The Pain of Labor « Back to Group Discussions

[cagnew]

I was reading Beanbean's description of having her stitch removed, and it sounds HORRIBLE. This made me think about all the things that hurt worse than labor.

When I was getting ready for my first natural birth, I was terrified of the pain. Now that I have been through it and know what to expect, I can honestly say that I would rather give birth than go through some other things I have gone through. I had intestinal spasms last year, and that was worse than labor. I got stung by a wasp on my calf once and I would rather go through labor than have that happen again. 

It's not that labor doesn't hurt- I thought it hurt terribly and I am not exactly looking forward to that again. BUT... it's do-able. I hate when people say "Want to know what natural childbirth is like? Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head." That's so dumb. That's not what it's like at all. I can't stand the way our society makes it sound like childbirth is so incredibly horrific and impossibly painful.

Of course, I also don't like when women talk all about painless childbirth. It isn't that I don't believe that that happens for some women- I do believe that. However, I think MOST women do not experience "orgasmic" birth, and setting up first-timers to think it might happen for them can lead to shock and disappointment. I wish society would just leave birth alone- not over-exaggerate the pain, and not try to make it seem like it's easy either.

I can't remember exactly how it goes, but my ICAN leader has a quote that she uses and it's something like: "Our society has a secret- it's not that childbirth is painful, it's that women are strong."

And now my little rant is over :)

[omphaloskepsis]

Agreed!! After having gallstones, I would take labor (and the sweet new baby at the end!!!) ANY day over that pain! The degrees of pain were honestly at similar levels...on a scale of 1-10 I'd say labor pain peaked at 10, but gallbladder went to 11 and STAYED there. No waves, no breathers, no breaks. Just constant, mind-numbing pain. And no baby at the end either, LOL!

I think it helps when the pain is "good pain". It still hurts on the same scale, but it has a purpose, you know? 

[1babysmom]

I'm with you guys.  To me it is pain, but IMO the key is that it is manageable.  Of course, in some situations it is going to be far more difficult to manage than others, but it can be done, and it is temporary.  Labor won't last forever.  And there is a BEAUTIFUL reward for it! I've had comparable situations as well (though most of mine WERE pregnancy related, just not successful pregnancies, as I've never had much of an injury...but IMO anything painful that doesn't end with something as precious as a baby isn't worth it! LOL) and would take real, full-term labor any day (even another big ol' giant head that is like twice the diameter of a fully dilated cervix! LOL).

But I also LOVE labor like a nut.  To me, feeling those first real painful contractions is extremely exciting!!!  However, that came from learning through experience...by choice.  Not fighting or fearing the process really taught me so much about it and gave me a love for it instead of a hesitation towards next time.

[camprunner]

Mine has always been bearable until pushing and and it was bearable during pushing the first time. I was reading in the Emergency Childbirth Manual that my fear of pushing might actually be the cause of all that pain so this time I guess I need to find something relaxing to focus on.  Can I have wine just before pushing? or better yet, at nice margarita?

[BeanBean06]

Originally Posted by camprunner 

Can I have wine just before pushing? or better yet, at nice margarita?

Um yes! No really is this allowed? Lol

[stormysky]

Originally Posted by 1babysmom 

But I also LOVE labor like a nut.  To me, feeling those first real painful contractions is extremely exciting!!!  However, that came from learning through experience...by choice.  Not fighting or fearing the process really taught me so much about it and gave me a love for it instead of a hesitation towards next time.

me too! I had 3 wonderful natural births. My first one was different. It was extremely painful and I could hardly tolerate it. I only dilated 3cm and wanted an epidural, then I needed pitocin of course. Maybe it would have been different if the support was better (I was using a mw in a hospital, but I think she was stuck with a double shift and wasn't at her best), but it was really bad, so I don't know if I would have done it differently. I believe I was also having back labor.

I definitely think that all women need to TRY a natural birth for their subsequent labors even if they had a bad experience the first time. It sounds like it is pretty common to have much easier experiences the next time around, but most women won't even give it a chance after the first time!

FTR I've had menstrual cramps that were as bad as the labor pains from my first birth (due to endometriosis). I used to treat them with mega doses of ibuprofen.

[1babysmom]

Originally Posted by stormysky 

me too! I had 3 wonderful natural births. My first one was different. It was extremely painful and I could hardly tolerate it. I only dilated 3cm and wanted an epidural, then I needed pitocin of course. Maybe it would have been different if the support was better (I was using a mw in a hospital, but I think she was stuck with a double shift and wasn't at her best), but it was really bad, so I don't know if I would have done it differently. I believe I was also having back labor.

I definitely think that all women need to TRY a natural birth for their subsequent labors even if they had a bad experience the first time. It sounds like it is pretty common to have much easier experiences the next time around, but most women won't even give it a chance after the first time!

FTR I've had menstrual cramps that were as bad as the labor pains from my first birth (due to endometriosis). I used to treat them with mega doses of ibuprofen.

Pretty much the same here...first labor was induced and then I got an epidural because it was horrid hip labor and I was too afraid to move. Obviously it was easier to opt for completely natural with my others considering they were unassisted births, so I can't speak for how confident I would have been in a hospital. But that said, I also learned the importance of birthing where mom is comfortable. I know I can't birth as well in a medical setting and therefore it is likely to be FAR more painful if I have to. But some people simply aren't comfortable birthing outside of a hospital (for example) and if they aren't comfortable, there is probably going to be more fear, and more fear is likely to bring more pain.

[Greenlea]

With my first birth, obviously I didn't know what to expect. It was painful as baby was posterior. I had and used a lot of pain management techniques to help me have a natural birth without pain meds. However, when a woman is made to stay in bed on her back during labor and birth, I could see how that would get very very painful and make labor seem worse than it is.  I am lucky too in that I've never really had a long pushing session. My body pushed both babies out by itself, like literally, I didn't need to push on my own until crowning.  To me, crowning was more painful during DS1's birth than any of the contractions though. That hurt soooo bad.  However, with DS2, crowning did not hurt at all really.

Also, like some have said, the pain is manageable - until I hit transition. That's the WORST right? One contraction on top of another, no rest, you just want it to end! But then baby comes soon after usually.  

I do not love labor, it is painful. But it is so empowering to me that I'm not scared of it, the pain does not worry me because like some have said it will end and you'll get your baby.  And believe me, I'm a wuss when it comes to pain. 

[omphaloskepsis]

Originally Posted by Greenlea 

Also, like some have said, the pain is manageable - until I hit transition. That's the WORST right? One contraction on top of another, no rest, you just want it to end! But then baby comes soon after usually.  

I do not love labor, it is painful. But it is so empowering to me that I'm not scared of it, the pain does not worry me because like some have said it will end and you'll get your baby.  And believe me, I'm a wuss when it comes to pain. 

Transition is awful. But once I realize WHAT it is, it's suddenly manageable too because HECK YES BABY IS ALMOST HERE!! LOL...

Love love love your last few sentences here. Not worrying/being afraid of the pain is so important. My mom really helped me out during my last labor by reminding me that I could actually welcome contractions. That they were good, that I wanted them, that it meant everything was working just right (sometimes it's so hard to remember that when you're in the middle of it!!). They still hurt, but it was the difference between feeling helplessly attacked by pain, and being able to open myself up to it with an attitude more along the lines of "BRING IT!"

[alaskanmomma]

I have an incredibly high pain tolerance (it's gotten me in trouble because I can be more hurt than I realize) however, I'll be the oddball out and say transition was the absolute worst pain I have ever freakin experienced haha! Good thing between the first contraction of transition and baby boy being in my arms was under 30 minutes. However, part of me wants a hospital birth with an epi just so I don't have to experience transition pain again.

[BeanBean06]

First off I LOVE reading these posts! Y'all are so honest and yet I find it so encouraging! I consider myself to have a pretty high pain tolerance and am really able to "turn in" and sort of disconnect in a way when I'm in pain... But since I've never labored it def scares me. I'm afraid of panicking. And loosing control. And letting the pain get ahead of me... But I just love this forum and how supportive and positive people are on here!!! I'm apart of other forums and this one is by far my favorite

All that being said, back to labor pain! Cn I just say being "manually checked" twice yesterday (for the very first time, I was NEVER manually checked before cuz of my cerclage) I WAS SHOCKED! It HURT! And felt SO violent... I know alot of you are able to avoid it being with a more hands off midwife or going it alone... But it seems pretty unavoidable in a hospital setting... I mean I was already in pain yesterday when they did it the first time (AFTER GETTING THE STITCH OUT!!! Oh gosh...) I seriously almost kicked her! Do they really have to be SO forceful to feel what they need to feel? I just felt so violated and totally uncomfortable with the whole thing...

[Greenlea]

I have been checked about 3 times this pregnancy due to cramping & bleeding and I was checked for dilation - even though I was never checked with previous pregnancies until in labor. And it didn't hurt. Like at all. I felt more pain this week when my midwife was feeling for babies size and position.  Sure it was uncomfortable as someone has their fingers inside, but I really think you felt more pain because of just going through all that with getting your cerclage removed. If you do get checked again I hope they aren't as forceful or it won't hurt once your healed from going through all that.

[Kara9080]

Originally Posted by Greenlea 

I do not love labor, it is painful. But it is so empowering to me that I'm not scared of it, the pain does not worry me because like some have said it will end and you'll get your baby.  And believe me, I'm a wuss when it comes to pain. 

another "LOVE this". I could have said the exact same thing. Labor is empowering and damn, I feel good after giving birth because "I DID IT!" 

Things more painful to me than labor:

• Scratching my eyeball with a dog hair - first time I experienced "shuddering" pain
• Migraines - NO relief
• Vaginal sores - sat in the bathtub with ice cubes
• Stomach cramps - it just isn't ever good and every time I get sick I think "I rather be in labor"

Hell, going to the bathroom #1 or #2 after birth isn't fun. I am NOT looking forward to that. 

Originally Posted by omphaloskepsis 

Agreed!! After having gallstones, I would take labor (and the sweet new baby at the end!!!) ANY day over that pain! The degrees of pain were honestly at similar levels...on a scale of 1-10 I'd say labor pain peaked at 10, but gallbladder went to 11 and STAYED there. No waves, no breathers, no breaks. Just constant, mind-numbing pain. And no baby at the end either, LOL!

I think it helps when the pain is "good pain". It still hurts on the same scale, but it has a purpose, you know? 

My mom told me forever when I was a kid that I had a low pain tolerance and when it'd come time for me to have babies they'd have to knock me out because I couldn't handle it. I was TERRIFIED of giving birth the first time. I planned on and so wanted that epidural but labor went too fast to get it. I was actually trying to stop labor and hold my legs together because I was scared and when the nurses realized how scared I was they told me how close I was and it was almost over. 5 minutes later it was over. :-) Afterwards I was shocked and actually said "THAT'S IT?!" and my Dr loves to repeat that story. I thought it was going to be SOO much worse than it was. 

I'm anxious to show my DH how well I handle labor because he thinks I'm a big baby. My body hurts so much sometimes from Sjogren's and I get tired of it. Well, he gets tired of hearing me complain. 

[brooklyn_warbler]

I agree with so much of what is here.  I always tell people, the difference between labor and other pain is that labor feels like your body is doing HARD WORK (i.e. labor!) that is productive and supposed to be happening, as opposed to just being in pain because something is wrong.  For me, that is key to it being manageable.  I also agree that it is not *pleasurable* -- I've never had an orgasmic birth (although I do think contractions in active labor just feel like an orgasm gone wrong!  LOL).  And as my midwife said to me once, "I've never met a woman in labor who wants to stay in labor."  But there's something qualitatively different about "labor pain" and the kind of pain we experience in other aspects of our lives.  It's just impossible for me to even compare.  And I do feel like labor pain is a lot easier to bear because there is something very strengthening and empowering about it.  I feel like you go so deep into your body that you are almost elsewhere...like I always feel like I am laboring a bit in between worlds.  There's something so sacred about that sensation. 

[BeanBean06]

Originally Posted by Greenlea 

I have been checked about 3 times this pregnancy due to cramping & bleeding and I was checked for dilation - even though I was never checked with previous pregnancies until in labor. And it didn't hurt. Like at all. I felt more pain this week when my midwife was feeling for babies size and position.  Sure it was uncomfortable as someone has their fingers inside, but I really think you felt more pain because of just going through all that with getting your cerclage removed. If you do get checked again I hope they aren't as forceful or it won't hurt once your healed from going through all that.

Ok. Awesome! Thanks for sharing your experience! I was wondering if it was just that I was so sore already... Hopefully next time won't be so bad!

[BaileyB]

I know I read through this thread earlier (on my phone) but I am not going to read through them again right at the moment. I just wanted to say that I love labor too. It's pain but like pain with purpose or productive pain. I know with my last one I was good for most of labor until I was 1 push away from the ring of fire. Then I literally stopped and went, "Oh this part is going to hurt!" and then pushed again. Ouch! It is sooooo damn painful but by then you're so close to the end.

[omphaloskepsis]

Originally Posted by BeanBean06 

First off I LOVE reading these posts! Y'all are so honest and yet I find it so encouraging! I consider myself to have a pretty high pain tolerance and am really able to "turn in" and sort of disconnect in a way when I'm in pain... But since I've never labored it def scares me. I'm afraid of panicking. And loosing control. And letting the pain get ahead of me... But I just love this forum and how supportive and positive people are on here!!! I'm apart of other forums and this one is by far my favorite

All that being said, back to labor pain! Cn I just say being "manually checked" twice yesterday (for the very first time, I was NEVER manually checked before cuz of my cerclage) I WAS SHOCKED! It HURT! And felt SO violent... I know alot of you are able to avoid it being with a more hands off midwife or going it alone... But it seems pretty unavoidable in a hospital setting... I mean I was already in pain yesterday when they did it the first time (AFTER GETTING THE STITCH OUT!!! Oh gosh...) I seriously almost kicked her! Do they really have to be SO forceful to feel what they need to feel? I just felt so violated and totally uncomfortable with the whole thing...

I am sooo sorry they were so rough with you!! (((HUGS)))...internal checks have always been *uncomfortable* for me (and yeah, so awkward, lol...), but my midwife told me "I know it's not fun, but tell me if it hurts, because it shouldn't!" So my guess would also be that it was because you were already hurting down there anyway! Also (just my experience), it seems like hospital workers in general just don't really care to take the extra time/effort to keep things like that from hurting. Sometimes I think if their patients DID kick them they might try a little harder to be gentle! So yeah...maybe don't hold back if it hurts next time?! ;D Fingers crossed that it won't be necessary though!

[BaileyB]

Originally Posted by brooklyn_warbler 

I agree with so much of what is here.  I always tell people, the difference between labor and other pain is that labor feels like your body is doing HARD WORK (i.e. labor!) that is productive and supposed to be happening, as opposed to just being in pain because something is wrong.  For me, that is key to it being manageable.  I also agree that it is not *pleasurable* -- I've never had an orgasmic birth (although I do think contractions in active labor just feel like an orgasm gone wrong!  LOL).  And as my midwife said to me once, "I've never met a woman in labor who wants to stay in labor."  But there's something qualitatively different about "labor pain" and the kind of pain we experience in other aspects of our lives.  It's just impossible for me to even compare.  And I do feel like labor pain is a lot easier to bear because there is something very strengthening and empowering about it.  I feel like you go so deep into your body that you are almost elsewhere...like I always feel like I am laboring a bit in between worlds.  There's something so sacred about that sensation. 

I think this is so true! I always tell people that I don't like pain killers because the pain is there for a reason and to tell you something but when you are in labor it is more like it is there to tell you what to do and how to best labor.

[Cali2SC]

Love this thread!  Thank you everyone for sharing!  It is good to be reminded that this is sooo doable!

I am a little nervous this time.  With DD I ended up with Pitocin and an Epidural, in order to avoid a cesarean.  DD was born 43 hours after my water broke.  I don't really remember how the timeline went, but I had about 30 hours of labor before we transfered to the hospital.  Contractions were as close as 3 minutes and it was all completely doable.  Nervous this time, because I had the epidural for transition and pushing.  I could feel enough to push undirected, but I know the drugs definitely were working.  

So sorry Bean Bean!  I was checked a bunch last time b my midwife.  She even had her hand in there trying to manually position the baby for over 1/2 hour.  Checking never hurt.  Trying to adjust baby's position was definitely uncomfortable and really put my hypnobirthing class to work!  But it was all consensual and I never felt violated.  When I got to the hospital, it seemed like all the residents were there that day and they all got to check me.    Certainly felt like I had less say at this point, but went along with it because I was desperately trying to avoid a cesarean.  Still there was one male resident that shoved me up the bed when he checked.  I actually said something along the lines of Whoa!  and he stopped and said he would come back later when the epi was working.  It was working fine.  Part of it may have been his big man hands, but I think part was just that he wasn't trying to be gentle, because I had the drugs.  Whatever.  I didn't see him again until I was pushing.  I did feel totally violated.  In your case, I think just having your stich out (which sounded terrible, so sorry! ) was likely a factor.  If it happens again, definitely speak up! 

[cagnew]

Getting checked always seems to either hurt or be very uncomfortable. I figured I just have a very hard to reach cervix or something. With my first pregnancy the OB got disgusted with me because I was showing obvious signs of pain. He stopped and said something along the lines of "If you're going to act like that then nevermind." I was so embarassed. He was definitely the worst OB I have had. The female OB I have now doesn't hurt nearly as much... at least not that I can remember. We haven't done any checks yet this time around.