How much of your financial situation/choices should impact others? - Page 3

[LoveOurBabies]

Originally Posted by serenbat 

We give out h20 and I couldn't give a crap on what others think of it!! I really find some of this down right shocking on this board of all places.

We give out water mostly too, because like smokering was saying most drinks are nutritional garbage. However, I also do children's tea or milk. Depends if the child is staying for a meal or if it's a quick visit. Cordial/juice/junk drinks are only for birthdays.

I was thinking about this last night and another thought came to mind.. Some people are just cheapskates (not due to actual financial struggle, but because 'more for me is always better') and have a greedy mentality. I would like to believe my own words about them struggling financially, if the dad hoarding a pizza to himself didn't constantly toil in my mind. I don't know what to think now. He could just very well be a professional tightass. Who knows.

P.S I know someone like the above and going to his house is an activity that is delayed as much as possible. Very uncomfortable.

I hope the counsellor getting involved doesn't impact on this little girl in a negative way.

And about the scolding, I also remember my BBF and I were scolded by her mom at a sleepover once. We were 16 at the time. We were being loud and acting like a pack of fools and she had get up early for work the next day. Boy, did we cop an earful!

[serenbat]

Quote:

I was thinking about this last night and another thought came to mind.. Some people are just cheapskates (not due to actual financial struggle, but because 'more for me is always better') and have a greedy mentality. I would like to believe my own words about them struggling financially, if the dad hoarding a pizza to himself didn't constantly toil in my mind. I don't know what to think now. He could just very well be a professional tightass. Who knows.

and again, being cheap, tight etc is not CPS! no crime 

what are we going to have a "live up to expectation of others" as CPS worthy 

Quote:

I hope the counsellor getting involved doesn't impact on this little girl in a negative way.

this is an understatement - frankly any credible reported should know what is and isn't reportable, that's a good thing

[serenbat]

Quote:

I was thinking about this last night and another thought came to mind.. Some people are just cheapskates (not due to actual financial struggle, but because 'more for me is always better') and have a greedy mentality. I would like to believe my own words about them struggling financially, if the dad hoarding a pizza to himself didn't constantly toil in my mind. I don't know what to think now. He could just very well be a professional tightass. Who knows.

and again, being cheap, tight etc is not CPS! no crime 

what are we going to have a "live up to expectation of others" as CPS worthy 

Quote:

I hope the counsellor getting involved doesn't impact on this little girl in a negative way.

this is an understatement - frankly any credible reporter should know what is and isn't reportable, that's a good thing

ETA- phone calls are free and helpful - there was a thread in the general Parenting section awhile back on CPS that is really helpful in understanding and not JUMPING to unfounded assumptions and talks extensively about harm and damage and what is and isn't real

[LitMom]

I think it's completely weird, particularly since it's not like they ran out of food or drink, which does happen on accident at times. Not realize how much other kids might eat as compared to your own. Just switch to more snacks, and problem solved. I can see not having something like soda at a party drink-wise, just like at some adult parties there's no alcohol. But there should always be something! Lemonade, fruit juice, etc. The "no fridge water" is really really bizarre. And with the dad marking a pizza as his, yelling at the kids...

That said, I would talk to my child about how different families do things differently and they seem to have lots of rules around food. And I wouldn't let her go there again. But I also wouldn't say anything to the parents, personally. I mean, it's completely bizarre, but I guess unless it seemed like they were routinely starving their child, I don't think it's CPS worthy. And if they're routinely starving their kid, that's what I'd say when reporting them, not anything about the party.

[LoveOurBabies]

Originally Posted by serenbat 

and again, being cheap, tight etc is not CPS! no crime 

what are we going to have a "live up to expectation of others" as CPS worthy 

Oh definitely! I hope I wasn't insinuating that I thought CPS should get involved, because I'm not. In fact, I am little worried about how this will affect the girl now that it's been reported to the counsellor. What may be a small or non-issue could potentially snowball into a larger issue because of other's intervening.

I am close with someone who was a case manager for CPS and the amount of abuse he has seen in his career is unbelievable. This wouldn't even be classed as medium priority if he were handling it, but my concern is with the parents backlash at being reported to the counsellor. Will the little girl be punished by her parents if/when they find out? Will sleepovers be ceased? Will she be isolated from her peers so as to reduce the potential for any further reporting? Slippery slope.

[serenbat]

I TOTALLY agree 100% with you! I see a massive snowball hitting that child.

[lmonter]

Uh wow.  Yeah, I likely wouldn't be letting a child of mine go back to a house like that for a sleepover.  Even in my day, if your family couldn't afford to feed the kids, you just didn't have a sleepover (so yeah, I only ever had one sleepover, ever).  Even at our church lock-ins we at least had half a dozen pizzas (they were co-ed) and drinks/other snacks.  I could kinda see limiting pizza a little, but then you make up for that on the back end with a bowl of apples and a Costco bag of carrot sticks or whatever.  Strange situation.

[Poddi]

I think these people are just cheap and controlling.  Or have very unrealistic expectations due to their own "diet".  Last year we ordered pizza for DS1's birthday and I planned 4 slices for each kid.  I don't know how much our guests ate but everything was gone and my younger son and me only had 2 slices each, so some hungry 10 year old ate 5 slices by himself or more.   Oh and the two cupcakes per person I served all vanished, too.  Preteen kids eat like horses.  Maybe this whole family have body image issues.

I don't think it's abuse.  How many people in the world are selfish?  Probably most of them.  Not every parent study books and take classes on how to be a good parent.  Many of them simply do whatever they want with their kids (including raising them to become selfish and annoying just like themselves), and there isn't much others can do about that.

[grisandole]

Even when I wasn't as frugal as I am now, water is usually the only option at our house. Mostly for health reasons. I just don't buy "beverages", aside from almond or coconut milk for cereal or baking. When it's cold, we have the occasional hot chocolate. That's it. I haven't had a kid or parent complain to my face, lol.

I don't think that any of the food limits were unreasonable, you said that there was pizza and they could have more than one slice, but they had to spread it out, and there was fruit and veggies too? And chips? Yes, some of it sounds controlling, and the fridge water is odd, not sure on that one; it sounds like a mixture of frugality and control, not simply trying to save money.

[serenbat]

Quote:

and the fridge water is odd

it's not odd at all for us (and I know a few others also not using it) - plastic!  the use of the tube that many do avoid

we don't also do our freezer automatic ice cubes maker (we disconnected it), we make our own, it not only does same some money, it doesn't use non-filtered water, something important to us, it also allows us more room in our limited freezer space

I know one family that had a leak with their door water system right after the warranty wore off and they hated all the problems- they don't use it- I would never think to tell on them! This family didn't deny the girls and dehydrate them.

so none of this is really the oddness it is being blown out to be

[Nazsmum]

I feel sorry for the girl and her family if anything comes of this being reported. What in the world was that WRONG?? Yes it was not "normal" for a party but come on.

[k x s]

The only problem I have is with the shouting thing. I mean what on earth was that father thinking? He practically ruined that girls birthday party on his own.

[Escaping]

I don't really have a problem with the yelling. I would never do it because it would embarrass the crap out of my child and ruin the entire party, but if my child got yelled at in someone else's home, it wouldn't upset me very much. It shows my kids that going into someone else's home isn't just a free-for-all and everyone has rules and boundaries. Some parents are more strict than others, so kids should learn to govern themselves accordingly. 

I don't think these parents are guilty of anything other than living their life and running their house very differently from how I would run mine but it's certainly not grounds to report them to anyone about anything. 

I think if anything, one of the other parents should host another sleepover and invite the poor birthday girl over so she doesn't feel she lost all of her friends because of her weirdo parents.

[CookiePie]

Serenbat why are you coming down so hard on Kaylee???  If you have any knowledge about abuse. you will know that control, to the level that it sounds like this father is controlling the entire household, can be a HUGE red flag for abuse. The behaviors of an abuser can be vast but control is a biggie for both sexual and physical abusers!!!!!!!  Control over people, food, situations, noise, money, everything and anything that they can control, they will!  Kaylee didn't say abuse is going on and she didn't call CPS.  She simply had a conversation with the school counselor which I think is totally justified and admirable actually.  So basically the counselor will likely talk to the child and ask questions and see if she can get a sense of if there is any true abuse occurring in the home.  If there is then CPS will be brought in.  If she just thinks that this is a case of an odd family then no authorities will be brought in.  Sometimes as a parent you have to go with your gut!  What if this child and/or her mother are being abused?  What if everyone looked the other way even after seeing multiple red flags?  I don't know about you but I couldn't sleep at night knowing all of that and wondering if there was something really wrong.  Kaylee good for you for saying something.  Hopefully it is nothing!  But if it is something you may have just saved that family from a life of continued abusive!       

[serenbat]

Quote:

Serenbat why are you coming down so hard on Kaylee???  If you have any knowledge about abuse. you will know that control, to the level that it sounds like this father is controlling the entire household, can be a HUGE red flag for abuse. The behaviors of an abuser can be vast but control is a biggie for both sexual and physical abusers!!!!!!!  Control over people, food, situations, noise, money, everything and anything that they can control, they will!  Kaylee didn't say abuse is going on and she didn't call CPS.  She simply had a conversation with the school counselor which I think is totally justified and admirable actually.  So basically the counselor will likely talk to the child and ask questions and see if she can get a sense of if there is any true abuse occurring in the home.  If there is then CPS will be brought in.  If she just thinks that this is a case of an odd family then no authorities will be brought in.  Sometimes as a parent you have to go with your gut!  What if this child and/or her mother are being abused?  What if everyone looked the other way even after seeing multiple red flags?  I don't know about you but I couldn't sleep at night knowing all of that and wondering if there was something really wrong.  Kaylee good for you for saying something.  Hopefully it is nothing!  But if it is something you may have just saved that family from a life of continued abusive!       

guess you missed the others who also don't see the need for CPS

again, WOW or WOW- now sexual abuse throw in too- over what???? a warped view-IMO

small school, you know who attend, not hard for the family to figure this out----------NOT to mention what this will do to that girl! 

sometimes people pretend to agree with you and turn around and think you are pain crazy- I go with my gut, another parent will talk and this won't be nice on the OP's end, if she can think this way, others can worry too about being judged by her- goes around, comes around

ETA- again, no credible counselor will call the b-day girl in and grill her over a party with this info and think the way you are- should be just starting reporting all parents that don't live a standard some are setting and call it a red flag? Where is it abuse??? 

Edited by serenbat - 3/7/13 at 9:37am

[hazelmama]

Originally Posted by Nazsmum 

I feel sorry for the girl and her family if anything comes of this being reported. What in the world was that WRONG?? Yes it was not "normal" for a party but come on.

[serenbat]

Quote:

Serenbat why are you coming down so hard on Kaylee???  If you have any knowledge about abuse. you will know that control, to the level that it sounds like this father is controlling the entire household, can be a HUGE red flag for abuse. The behaviors of an abuser can be vast but control is a biggie for both sexual and physical abusers!!!!!!!  Control over people, food, situations, noise, money, everything and anything that they can control, they will!  Kaylee didn't say abuse is going on and she didn't call CPS.  She simply had a conversation with the school counselor which I think is totally justified and admirable actually.  So basically the counselor will likely talk to the child and ask questions and see if she can get a sense of if there is any true abuse occurring in the home.  If there is then CPS will be brought in.  If she just thinks that this is a case of an odd family then no authorities will be brought in.  Sometimes as a parent you have to go with your gut!  What if this child and/or her mother are being abused?  What if everyone looked the other way even after seeing multiple red flags?  I don't know about you but I couldn't sleep at night knowing all of that and wondering if there was something really wrong.  Kaylee good for you for saying something.  Hopefully it is nothing!  But if it is something you may have just saved that family from a life of continued abusive!       

I would love to know how you think this CPS investigation is going to happen?

line up a bunch of girls and they say------what? they were starved at a party? and BINGO- we haul the Dad off for abuse!

Really how does this happen?

It's abuse to server pizza, chips, fresh fruit, veggies, pancakes and H2o.......from a tap! OMG - and Oh, LOW fat cupcakes - take the father away- ABUSE ......and lights were off- the abuse!

If yelling was sooooo abusive- call the police- that is a police matter, not tell someone who you think will tell someone and they will call CPS and remove the parent (s) and investigate what again????

it's down right frighten that this causes one to think CPS and sexual abuse! 

[Escaping]

I don't know how it is in the OP's area, but here children are taken out of their homes while CPS investigates and the parents are arrested. If that isn't bad enough, people can lose their jobs (most of the time, open investigations must be reported to employers). If there is nothing going on, a CPS investigation can be truly devastating to families. It is not usually a case of "better safe than sorry" or "innocent until proven guilty". I would never report anyone to CPS based on a hunch, or gut feeling. I would have to be certain there is something going on. 

[serenbat]

Quote:

I don't know how it is in the OP's area, but here children are taken out of their homes while CPS investigates and the parents are arrested. If that isn't bad enough, people can lose their jobs (most of the time, open investigations must be reported to employers). If there is nothing going on, a CPS investigation can be truly devastating to families. It is not usually a case of "better safe than sorry" or "innocent until proven guilty". I would never report anyone to CPS based on a hunch, or gut feeling. I would have to be certain there is something going on.  - me too!

good thing there are laws too - heresy does matter

deformation and suing is helpful too

small school (assuming on my part- small area) talk goes around

[Katielady]

The OP didn't report anyone to CPS. She spoke with a counselor at school. Totally reasonable move. The counselor is in a good position to keep an eye on the girl in case anything more sinister than pizza rationing is going on, and I doubt he or she will call CPS based on what the OP has reported. That's it.