Beyond 40 weeks - Page 4 « Back to Group Discussions

[sunshinelove]

I found this poem today, it really resonates with me, i hope you guys enjoy it too:

"Labor Pains"

I am sick today,
sick in my body,
eyes wide open, silent,
I lie on the bed of childbirth.

Why do I, so used to the nearness of death,
to pain and blood and screaming,
now uncontrollably tremble with dread?

A nice young doctor tried to comfort me,
and talked about the joy of giving birth.
Since I know better than he about this matter,
what good purpose can his prattle serve?

Knowledge is not reality.
Experience belongs to the past.
Let those who lack immediacy be silent.
Let observers be content to observe.

I am all alone,
totally, utterly, entirely on my own,
gnawing my lips, holding my body rigid,
waiting on inexorable fate.

There is only one truth.
I shall give birth to a child,
truth driving outward from my inwardness.
Neither good nor bad; real, no sham about it.

With the first labor pains,
suddenly the sun goes pale.
The indifferent world goes strangely calm.
I am alone.
It is alone I am.
--Akiko Yosano

[SamSarah]

My friend just sent me a fancy little app (well, website really):

http://haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com/

Enjoy!

[cabbitdancer]

*laughs* I got that one, too, SamSarah. ;)

[scruffy too]

I'm "due" today.  Which wouldn't be that big of deal, since *I* told everyone I was due at the end of the month, but when DP and I went to our community centre on Friday night (with ALL our friends and neighbours) he told EVERYONE that I was due this weekend.  So far, no one has called, but I told him he's answering the phone ALL week (until I've had the baby) and fielding the calls. 

When we picked up DSS on Friday, his first question was if I'd had the baby yet.  This worried me a little, as he obviously has NO idea how much this baby is going to change things.  I mean, if I'd had the baby, the baby would be there, too.  If I'd had the baby, where did he think it was?!?  I really don't think he understands that once the baby is here, it will be HERE all the time, with me.  Oh well, we have all week to talk about this.

[Bena]

Scruffy, your DSS's reaction made me realise something also.  I've only had a few "Have you had that baby yet" emails and texts but they were all from close friends who are all on the top of our list of people we'll let know when baby arrives!  Not obscure relative that we wouldn't contact directly.  GOOD FRIENDS!   Who would know!  As soon as it happens!   I"m getting a little snarky, and wanted to reply to one of them: "Oops!  yeah, he's been here for a while now, in fact he's about to start school.  Guess I forgot to let you know!"   But that is the cabin fever talking!!  I need to go out for a walk ASAP!

In a similar way,  DP called from work this morning (and in the process woke me up from a nap when he know I wanted to go back to bed this morning since I was up a good part of the night unable to sleep), asking if I was having contractions.  Like I wouldn't call him to let him know that I was in labor??!!?
 

sigh...

And my due date is not until Thursday, officially!

[writermama12]

I am inching up on 41 weeks. How are the rest of you handling the passing of days? How do you keep spirits up and enjoy the time before baby arrives? I have moments of intense joy with my DS2 when I realize it is just he and I right now and that our lives and relationship are going to change dramatically pretty soon, but then I feel tired or achy or a few BH and I become impatient and irritable again. I am really trying to remain zen about it right now and the further from my EDD I get, the better I feel emotionally...meaning, I feel less attached to the idea I had of birthing early..but it is hard in other ways. 

[storygirlcindy]

Bena, I have said the exact same thing several times in the last few weeks! The people bugging me the worst are family. In fact, the one SIL who has driven me absolutely the most crazy is also the one person aside from me, my husband, and our doula who might actually know when I do head to the hospital - we don't plan to notify people when we're heading to the hospital, so as to avoid the "how are things progressing? baby here yet?" pressure. However, my hubby works with one of his brothers - the husband of this SIL - so unless we end up having the baby between Friday evening and Sunday evening, it's pretty much a guarantee that my husband's brother will be pretty clued in when my hubby either a) leaves work suddenly or b) doesn't show up in the morning. So ironically enough, even though we don't plan to tell people when I'm actually in labor, this SIL is one of the two people in the world who might be able to figure that out anyway! 

But yeah, I keep telling DH - "do people think that I'm hiding in a cave, having actually had my baby but forgotten to tell anyone???" I'm not a very private person... when the baby is here, the WORLD will know. Until then, people ask at their own risk. ;)

[storygirlcindy]

Writer, we must have been writing at the same time. I am 40 + 2 today and been pondering the same thing. For my own mental health I've decided to try just to expect the baby not to come until the middle of next week (when we will probably have to bite the bullet and talk about induction for medical reasons). I'm trying to treat this week as my "selfish" week and just do whatever I want to. ;) But I had an epiphany a few days ago - I told DH that I had been mentally berating myself for focusing so much on wanting the baby to come, and wondering why I couldn't just not think about it for a few days and enjoy myself... and then, duh, I realized: my belly is the size of a watermelon, I move like a beached whale, I have regular (often painful) contractions all day and night, the contractions are often strong enough to make me feel like I have the stomach flu, and as my high fluid level has finally come down baby girl has found a few real sweet spots to kick me in that cause instant and immediate pain. Bottom line, my whole body is one big reminder! So I'm trying to enjoy this week and dwell as little as possible on the "when will she come" question, but also trying to give myself a little grace and recognize that to some extent, I will continue to be reminded of the looming question all the time...

[Bena]

storygirl--yes!  DP made a comment yesterday about how envious he was of all this time I had to do nothing.  Yeah, it was fine for a few days, even a week I admit.  But physically, I'm just not confortable and that is now overiding anything else!  I went to the grocery store today and made some granola afterward  feel like it was a big event. 

I've been less tired after a 10k saturday morning run than a grocery run right now!

Anyway, I am reminding myself that I'll probably never get some time to myself like this, so to enjoy it, watermelon belly or not!  But it does not come naturally.  I really have to be conscious about it!
 

ok...gotta go pick DD up from her preschool now...Now that is an ordeal!!!  She never wants to leave!!!

[babytoes]

Its funny you guys are talking about people driving you crazy with the "Is the baby here yet?" questioning. I was dealing with the same exact thing, and it got so bad I just started leaving my phone on vibrate and in our bedroom so I wouldn't hear it buzz. My sister and a very close friend of mine were by far the worst out of everyone! I snapped at both of them and my mother when I was at 5 days over and all three were either calling or texting at the same time! I told them all that if they didn't leave me alone, I wasn't informing any of them when I actually did go into labor! 

They all left me alone. It was the calmest two days I had had in a week, and guess what? I ended up going into labor when I felt at ease and not bugged by anyone (I also didn't get on facebook because it was just a pile of people asking about a baby). Just snap at them! Not only will they forgive you, you are pregnant after all, but they'll leave you alone, and it might help if you're relaxed to bring on labor.

[cabbitdancer]

This is the farthest I've been "allowed" to go. My first daughter's c-section was scheduled for the day before her due date, because she was breech and the OB who oversaw my midwives was an ass. So I am trying to revel in the fact that I am PAST MY DUE DATE, HOLY CRAP, and try not to dwell so much on the fact that I have less than a week to go into labor on my own before my OB wants to schedule a c-section...

[sunshinelove]

Yay for being over your due date, cabbitdancer!! Theres a very good chance you'll go into labor before the date of the c-section. Its definitely better to focus on that! You could try jumpstarting it with some castor oil, if you're open to that.

[SlimP]

I second what Babytoes said! Its really annoying when family/friends/midwives are putting pressure on you and baby but when you ignore them (easier said than done I admit), focus on yourself and your baby, and resign yourself to however the birth will unfold, things begin to change themselves v fast.

Walking, dtd, acupuncture and a good cry tipped me over the edge finally. Good luck all.

[storygirlcindy]

Slim, I wish a good cry had tipped me over the edge, LOL! I've cried more times in the last month than in the whole rest of my pregnancy combined. And I've found that if I cry hard enough it makes me contract even harder. It's like a whole misery-machine! ;)

I had my 40 week visit with my OB today. Last week when the "i" word came up I was beyond upset and spent the whole day basically in tears. This week, though, I am actually feeling much calmer and more at peace with it all. If I don't go into labor on my own this week, the plan is to induce next Tuesday, at 41 + 3. In a perfect situation I'd probably push for at least a few more days, but for various reasons I feel more comfortable going with Tuesday. Induction has been one of my biggest fears/things I wanted to avoid through this whole pregnancy, but I'm actually feeling some peace with the potential today. I still very much hope that I will go into labor on my own between now and then, but if I don't, I think I can still be OK with that outcome. I have also been super reassured every time I've talked specifics with my OB - he's very willing to take it slow, not push things too much, etc. We're both hoping that if I do need an induction, it won't take much to push me over the edge into real labor since I've basically had prodromal labor for 3+ months now and I contract strongly all the time.

So, one way or another, it's exciting to know that before TOO long, I WILL be holding that baby girl in my arms! Still hoping labor happens sometime this week, but I guess we'll see. Oddly enough, I've felt MORE at peace past my due date than I did in the few weeks leading up to it! I think partly it's because I've just resigned myself to being in for the long haul, and partly because people FINALLY have gotten the point and stopped asking me every day if I've had the baby!!! Screening my text messages also helped a ridiculous amount. I hadn't realized what a stress that was, but I was getting at least 1 text a day from various SILs pestering me about the baby, and when was she coming, and boy wasn't it strange that I had had all these contractions for so long but still wasn't going into labor (YEAH TELL ME ABOUT IT), etc. In a way it sort of felt like a daily reminder of "hey, your body is doing things kinda weird!" ....So being without that has brought a lot more peace and quiet into my heart.

I have a feeling that if she does come prior to the induction day, it still won't be soon. And knowing the personality that this little girl has clearly shown all through the pregnancy, it wouldn't surprise me at all if she was one of the little stinkers who decided to come hours before a scheduled induction. I guess we'll see!

Good luck to all the other over-40s!

[Bena]

I'm sorry, but I really need to vent a bit about my MIL!  She is usually super sweet, considerate, and has always minded her own business, and so this is all a bit out of character for her but man, she's driving me nuts!  And part of it I"m sure is related to the fact that (depending how you calculate) my EDD is today or tomorrow and I'm getting a little antsy to meet this baby.

so...

Today is the Persian New year  (Norouz)...a BIG DEAL.  Basically like Chrismas Day.

A few weeks ago, MIL started to talk about dinner plans for New Year's, and wanted to throw her traditional big dinner party with friends and family, and wanted to know if we'd go.  We clearly stated that we couldn't predict anything and were not going to commit to anything, but that she should just go ahead and have her dinner party and if we were there we were there, and if not, well, not a big deal.  But that was clearly unacceptable.....if we weren't going to be there for sure, then she didn't want to have the party.   Fine. Her decision, not ours.  We were completely ok with missing the party.

But this conversation was repeated on more than one occasion, as though she expected us to change our minds?? 

So we all agreed to have a big party when they come back from their trip (they are leaving for Sweden tomorrow...yeah, that's is adding another dimension to this story but for the sake of keeping things short and sweet I won't get into that!!), and that tonight we would just get together, the immediate family (MIL, FIL, BIL and SIL and us) and go out for dinner.

MIL slept over at our house last night because the roads were pretty bad and DP didn't want her to have to drive in the middle of the night to come here watch DD if I went in labor.

This morning, I'm explaining to DD that we're going to have dinner at a restaurant for Norouz.  MIL is there, and she turns to DD and says: "We can't have a big party for Norouz this year..it's your baby brother's fault."    WTH???? 

DP's take on this is that she is now regretting her decision to agree to go to Sweden just when her first grandson was due to be born; that she really expected him to be here early, and she'd see him before she'd leave, and now she is realising this is not going to be the case.    Fine...I get that.  But stop blaming the baby, especially in front of DD, and just admit you made a mistake and get on with it!!!!

ok...vent over.  Thank you!  I feel better!

[storygirlcindy]

Bena, that sounds so frustrating!!! So sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel better (or at least commiserated with), I'm about ready to divorce my husband's whole family right at the moment, LOL. They have been the absolute WORST at pestering us about the baby, making all kinds of insinuations that things won't go right, etc. Very frustrating! And dealing with travel plans is so hard. My mom actually bought a ticket for a month ago, because she was so sure the baby would be early (I had like 4 risk factors for preterm birth), and ended up having to cancel that, LOL. Now she is coming with the rest of my family (dad & sibs) this weekend, to stay for two weeks over their spring break. It's crazy, because I had imagined all along that we'd have at least a week-old baby by the time they came, and instead we are looking at the potential of getting induced WHILE they are here, right before my poor dad leaves to go back home! Silly baby... wreaking havoc with EVERYONE'S schedules!

[cabbitdancer]

Oh, man, Bena. Blaming it on the baby is ridiculous, as if he is aware of her plans and is doing this to spite her!! ;)

storygirlcindy, I think part of the reason (for me at least) that I feel so much more calm post dates is because I know that, at this point, it CAN'T be too much longer. If my OB gets his way, I'll probably be holding my baby girl by Monday. (Whoa.)

[storygirlcindy]

Yeah cabbit, I definitely think that's part of it. I also think I was freaked out about the idea of going post-dates before and everything it would imply (having to talk about induction, my massive baby getting bigger - LOL, people continuing to pester me, etc.). Now that I actually AM "overdue," well, it's happened and I am dealing with it, vs. worrying about it. One of those situations where fear of a thing is probably worse than the thing itself, I guess. ;) And yeah, if I don't go into labor on my own in the next few days, I should be holding my little girl by this time next week. One way or another, we'll have a baby by then!!! Such an amazing thought.

[chocolatechip]

I've mostly been lurking on this thread since I'm still a week from my due date, but Bena, I can't believe that your MIL would say that to your daughter!!!!!! It's bad enough that she seems to be taking this whole birth date thing personally, but that is just totally unacceptable to blame the baby in such a way that your daughter could think it's making her miss out on something. I totally understand your need to vent! Maybe it's a good thing they're heading to Sweden for a couple of weeks!

babytoes, I find it very interesting that you did go into labor once you cut everyone's annoying messages off. I can totally see why that would happen.

All the rest of you, thanks for sharing your difficulties, for those of us who are lurking and still waiting to reach this point.  It really does help to see what kinds of things can come up!

[Bena]

Originally Posted by storygirlcindy 

Yeah cabbit, I definitely think that's part of it. I also think I was freaked out about the idea of going post-dates before and everything it would imply (having to talk about induction, my massive baby getting bigger - LOL, people continuing to pester me, etc.). Now that I actually AM "overdue," well, it's happened and I am dealing with it, vs. worrying about it. One of those situations where fear of a thing is probably worse than the thing itself, I guess. ;) And yeah, if I don't go into labor on my own in the next few days, I should be holding my little girl by this time next week. One way or another, we'll have a baby by then!!! Such an amazing thought.

This part is very well said and gave me somewhat of an epiphany!   The anxiety I'm feeling right now is mostly about not being able to deal with labor and birth but just sitting and worrying about all sort of worse-case scenarios.   I deal with things very well when they are actually happening, but I tend to worry alot, and that causes anxiety.   I need to work on that!
 

Thank you also for the commiserations about my MIL!  She really is a sweet person, normally, but like I said, recently, whoa!  (Just this morning, as she is leaving, she called to find out if there was any action yet..because, you know, they did have time to swing by the hospital before their flight if ever the baby was born.  She was dissapointed, I think, to know I wasn't even cramping or contracting anymore, so there was absolutely no way this baby was going to be here before 2pm!)

So yeah, I agree with you chocolatechip that having her overseas for a few weeks might just get everyone to calm down about this!!!   Now I'm just hoping they don't call everyday!!!  But I'll let DP take the calls!!!!

Babytoes... You make me wonder if, now that they are gone, my body will relax and go into labor.