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Conflicting emotions..

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 

1) I don't want to give birth again. I've done it twice, I know how it goes, I don't look forward to it.

2) I want this baby out asap so that I can begin the next phase of treating my other health issues...I'm in so much pain.

3) This is my last baby so I want to enjoy it and savor it, I know I'll miss being pregnant.

 

All these feelings are just conflicting me and making me decide not to feel anything which I hate. :( I'm not excited, I'm not glowing, nothing like that. I'm just tired and in pain and I know after the baby comes I'll still be tired and in pain. Sigh.

post #2 of 13

Oh micah, I'm sorry you're feeling like this! Big hugs for you. hug2.gif

post #3 of 13

Micah I know exactly how you feel.  hug2.gif Like you want labour and birth to be over with, you just don't want those parts to *happen*.  Wouldn't it be nice if you could just go to bed one night and wake up with a baby beside you?  Like if that stork really existed? lol.gif  Or, as I've been feeling - if I could just put the baby on hold now and then and have a few minutes pregnancy-free just to catch my breath, pee comfortably, have a good stretch and touch my toes?  Sometimes I can see how that "twilight sleep" thing for labour caught on.

post #4 of 13
I TOTALLY understand.
This is our fourth. I know what its like, I'm excited but I'm scared. I've been so sick and depressed this pregnancy I need to get to the next phase. But because of that we've decided it's our last so I wish I could savor it and be happy. :/
post #5 of 13

hug2.gifbig hugs micah.

post #6 of 13
Micahmae- I am sorry you are in pain. greensad.gif
post #7 of 13
Thread Starter 

Thanks everyone, glad to know I'm not alone though. :) I tend to have pity parties every once in a while..chronic pain is hard to deal with in general. Then I feel guilty for complaining because others have so much more to deal with than I.

 

And I should be so happy! We're having a baby! I know I'll be excited when he's here though. Sigh.

post #8 of 13
hug.gif Please dont feel bad about not enjoying being pregnant right now. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain and thats not something that a person can just gloss over. It doesnt matter if others have more to deal with than you--what you have on your plate is a lot FOR YOU and thats all that matters. Take care of yourself and i hope things get easier for you soon.
post #9 of 13
Yes Micah, I feel the same! No matter how well the birth goes, it's still, well, labour. My DH compares it to knowing someone is coming around anytime to break his legs......and then some! The nervous anticipation is probably stopping me mentally from allowing things to proceed. Whenever I feel birthy, I tell myself 'No, not now, I just want to hang out/sleep/be me while I still can.'
I'm working on letting go.............

That twilight sleep thing, Spughy!! Jeez that really shocked me when I saw The Business of Being Born. But yeah, I can see some of the attraction of unconsciousness for the entirety smile.gif
post #10 of 13

OMG!  I could`ve written that post, MicahMae, and just yesterday, I was telling this to DP!  He was understanding, in the way that someone who hasn`t physically gone through birth and the first 6 weeks post-partum has.

 

The only way I`ve found to cope with these conflicting feelings is to try and really be mindful of the present moment.  Yeah, easier said than done, but if I remind myself to only think and focus on the present, than the anxiety of the future subsides and I feel like I can enjoy and appreciate what is happening.

 

hug2.gif

post #11 of 13

This is also our 3rd and probably our last and I'm having issues as well.... mine I just realized is that I can't "see the birth" it just feels unreachable....

post #12 of 13

Sara, I felt the same way until I made a drastic change in "plans"...I say it that way because I didn't really have clear plans or a vision, just a vague idea of what I might do. I was not excited about the birth either because of this. The major change in plans was to transform the atmosphere of the labor and birth by inviting all of my girlfriends to be there. I NEVER thought I'd want anyone there besides DH but now I AM excited about the birth...really excited, and I am beginning to daydream about what it will be like and what will happen. Maybe if you can explore some new/different options for your laboring atmosphere, like the location or who will be there or what you want to DO, you could get into it more...

post #13 of 13
I agree with writermama--getting excited about the birthing environment may help with relaxing into the idea. I've been figuring out what i want to do to help comfort myself. Last time my pillows really helped me feel comforted--i hugged them and bit them when labor got difficult. This time, i'm thinking about enjoying my pillows again and possibly lighting a candle. I've been getting myself more and more in a good head space for birth--accepting that it will happen, breathing into that reality, and letting visions come to me about it. So far i've just seen a vision of me laboring on the toilet--i've been sensing that i'll feel relief laboring there when the contractions get really hard. I'll probably give birth on the floor of the bathroom. Sensing these things is helping me relax into it.
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