GD techniques for my aggressive 3 yo DD

[tillymonster]

DD is going through a lot and I feel like my expectations are good. Whew she's just so different since she's hit 3 (3 months ago) and I really need help!

She can be very controlling and SHREIK when she doesn't get her way or doesn't like the way I'm moving or talking. Like literally will stop where she's at and scream at the top of her lungs at us. Very fun in public let me tell you!!!

She hits, slaps and kicks us often and we are really not consistent about our approach. Well, DH is much less consistent! He does lots of physical play that IMHO riles her up and creates the perfect environment for aggression. But she loves it and it's a bonding thing. He's not 100% on board with GD and wants to put her alone in her room or do a time out-- I don't like that approach and would rather take the offending toy or redirect. I told him just to talk to her about how she's acting etc. ect. and that sometimes helps. When she does it to me, I usually look her in the eye with a stern voice saying NO we don't hit or walk away.

She gets wild at night and throws toys AT US and laughs about it. She is usually the most gentle, loving little sweetie, so it's been hard to watch. It's usually when she's tired. I've tried some quiet time in the afternoons but it doesn't seem to help. I wish I could still get her to take a nap before like 7pm. It just doesn't work out that way and most of the time she will fight it. She's dropped her naps at this point and sleeps better at night without one. I think. It's hard to know if she still needs a nap or not.

I'm 9wks pregnant and DH just became unemployed. Oh and she fully potty trained now. So yeah. Lots of changes. She sleeps great-- from 11-12am to 10-11am. Believe me, I've tried getting any other schedule to work but she's stuck in these hours for now. Little night owl.

Suggestions? I'm reading "talk so your kids will listen" and finding it eye opening. Thought you sage mamas would be a great help/resource as well.

[mamazee]

That's a hard age for communication. Most kids at 3, and especially a younger 3, have a hard time saying how they feel, and can find it's easier to communicate with a shriek, or a hit, or a bite.

So I would suggest trying to give her names for her feelings, so she can say, "I'm angry!" instead of shrieking. Also, empathizing with her feelings might make her feel more heard, which might make her quiet down a bit. So, "Wow, you sound angry!" or "You really wanted a cookie! You are angry!"

I've heard of parents giving their kids some kind of a less annoying noisemaker to use when they're angry, like an angry bell, that they can ring. You could try that if a bell would annoy you less. You can give her a bell, and tell her to ring that bell when she's angry, and then if you hear it ring, you can say, "Oh, you're really angry, aren't you!"

And yes, toddlers/young children who get overly tired can get physically wild. I have that happen sometimes in my house too. You can try to push up the bedtime by half an hour if you think it'll help. Although the giving up of naps often does just create an awkward time while they get used to it no matter what you do. At least she's making that adjustment now and not when there's a new baby in the house.

I love the How To Talk books too!

[tillymonster]

Yes I guess her doing all these new things way before a new baby is great. I like this angry bell idea and might try that. I give her outbursts words when I remember but sometimes I just roll my eyes and want to pull out my hair! I should be better.

Put her to bed 30 mins. early. She didn't fight it luckily. I'm going to try and be home to give her a nap if she wants one tomorrow but she seems to be fighting it. We are always stupidly out and about during a good time for her to nap and I'm feeling guilty about it. Routine has gone out the window because DH is here and doesn't understand the concept. Lol!

[chrissy collins]

Tilly monster  you have got a lot on your plate and it's great you are staying committed to helping your three year old.  Kids tend to get wild at night when they are over tired they actually look energized but it is a classic case of overstimulation. Put her to bed before any of that gets started and maybe DH can do the books and bed routine for bonding.

The other suggestions sounds like instead of rough housing play DH could do some sensory games that make kids feel recharged instead of overstimulated and then they lash out.  Games such as, roll her in a blanket(taco kid), swing her in a blanket, squish her between two pillows while telling her a silly story  and massage her arms and legs,. Thats just to name a few! Good Luck

[tillymonster]

Yes overstimulation is right. I talked to DH about this and I think he caught my drift. He's out of touch lately about the realities of a 3yo. They just aren't capable of as much as he thinks! He just said tonight that she needs to do what he says and listen and I got upset and said there is no lesson in that and what's the point if him winning the power struggle?

Ugh it's hard having two parents at home right now. Time to read some more of my parenting books!

[chrissy collins]

Tilly Monster a great book on the subject of sensory Integration  is The Out OF Sync Child  Marriage is just as hard as Raising kids!! Keep up the good work