I keep thinking that I want to make sure I"m seeing this from the other parents' side, too. I don't want my kids to feel entitled when they are with friends whose families may have a different financial situation. BUT I feel pretty strongly that, as an adult, it's the parents' responsibility to make sure that all the children in their care have their basic needs met. Like food. If the kids were older and had drivers licenses and could go get snacks by themselves, maybe that would be different. But these girls are too young to take matters into their own hands and feed themselves. And we have adopted a new sleepover plan- any time any of them go to anybody's house that is not a best friend whom we know will feed them, they take a snack. And a phone to text me and let me know to come pick them up if necessary.
Considering the choice of low fat cupcakes and chips, I doubt that finances were the only motivations for the food limitations.