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Someone to talk to who is in the same boat?

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 

I have a very young daughter who stands out from her peers. She's 18 months old and talking well with a 250+ vocabulary, is speaking in short phrases/broken sentences and recognizes and names all of the letters of the alphabet. I'm having trouble finding people to talk to about this. Is anyone else in the same boat of wondering what the future holds for your child? I'd just love to compare stories and share info.

post #2 of 30

My daughter was the exact same way...and by the time she was 4 she was reading (but not exactly comprehending) on a third grade level. She is very gifted in art, speech, reading, math etc.

I was shocked when it became obvious she is also high functioning autistic. We have a different set of challenges like any one with gifted children. She didn't potty train until she was 6 completely Sometimes it is hard for her to deal with peers. She just doesn't 'get' them. Her siblings she plays with fine though.

I just try to keep her challenged and feed her interests.

As for what the future holds for my child?

Lots of love that is  not dependent on any label. :)

 

You'll be kept busy!

post #3 of 30

Sounds like my daughter.. she just turned 2 and I can't tell you how big her vocabulary is, but I compare her linguistic abilities with her older sister at 3 years old- she is fully conversational, though she doesn't always know what she's talking about :). She does jigsaw puzzles by herself (that's her newest trick). She can count to twenty and do simple arithmatic.. in 3 languages (english, french, hebrew). She's also physically gifted, people are always commenting on how strong and coordinated she is, including her gymnastics teacher.

 

There are downsides- she threw her first tantrum at 11 months, and never looked back- she is now quite an expert at throwing tantrums. She is extremely difficult in some situations, although I think she is an angel with everyone else who cares for her. It's funny, she has started going to preschool 2 mornings per week (same classroom as her big sister- it's a multiage group) and the teachers say she is "quiet and curious and good-natured." When I asked them if she ever hits or bites any of the other kids they looked at me like I was crazy- she is super aggressive with us and her big sister at home. Not always out of anger, either, sometimes just for fun (apparently).

 

She does have a great sense of play and fun... and gets along well with other kids (mostly 4 year olds, her sister's age- she doesn't seem to know what to do with kids her own age because they can't talk).

 

My husband was also advanced and gifted at a young age.. he self-taught calculus in 5th grade, and graduated high school at 16. He's worried about her... doesn't want her to have the problems he had (mostly social isolation). But his family did not support him well, his mother was really mean to him (but she was well-intentioned, and has some amazing qualities). So I think our daughter will have a different life, and being super gifted does not mean she will have an unhappy childhood. I'm determined not to have any preset expectations for her, though it's hard. My husband is ABD (all-but-dissertation) in Math and Physics, and wishes that he completed his phd but also wishes that he had skipped math & science and pursued art or writing (other areas where he has talent). It's tough being super gifted and not very directed- though he has always been an excellent student and a hard worker, he just has trouble sticking to something long-term.

 

I was just your average above-average bright kid, so it's all new and exciting to me. I'm trying to just enjoy the ride, and remember how old my daughter actually is, not how old she seems sometimes.

post #4 of 30
Thread Starter 

When you want to shout from the rooftops what your child just learned how to do, who do you talk to? I've found that since my child does things faster than her peers, it's an uncomfortable conversation to have with their mothers. So I just don't. It's so sad to hide your pride. :(

post #5 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by ACuriousMom View Post

When you want to shout from the rooftops what your child just learned how to do, who do you talk to? I've found that since my child does things faster than her peers, it's an uncomfortable conversation to have with their mothers. So I just don't. It's so sad to hide your pride. :(

Your child's father or grandparents would probably be happy to listen to you, or you could talk to friends without children or friends who have older children. It's really only problematic when you want to brag to people with children the same age and there's an unspoken but obvious attitude of "My child is better than yours because he is doing something earlier". 

post #6 of 30

Early or late, I've honestly never had that urge to shout from the rooftops about what my child has just learned to do. Sometimes I might quietly share with a family member if I know they will share my pride, or relatively anonymously on a board like this. Perhaps it's a parental personality thing. If you do feel the urge to brag, yes, your child's other parent or grandparents would be a good place to share.

 

Miranda

post #7 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by macy View Post

Your child's father or grandparents would probably be happy to listen to you, or you could talk to friends without children or friends who have older children. It's really only problematic when you want to brag to people with children the same age and there's an unspoken but obvious attitude of "My child is better than yours because he is doing something earlier". 

Yes, I agree with this.

 

Standard or typical development- sometimes stating the obvious to other parents of kids of same age can seem boastful or bragging. Online forums are a good place to share/vent as well.

 

The best place to share cool milestones would be family-- they are likely to be the most excited about it anyway.wink1.gif

post #8 of 30

Mostly my husband and I talk to each other about our daughter... well out of earshot of her older sister, who seems to be average. We don't really share with other parents, because I don't want them to think I'm trying to compete. Once in a while I have shared something on facebook, but I get the feeling people think I'm making stuff up or exaggerating. (I remember getting zero serious comments when I posted that DD had learned how to catch a ball at 11 months- I really think people didn't believe me. I was freaking out because older DD had JUST learned how to catch a ball at 2 1/2 years). It only works when it's in the context of something negative. Like yesterday, I posted that 25 month old DD shrieked "I want to write my name" and then threw a tantrum, and this was after a few posts just complaining about her tantrums. They are getting worse, not better, and happening in the middle of the night too. I got some useful advice from friends, I think a couple of them have been in a similar boat. Unfortunately I don't agree wtih all the advice/parenting styles. I will not punish my child for having a tantrum, and I don't "reward good behavior" either- I'm not a behaviorist. I also will not pretend to have a tantrum myself- I find that demeaning. But I will look into food allergies, and try to make sure DD is challenged every day.

 

My parents are somewhat interested, but my mom is weird in that she always says that I was "the exact same way" as a baby. I don't think i was, and she doesn't give me that many details so it doesn't seem likely. But she's a bit self centered and has to make everything about her, so talking about her granddaughter isn't enough, it has to be about when SHE was the mother (because it's not even about me, it's about HER).

post #9 of 30

mokey4, your mother sounds like my MIL.  hug2.gif

 

I'm not sure if you're looking for more advice on tantrums but what has worked for my DD2 is collaborative problem solving and logic. When she starts melting down, I can normally stop it by explaining why she can't have what she wants and what she can have or do instead. 

 

I know some people say you can't reason with toddlers but I don't think that applies to all toddlers. Some kids get "if a then b" concept very naturally and early. 

post #10 of 30

My mother is like that too, Mokey4.  Anytime I tell her anything the girls have done, hoping for a bit of an outlet, she turns it into a conversation about what my brother or I did and how we were "just like that".  Well, no, we weren't...but, ok.

 

Thankfully, my MIL loves to hear it, so I tell her all the things that are too "crazy" to tell anyone besides dh.

 

The way I feel is.....it isn't really about bragging to want to share what your amazing kid is doing.  It's two things for me.  One, you're sitting around with other mothers, chatting about your kids and everyone else is free to happily share the latest adorable thing their child is doing and 9 times out of 10 it is socially acceptable. harmless conversation.  When your kid is off on a different planet, it's often hard to contribute to that conversation and you're left either not sharing or sharing something that you think might be okay but probably isn't REALLY what you would share if you were honestly to tell what you think your kid is amazing for these days. Or you're on facebook and you don't share the funny thing your kid said.  Or you don't post the picture of the cool thing they made.  When I want to talk about why I love what my kid is doing, it's not because I think it's better than what other kids are doing...it's because I think they are wonderful and they are doing something new and exciting....it doesn't matter to me if other kids are doing it yet or already 

 

Yes, I know, we should all strive to talk about things other than our children, etc etc, And I don't really care much about random playground chatter...but the constant worrying and editing with friends and playdates is just....blah.  You just want to talk about your kids like everyone else gets to!!   Everyone else gets to go on in gushing,  inane detail when their kid poops in the potty (and everyone else secretly thinks it's obnoxious and boring) but you can't be proud when the latest and greatest in your house is math or science etc related? Everyone could still secretly think it was obnoxious and boring to blab on about your kids, I mean parents are famous for that!  I'd love if that was the only negative reaction.

 

And the other thing is that I am a SAHM and spend my day with two little people who do things that make me go "huh?  WHAT?? Am I insane or did that just happen/you just say that" all day, every day...and sometimes you are just dying to TELL someone because frankly, the things they do/say/know are bonkers.  they are!!  I sometimes need to tell someone so I can feel a little less crazy, ykwim?

post #11 of 30

http://laughingatchaos.com/2012/02/01/i-dont-brag-about-my-gifted-kid/

 

I think the blog entry gets to the heart of the matter. Nonetheless, I normally don't mention all the freakish things DD does to anyone but my DH. He doesn't get to see all the amazing and amusing things she does while he's gone so he can't wait to come home and hear every single detail. 

post #12 of 30

OP< I'd love to chat with you about it. :) My daughter is 15 months and also verbally precocious (as well as in gross and fine motor). I mostly talk to my husband, and his step mother is pretty receptive as she works with kids so she recognized it early. Otherwise, even with my parents, it isn't a very comfortable conversation.

 

For me, I want to talk to people because I'm often experiencing one of two extremes: thinking my fifteen month old running and speaking in phrases is completely normal, or dealing with the fallout of a really awkward playdate!

post #13 of 30

Hi!  I don't normally share in this forum but I have a perspective i'd like to offer you to help you find insight into the future that you wrote about in your post.  My DD is now 5 years old and was a very precocious baby/toddler.  She said her first word at 2 weeks (Hi!) and was saying momma and daddy at 2 months with intention.  By 5 months she had put two words together (EAT MORE!) and at a year I was teaching her manners.  LOL!  I figured if she was going to tell me she wanted green beans she should say please and thank you ;)

 

In our case, her development became asynchronous, because she didn't move much while speaking like a 3 year old.  She did get up and walk when it was to be expected (by 14 months) but later it became obvious that she had strength and coordination issues that required OT and PT.

 

She comes from a family of gifted adults (largely my husband's family but there are some smart cookies in mine as well)  who were grade skipped back in the day when that was standard in schools.  I became concerned for her that she focus on making friendships and using her flourishing imagination to connect with others rather then focusing on academics so I sent her to a Waldorf preschool where they do NOT teach academic skills.  She now has many friends, has learned to consider other's needs and is a sought after play mate.  I can see how easily she learns and have no doubt that when she and her classmates focus on learning how to read that she will learn how in a matter of weeks if not days.  However, right now, I want her to have a foundation of happiness and play and I believe we've found it for her.

 

So my advise to you, which I know is hard, because you are amazed at what your child can do, is to focus on helping your child develop connection with all those words!  Friendships, play, experiences, fun....that's the stuff of early childhood even if it is mixed in with a gifted facile mind that is able to learn quickly and easily.  Emotional development however takes time and nurturing and I believe it is the foundation for a happy life....

 

Boy do I miss those ishy squishy baby days.  Enjoy them!
 

post #14 of 30

Hi ACuriousMom, you can share with me.  smile.gif  My DS is 19 months old and I can totally relate.  I've found it's best not to share with others generally.  If someone asks, I find it's best to reply with the shortest answer possible.  If someone sees, ...well I'm still working on that one.  I share with DS's grandparents and 1 friend only, who is very confident in her children and her parenting abilities and I've known for a long time, but I only share when she shows an interest.  I'm struggling at the moment with other parents' reactions to him at his stay and play.  They have a sensory room with lots of letters and numbers in, and of course, it's my DS's favourite area.  The group leader there really doesn't like me since one of the parents told her all about him naming all the letters, I'm pretty sure she thinks I've been lying to them.  His favourite things to do at the moment are putting a few of his letters together, or saying random letters and saying what they'd spell, getting me to write a letter out for him several times so he can try and practice writing them and counting down from 10, saying 'lift off!' and running around the room pretending to be a space rocket.  - All these things I think are great and cute, but I couldn't share them with most.


Edited by Cheesenonion - 4/1/13 at 12:06pm
post #15 of 30

No answers here except I wish I'd kept my mouth shut before I realized mine was exceptional...I just had no idea what to expect, didn't have experience with other kids to know, and thought (and still do) that every kid has this amazingness that maybe you don't know about unless you spend a lot of time with them, so there were a few times early on when I was like, Listen to this funny thing he did, but then I'd realize it was ahead of what was expected, and that it was asinine for me to talk about this stuff.

So now I keep my mouth shut (and am glad for this forum and will be on it more), around other parents, but I think it is still awkward. I try to tell the goofy stories, because those are the most fun anyhow, and every kid has plenty of those. I avoid the "my kid just calculated the powers of three up to three to the fifteenth for fun, by longhand," story, saving it for my own parents, who are fine and entertained by that kind of thing. I also think there is so much asynchronous development, i.e. every kid is different on stuff--mine still can't throw or catch a ball to save his life--and I don't mind or feel awkward when someone else's kid is a total sports talent.

I agree this issue is not about bragging but about wanting to share a funny, amazing part of our lives.

post #16 of 30

My DH had an incident at work around our DS's age 3 I want to say, and the reaction from the other father taught him to keep shut. It wasn't pleasant and he did learn. I had another DD (different DH! and knew to keep shut about this one) and the two are still drastically different. Some family on my side comment about the drastic differences, my DD is gifted too. 

 

We mostly have trouble with DH's family (his sister's only and a cousin who had a DD around the same time as ours) - distance really helps a lot!!!!!

 

IRL day to day - short and sweet answers and not long play times - ours is 5, helps he is really tall and most think he is older. He had very long hair and recently got it short-er still no matter how he is dressed most think of him as a girl, this also helps, I got tons of "girls talk so much, so early, etc" and that avoids lots of pesky questions.

It's awkward, even on a day trip to another city, we had three random strangers comment, two were nice, one was not so.

He stands out and it can be good but more times it just draws lots of attention.

 

We tell very very few only within our inner circle and only if someone asks.

post #17 of 30

Katieco I totally understand what you are saying- it is normal to want to talk about what your kid is doing, and you're not doing it out of competitive impulse. I think if I were a SAHM I would struggle more with that too.

 

One of the great things about reading this thread and others on this forum is the realization that while my child is very precocious and bright and advanced and all that, there are others who are doing stuff even faster than her. It's just good to put it all in perspective. 25 month old DD is just starting to recognize letters. She's also just starting to show interest in writing. Though her vocabulary has always been very large for her age. She's also very athletic, but not the most athletic 2 year old out there.

 

DH and I talk about how we think our older DD is such a great big sister for little DD. Older DD is just 4 years old and below average in her linguistic & gross motor development. She is smart, but you have to know her to recognize it. She has trouble holding a conversation, but she does have some interesting thoughts and makes good connections. There is one area where older DD excels, and that is in being social and making friends. She has always been drawn to other children, and when she was a young toddler (around 15 months) I remember her holding court with a group of 5-8 year olds and just keeping them entertained. Now she mostly is interested in kids her own age. She is the kid who can get the grumpy antisocial kid to play with her. The kid who never shares anything will share with my daughter. And when someone says something mean to her, she just changes the subject and moves on to something more fun. If someone really won't play with her (that happens sometimes) she moves on, she never complains about other kids or seems to get offended. Anyway, she plays beautifully with younger DD, and I think younger DD would have more social challenges if not for her older sister. That's why it is so heartbreaking when younger DD beats up on her big sister... but I won't get into that right now.

post #18 of 30

Wow, reading all of your  amazing stories makes it understandable  as to why you'd be filled with so much pride!! I'm a first time mom to be of a baby boy due in July and was also identified as gifted at a young age. My mother never said anything to anyone except for my father who was all but supportive of the label. I can't imagine how she must have felt about keeping my sister and my accomplishments all to herself. During my last ultrasound the doctor stated that my healthy, little boy's brain was about 30% bigger than the average fetal brain for that stage of development and I was beaming! Of course I know there's a chance he may not be gifted at all like me. I told my close family and I got back a few disappointing comments but that sure doesn't dampen my mood at all.

post #19 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamayhem View Post

 During my last ultrasound the doctor stated that my healthy, little boy's brain was about 30% bigger than the average fetal brain for that stage of development and I was beaming! Of course I know there's a chance he may not be gifted at all like me. I told my close family and I got back a few disappointing comments but that sure doesn't dampen my mood at all.

I would not put a lot of weight in brain size via  prenatal U/S. U/S is mostly for diagnostic purposes and has an error margin for measurement. Also exact gestation dating is a guess for the most part (a compilation of different measurements) Even that said, there is little correlation between brain size (average size or large) and intelligence.

 

http://sciencenetlinks.com/science-news/science-updates/big-heads/

 

There is a much stronger correlation that if a parent were identified as GT than their children are more likely to be as well.wink1.gif Congratulations and enjoy that baby boy when he arrives!

post #20 of 30

Thank you KCMichigan, I am very excited about his arrival.  I'm certain about his gestational age considering I track my menstruation cycle closely. Like I said before, there is a chance he may not be gifted at all and that would be fine.That's an interesting article you've brought up, thanks for sharing. I'm finishing a major in biology although I definitely don't consider neuroscience to be my area of expertise. Through my exposure to scientific curriculum I was of the impression that, among many other factors,  brain size was positively correlated with intelligence.  I recently saw this article that suggested not only were brain size and IQ linked by two genes, degenerative brain disorders like Alzheimer's were linked to the same genes. The article mentions a small but significant correlation between IQ and brain mass.  If you are interested in reading, the link is attached below.

 

http://healthland.time.com/2012/04/16/bigger-brain-and-higher-iq-linked-with-specific-genetic-variants/

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