We have been fostering a wonderful little child from birth for a year. The bmom is for signing off on an open adoption- and has been for many months. We are on board with her requests for contact and did everything we needed to do to adopt. We had to wait the required 6 months before the baby's goal could be changed to adoption, then the TPR process started slowly. There was no father around- four guys were named, none returned calls to the SW, the department or showed interest. A week before TPR for all unavailable unfit fathers (after 6 months of the baby with us), he was incarcerated. Because he was named as a potential father, they brought him from prison to the father TPR trial and he said might be the father. Fast forward 5 months later- paternity tests show he is the father. He is not fit- the department plans on TPRing him at court in April when the mom signs away her rights. He wants his family to take the baby. We are all the baby has ever known- we took the baby home from the hospital. They will have to introduce this new family to the baby at 14-15 months and try to build a bond if this guy's family wants to adopt her.
I am so frustrated. This guy was a sperm donor- they were trading drugs for sex. He couldn't remember the mothers' name. He didn't get into contact when he was out of prison, its only been since he has been in prison that he has participated in the process. The department has indicated that they are going to recommend placement with us- not his family, even though they haven't homestudied the family because the best interest of the baby is to stay with the family that it has bonded to- us. They even brought in an independent assessor to write up an independent report which stated that. But, if he wants his family to adopt, the situation will go to trial and a judge will decide.
We are so fearful that we are going to lose this baby. We relaxed after the mom was consistently saying she wanted an open adoption with us. Even the department was asking us things like- see, it was worth it. There was no dad. Then even when this guy showed up, the liklihood was that he wasn't the dad. Now we are in an open tail spin with our emotions. In less than 6 weeks, we would have had a final adoption date- TPR was scheduled and ready to go. This should have been basic and done. Now we fear we are going to be a nightmare story and lose the baby because of the preference for biological kin.