De Facto Single Moms?/Moms with Traveling Spouses?

[monkeyscience]

Is there a thread or a group somewhere for those of us who are married, but are basically single due to our husband's job?

Sometimes I feel like I'm a single mom who just has a really, really big child support check (aka, dh's salary). We didn't anticipate how much traveling he would be doing with his profession (he works in wind power). He's home weekends, but is gone a LOT during the week - he's missed about half of our son's life so far. And he's completely burned out by the time he gets back to us. :(

I'd love a group of people I could swap coping strategies with, and just generally commiserate with.

I thought about posting this in the single parents' forum, but that seems disrespectful of the additional challenges that many moms have by actually being completely on their own parenting.

[incorrigible]

That was probably a wise choice. The single moms tend to take offense when moms with traveling husbands compare themselves. There isn't an entire area for this kind of thing, but I know there are a lot of ladies on this board in similar cirumstances. You have a very unique set of challenges, and I imagine they would love to commiserate. Perhaps you could try forming a "Tribe" for folks with long distance spouses? 

[liberal_chick]

I am about to be in this position.  My dh has just accepted a job in California (we're in Arkansas) and I have a huge project to wrap up at work before the kids and I can join him, so I'll be flying solo until September.

[Banana731]

I've been on my own since January, and dh will be in Europe until the end of April. He was gone for 10 weeks in Summer too.

I feel you ladies!

[Qestia]

I hear you. DH took a job about two years ago that involves a lot of travel. At least he is always home on weekends. But his return involves adjustments too. And I'm home trying to work full-time and deal with two kids in schools in different towns who have mild special needs and lots of appointments to be driven to. It's a hoot.
 

[mamalisa]

Dh has always traveled, except the last 4 years or so.  He was gone over night for 2-3 nights usually, but home on the weekends.  Then he moved to another state for 10 months, only coming home late Friday and leaving sunday afternoon.  I think I handled it really well, but I had the bonus of being a sahm so I didn't have any responsibilities except the kids and the house.  That was a huge benefit.

Now he's home all the time.  It's weird because for so many years he was gone so much.  It's nice, but there are things I miss about him being away :)

[Amy Lachney]

My husband is in the military and leaves for a few months at a time every year, and is often gone for training, or working late nights when he is "home." Sometimes I think that being "single" SAHM can be more difficult than being a regular single mom due to the fact that we are with our children all.the.time. No job to go to, no break from the children, especially when they are very young and not in school, or if you are homeschooling! It can be frustrating and at times downright depressing to be home all the time, trying to pick up after a tornado of small children all day, with no help and no end in sight. We live very far away from family, and the close friends I made prior to having kids have moved away (the joys of the military) and I haven't had the energy to put into developing close relationships with any new friends. 

Sooo...no advice from me, just here to commiserate! lol 

[monkeyscience]

Glad to know I'm not alone! Well, sort of glad - I wish all of us could just have our dh home with us!

Baby and I will be traveling with dh next week when he leaves, so that is something. But he just emailed me today saying there's a conference he has to go to in Colorado toward the end of April - it just never ends! But he has applied for an overseas temporary assignment which we are hoping he will get. We would go with him, and he should be able to be with us most of the time. (Not during the work day, obviously, but evenings/weekends.) It will be ironic if we have to go to another country just to get some time together!

Originally Posted by Amy Lachney 

Sometimes I think that being "single" SAHM can be more difficult than being a regular single mom due to the fact that we are with our children all.the.time. No job to go to, no break from the children, especially when they are very young and not in school, or if you are homeschooling! It can be frustrating and at times downright depressing to be home all the time, trying to pick up after a tornado of small children all day, with no help and no end in sight.

I don't know that I would say more difficult, but definitely difficult in a different way that people wouldn't expect. The 24/7 on-call thing does wear you down pretty badly. I feel bad that when my dh is home, I tend to throw the baby at him and go on a frenzy of errand-running. But I can get SO MUCH done when I don't have to haul the baby in and out of the car. And it's so nice to get out of the house. But I feel bad I'm not spending more time with him.

To those of you who say it's hard to adjust to having your dh home - I feel you on that. And it makes me feel bad. But Baby and I get in our own groove, and then dh comes home and it's like, "What? I have to accommodate someone else? Well that's annoying!"

[dalia]

My hubby is gone all. the. time. He works in the film industry. Sometimes I don't even know he's leaving until an hour before. It's crazy.

I do have help. I feel lucky that we can afford it but there is sometimes guilt too. I feel like I should be able to do it all, but I get really worn out. I just don't know how single women do it.

[34me]

I can commiserate here too.  DH was gone for 3 weeks of every month and then working 12 hour days for 3 years, now he just works the 12 hour days.  It stinks.  I "only" work part time but there are 3 kids 3 differrent schools, 3 sets of activities, the house, dinner, etc....

You should go with your dh to Coloado.  It's beautiful here in April :-).  I live near the Vestas plant.

[monkeyscience]

Lol... I've been thinking about going to Colorado with dh. Trouble is (besides money for flights), I went and got a one-day-a-week part-time job just to fill some of the empty time, so I'd have to get someone to cover for me at work, and I'm already having someone cover for me earlier in the month. And shoot, just realized *I* promised to cover for someone else that week, so that's actually two shifts I'd have to get covered! Yeah, probably not going to bother. I actually did travel with dh more before baby came along, but hauling the baby on road trips and airplanes and staying in hotels without all his stuff is just more than I want to face to get a couple of hours a night with my dh. And I think that makes dh a little sad, but he's not the one trying to entertain a baby all day!

dalia - Luckily I *usually* get more than a few hours notice my dh is going to be gone. Once before baby he went to work in the morning, called me a few hours later and said they told him he needed to leave that day for the rest of the week!

[dalia]

We left early from our honeymoon because he had to go to work! Also, he left from the hospital two days after our son was born! The nature of his job is such that he has to work when the work is there. Luckily he didn't work on our wedding day or the day my son was born! LOL

I knew this was the deal when I married him. And he really takes awesome care of me and our son. He tries to help when he comes back but he is so tired.