Midwife mixed signals

[Tadpole2324]

Hi everyone

I'm just looking for some advice form someone who's not going to look at me like over got two heads. I'm 27 weeks pregnant with my second baby. I've told my midwives from the beginning I want a homebirth and they said it was an option. Now they seem to be trying to steer me away from a home birth. Im perfectly healthy, so is baby. The only thing is I have some issues with anxiety but I've been doing everything to control it and I just feel like they're trying to come up with *any* excuse to make me give birth in a hospital. Hospitals scare the snot of me! I would like to point out I was totally calm and focused when I had my first baby, no anxiety at all, even tho i had him in the hospital. I'm afraid they're going to do everything to try and keep me from having an assisted home birth.
I'm starting to think about laboring at home until I'm too far into labor to drive to the hospital, but only if baby and I stay healthy with no complications. I had my son in 2 1/2 hours from first contraction to birth so I do give birth very quickly. I had no complications post birth.
I just feel so sneaky thinking about this, sort of an "unplanned" assisted-after-birth home birth. I want to be safe but I don't feel these women are being honest with me and at last minute are going to force me into a hospital birth.
I'm trying to do some research on what to do if they don't get here in time, just to be safe. I live in Canada btw.
Any advice?

[starrlamia]

I would bring up your issues with your midwives, perhaps it is a miscommunication? Unless medically necessary they cannot deny you a homebirth.

If you are uncomfortable with them are there other midwives in the practice that you could switch too?

[Tadpole2324]

I have brought it up to them, but they always change the subject or give us some speach about their office being a safe place.

[alaskanmomma]

If they're CNM's, it really doesn't surprise me that they lean more towards hospital births. With my experience, CNM's tend to be more "med-wives" than "midwives", to me, many come off as women who wanted to go to medical school but either didn't get in, life got in the way, took the easier route, etc.

I'd look into midwives who specifically work within birth centers and home births, it would suck in the event of a transfer that they wouldn't be your care provider anymore and more so a doula, but at the same time, they usually work a lot harder to give you the birth YOU desire ;)

[phathui5]

Quote:

With my experience, CNM's tend to be more "med-wives" than "midwives", to me, many come off as women who wanted to go to medical school but either didn't get in, life got in the way, took the easier route, etc.

Ouch. Have you talked to any of those women about why they chose the path they did?

The CNMs I know became CNMs for reasons like: it was the only way to practice midwifery legally in the state they lived in, they wanted to be able to serve more women, they needed to have a salary to support their families, having hospital privileges would make it possible to help women who weren't comfortable with/interested in homebirth to have a natural birth in the hospital...

I am pursuing the CPM because I wanted the foundation of my midwifery education to be out of hospital birth. The CNM doesn't provide that. On the other hand, if I were a CNM, I wouldn't have to send my pregnant moms to someone else for antibiotics when they had a UTI, billing insurance would be infinitely easier (making OOH birth accessible to more women), necessary hospital transports would be smoother (because with hospital privileges, I would still be responsible for them) and when doing well-woman care, I would prescribe birth control to women who wanted it and give rubella shots to postpartum moms who find out they aren't immune to rubella.

CNM training isn't the "easier route." 

[A_Random_Phrase]

I think if they bother you, you would probably be best off waiting until the last minute to call them. They can't very well usher you out of your home if you've had your baby before they got there, and both you and baby are doing well.

And how did we get off into a discussion about medwife/midwife? I thought the subject was, "What do I do? I don't feel comfortable with this pressure I'm getting."
 

[Tadpole2324]

Originally Posted by A_Random_Phrase 

I think if they bother you, you would probably be best off waiting until the last minute to call them. They can't very well usher you out of your home if you've had your baby before they got there, and both you and baby are doing well.

And how did we get off into a discussion about medwife/midwife? I thought the subject was, "What do I do? I don't feel comfortable with this pressure I'm getting."


 

That's the route I'm thinking of going, but don't I have to call them once I'm in labor, just to give them the heads up? Kind of hard to say "oops I had my baby and forgot to call you" plus my husband would probably try and stuff me in the truck or call the paramedics.
I just want a nice private, quiet and dim setting to have my little girl in. It was a noisy, bright zoo at the hospital with my son and it drove me nuts.

[A_Random_Phrase]

Sorry for taking so long to get back to this thread.

For myself, I would tell the midwives that I didn't think the labor was far enough along to bother them - then it got going so strong that I forgot about them. My first labor was 13 hours, but that was because I was subconsciously keeping her in (I didn't feel safe where I was). My next two labors were around 3 hours long, from first felt contraction to birth of baby. Since you apparently have faster labors than I do, I think it would be very plausible for you to labor so fast that you forgot to say something.

Some people go into labor at night, or when others are gone. I've read so many stories where the woman called her husband to come home (or called the midwives) and when they showed up, labor slowed down or stopped. It looked to me like there was a connection, but no one in the many stories seemed to notice that. Basically, I'm saying that if you are in labor and no one is the wiser (or they aren't there), don't tell them if your desire is to birth unassisted. Your family can wake up to find you've got a babe in your arms.

I don't know if you are religious, or believe in a Supreme Being, but I believe that prayer can help. So can talking to the baby, asking him/her to come in the quiet of the night, or when others are gone (dh at work, other child is asleep).

At the very least, I would prolong calling the midwives until I felt it absolutely necessary to do so.

[FLmomof1/1ontheway]

It sounds like you discussed your wishes with them and they don't hold your opinions very highly. Maybe you need to make yourself more clear. You ARE going to have this baby at home and you don't care to hear any reasoning otherwise. If they still don't get it, then I really feel you should switch midwives/ practices. I'm not very familiar with how the health care system works in Canada? I have insurance here in the US, but it doesn't cover my midwife. I am paying her out of my own pocket, so she works for me! I saw CNM in a large practice with my first baby. I knew I wanted a natural birth, and though a midwife was a midwife. I know realize how deceived I was. Hospitals and large OBGN offices hire CNMs to lure women like me. The reality is they are required to follow the same procedures as an OB. If they ever had a desire to be a real midwife it is often lost with the requirements placed upon them by their employers.

Now pregnant with my 4th and being well educated on the the subject, my skin crawls with all the things they said to me back then. Homebirth is NOT safe. You are REQUIRED to take all these tests. Episiotomies are far better then tearing, it is easier to sew up a cut then a tear. The external fetial monitor will help you in labor and pushing. My first birth was horrific. It physically and mentally scared me for life and it *should* be one of my happiest memories. If your wishes are not met then get out of there! I think you will be perfectly fine unassisted at home. So if that's your plan do it. If your scared about being safe find a midwife with no objections to being at your home. Good Luck!