Who is "in charge" of your children during labor?

[ebethmom]

We are just now considering homebirth (as a couple, anyway. It is what I've wanted for this baby all along). Our son is 2 1/2 now - he'll be almost 3 when this baby comes. And I don't know who will stay with him during a homebirth. My first choice would be my mother. But she will be on vacation until 2 days before my due date. So I can't count on her being here.

Who has watched, or will watch, your older children during a homebirth? I'm concerned that my son will need me during labor, and not be satisfied with his helper. Of course, dh will be here. And his "help" tends to drive me nuts during labor!

I think I really just need to worry out loud.

Maybe my stepmom would come help. Ds loves her dearly, and her presence is calming to me. (MIL would drive me nuts.)

I really want ds to meet his sister at home, as soon as she is born.

[SaraC]

My mom took care of my oldest while I was birthing Mary-Grace. Maddie was sick with a fever and not very happy and we had to travel to a birth center to give birth so my mom stayed home with her. We left right as Maddie went to bed and we were back before she got up for the day so she woke up to a new sister!!

If I had it to do over I would have asked a friend to keep Maddie if she were well and let my mom come with me. Do you have any close friends that you DS would feel comfortable with? Maybe someone with a child he plays with to keep him company?

T If you don't mind me asking... what midwife are you using? I am orginally from Bowling Green and know a few there since my SIL homebirths her children.

[georgia]

Just my .02 Don't invite anyone to your house who would drive you nuts!!! I've been to several of my friends' births as well as my own, and at each, there were people whom the mama did NOT want to be there...and the anxiety was palpable. I had my MIL there for my ds who was 2.75 at the time, and two of my closest friends. My friends ended up having to watch my MIL---b/c she was out of control taking care of my ds. Another one of my friend's had her MIL "on-call" to take her oldest *out* of the house, as friend cannot tolerate MIL on an ordinary day, let alone labor! Anyway, MIL called as she was supposed to be dropping him off---and just came on in! So, guess better communication beforehand would have been helpful here!

Anyway, my next birth, my dh will be handling the little ones as I don't want anyone around when I'm laboring anyway. I trust that things will work out for both of us-----go with your instincts, not your intellect on this one. Instincts won't steer you wrong. I, too, was really into the logistics of things w/my first HB. All part of the fun and responsibility!

How exciting!!!

[momto l&a]

I seem to birth at night to my oldest was 2 years 4 months when her sister was born. She slept until her sister was born.

We had a good friend of mine prepared to care for her if it was a daytime birth.

For the baby due to be born in Oct my oldest will be 4 years 8 months and the youngest will be 2 years 4 months.

[anothermama]

my dd's "auntie" will be coming down. She lives about an hour and a half away, but she's the best choice.........she was actually my coach when dd was born.

Also, as my pregnancy has gone on, my dd has gotten very comfortable with my midwives and I think thats important......I have two who will be there and they work together.......I bring dd to all my appointments and she's really gotten comfortable with them and likes them and they interact great with her.....I would suggest getting your little one friendly with the midwife so that they too can aid in comforting your kid if he gets scared.

[teachinmaof3]

We didn't have anyone here for our dd's. I didn't want anyone else in the home other than the mw (and my Mom if she got here in time).

[MamaAllNatural]

A good friend. I think the most important thing is that the person who watches your kids has to be comfortable with homebirth (and birth in general) and your kids need to be comfortable with this person. You can also hire a doula specifically to be with your child.

[ebethmom]

Thanks for all of your responses. I'm still wrestling with this. I really want my Mom to be here with us. She is the one person that I really trust to care for ds. She was with me (at the hospital) for ds's birth. This baby just needs to hold off until her due date.

My SIL would be my next choice, but HER vacation is in mid-July also. We will have lived here 2 years this June, and all of my friends here have small children. And none of them understand or support homebirth.

Of the two women that I've met who support homebirth, one has a high-needs two year old, and the other is expecting in June.

I do think that my stepmom is my first choice. She would need to leave my Dad at home!!

SaraC ~ I remember your posts about Bowling Green! I have a cousin there, and visited a good friend there last summer. It happened to be our last visit. This baby's name is Lila Kerry - Lila for my great-grandmother and Kerry in memory of my friend.

[love2all]

11 days ago we hbed child #3, the kids, older than yours, sat at my feet and hung out with me during labor. like i said, they are older than yours and took care of themselves. dd even helped catch the baby!!!!!!!!!!!!

so if mine were young i would have a friend that the whole family was comfortable with, or else dh would be superman for a day.

good luck and happy birthing-

[Mummoth]

My mom is coming to our homebirth. She came to DS's, too, so she knows what to expect (this time) Last time, I think she had imagined herself to be the one who held my hand & gave me support through my suffering... it was nice to know I'd have her if labour turned out to be like that for me. Anyway, I found contractions quite managable, as long as I was standing. I wanted DH to be closeby.

Also, she was unprepared for how often the midwives would be checking for DS heartbeat with the doppler, while I was pushing. They couldn't find the heartbeat, because he was so low in my pelvis. My great-grandmother homebirthed her kids (with a doctor, though) and had a stillborn baby, so thats what mom thought might be happening to me (I was oblivious/pushing... and she said she wasn't too worried because the midwives didn't seem worried)

This time, I think she's happy that she has a job to do (watch over DS)She is DS absolute favorite person in the world (aside from me & DH) When she babysits him she plays with him the whole time, takes him for walks in the forest, and cuddles him to sleep. I think she'll be able to make the birth *fun* for him.

[sadean]

My in-laws came over and played with my ds #1 (age 5 at the time) for a few hours until bedtime, put him to bed and then beat a quick retreat out of my house (I was scaring them :LOL ). Ds#2 was born at 4:40 a.m., and so further childcare was not needed. Ds#1 slept through the entire "through the night" affair.

[Lucysmama]

: : :

No flippin' clue what we will do....a HUGE part of me wants only my mw and dh and dd there with me. No doulas, no friends, no family. I had a very "public" labor with dd, and it was very hindering. So I really want to just be a mama cat and go hide in a corner and birth.

I like the idea of having dd there, but I may have dh take her out somewhere, or call my friend (who I haven't asked yet) to come play with her while I labor if I need dh.

I plan to play it by ear in labor. This is our first homebirth, and we don't know how we will all feel during it.

[Konur's Mom]

My mom has agreed to come and be Konur's helper for the time. My dad will be with her and I already told him I was not going to be worried about his comfort so he may see and hear things he wont want to. Tough. If he is there, he has to deal with it, not me. My mom also knows that she is to be there for Konur and not to make her comments or suggestions.

I want him to be able to come and go as he pleases. He already know "how" the baby is born and is familiar with words like placenta, umbillical cord, dialation, labor, etc. I want him to know what these words mean or at least have heard them. I would love to have him right there with me, but it will be up to him. He will be 3 years and a couple months.

ITA to make sure you are the one who decides who is with you and tell them up front what you expect of them.

[amyamanda]

In my first homebirth, my mom and one of my sisters were there to help with the kids. In my second homebirth (unassisted), my two sisters were there. In both cases I also had at least one local friend as backup just in case my sisters and/or mom were late to arrive. I didn't need more than one person there but it was nice that two could made it to each of those births. I definitely needed someone though.

[Mom2baldie]

My husband is actually going to watch my kids when Im laboring, since he isnt really good at supporting me during that time. My son is very high needs though, and if DH needs help with them we have a good friend that will be called and come over.

I really hope that I labor throughout the night though, so everyone (kids and DH) can just sleep through it and be woken up when the actual birth is going to occur.

[oshunmama]

Well, our kids are older....so I guess that influences us a bit. For my last birth, I had a 9 yo and a almost 3yo. Connell was born about 30 minutes after they woke up, though. They just played while I labored--it was all just no big deal. They'd come ask to do something, then leave. After Connell was born, dh called them up....my 3 yo says "I wuv him" so sweetly, then asks "what's for breakfast?" in the next breath. Birth was just something that happened every once in a while to them!

This time my oldest is 13. So I guess he'll be camp counselor! I will probably buy a special puzzle or something for them to do. ALthough my labors are short, I want them to be occupied AFTER the birth so I can rest if desired!