some of the suggestions include making an observation instead of telling them specifically what to do, so, "I see your plate is still on the table." Older kids are on a search for autonomy and sometimes wording it like that can make them feel like you're enlisting their help instead of telling them what to do. I find asking questions works well sometimes, so instead of telling my daughter to brush her teeth, I often will ask if she's brushed them yet. Once I suggested she make a list of things she had to do and put it up on the fridge and then in the morning, I'd ask if everything on the list was done yet.

Pouring the juice all over the couch would make me angry too. We actually have a rule in our house that drinks other than water have to be consumed in the kitchen, though that's due to accidentally spillage (largely by me!) and not intentional destruction. When a kid is intentionally destructive, here we talk about it at another time and try to problem solve. "It makes me angry when you get angry and do something destructive like pouring juice out on furniture. The furniture is expensive and not easily cleaned or replaced. Can you think of a better way to handle anger? Should we not have juice around the couch?" See if that creates a better dynamic. I have to admit that I'd probably yell in the moment. Something like, "Ack! The couch!!" And I'd be handing him whatever he needed to clean it up. How to deal with explosive anger like that isn't easy. There is another good book called The Explosive Child, but I don't remember what age it's aimed at. Maybe someone else will give more input about that one. My daughter did have an explosive period around that time, but she seemed to mainly break her own things rather than messing up the furniture, so she got over it pretty quickly. I'm not sure just what I would have done if she would have hurt the furniture. I absolutely see why you're looking for help!

Good luck and hopefully you'll get some more input here!

[jee'smom]

i just wanted to mention that it could also be something he's sensitive to. my 8yo son is very very loving, but when he eats wheat, he turns into a different kid! he melts down over everything, is angry all of the time, is actually violent towards his sisters, obstinate and really rude to dh and i. horrible!!!!!!! but as soon as he went gluten-free, he's a different kid!!!!! he still melts down sometimes, etc, but he's SO much nicer now! i can't believe how many kids are labelled add, adhd and odd (oppositional defiance disorder), and it could just be wheat!