I hope it's okay that I post on here but my girlfriend(?) and I are having a child.. I've spoken to a lot of people on this topic but I was hoping that a forum like this would help me shed some light. I'm going to try my hardest to leave out boring detail.
When I met her she had a child and the father was in prison at the time (red flag, I know.) She hated living with her family so even though after 3 weeks I let her move into my home. I know everything seemed too soon but she was working, in school and generally a good mother. The only thing I noticed is that her family lived further away and she worked in my town so she would leave her baby up there for days. We worked together and the hours are crazy so she said with the time it would be easier to leave the baby up there.
Fast forward I ripped apart a room in my home to make a bedroom for her baby and he eventually moved in, too. She was going through a nasty battle with her kid's father and I just did what I thought was right and always to the best of my ability gave advice and listened. Her baby eventually began to react to me differently, as well. I would notice him crying when I got home from work but when he saw me his little face and eyes would light up and he would get a huge smile and stop crying. I spent a lot of time watching him for her and we became close.
A few months later she became pregnant. In my mind, I realize there were a few red flags, but I am looking past all of that. I don't regret this. I don't consider it an "accident". I am going to in the best of my ability be a great father that raises our child to succeed.
Here's my problem. Her mother told me that she had past mental issues, and is a very good manipulator, but told me she was getting better. She got herself fired from work, blaming the company for not scheduling her correctly. Truthfully she rarely showed up on time and when she did she didn't do her job. She quit school blaming me saying since her car broke down it's my fault I'm not letting her use mine (if I don't work we don't have a home). She doesn't want me meeting her baby's father alone because she said he'll tell me "exact dates and times she cheated on me with him." And it happens to be around the time she would come home from work 45 minutes to an hour after her schedule was done.
I would work and when I would come home the whole place would be a mess. I understand she has a child to watch and she's pregnant now so I would immediately get to the house work after my job. Anything I did, she told me I was "f'in stupid", useless and I shouldn't do anything unless she tells me to. She would threaten to break up with me for anything. She got angry at me for taking a shower or going to bed when she didn't want me to. If I watched her play video games, it was quality time with her, if I watched a movie I wanted I was a selfish a-hole. I bought her something for Valentines day within a half hour she posted on FB I'm an idiot and then asked me to return it for something she actually likes. She said she would have bought me something, but no money, and she was going to make me something but she didn't feel like it.
She has told me, on several occasions, when she gets a better job she's leaving. Since her car has broken down, she told me that it was my responsibility to make sure her child gets to his father for the custody agreement. I told her I don't know if I can because of my work schedule and she called me a selfish POS that has done nothing for her. I told her that for over three months that I paid all the bills, did the housework and bought all the food for all of us. My family even paid for her child's daycare while she was working and his diapers. She told me all of this is expected and I'm selfish because I'm not doing what she wants. Her family is trying to document proof that she's being neglectful to her first child.
She's back at her family now because I could not make sure her baby could make it to his fathers. And to be honest, her mental condition is lapsing incredibly and I personally do not want her alone. She texts me telling me that her family says she's neglecting her child. The only thing I could think of, when she was here, she would pretend to be asleep constantly when the baby monitor would be going off and I would wake up to take care of the lil guy. I talk to her every day asking her how things are going. I tell her if she needs ANYTHING to call me. I told her I would take her to all of her pregnancy visits. I missed a few because she asked me to watch her first child saying she didn't want to bring him with.
She told me if I leave her up there I am abandoning her. She says I blow her off when she asks to come visit but her own mother told me not to and if I do bring a friend because she makes things up that always make her like a victim so I would need a witness with me. The thing is I don't trust her to be alone and I had to have the locks on my house changed per my family. I know how she was with the last dad. She's not going to tell me when the pregnancy appointments are, she won't take me to any classes, then in court if it happens she'll tell them that I never bothered to be with her for any of those things.
I am really sorry for the huge post. I understand I am becoming a father and I am already reading as much as I can and am preparing my home for the new baby. What else can I do?