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when they play music you dont like... - Page 2

post #21 of 23

I'm sorry - I didn't realize that this was a divorce situation. As much of a jerk as Dad is being, your hands are kind of tied. I know you know that... I've had to deal with power struggles between both of my kids and their Dad.  I agree with the advice regarding trying to find headphones that she will be comfortable wearing. I would encourage counseling for her... Both for her to learn how to deal with her Dad, and hopefully get Dad to participate. My ex is at a distance, and was not willing to participate in counseling anyway - even by phone. And it has greatly affected their relationship. Greatly. To give you an idea? Today is my girl's 19th birthday. They haven't spoken in over 4 years. Today? Will be no different. Except for the fact that I will not be there through the tears. 

post #22 of 23
Thread Starter 

linda no you are not beating the horse dead. i just didnt give you the full info. these are not cheapy headphones. they are not bose but they are 150 bucks headphones. this is her 4th pair. 

 

but its more than headphones really. its more not having the right to play her music. 

 

things are not that dark. earlier he used to only allow her movies he thought was appropriate. which is not a bad thing if he had any clues of what she likes. he gets her with reading and playing instruments. but not with some other things. we had a situation earlier which made him rethink his movies ban and so even though he does not approve of Sherlock he allows her to watch them. 

 

and yes whatsnextmom you are absolutely right. it will affect their relationship. she wants to do more things at my place where most of her friends are and he is having a hard time with that. puberty and hormones are really making life hard for her so i am being gentle with her. which means going over wherever she needs to emotionally. and her dad cant see why she should change her mind about who she chooses to stay with. 

 

One_girl dd likes listening to her music when doing her hw. which is in the evening right before bedtime. i think its emotions workout for her. she 'screams' internally with the music. so what she does is she listens to the music then takes a shower and reads in bed. the shower and reading calm her down. sometimes i have soothing water music for her to help her fall asleep. 

 

anyways. thanks all. we are pursuing counselling just coz our different parenting styles with puberty hormones are doing a number on dd. before she starts middle school we have to set a counselor in place. 

post #23 of 23
It kind of sounds like he has more boundaries and that is hard on her because she is a child who does well without them. My DD doesn't like her dad's house for the opposite reason because she likes boundaries. If he is going to counseling with her i suggest asking the counselor about addressing that rather than just the music since this isn't the first time it has happened.

Having a set schedule for visitation might help her switch from your expectations to his a little easier. My DD loves the set schedule she has because she always knows when she has to deal with the chaos at her dad's house (three other kids live there) and she has created a little routine to help herself adjust happily. Having the visit days clustered together may also make it easier on her so she doesn't have to bounce between expectations too frequently. I also broke down and purchased a tracfone for my DD and loaded it with her friends numbers so she can call or text when at her dad's. It helps her feel like she has options even though she hasn't needed to

Sharing custody seems to get harder the older DD gets not easier. I hope the counseling helps.
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