Helping toddler adjust? « Back to Group Discussions

[Jillgayle]

So my first tri wasn't great, since i was in bed most of the time, and my 2.5 yo DS had a hard time but we made it through with lots of support from DH and doing activities in bed (reading mostly).

While I am out of bed now, and trying to be more active with DS, I am still pretty fatigued, having round ligament pain and yesterday after taking him to swim lesson had several (what i think) were Braxton Hicks.  This made me and DH nervous enough  to decide i probably shouldn't be picking up DS as much (DS is about 35 lbs).  

So this morning, DH went to get DS out of the crib instead of me and DS had one of the worst meltdowns i have ever seen him have.  He was hysterical for me to pick him up.  I offered to walk with him holding his hand to the kitchen for breakfast, or to come cuddle in my bed for a little to calm down. Nothing.  This went on for what felt like an eternity.  Finally i told him that i hurt my back, because it didn't want to make it about the baby.  This seemed to help (he then wanted to fix my back with the new drs kit he just got :).

This is not going to be the only time he wants me to do something that I can't. I wish it hadn't happened so soon, and i am going to try to stay active so i am not incapacitated but I felt so bad for my DS this morning. 

Any words of wisdom?  How do I help him through this? 

[LeighPF]

My kids are pretty good about understanding that I hurt if I use those words. We focus on the things I can do and getting them more independent. And sometimes I just plain bribe them.

The tantrums of frustration at things not being so are very developmentally normal. They loose some intensity as they get more words and understanding about how the world works.

When I was pregnant with Bee and I had to stop picking Monkey up (he was 2 y3 months when she was born and well over 30lb). It hurt and after the 100th time of me saying I could not pick up big boys, he got it and stopped asking. I focused on making other offers (carry his hand etc).

With the crib. Help make DH part of the routine in a fun and different way, or get a new bed.

[JillK2]

My 2.5 year old daughter has been doing well with the idea of "learning to do new things" like climb into her carseat with a stepstool. So, rather than saying much about me not being able to do it, we're just trying to think up solutions and offer them as a fun new thing. We also switched her to the big girl bed so I won't have to lift her in and out of the crib... we're having about 60% success with that. :) 

[LeighPF]

It helped me too to think of this as a stage of getting them ready for baby.

[Mama505]

As far as helping with the BH, you could drink a tea of cramp bark, wild yam,  or black haw.  I had trouble finding those locally (we recently moved and I don't know where to find A LOT of stuff I am used to being able to find), so I got a Lobelia tincture and put a couple of drops in my RRL/nettle tea.  It helps to reduce uterine contractions, but use sparingly.  And of course, ask your doc/midwife if this is okay for you!

We are also trying to find creative ways to have our 3yo DS help so that he isn't as upset about not being pick up as much.  I also just take time to sit a lot more and ask him to climb up and cuddle with me. 

And I think the others are right, it's time to transition beds! 

[Jillgayle]

Thank you!  He is doing well remembering that I hurt my back and I am giving him extra hugs.  I love the idea of having him learn to do stuff on his own, and we are trying to encourage (but he also wants to be the "baby" right now so its a little bit of a push and pull).   We will definitely need to move into the big bed soon, but we are in the middle of potty training and I don't know if we (meaning his parents) can handle both at the same time :)   My DH is a SAHD so during the week it is mostly him taking him out of the crib for naps, and now he's getting him in the morning too.  DH works 3 nights a week, so I guess i will try to be extra careful those nights getting him in to bed until we get the toddler bed set up.

[Edelweiss98]

My daughter's older, 3.5, but was 2 and 2.5 with other PG that ended in MC. I just tell her she's growing up and if she says she can't do something like unbuttoning her jacket, I ask her to at least try and then praise her for trying and working at learning a new big girl skill. Sometimes I say how the babies make mommy tired but try not to blame everything on them. She also has two good books by Dr Sears, What Baby Needs and Baby On the Way. She really loves them and she does love the babies (we're having twins). The hardest thing is not being able to pick her up right now because I am trying not to lift anything heavy because of a subchorioinic hemorrhage.

[Banana731]

I've always found that it's just impossible to not to pick up my LOs not at all while pregnant, so I cut out what I can and make the rest as easy on myself as possible. Lots of stools so the kids can climb up where they need to go, or always making them get up on the bed or couch and stand, so I can pick them up from a higher spot (which is 100xs easier!)

I also don't really talk about the new baby much with the youngest until I am very visibly pregnant and they can see and feel the baby inside. Then we start talking about it, and reading books (and at end we watch birth videos, so they are ready for the homebirth). That way, any ailments are solely mine, and by the time the baby is in the picture they have gotten used to many changes already.

It's always worked for us

[LeighPF]

I agree with them climbing up first. It is the bending that does me in. Last time I decided at 35 weeks I was not bending over unless someone was bleeding. I would sweep and husband would have to dustpan the little piles.

We add lots of couch snuggles

Now is a great time to potty train. It is my plan for may after April being no more pacifiers.