Dh now considering homebirth option!!

[ebethmom]

After months and months of prodding, dh is reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth! And has given me the green light to research homebirth! He was so opposed to it up until now. My compromise was to go with a CNM at the closest hospital. I do like her, and would be OK with delivering there.

But I'm so excited to research homebirth for this baby!!

I'm having a hard time FINDING a homebirth midwife in our area. We are minutes from a large city, but none of the midwives there can/will cross the state line to deliver here.

I think I may have found a midwife about 90 miles south. We have been playing phone/email tag.

If the cost compares to what we would pay the hospital with our 80/20 insurance, then I think dh will support a homebirth. We just got socked with a bill for all $400 of the deductible yesterday. NOT good timing. (But it did help my homebirth cause!)

[annethcz]

WooHoo, congratulations!

My DH was really skeptical when I was pregnant with my first child. I ended up birthing with a CNM at the hospital that DH worked at. He had concerns about safety, plus, going the hospital route, we ended up paying $15 out of pocket for all of my prenatal care/ birth.

But after my second child was born at home, he was convinced. Now DH can't imagine doing it any other way.

[cottonwood]

Good for your husband for doing some research! It seems that a lot of husbands don't want to actually think about it one bit, they just want to have the final say.

But even after doing some reading he is still resistant, you could always turn the tables. Why shouldn't the burden of proof be on him to show that hospital birth is safer than homebirth?

[georgia]

How wonderful for you and your family! I believe that birthing where and with whom you feel safest and most loved is priceless (and worth every single penny!). Have you talked with anyone from LLL? Often, lots of the leaders and mothers know the *underground* scoop on HB midwives.

All the best,

[ebethmom]

I just talked to a homebirth midwife - she lives about 85 miles away, but has 4 or 5 other clients in this area.

I asked all of my questions, and heard all of the answers that I was hoping to hear!

I'm still trying to get an answer from the hospital on estimated costs for a birth. With our last insurance, we had to pay over $3000 for our son's birth and his medical costs (for a healthy baby).

This midwife did say that she is reimbursed by insurance fairly often. It still sounds iffy - sometimes they will pay, others they won't. She said that she has had relatively high success with our insurance company, so that is positive.

I just hate the whole insurance/cost aspect of birth. The premiums are so high anyway, they should pay who I TELL them to pay.

[mcsarahb]

ebethmom, where are you in Kentucky? If I lived anywhere near Tennessee, I would go to The Farm itself!! I know they have "birthing cabins" where families can stay for the days surrounding the due date...maybe you could check it out? People travel from around the entire country just to birth with the midwives there, and you are in the next state over!

Here's the website:

http://www.farmcatalog.com/birth.htm

Sarah

[ebethmom]

Sarah ~ We are as far North as you can go in Kentucky. It's probably about a 7 - 8 hour trip from here. Cincinnati friend and I were joking yesterday that we should both just head on down to the Farm this summer and stay for awhile. Can't swing that, though!

We're going away on vacation this week. I told the midwife that I would call when we get back. Hopefully with a "we'd like to hire you" call!

[SaraC]

If you don't mind me asking... who is this midwife? I am orginally from Bowling Green and know a few midwives there. I was seeing one with my first DD when we moved to Texas. My SIL has had 3 homebirths there and knows a few too. Maybe she is an old friend.

[ebethmom]

[SaraC]

I don't know her but it is great that you found a midwife. I used Jennifer Nunn with my oldest as did my SIL for her last child. Good luck with your birth.

[ebethmom]

Just thought I'd post an update - the homebirth is a go!! I'm so relieved and very excited. Of course, this has opened a huge can of worms in my family. My Mom is so upset that she can hardly speak to me. But she has plenty to say to my brothers. So now they're upset, too.

My Dad is very supportive, which helps. He and my Mom have been divorced for 18 years. He is usually at his best, most supportive self when my mother is on the other side. I can see right through it, but it still helps to hear a kind word.

We have our first appointment with our CPM next week. I have lots of questions for her. Her background and references are very strong, and I feel confident in her skills. But I need some answers from her to fight the naysayers.

[Tanibani]

Hey Elizabeth congratulations! Dh was completely opposed to the idea the first time (and I didn't research it / pursue it) and two years later (as he saw me devour birth/baby bonding book after another, he announced, "yeah, I can see you have been doing a lot of researching on this... and if you want a homebirth, OK." :LOL Oh yeah... THIS TIME, he'd had me to contend me because I already decided this IS what I'm doing.

Men mean well but they simply don't know... they see themselves as protectors... and see hospitals as "the safest" place (because of all of the back up equipment) and when their wives announce they want a homebirth (or whatever) they see it as their duty to step in, put their foot down and be "the rational brain" to the woman's "irrational emotional outlook." So the key is to appeal to their (any detractors) intelligence. Ina May is a great start. Just don't cry, whine, beg, look weak or emotional. (My mistake when I was trying to argue against circumcision.) Calmly argue the FACTS like a lawyer.

Anyway, he met with the midwife and announced afterwards, "I just realized something... childbirth is normal and natural!" :LOL So he gets it... but he would never read any book I put under his nose, so good for your DH.

I have gotten a little grief (not as much as you ) from his mom, aunt (who works for lawyers and has horror stories about midwives : ) and recently my sister. She went off on an e-mail because my iron level was low 2.5 weeks ago (9.3) and the cut off is a 10. So she freaked out... but she didn't talk to me, she just talked to DH. "OMG! Is it safe!!! Why are you letting her do this!!!"

DH impressed me by telling me, but telling me HE was OK and not worried. He told me not to confront her (fine) but she asked me a bunch of questions a day later and I answered all as best I could. I think she was fine afterwards.

My mantra the whole time with people is

1. Homebirth is very safe AND ONLY FOR extremely healthy mothers. A midwife would not consider taking me if I was high-risk.
2. If ANY problem presented itself DURING pg that would make it clear that I needed to be attended by OBs/hospital setting, I'd be perfectly fine with that.
3. Problems presenting itself at birth are RARE, but the midwives are prepared to handle it.... and in the RARE case I do need a transport, everything will be OK, there is enough time.

It's too bad about your mom freaking out, but just don't get too defensive. Remain centered, calm and confident. Let her have her freak out, she means well, and she has really NO IDEA about the safety/history, so it's not her fault. Everyone is so brainwashed to think that hospitals (the land of inductions, managed labor and interventions) are the safest place to give birth and that ain't necessarily the case - especially for women who DON'T need them.

I also calmly told my sister about the downsides of inductions, epidurals ("well, what if you want an epidural? What then? : Um, I don't want ANY drugs to affect my body or the baby... all drugs have side effects (list them...) episiotomies, etc...) What does she know??? Nothing.

[ebethmom]

Thanks for the s, Tanya. My husband was convinced after he read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I have considered sending it to my Mom, but I really think it would be a waste of a great book. She would rather stay upset than open her way of thinking.

I have asked my Mom if she would like to meet with my midwife so she could ask all of her questions in person. But she says "No, that wouldn't help at all." (Suit yourself, hardhead.) My Mom has decided on her own that I am "high risk" since I had preeclampsia with ds. I have explained to her that my CNM did not categorize this pregnancy as high risk, and that preeclampsia is far more common with first pregnancies. And that losing 110 pounds since that birth has greatly improved my chances for a healthy pregnancy. And that I have focused on good nutrition, which is a factor in preeclampsia.

I have also explained to her that if I present any symptoms of preeclampsia, my midwife would send me to an OB for care. And if there is any risk of preterm labor, of course I would go to the hospital. But she prefers to conjure up the worst case scenario and dwell on it.

I have been searching for articles on the web that may ease her fears. But I don't think I've found any. I have about 30 pages to send to her. And a book list. I need to just go ahead and SEND it so I can stop thinking about it.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Being at odds with my mother still upsets me greatly.