Hi all,
Well, sad news here. I miscarried at home (in the bathtub) just this afternoon. (More info below...slightly graphic, I suppose, so if you're squeamish or sensitive, no need to read!)
My cramps and bleeding just got more intense and so I decided not to even go to the emergency room: much better to have my husband bring me tea, and my son padding into the bathroom every once in a while. So I hunkered down in the bathtub--and it was actually quite beautiful. Aesthetically--the red blood against the white porcelain--and the experience of contractions (cramps) as well. I have to have c-sections as I have a cervix-blocking fibroid, so this is actually as close as I will get to giving birth. I actually passed the fetus--all packaged up in with its placenta in a cozy little blod-clot bundle--and I'm telling you, it was so beautiful and cool. I didn't want to break the bundle apart, but I could see the size was right for nine weeks and I could see the small eye and the head and the arms. I'm in awe of it even now, although I am sad that the little scrapper couldn't stick around, had someplace important to go apparently.... :( When I feel up to it, we'll go to the woods and bury it somewhere in the budding spring world.
So, I'm here to say, I'm so happy that you all are moving towards healthy pregnancies! But don't take the wonder of it--when it works seamlessly--for granted. I know it's easy to say that our bodies know what they're doing, and that is true. My body knew exactly what it was doing today, and I'll trust it through another pregnancy any day--which hopefully will come soon. But it really is incredible what we can do, and we are so blessed when it works out right!
I hope all of your pregnancies go well! I'll be back to check on you all every once in a while, will certainly post during that wonderful October when all the good news comes in!
xoxo
Julia/Aloya
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