How Do You Do It All?

[FLmomof1/1ontheway]

I see some other threads here I need to read but right now I need to vent.  And since I don't have any friends and I am staying off of FB because it depresses me here it goes.

It's 9:15 and we just finished our dinner (we've been eating since 8:00 which is really 7:00 because of the time change).  Anyway I'm exhausted. The kitchen is a disaster from cooking. I have to make the beds which are sheet-less right now. I have about 4 loads of laundry piled on my bed, all 8 laundry baskets are full and I have stuff that needs to come out of the dryer so wet can go in. I have to bathe my 2 youngest children, and brush their teeth and read stories. Did I mention I'm pregnant. And I have to get up early to take the kids to art class. 

The point of my rant is I'm OVERWHELMED. Daily! It's a long story and hard to even describe how I feel.  You can read some of my other posts to get an idea of how it is for me. No friends, no family, a husband that works 80 hours a week, 3 kids age 8 and under, 2 home schooled and one mommy drowning.  

I struggle to get school done. I struggle to get house work done. I struggle at everything, and am so pissed off that other mothers do it with ease.  I understand most of them are not doing it ALONE like me and if they tried they would probably drown too.  

I don't know what advice anyone can give me.  I've heard it all.  Let things go. Try not to be so perfect.  Get out of the house and make friends, etc, etc.  I have let lots go. The house is a disgusting by my standards. I've tried making friends for the last 9 years. I've been on anti-depressants, I've meditated, I've exercised, I've used herbs and aromatherapy, you name it, I've done it. 

Yet I dread everyday.  It is always another day of stress, being overwhelmed, lonely and far from the mom and person I know I can be and want to be. Is this just the way it is? I seem to be the only mom I know who feel like this. Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones (progesterone does make me crazy)?

Now back to work!

[pek64]

You need to make yourself a priority. You need to find ways to reduce your stress. Mediation doesn't fold sheets, so you need to reduce the amount of work.

Using today as an example, it seems that you have set high expectations for yourself. I would suggest you get a second set of sheets and put clean sheets on when the dirty ones are taken off. Then, at night, the beds are ready, even if you have not finished the laundry. Or change the sheets on only one bed a day. And is there another place for the clothes that need to be folded? It can be overwhelming when you can't go to bed when exhausted.

Those who "do it all" are not necessarily homeschooling, or spending the amount of time *with* their children that you are spending. Do not compare yourself to others. They have successes and failures, just like everyone.

So my initial two suggestions are to lower your expectations and stop comparing.

[delightedbutterfly]

Hugs OP!

My husband works ~80-100 hours a week... Sometimes less and sometimes more. We've moved far away from family, only have a couple friends. We have two kids and I look after another little guy 4 days a week after school and full days on holidays.

I have fibromyalgia which flares if I do too much or if the weather changes. And I have celiac. My oldest has a peanut allergy and APD (auditory processing disorder)... I get you! I understand you and guess what I'm willing to get that those "other moms" who you feel have it all together? Most probably don't. Sure there are the couple that do. Some people think I have it all together... Hahahahahahaha my kids sheets haven't even changed since they got their new beds before Christmas (oh wait one has because she was sick) their comforters were washed last weekend because my husband did it on his weekend off (he has weekends off right now and it's actually driving me a wee bit nuts ).

You have to pick and choose what gets done. And you need to decide how important some things are. Is it clean sheets? Or homeschooling or perfectly folded laundry?

Two of your kids are school age, they can learn to fold or at least put away laundry in the proper drawers. They can also learn how to load the washing machine, start it, change over the laundry and start the dryer. Yes I do make the kids do their own laundry. Mine are 7 and 4.

My garage is a mess, the playroom is a death trap but if you come over my living room will be a calm pleasant place to sit, my kitchen tidy and the bathro clean. Past that and I just close the doors.

I just throw stuff out now too. If it's cluttering things up and driving me insane then out of the house it goes in the fastest way possible.

Can you hire someone to help? A mother's helper or a house cleaner? Someone to help you do and fold laundry or mop the floors or play with the kids for a couple hours once a week for some you time?

It's overwhelming! Life is hard! And even though we have modern convienences they sometimes make our lives harder. Add in things like Pinterest and FB and we feel guilty all the time when we have no reason to!

One of my favorite saying right now is the one that goes like... Stop comparing your behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel... And that's all FB is. A highlight reel. People could "get real" on it but is that what you want to post and read all the time? Not usually. You post the good stuff because it feels good


It's ok to vent too though but no one else has it all together or figured out. You just need to figure out what's important to you and what you need to let go of. Take care of yourself, you are doing the hardest job on earth and growing a new little one.

[FLmomof1/1ontheway]

Yes I have been told many a times my expectations are too high.  However they are drastically below the standards I would like.  With each child I have let more and more go. I suffer from perfectionism and a little OCD.  It's not what other people think (no one is coming over anyway!) or really what other people's houses look like (though it does upset me to go to someone house and it's stinking perfect). It's about me and what I think.  I like things clean and put away. Yet everywhere I turn there is another mess. And no matter how hard I work and try it just gets worse.  I've been told just let it go, but I can't it affects me. 

We have other sheets but I wanted to get some school work in. Then I had to pay the bills so they are not late. Then make lunch, then run to the library, sit in traffic for an hour, then come home and make dinner.  All the while with a "mommy wipe me" "mommy hold me" "mommy, mommy, mommy" My DH suggested that I do what's important and forget the rest. Well school in important, so is paying the bills, and our kids have to eat, and I have to go to the grocery store, and on and on....  And leaving stuff for tomorrow is a huge issue with me because tomorrow I have a huge list of must get done and everyday it grows with all the stuff I can't get to.  I do need help but we can't afford it.  The kids do help a little.  With dishes and laundry.  I'm just now training my 8 year old to do more cleaning.  She will have to help more when the baby comes.

I felt a lot better after venting and crying.  I was exhausted but up all night with stress.  I don't really know what I could do for me? I feel like the me that was me before motherhood died a long time ago.  The new me doesn't know what she wants or needs, I just give, give, give. I think the Prozac helped calm me some, but it will be a long time until I will take it again (after baby and several months of breastfeeding).  I guess for now it's back to crying.  The overwhelming stress peaks, I cry and move on. 

Oh about FB maybe that is why no one ever likes or comments on anything I have to say? I don't sugar coat anything.  I whine, complain, rant, etc. I have had a lot of other moms tell me in person "I read your post on FB I feel exactly the same way! But I would never admit it!" So I guess that's true. Everyone likes happy, sappy, crappy stuff. I need doom and gloomers like me. lol 

[delightedbutterfly]

I understand, I do

As for time for yourself, even just a bath or time to fold laundry in front of a mindless TV show or a book or a walk around the block.

Hiring help doesn't have to be expensive. I'd see if you could find a younger teen for a couple hours twice a week after school and just have her help out, whether she helps the kids fold and put away their laundry and clean their rooms, plays with them, allows you a bit of quiet time or just does some cleaning for you separate of the kids. Even if you paid her $8 an hour that's be $32 a week. Or $20 a week if you just had her once a week for two hours. I do see how it could be a lot of money, but it sounds like something has to give.

I think you need to figure out what you have to let go. If you want a clean and tidy house and want to homeschool then maybe you have to look at hiring a bit of help. If you want a clean house and lesser stress without hiring someone then maybe that means the kids go to school. If you want to homeschool while doing it all and trying to appease your OCD side then I think you are just going to keep stressing yourself out.

We can't do it all ourselves. We can't be everything to everyone and keep ourselves calm, happy and stress free either. It would be super awesome if we could! But I think it's a matter of figuring out what's the most important to *us* and making some compromises to be able to be content

DH and I had a huge discussion last weekend and it ended in me writing a three pages list of everything I do, expect myself to do or things that need to be done that are on my list but don't always get done. DH didn't realize just how much I really had to do. Since that list I have come up with at least another page or two of things I forgot to add. It's stressful running a family and a house and having a husband who leaves before the kids wake up and gets home either just before or just after they've gone to bed, lucky if they get one day off a week and when they do helping around the house is often the last thing that gets done. At the end of the day you really do have to decide what is most important in your life and figure out the best ways to address the rest while also nurturing yourself.

Boundaries with others is huge, but I think we often forget to set boundaries with ourselves. We've always been told we can "be anything" "do anything" and while it's true in a very broad respect, we can't be anything and do anything and everything 100% of the time. We have to choose what is most important to us at different times at our lives and nurture ourselves. Set boundaries with ourselves and treat ourselves with kindness.

[FLmomof1/1ontheway]

Thanks for the kind words.  

I do try and walk everyday.  I don't know if it eases stress...loading 3 kids, bikes, helmets, drinks, driving in traffic to where it's safe with sidewalks.

I know your right that something has to give.  I can not do it all.  But I'm stubborn. I'm tough and not a quitter.  I will most likely keep attempting to do it all and continue to feel like a failure because I can't. I'm one of those I will die trying kind of people (gulp).  I have good (better) days then others.  

It's been suggested to me many times I get help or a babysitter.  I have huge issues with that.  I was abused as a child and I don't trust anyone.  Sure I can have a teenager come and watch the kids while I do house work but it's strange to have a stranger in my house and I don't see a difference between the kids playing while I clean and someone sitting there watching them.  I had hoped to build trusting relationships with friends or have my IL's actually be involved with their grandchildren, but that has never happened.  That is part of my sadness and stress.  My perfectionism and OCD keeps me from having others do things for me.  I do know this.  I want things done right (um MY WAY) and most other people can't meet my standards.  I envision the housekeeper wiping my toilets then using the same rag to wipe off my sink.  I imagine I would have to watch over them and train them for an extended period of time.  It's too much stress and time so I would rather do it myself.  I know it's a sickness. And believe it or not I have improved a TON since the birth of my first child.  I'm not crazy clean OCD.  My floors are filthy, dishes are in the sink, toilets need to be scrubbed, it's true. 

I'm going through an acceptance period right now. Or pregnancy hormone driven craziness?  Life is what it is.  I do the best I can and try not to think how others have it.  I try not to let the fact I feel (and pretty much am) completely and utterly alone in all this drive me to deep depression.  I LOVE my kids! I keep going and giving them 1000% everyday.  My huge list of New Year's Resolutions hangs on my door it says:

-Accept what I can not change

-Go with the flow

-*LESS STRESSED*

-Spend more time playing with my kids

-Get more school work done

I'm trying and know what I want in that aspect.  The best book I ever read on this was called The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood, by Kathleen A. Kendall-Tackett

My doctor gave it to me when I sought help from stress after the birth of my last baby.  It was the first time I felt like someone understood what I was going through.  Maybe a good read for you and your husband if you can get him to read it.  

[Nazsmum]

 if you lived by me I would come right to you and hug you in person. I feel your pain and want a friend so much to. baby crying...have to go

[pek64]

There is no difference between having a sitter or mother's helper there or not IF that person simply watches the children. If that person plays *with* the children, keeps them interested and redirects when whining or bickering starts, THEN there is a difference!

The first person you hire may not work, but you may find someone that does work. And eventually you may even trust that person (if a teen) enough to watch the children when you're not home.

[woodchick]

Something that I have noticed helps when I feel overwhelmed is taking charge over one thing.   A couple years ago I was really stressed all the time and I couldn't see a way out.  Surprisingly, the thing that helped was making a laundry schedule.  I decided to wash diapers MWF and to do the family laundry on T/Sat.  It was amazing to me that just knowing that I DIDN'T have to do laundry on Thursday was so freeing.   I've actually fallen away from that routine and I've recently started feeling anxious about the laundry again. 

Is there a way you could choose one task that you set to happen at a fixed time/day? It might set your mind at ease knowing that it will be getting done consistently and you can turn your attention to other things.  [I also found with the laundry it kept me from saving up all the laundry to be done at once, making it a much more manageable task, one load at a time].

Even though our life is different, I tend to look to Ma Ingalls' weekly schedule:

"Wash on Monday,
Iron on Tuesday,
Mend on Wednesday,
Churn on Thursday,
Clean on Friday,
Bake on Saturday
Rest on Sunday."

I don't need to churn, but I do like knowing that each day has it's tasks and adventures.  I can say no to the library on Tuesday because I know we'll be going on Thursday (while still remaining flexible if I want to be!)  I can give up feeling worried that the laundry won't get done because I know it will be done on Wednesday.

Best of luck to you.  This parenthood thing is difficult!

[alessandro]

I don't know if this would help you at all, but it did help me with getting my cleaning under control so I thought I'd pass it on.

[pek64]

Originally Posted by alessandro 



I don't know if this would help you at all, but it did help me with getting my cleaning under control so I thought I'd pass it on.

Love it!!

[maptome]

I didn't read through all the threads, but it sounds like you are doing way way way too much.  Did I read that it takes and hour to drive to the library? I would never go to the library if it was an hour away.  We have three libraries within a 10 minute drive, and I take my kids maybe once a week.  And it's still a big deal.  Packing up the kids with their bikes and all their crap to go out walking is NOT destressing.  That sounds like a nightmare.  I try to go out walking a few times a week, but it's out my front door with the kids in a double stroller.  And sometimes I'm too impatient to get them dressed, so I just throw a blanket on them.

I get the perfectionism thing.  I'm like that too.  But I know that when I try to do too much, I end up getting stressed out, and then my kids ultimately end up suffering.  My 3.5 yo watches tv the entire time her baby sister is napping on me.  I hate it, but it's a compromise, and really the best thing for the health of the whole family.  If you can't shake the perfectionism, maybe aim for a new concept of perfection.  Like mental/emotional health, happiness, and peace for you and your family.

[delightedbutterfly]

I've been thinking about your last post OP... What if not doing it all WAS succeeding?

They way you phrased it to me said You can't do it all and you are going to go down trying anyways. But that doesn't mean you are succeeding.

Succeeding would mean you are doing well. And sometimes that means letting others do the work for you..

For example. I can knit, scarfs, hats & make my own patterns for other stuff. I can most do finitely knit a square but I don't feel like I have the time to knit my favorite dishcloths. So I buy them. I'm choosing to let go something I can do and control, it means paying a little extra BUT it means more time for me and I get to help support someone else at the same time.

Same with furniture refinishing. I have a mirror that needs refinishing. I can totally refinish furniture, I've done it before and just did my kitchen table and chairs last year. But for various reasons refinishing the mirror myself is one of those projects that just may not get done for a while and I'll feel bad about it and myself that I just can't get it done. So instead I've found someone I trust to refinish it. I know she'll do a good job and it will get done. Which will make me feel happy when I look at it.

Can you close rooms off? As in you clean a couple rooms and they are off limits to the kids for the day (or longer) until you get everything under control?

Can you only have one room or spot in a room for toys? Anywhere else and the toys are taken away after a warning? It's not a very child centered thing but if it makes YOU feel better and it brings calm to the family then it works as a family centered thing.

I too wouldn't be driving 1.5 hours to a library. I would only go when I *wanted* to or it fit with another trip to the same place.

Figure out what your *needs* are and work around those.

As I said before I have a strong need to control, things my way and chaos reigned in. I'm not coming from a place that is opposite from you. It sounds very much like you are trying to be a martyr and losing. So you aren't going to succeed. I would sit down either with your husband or an impartial third party (counsellor or similar) and look at ways of reducing your stress and managing your need for control. Find ways to succeed in the things that are most important and find ways to succeed in the lesser important ways but that don't fall onto YOUR shoulders.

[FLmomof1/1ontheway]

I really appreciate the tips, advice and concern from everyone, thank you.

I've been feeling better (somewhat). I think staying off of FB and not talking to anyone has helped.  It took sometime detoxing from it but it has helped me. Not reading, seeing, or hearing what other moms are doing and spending that time focusing on my kids and I instead has made things better. 

I like all the cleaning schedules. Being OCD and perfectionist, I do already have schedules. lol of course.  I have lists and notes everywhere. I am very organized.  Sometimes it helps, other times it leaves me feeling crappy because I never get all the things done.  I wash laundry everyday a load or 2. I have to or I fall behind and it's overwhelming.  Of course cooking and dishes get done everyday.  I have sheet day and towel day they are different days so I'm doing 2 beds and not all 4. Laundry is a FULL TIME JOB! I've given up on putting it away.  I imagine people call us the wrinkle family since all our clothes are always wrinkled out of laundry baskets. At least it's clean! I'm doing everything else on an as needed basis.  I miss weekly deep cleaning from the ceiling fans down to the floor, but it will never happen with 3 kids. I think I may take a day and make it my cleaning day.  Bust my butt vacuuming, scrubbing bathrooms, mopping, etc. I can't add any more chores in my daily activities.  We are too busy with school, chores that we already do, errands, etc. There is not enough hours in a day but maybe I can make a day to clean? 

I like living in FL but it has it's down falls.  It's busy and crowded. Everywhere you go you sit in traffic.  Our county is VERY poorly managed.  So I go to the library in the next county over. We have to go to the main one because we need the bigger selection.  I read all the books to my kids in the smaller library. Really. I do it for home school. I do it because if I'm not getting school work done (I never get as much school work done as I want) at least I'm reading to them. At least my 8 yo is reading.  She devours books, about 15 chapter books in a 3-5 day period.  I have to go because I feel it's important to their education.  I try to also tie other errands in with the hike. 

Our county has no sidewalks.  Our little 3 block area is surrounded by main and busy roads.  There are also inconsiderate poop heads that don't slow down at all when they drive past you.  I guess they think driving past a mom with 3 kids at 50 mph on a narrow road is not an issue. Lastly I hate living in town.  I grew up in the country.  You couldn't see your neighbors house and maybe only 5 cars drove down your street all day.  I hate walking looking at houses. At least when I drive to walk around the lake the kids are safe.  They can ride off up ahead of me and I'm surrounded by green space.  I can breath deep and look at the clouds and lake and not worry my kids are going to be hit by a car.  

See I have good reasons for my madness. 

My post is getting long but I've had a huge break through about something.  I was exhausted the other day, up all night with a sick 3yo. I had SO much work that needed to be done! yet all I wanted to do was sit and watch TV. I didn't I mulled around doing a little here and a little there miserable hating all the housework and everything else I have to do daily.  I told my DH this in an email.  How I wanted a break so badly typing it made me cry, yet I won't take one and instead I don't really accomplish anything either because I am so over it, and that in turns makes me feel bad too.  Double edge sword. 

After I typed that and though about it...it finally occurred to me I don't ever relax out of guilt.  And not only guilt as mental leverage and ingrained mental issues.  When I became a SAHM was the first time in my life since I was 12 yo that I didn't work.  I felt guilty my DH was working and I was home enjoying our baby.  I adopted this mentality that if he was away working then I would be home working just as hard! I think the fact that society doesn't value SAHMs also played a big part in this for me.  Also my ILs.  My MIL saying to me "I worked so my husband didn't have to work his fingers to the bone!" really upset me.  I was never valued in their eyes and they didn't agree with my choice to stay home.  So I worked MORE and MORE to prove to everyone my value as a SAHM. Not just to everyone else myself included.  I didn't agree with the moms who sit and watch TV all day or get babysitters and go out for a night on the town.  It is my own personal belief that as a mother I should be giving my kids 100% everyday and they should be the main priority in my life.  I was neglected by my mother and I strive to be everything she never was to me.  

I find I use the fact I work so hard against my DH, self gratification?  I get so angry that he doesn't help on his one day off and is playing with the kids. "I'm home with the kids 6 days a week and I don't get to sit down and play with them!" I say.  I use it as leverage against him, the fact I work so hard! Lastly it is a mental issue passed down from my mother.  She was always the victim (still is).  Give, give, give, and cry to everyone "oh poor me I have nothing and do it all" She always took for herself and twisted everything so she could complain all the time.  I don't EVER want to be like my mother! 

So I really figured it out.  If I want a break- TAKE IT! Don't take a little break, don't feel guilty, make the choice and do it.  My DH is my cheerleader, which is funny because of all the guilt surrounding him.  Do things that make me happy! Don't complain that I will never get a day to plant flowers out front with my kids.  Stop crying about it and saying "everyone else has flowers, boohoo" Go buy the damn flowers and do it because I want to.  It is a representation that our life is happy and not stuck in the constant -I'll never have the time poor me. 

Sorry for the long post but I though I would share my turning point.  

[skycheattraffic]

That's amazing, FLmom! What a breakthrough! Now quick, sum it up, write it down and stick it up somewhere as a reminder if the self defeating thoughts surface again! Big hugs to you and kudos for getting to the root of the guilt. It took me months of counseling to do the same.

[*bejeweled*]

Yes.

[quote name="maptome" url=I get the perfectionism thing.  I'm like that too.  But I know that when I try to do too much, I end up getting stressed out, and then my kids ultimately end up suffering.  My 3.5 yo watches tv the entire time her baby sister is napping on me.  I hate it, but it's a compromise, and really the best thing for the health of the whole family.  If you can't shake the perfectionism, maybe aim for a new concept of perfection.  Like mental/emotional health, happiness, and peace for you and your family.
[/quote]

[MamaBri478]

I have a 3 year old, almost 2 year old, and am 26 weeks pregnant. I don't have the obstacle of homeschooling, so my advice may not help.

Here's what works for me.

First, I do a load of laundry every day, no matter the size. I start it as soon as everyone is dressed for the day, switch it when it's done, and fold and put away right away. This way, it never has the chance to pile up.

In the morning, we have breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth. I throw the laundry in, then unload/load the dishwasher. I put dishes in the dishwasher as they get dirty and start it when it's full.

Then I make the beds. I vacuum my kitchen and living room. I spot sweep as needed. Take out the trash. Wipe down counters and tables. I pick up around the house as needed, and do a full pickup right before bed. Those are my daily chores.

Once a week I do the following: Monday, clean the bathroom. Tuesday, dust the whole house. Wednesday, vacuum the whole house. Thursday, mop the whole house. Friday, catchup day (anything that's fallen behind or hasn't been done). Saturday, I wash sheets and towels.

This way, the house stays tidy and I'm not doing huge full house cleans every day. Breaking it up keeps it manageable.

Most importantly, don't beat yourself up if everything doesn't get done. As much as we want to, we CAN'T do it all. And that's okay! Good luck!

[FLmomof1/1ontheway]

That's very close in age MamaBri.  I don't know if that make things easier or harder?  When I think back to when I only had 2 and there was no homeschool going on, I was much more on top of things.  My challenge back then was my DH and I car shared.  So if I needed to grocery shop or go to the library our day was like this: wake up- feed kids- drive DH 45 minutes to work, then 45 minutes back home- make lunch (leave dishes on table, breakfast dishes in sink)- go out for the day running errands- come home make dinner- bathe kids- put them to bed and start cleaning up the mess of the day- wait for DH to call- put sleeping kids in car- drive 45 min there- 45 home- clean - go to bed. 

My days now look like this:

Get up between 8-9.  DH has been getting up with the kids if they get up earlier then that. He may feed them breakfast, may not depending on what time it is and how early he has to go in that day.  I start working right away.  Whether it's dishes, laundry, feeding the kids...If we have an activity I shower and dress/brush/pack drinks for the kids.  If we are home on a perfect day I teach school.  Most days are not perfect!! I continue with the dishes, laundry, or do other things that need to be done.  I pay bills, balance the checkbook, sign us up for activities, renew/put holds on library books, write out grocery lists, respond to emails, fix things around the house, clean the bathrooms if they are gross...The things I do are endless. 

Around 12-1:00 I cook lunch.  Typically after lunch I shower.  I should go back to teaching school until 3-4:00 in a perfect world, and my DS SHOULD nap but he won't he usually watches educational videos or plays on the iPad.  (I hate he doesn't have my attention and is plugged into something)  The reality on most days is after lunch we have something that needs to be done.  We have to run to the produce stand, pick up holds at the library, go to the grocery store...again it's endless and always something.  Typically we eat- I shower- get everyone dressed/brushed/ready- clean up dishes- do more laundry- pack drinks and snacks- head out.  

Whether we are heading out after lunch or school we typically don't get out until 3pm. It's super hard for me to explain just "what" we are doing and it taking SO long.  I think a lot of moms can relate to this.  Working non-stop all day but not being able to explain what your doing.  It's something like- While the kids were eating breakfast and I was balancing the check book someone spilled milk- stop clean milk- steam mop floor- back to checkbook- someone needs more food, stop cook another waffle- back to checkbook- someones done, wash hands- back to checkbook- DS is pooping, wipe butt- checkbook-DD needs toothbrush set up- checkbook- DD can't find her shirt-checkbook-Someone feel off couch, crying- checkbook......

I do laundry daily. 3-5 loads.  It's easy to wash and dry.  However it never gets folded and put away.  Sometimes I get backed-up finding time to sort it also.  I vacuum under the kitchen table and kitchen and main small areas of the house  after every meal and snack.  I have to with all the food and crumbs on the floor.  Our vacuum is permanently out sitting in the middle of the floor.  I make DD unload the dishwasher in the morning and load throughout the day.  The sheets are done on different days.  Today is my bed and DS.  Tomorrow is both DD.  The next day is towel day.  I make sure the kitchen is super clean every night and all the counters wiped down.  As for the rest of it... the kids are suppose to clean up their toys nightly while I cook dinner.  They do not.  I don't get around to cleaning the bathrooms or dusting or mopping all the floors or cleaning my car or mowing the lawn or big jobs until they are so dirty and disgusting (to my standard) that I can't take it anymore.  These are the things that fill in my time when I should be teaching school.  

All I know is I constantly work.  It is mentally and physically exhausted.  I use to stay up and fold laundry at night after I put the kids to bed.  Huh I gave up on that.  Just caring for the kids all day - tending to their needs is a full time job and exhausting. I'm rolling with it though and doing my best.  My life is so closed in then sometimes I hear and read and see other kids that have a different life.  Their parents are drinking and smoking.  They don't get home cooked meals.  Their parents aren't involved in their education... Here I am thinking I'm a failure as a mom yet my kids have me 100%.  They are well cared for with healthy meals to eat.  I dedicated my life to teaching them so they don't have to attend the horrid schools around here.  My 8yo is reading on a 6th grade level! They are happy and involved with things they enjoy.  My kids love their lives and think I'm the greatest mom in the world.  I need to remind myself of that and not freak out that the floors are dirty and the tub needs to be scrubbed.