I am having another night of insomnia, worrying about money. We have 1000$ take home each month, and get food stamps-350 per month also.Sometimes it just seems impossible, i imagine giving up all the extra things i am buying now with my hard earned savings, salad, fruit, toppings, meat every day....It took ten years to save for those things &keep the car running...i am just stressed! I grew up with very little food, without hot water,minimal
heat....so i really value having them now. I don't want to make this about my past, it's just I've been thinking about it a lot, how I can make a better life for my child, &escape "poverty". it makes me second guess how I am having this child& judging myself for not being able to do better. so I'm working on finding out ways to do better. Food is so expensive b/c I am eating so well&it helps so much. So its scary to imagine it as a temporary&going back to my old budget. And i really want to buy a couch, i have been searching for a used one&its not working out. I think i am going to get a new one b/c i am obsessed with the idea of comfort right now. I will run out of savings anyway, why not have a comfortable place to sit?
Maybe i will put my bed downstairs instead. I have been thinking about how hard it will/wont be to go up&down stairs later on. This apt is too expensive but i am stuck here for now. My subsidized place had black mold &leaks, very,very bad news. I came here as my only hope to have a healthier environment for a child, & i have to wonder if its going to be good enough. I want so much for my child, &i want him/her to have optimal nutrition , salads, fruit....sometimes i feel like its going to work out&we will adjust, but other times i want better b/c i know we deserve it. I am hoping to hear back from people about pass me downs, obviously that is another expense i worry about. Buying shoes.. And how will i do it with prices going up over time...i guess it shows i care that i am worrying, if that means anything. I dont want anyone to feel deprived.
I am just getting things off my chest.Edited by here we are - 3/9/13 at 1:47am