March 4th to March 11th chat thread - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[kellybeth]

that is great news, typebug! 

[loveandgarbage]

Love the tandem nursing pic Chloe'sMama! Makes me sad I never got to do that! Hope your mastitis fully clears up soon.

kellybeth, beautiful photo! It's hard to come to terms with a changed body, but from my own experience I can tell you that your body will keep changing and will be back to (almost) how you remember it soon. You look so serene and beautiful with your little girl :). My DH has said more than once that he finds women who have just had babies incredibly attractive because they look so fulfilled. I agree with him!

typebug so glad it worked out with your MW!

Jenny I hope you find a way to get more sleep soon. I like the suggestion of going to bed early and having your partner care for the baby for an hour or two, then bringing her to join you in bed. We've done that some nights and it's made me feel more sane. It'll get better as she ages and you get more into the swing of things <3

[Jenny01]

Thanks everyone! Clarissa gained only an ounce but at least it's something. I'm starting fenugreek and blessed thistle to up my supply and see if that helps get us to where we need to be. I've at least gotten over one hurdle in that her latch is better and I'm not in as much pain.

So it supposed to take three days to notice a difference and we will go from there.

Now I just need to work on the sleep issue. Sometimes even when I have the opportunity to sleep during the day I can't shut my brain off. It's frustrating!! She slept for 4 hrs this afternoon in supervision of DH and I went to bed and just laid there.

[typebug]

Well, I spoke too soon. It's not quite resolved... MW extended her flight but was not willing to do it again so in 24 hours I lose my MW. I have a student midwife and doula. My husband is coaxing me into trusting the new plan and letting everything go. Trust a trainee midwife I've met once and a Doula who I've never met. No problem! But that's it. That's my only choice here. Time to just embrace it and move forward. 

[Chloe'sMama]

Typebug-

I would demand a partial refund of you money.  Seriously.  If she had a qualified, licensed MW to replace her, that is one thing, but seriously, someone that can not do stitches?  That is in no way an emergency situation and to have to be transferred to the hospital if you have a tear needing a few stitches, I would not find that acceptable.  

Anyways, I don't want to stress you out any more with such a short time until delivery and it is not a situation you can change at all.  I am so so sorry.  

[typebug]

Originally Posted by Chloe'sMama 

Typebug-

I would demand a partial refund of you money.  Seriously.  If she had a qualified, licensed MW to replace her, that is one thing, but seriously, someone that can not do stitches?  That is in no way an emergency situation and to have to be transferred to the hospital if you have a tear needing a few stitches, I would not find that acceptable.  

Anyways, I don't want to stress you out any more with such a short time until delivery and it is not a situation you can change at all.  I am so so sorry.  

Thanks. I'm at a loss for what to do at this point. I guess we'll just be more cautious and more apt to transfer should anything at all be amiss. It will suck if I have to transfer for stitches. Apparently my replacement MW can actually do a really simple tear but nothing more complex -- whatever that means! I do have a birth kit here with drugs for [heaven forbid] any emergency and she is trained in use them. That at least made me feel a little better. Hospital is ten minutes away. I haven't paid a cent yet for the services and am a little unsure of what the final bill is going to look like. We'll see!

[loveandgarbage]

I'm so sorry typebug. Curious-- are homebirths legal where you live? It's common practice for licensed MWs to have a licensed back-up where I live but it's also legal in my state (in the US). At least the student midwife has 30 births under her belt-- not ideal, but it could be worse.

[typebug]

Originally Posted by loveandgarbage 

I'm so sorry typebug. Curious-- are homebirths legal where you live? It's common practice for licensed MWs to have a licensed back-up where I live but it's also legal in my state (in the US). At least the student midwife has 30 births under her belt-- not ideal, but it could be worse.

Well home birth is not illegal. There are a few expats like us who do it but midwifery does not exist. We have to depend on a few midwives here from Europe who are working as doulas and deliver babies on the down-low just within the expat community. Right now there are just a couple of them around. 

[etsdtm99]

typebug, sorry you are dealing with this - i ended up in a similar situation, i just didnt know it at the time - my midwife was at another birth when i went into labor, so i got her assistant/secondary midwife, who is a certified midwife, trained by my midwife ---  but what i didnt know was that i was only her 3rd solo birth, and she also couldnt do anything but simple stitches, thankfully everything was fine, & i didnt tear.. (last birth i had a complicated tear)  it was my 4th baby, so that helped in a way (to calm me & DH) but my last birth was rather complicated, i also went from epecting 2 midwives and an apprentice to one midwife who is use to being part of a team - with no "extra hands" - i didn't have a doula because i thought there would be plenty of people around ..  

how do you feel about the student, does she seem ok with this?   there are a lot of good, well respected midwives in my area that don't do complicated stitches.. 
 

[Jenny01]

Has anyone else dealt with PPD? I think I am right on the border of having it - I took a questionnaire that confirmed that from my midwife. Been feeling really down and anxious like I am not doing anything right and crying a lot. MW is aware and I will get help if needed but it would be nice to hear others exp if you care to share ! I'm trying to make an effort to get outside more which helps a bit but I am feeling esp anxious about dH going back to work and dealing with things by myself. We still haven't figured out a good sleeping arrangement which is one of my struggles right now. I hope I can get her to sleep in the bassinet in my room soon without me holdin her all the time. It just does not work for me.

Sorry for the ramble just needed to vent a bit I guess. This is really hard!!

[loveandgarbage]

Sorry you're feeling down Jenny. I dealt with PPD in varying degrees with both of my older two (although it didn't set in until a few months later, which can also happen). It was a weird emotional time. I felt really happy in a lot of ways because I loved having babies, but I would also have really dark thoughts and hardly left my house, especially with DS1. What saved me if being more active, as hard as that sounds. Exercise also really helped as it elevated my serotonin levels. With DS2 I felt a lot happier when I started socializing with other moms with similarly aged kids. Is there a moms group you can join? Leaving the house seems really difficult, but the more you just force yourself to do it, the easier it gets. I started small-- a trip to the grocery store, etc,. and worked up from there. It's great that you've let your MW know and I hope you are finding support.

[Gillmoro]

Hugs Jenny!! I struggled with PPD last time with DD1 but I didn't realize until I was headed out of it. But it was pretty dark for a while; I was so thrilled to have my baby girl and be a mom but also completely overwhelmed. We did not have any family in the area so I was pretty much on my own once DH went back to work and I was first to have a baby in my friend circle so I felt pretty alone in that regard too. Also, the way things went/are going this time made me realize just how bad it was last time. I think the lack of sleep really exacerbates it too. I think all of Jean's suggestions are really great! I went for a lot of walks to get out/get exercise; sometimes with a stroller, sometimes with a carrier. I went to story time at the local library and found a mommy baby yoga class to join. I tried to plan at least one outing/day to make myself leave the house and break up the day. Hang in there mama, it does get better and they keep changing all the time so each hard phase is short-lived. I hope you get some good sleep very soon!!

[odinsmama]

Definitely seek some help if you are feeling lik you might need it.

It is so hard and overwhelming to have a new baby even when things are going really well and you are having a lot of struggles.

Sleep is a huge factor for me.  I'm feeling great this time, emotionally and physically, but after a few nights in a row of particularly poor sleep everything changes.  Then I start feeling like I'm failing my older kids with homeschool, I'm frustrated with the baby, I hate my body, I burn the ridiculously easy dinner I manage to make, I start feeling physically ill, I can't even carry on a normal conversation and all I can think about is how much I want a nap and how much I'm dreading the unpredictable night ahead of me.

a good sleep can help a LOT in my case.

and exercise can help a lot too.

if you don't feel like you can get out of the house right now, get on the phone with a girlfriend who will listen and maybe let you have a good cry and encourage you.

if you can get some help and improvement with your breastfeeding issues that can help too.  That was one of the main reasons for my crying after ds1.

if you can take care of yourself in these ways and don't have some improvement, get some help.  It's worth it and sometimes it's really necessary.  

[HouseofPeace]

Originally Posted by Jenny01 

Has anyone else dealt with PPD? I think I am right on the border of having it - I took a questionnaire that confirmed that from my midwife. Been feeling really down and anxious like I am not doing anything right and crying a lot. MW is aware and I will get help if needed but it would be nice to hear others exp if you care to share ! I'm trying to make an effort to get outside more which helps a bit but I am feeling esp anxious about dH going back to work and dealing with things by myself. We still haven't figured out a good sleeping arrangement which is one of my struggles right now. I hope I can get her to sleep in the bassinet in my room soon without me holdin her all the time. It just does not work for me.

Sorry for the ramble just needed to vent a bit I guess. This is really hard!!

don't apologize!  talking about it can help so much.  i don't think i processed anything w/ DS1 until months later.  i was so sleep deprived and lonely (we lived in an island that is mostly unihabited in the winter and husband was in school full time and worked nights) and just felt off for a long time.  we moved when he was 3 months old and it was really good for me b/c i found a local playgroup called Birth to 3 and started to get out.  

Jean hit the things that worked for me as well- i got out and walked daily, i would also wander and hang out at the local coffee shop, and library (fans on library ceiling were amazing for entertaining baby and the librarians were so supportive of young moms and kind to new babies).  and then worked out a schedule of chores, exercise and social activities for both me and my little man.  this was a lifesaver!  i got lots more done and had more of my emotional needs met.  some of my dearest friendships grew out of simply being new mothers and needing support!  

i'll also throw out there that we had a crib in the same room, but only co-slept w/ 2 of my 5 kids so far.  the other 3 we found did better not in my bed.  so i'm going to say that co-sleeping is great- we're doing it now w/ my little man, but i also was desperately in need of sleep and if i was feeling too deprived and overwhelmed, we would have a different arrangement!

  it is really hard!  you're doing great, mama.  now you just need to figure out how to make it sustainable and fulfilling for you as well as the beautiful LO.

[typebug]

Originally Posted by etsdtm99 

typebug, sorry you are dealing with this - i ended up in a similar situation, i just didnt know it at the time - my midwife was at another birth when i went into labor, so i got her assistant/secondary midwife, who is a certified midwife, trained by my midwife ---  but what i didnt know was that i was only her 3rd solo birth, and she also couldnt do anything but simple stitches, thankfully everything was fine, & i didnt tear.. (last birth i had a complicated tear)  it was my 4th baby, so that helped in a way (to calm me & DH) but my last birth was rather complicated, i also went from epecting 2 midwives and an apprentice to one midwife who is use to being part of a team - with no "extra hands" - i didn't have a doula because i thought there would be plenty of people around ..  

how do you feel about the student, does she seem ok with this?   there are a lot of good, well respected midwives in my area that don't do complicated stitches.. 

 

Thanks good to hear others have this happen to them too. I went to my OBGYN today and told him what had happened and who my new team was and he just smiled and said "ok, i know whem both well abd they will be fine." So that was pretty reassuring. After that i met with my new midwife and the doula and felt we really connected well. This past weekend was a major hit of the re-set button but birth is never completely straight forward right!

[CamoShades]

Tupebug, I am so happy to read this! I keep checking in on you. I'm glad your OB was able to reassure you. I pray that your birthing time is right around the corner.

[typebug]

Originally Posted by Jenny01 

Has anyone else dealt with PPD? I think I am right on the border of having it - I took a questionnaire that confirmed that from my midwife. Been feeling really down and anxious like I am not doing anything right and crying a lot. MW is aware and I will get help if needed but it would be nice to hear others exp if you care to share ! I'm trying to make an effort to get outside more which helps a bit but I am feeling esp anxious about dH going back to work and dealing with things by myself. We still haven't figured out a good sleeping arrangement which is one of my struggles right now. I hope I can get her to sleep in the bassinet in my room soon without me holdin her all the time. It just does not work for me.

Sorry for the ramble just needed to vent a bit I guess. This is really hard!!

Another hug for you. I had quite a difficult period of pre-natal depression which threw me for a loop in the first part of my pregnancy. I'm apparently "high risk" now for PPD. A little nervous because it is quite strange how that kind of thing creeps in and starts to sabotage you. I hope you are feeling enough support from your MW and hubby and have some friends who know and can check in with you often. 

[Teles]

Originally Posted by Jenny01 

Has anyone else dealt with PPD? I think I am right on the border of having it - I took a questionnaire that confirmed that from my midwife. Been feeling really down and anxious like I am not doing anything right and crying a lot. MW is aware and I will get help if needed but it would be nice to hear others exp if you care to share ! I'm trying to make an effort to get outside more which helps a bit but I am feeling esp anxious about dH going back to work and dealing with things by myself. We still haven't figured out a good sleeping arrangement which is one of my struggles right now. I hope I can get her to sleep in the bassinet in my room soon without me holdin her all the time. It just does not work for me.

Sorry for the ramble just needed to vent a bit I guess. This is really hard!!

Everything was getting pretty dark for me a few times as well. I would highly recommend really focusing on what can help you before your DH goes back to work because I know that's when it really peaked for me. It would feel like Mila was crying for the entire day, even if she was just fussing a little for an hour or so and I would get extremely overwhelmed and, at times, find myself just sitting with her resting on my lap and staring at her while she screamed because I just couldn't think of anything else to do to quiet her and my brain was starting to shut down. I spent several days sobbing, convinced that I had thrown my life away while sitting in poo/puke/pee drenched clothes with my hair a mess and unshowered.

Slowly, I've started to discover things that earn me at least a little sanity: making a point to have a calming cup of coffee every morning, getting out of the house every day (even if it's just stepping out on my balcony for a while or popping down to the grocery store), putting Mila in the Moby or Ergo so I can have my hands free, really pushing to get her in to the swing or bouncy chair once she goes to sleep so I can get things done or spend time doing something I want to do (like showering), and reaching out to friends for some non-baby-related conversation about the world outside my apartment. My other advice would be to watch how you're thinking about DH while he's at work or what you say to him about his time at work when he gets home - I know that I've been pretty bad about being bitter toward him for being able to leave all of this stress at home and go talk with other adults all day. I'm still working on not letting those cutting remarks slip through when he gets home.

I hope you find something(s) that works for you. Remember, you aren't alone, even if it feels that way sometimes.

[buko]

Jenny, if it helps, I was completely losing my mind yesterday from the engorgement issues and lack of sleep (catastrophizing, etc.), and getting a good few hours made a TREMENDOUS difference, so if that is a contributing factor, do find a way to get some.

Also, WRT fussiness, my MW said something that was very helpful to me, as I hated to hear L cry and think about the stress hormones she was being subjected to... My MW said that what she is learning is that when you are upset or in pain, your mom and dad will be there for you.Maybe we can't "fix it" but we are still there, holding her, and that is good for her. Hugs.

[kellybeth]

n/m. i'm calming down.

jenny-sending you lots of love. 

Edited by kellybeth - 3/11/13 at 4:58pm