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How much of your financial situation/choices should impact others? - Page 5

post #81 of 141
Quote:
The office staff gossiping about the comings and goings is certainly awful though, if that's what you meant.

YES! that is why I put it in RED

 

paid or unpaid - unprofessional, awful - what ever word you want to call it

 

I certainly hope these parents find out (and give all this gossip  shake.gif) my gut tells me they will.

 

 

 

Quote:
Volunteers who break confidentiality and gossip in that manner should NOT be allowed to volunteer.

yeahthat.gif this is just so wrong!

post #82 of 141

Woops! Missed a whole page.

post #83 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

YES! that is why I put it in RED

 

paid or unpaid - unprofessional, awful - what ever word you want to call it

 

I certainly hope these parents find out (and give all this gossip  shake.gif) my gut tells me they will.

 

 

 

yeahthat.gif this is just so wrong!

I'm sure the girl in question is well aware by now that she is the talk of the students and worse still, their parents. Oh, and the volunteers, of course.

post #84 of 141

Never mind.  irked.gif  I've decided it's better to just block the source of stress here, rather than argue with it.    om.gif

 

OP, I think your intentions are good, and your heart is in the right place.  But like I said before, nothing you described about that party is horrible in my estimation.  Sad, dreary and weird, but not horrible. 

 

I think it was inappropriate that the counselor shared anything at all with you about the girl.  That was a breach of privacy. 

post #85 of 141
Quote:

I don't *think* original poster did anything wrong by mentioning to the school she was worried. She's not accusing the family of abuse she's just asking for someone to make sure this child is well fed and emotionally ok. Just asking the school to check in with her to see if she's upset from her party and peek in on her lunch every so often to see if she's eating well and enough is great. I wouldn't be opposed to that happening with my kids.

 

I personally do "ration" food with my kids. They're always allowed food when they're hungry BUT they must actually be hungry. Why do I do this? B-C I'm that kind of mom who doesn't believe in wasting food and eating more then you need is waste. Granted rules are different at parties with me...they may not be with this family.
 

couldn't this just be tuned around on you?

 

You, by your own admission "ration" food but not at parties, same wit many of the RED flags with this family (what they might do at non-parties/in their home when others are not around) - would you like to be treated in this manner? Would you like your child to be called into school about this? How about everyone knowing too? OK? Aren't these your parenting choices and can't someone say you need to just be checked so they can make sure your child (children) are well fed and emotional ok?

post #86 of 141

Has anyone here, actually had CPS called on them for a non issue?
 

post #87 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveOurBabies View Post

Has anyone here, actually had CPS called on them for a non issue?
 

 

I have a friend who is a caseworker. She said for every 10 homes, about 4 are attention-seekers, 4 are malicious (usually ex's or angry neighbors) and 2 are genuine concerns... then it's not uncommon for the caller to be targeted next.

post #88 of 141
Quote:
Has anyone here, actually had CPS called on them for a non issue?

someone close to me was and it did not go like this - 

 

 

 

Quote:

Just asking the school to check in with her to see if she's upset from her party and peek in on her lunch every so often to see if she's eating well and enough is great. I wouldn't be opposed to that happening with my kids.

this is not reality, NOT even close!  this is just  a fantasy-IMO

post #89 of 141

Coming from an abusive background myself, this is somewhat typical too of abusive homes. Particularly where the dad is the abuser and the mom kind of falls meekly in to line. He calls the shots, says yes or no and also feels a privilege towards everything. Like they should eat first, have the most to eat etc. My dad was very abusive as well, but he never had the chance to yell at any of my friends since I wasn't allowed to go over and they couldn't come over to my house either.

 

However, I know my friends dad was kind of the same way. Not as bad, but still pretty bad. Two of us were over and the other girl didn't finish her rice (we were all teeny tiny and skinny for our age) and he yelled at her so loudly she was shaking and crying for hours after. I don't think my dad or her dad would have ever laid a finger on another child, but I personally believe men should never raise their voices in such a way. Granted I'm a bit biased of course, but most men like that have abusive tendencies so its something to think about.

post #90 of 141

(edited for my BFF's privacy).


Edited by LoveOurBabies - 3/8/13 at 1:02am
post #91 of 141
Thread Starter 

choli, I did honestly laugh out loud when I read what you said about enjoying being in the middle of drama- as a very busy mom of 4, competitive runner, and caregiver of my elderly grandmother, I've got enough to keep me busy ;)  I'm sure there are people who enjoy being involved in others' business. Even if I did have time to revel in the involvement, it wouldn't be my choice of entertainment.

My DH keeps saying that people who are the most paranoid about any type of investigation are the only ones who have something to hide. I don't know whether that's true, but it's starting to sound like some of the people posting on this thread are protesting a little *too* much and that there may be personal experiences coming into play.

Anyway, this whole issue became one with much further reaching complications than just frugality/finances. If anyone wants to continue to discuss how they feel personally about anyone trying to make sure that this family doesn't have anything harmful to hide, my suggestion is that you take it to PM since we've veered off track from the category that I originally posted under.

 

(and I want to thank those people who have PMd me with their support, even if you didn't want to share it publicly :)

post #92 of 141
Just read the first half dozen or so posts. If it was a matter of money, the birthday girl could have been given the choice between one or two friends sleeping over, OR a half dozen friends invited for pizza and a movie. And a gallon of bottled water is less than a dollar, and can be refrigerated. Add packets of KoolAid, if it still exists, and it's a little more like a party. Wow! That "party" was weird.
post #93 of 141
I never thought I'd see the day when koolaid would be seen as better than water on MDC.
post #94 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by KayleeZoo View Post

choli, I did honestly laugh out loud when I read what you said about enjoying being in the middle of drama- as a very busy mom of 4, competitive runner, and caregiver of my elderly grandmother, I've got enough to keep me busy ;)  I'm sure there are people who enjoy being involved in others' business. Even if I did have time to revel in the involvement, it wouldn't be my choice of entertainment.

My DH keeps saying that people who are the most paranoid about any type of investigation are the only ones who have something to hide. I don't know whether that's true, but it's starting to sound like some of the people posting on this thread are protesting a little *too* much and that there may be personal experiences coming into play.

Anyway, this whole issue became one with much further reaching complications than just frugality/finances. If anyone wants to continue to discuss how they feel personally about anyone trying to make sure that this family doesn't have anything harmful to hide, my suggestion is that you take it to PM since we've veered off track from the category that I originally posted under.

 

(and I want to thank those people who have PMd me with their support, even if you didn't want to share it publicly :)

 

Kaylee, it's not about having anything to hide. It's about two things:

 

At what point do we say 'that's strange' and leave it at that, without having the need to involve a professional to come on in and investigate?

 

Does this send families down a slippery slope, if they don't conform to mainstream practices?

 

Think about a homeschooling family, who does no 'poo, family cloth, 7yo co-sleeping with parents etc... Think about how *strange* it really does seem from over the fence. I could imagine the commentaries/allegations from someone who doesn't believe in this sort of lifestyle.

 

Like I mentioned earlier, I am close with an ex case worker for CPS and he spent 15 years with them. When I told him about my BFF's case, he wasn't surprised. A lot of the time it's easier to split the family up than to tackle the real issue at hand. According to this logic, if they are split up, then they are no longer a threat to one another. Parents can no longer abuse their children if they aren't in their care, right? Screw getting down to the real issue here which can be bad parenting skills or mental health issues.. It takes too long, costs too much and the resources simply aren't there. Plus it's not a controlled situation.. It can't be gauranteed that the parent is doing what they have been told they need to do.

 

Anyway, I digress. The little girl in question may be living in an abusive household and also at the same time, she may not be. My concern is that if it does turn out to be a non issue, where does this leave the parents and the girl? I'll ask you: How would you feel if one of your daughter's friends (and her mom) found your lifestyle a little strange/possibly abusive from their eyes and reported you to the counsellor? Would you be okay with it, knowing that it could escalate fairly quickly if all the right things aren't said?

post #95 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post

I never thought I'd see the day when koolaid would be seen as better than water on MDC.

I'm talking about trying to have a party atmosphere on a small amount of money, and I am aware that not all mothers fit the typical mdc standard. I would not choose KoolAid, but I accept that others might. I would also have plain water for those who want it.


Edited to add : I have a lot of catch-up to find out how cps got brought into this.
post #96 of 141
Quote:
I never thought I'd see the day when koolaid would be seen as better than water on MDC.

frankly I think there has been a lot of koolaid drinking going on here- I'm shocked, really shocked about a lot on here.

 

I know I have been drinking water and giving it out- I don't have any koolaid spitdrink.gif

 

 

 

Quote:
Does this send families down a slippery slope, if they don't conform to mainstream practices?

H20 is now an issue, should be bottled, in the frig, or how did we survive for so long without it coming out of a door?!- never would I thought to see this stuff on here- I didn't think I was on a mainstream but I guess it is!

 

 

 

Quote:
At what point do we say 'that's strange' and leave it at that, without having the need to involve a professional to come on in and investigate?

I would still like to know what the abuse is here that warrants an "investigation" like this? 

 

I can only think how many take away from this a new reason to keep shut about about parenting styles.

 

I am going to go drink some more H20- cheers! 

post #97 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

 

I would still like to know what the abuse is here that warrants an "investigation" like this? 

 

I didn't say there was any?

 

The father yelling was a jerk move and I'm a firm believer in that you shouldn't yell at children that are not yours. Other than that, the food rationing could merely be greed/tightassery/finances.. Doesn't strike me as abuse though.

 

My point was because we all have different values and hence, lifestyles, what one family perceives as normal could be perceived as 'strange' or even abusive by another.

 

The question I posed was: At what point do we chalk it up to differences in lifestyle and leave it at that, without having to resort to calling in a professional to investigate what we perceive as abuse?

post #98 of 141
I don't think it's really fair to say that just because someone doesn't enjoy arbitrary detention, that they have something to hide.
Not many people like being separated from their children while someone conducts a witch hunt.
I also don't like my tax dollars being wasted and resources being taken away from children who might actually need them.
post #99 of 141
I know someone who was reported to cps when they applied for WIC for formula. Their baby wasn't gaining and seemed miserable, so they took the child to the pediatrician, who advised them to switch to soy formula (sorry, but they weren't breastfeeders). They had just bought a case of formula and wouldn't have money for new formula until the next pay, over a week later. The ped told them to apply for assistance, and provided contact info. They followed the advice, and were reported to cps!! Because it was failure to thrive of a newborn, it was an automatic 1 year involvement of return visits to check the child. All because they sought help when their child wasn't doing well. Cps does look into cases where there is no neglect, and sometimes stays involved.

I agree with some of the posters that I would have made more of an effort to get to know the family before talking about it with anyone at the school. I hope there's no repercussions for the girl.
post #100 of 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by pek64 View Post

Cps does look into cases where there is no neglect, and sometimes stays involved.

 

Bingo. Exactly what happened to my BFF. No neglect, no abuse, but CPS were involved with ultimatums to boot. My BFF had been wanting to homeschool since her son was an infant and her right to do so was taken away for no real reason.

 

To think that you (not you, pek64, I'm speaking in general) could potentially create this type of nightmare for someone else is unfathomable.

 

People have to be really careful with these types of reports! To reiterate, things can escalate very quickly.

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