Homebirthin' Mama's Thread...April 22,2004!!! - Page 2

[rubelin]

Well, I'm now 35 wks, 4 days; huge, swollen and generally very uncomforable, lol! I've suddenly got the nesting bug BAD and am starting to drive Dh a bit bonkers I just have a few more things on the to-do list, but then I also keep remembering other things that never made it to a list. Ah, it's just stuff to do to pass the time anyway, the world won't end if it doesn't get finished (rihgt?? someone please tell me the world won't end!!)

As for visitors and such, last time we had a ton of visitors at the hospital, which wasn't too bad cause I just laid in bed. Both of my parents were going out of town a week or so after my EDD so they just came over for a few short visits, in the hospital and once we came home. At home, MIL came over for an afternoon and a few friends hung out with us, nobody brought food or helped with anything, but I don't think I really paid much attention. DH had lots of time off, but was on a big project and they kept bugging him so I sent him back after a week.

This time we'll be at home so no crazy visiting like at the hospital. I'm thinking of just not having anyone come by except our parents for at least a week. DH is taking 2 weeks and then doing some 4-day weeks for the rest fo the summer. I probably won't be able to be as laid back this time with Ben needing attention, but we shall see...

[Greaseball]

I had a doula in the hospital, and thought it was helpful, but at a homebirth it might be just too many people. Since the midwives are there all the time for continuous support, I don't think I'd need a doula. It was helpful in the hospital since the doctor and nurses aren't there more than every hour or two, and dh needed an extra hand so he could get something to eat.

But my doula was a bit medically-minded for my taste. She was a nurse, and was employed by the hospital, and a lot of that came through in the care I received.

[TurboClaudia]

Hi again to all your homebirthing mamas!

I'm about 35 weeks now and have been feeling extra large the past week and a half. We have a midwives appointment tonight before our birth class, and I'm curious to see how much my belly has grown. I've been having lots of (ligament stretching, digestion, intestinal gas, belly stretching, braxton hicks, i don't really know what) pain in the upper right corner of my uterus for the past couple of weeks, and it's really not very comfortable. It's usually especially bad when I first wake up in the morning and it disappears while I'm up and around and walking and moving and seems to return when I sit for too long. That's why I am leaning towards it being something intestinal/digestion related.

My mother blessing is less than two weeks away now, and I'm kind of looking forward to it and nervous about it at the same time. My best friend and I planned it together, so it's definitely my kind of gathering and not all commercially-oriented and such. We designed it for my women friends who live here locally and not the long distance family and friends, but I have a feeling that my partner's family are probably confused by the invitation. His mom thinks we're very "earthy" (we're really not!) since we're not having a baby room or a crib, and one of his sisters is just totally commercially-driven and wanted to buy us a baby monitor (I can hear my cat walking down the hall!), a stroller (we will probably get one, just later so baby can try it out and we can see which one they look/feel most comfortable in), a diaper-genie (umm... we're cloth-diapering) and I forget what else.

Our house is reasonably organized, but it really needs a good, thorough cleaning and some touch-up organizing. Our home office is perpetually cluttered (my partner does this without even realizing it), our front living/dining room has some boxes in it that need to be unpacked, our kitchen pantry and our freezer need to be cleaned out and organized, our family room has somehow acquired a computer and two buckets of papers that need to be filed, and the bookcases need to be moved out of our bedroom into the front room and a couple of shelves to be hung up and we need to buy a rocking chair/glider for the corner. I have a one page list of all the things we still need to buy for the homebirth and for the newborn. It's stuff that I can collect in a day's worth of errands, but I'm just not motivated to do it by myself. Maybe I can talk my best friend into running errands with me now that she is done with school... I can't believe she graduates with her nursing degree this Sunday!

Anyway, I think I have whined enough now. I feel kind of unsettled and not quite ready, and I'm not sure I like this feeling. Every couple of days or so I start randomly crying because I don't want to be pregnant anymore and I'm not sure I'm ready to be a mama or something is on Oprah and makes me sad or I'm too hot because it's 80 degrees out or maybe it's all because Mercury is in retrograde.

warmly,
claudia

[ketilave]

Well, just my 2cents - I am not into commercial doulas. I believe women in labour should be surrounded by people who love them and it's hard for someone to have that connection with only one or two visits. Most people I know that hire doulas do so for hospital settings. Please, no one get upset with me, this is just my thing. So, I think DH and I are doing this with my MW if she is here - if I go too late she has her annual family vacation. And I will have some form of family member - depends on who is not bugging me - around to watch the kids. My Dad will be in Iraq and my mom does not want to be around for the birth after all the complications I had with DS's birth - too hard for her to watch her baby suffer.

Claudia - Lots of love and hugs. The good news is that it sounds like your hormones have got you right on track to have this baby as your body starts to kick up the labor hormones. I know that doesn't help. Those are the days when close the door, or get in the tub, with the lots off and indulge in a little of whatever I feel like and then go straight to bed as close to relaxed as it gets. No talking to anyone they just make it worse. I am struggling because I need the good cry and I just won't let go even though I know it will make me feel better.

[Mom2baldie]

Breathe,

I will not be having a doula with this birth. I did with my VBAC and had a very nice labor, but some things happened after the baby was born that I was extremely unhappy with so I have decided that I would like it to be just the midwife and I this time.

I am very private and I have asked that the asst. stay in the other room until I am pushing. My midwife has said that she can "doula" me if I need it so I am hoping that I can really depend on her. Because trust is one thing I dont have a lot of after my last birth.

[adventuregirl]

Thanks for all of your replies on the help situation, it is a lot of help to hear what others have to say and much appreciated!

As far as a doula goes, I am not planning on having one. Since I will be at home with dh, mw and mw assistant, I don't see a need for another person. I am very happy that my mw will act as my doula if a transfer occurs, that is a nice safety net.

Wonderful birth wishes to you who are so close!

[rubelin]

whoa, I just realized I took a week away from myself! I'm only 34 wks, 4 days. Not that that really makes any difference in the long run, but, much as I feel wretched and want to have this baby ASAP, I don't want to rush him out

Claudia, I've been super weepy, too. I remember it from the last time; sitting in the middle of the floor of the baby's room amoungst the unassembled crib (we didn't start out very crunchy ) trying to make everything fit (it was my office, too) and sobbing to DH that we just could NOT have a baby, cause there was no room for him! The funniest part is that I was so serious! It's reassuring to know it's supposed to be this way, means we're closer to meeting our sweet babes!

[sistermama]

When I transferred to the hospital with ds, both my midwives came with me and stayed with me for the whole time and that was invaluable. I felt bad for them because they took SO MUCH crap from the doctor staff, but then so did I. It helped so much to have them sitting by my side the whole time the first doctor was lecturing me, telling me I was only 4 cm dilated (lie), needed a section (lie). They were my birth guardians. I can't wait to have a baby with them again.

[tanjarine]

I have never personally felt like i would need a doula, all I ever wanted present was my dh..I dont really like to be touched and i find lots of people distracting when in labour. At my last birth i can honestly say i wasnt in any pain and I was so calm and focused it is still amazing to me, I didn't need any support or instruction it all happened so easily.
I think doulas would be amazing for someone who is was in a hospital birth scenario.
I never had anyone help or stay with me after any births but im someone who likes to do things myself i guess which at times is almost silly. My dh was given the week off with pay but i sent him back to work on day 4 because he was spending his afternoons napping and that was very annoying to me! Maiya is 10 weeks old and i think i have had 2 naps since she was born and Im doing ok, physically tired but emotionally really good! I found the first week hard with the non-stop visitors, especially the first day from the hour she was born untill ten oclock at night we probably had about 15 visitors. People kept tellling me geez you look really pale,... hmm maybe i just had a baby, and i should be lying in bed. I know people are excited for a new baby so it was hard for me to say no. People seem to forget when you have a homebirth that you still need your rest and space so dont be afraid to remind them. Our midwives make a list to hang on the door with instructions for visitors, if anyone is interested i could type them out for people to post on their door.. theyre quite good.
Theres a new recent pic of maiya on my website!

[cottonwood]

Tanja, I agree about the visitors. For some people it's probably comforting to have lots of people around paying attention to them, but for me it's exhausting and emotionally taxing.

[Breathe]

Thanks for the thoughts about doulas, everyone. I guess it's true that my m/w *could* provide all the support I need, but I'm not far enough into my relationship with her to be able to tell if we're going to connect deeply. I also have difficulty being vulnerable with people, so last time it was so important to have my doula, whom I hired when I was 4 mos pg and visited with every other week. I paid her, but she turned out to be a close, spiritual friend. We've lost touch since then, so I'm kinda starting over. All stuff to think about.

May I digress? Yesterday we went for our u/s (to check anatomy) and we told the tech we did not want to know the baby's sex. She was pretty good about warning us when not to look. But then the dr. buzzed in and said she thought my placenta was awfully low for a homebirth (huh?) so they followed up with a vag. u/s. Dh and ds left the room at that point, and while they were gone, the tech "slipped" and used a gender pronoun to refer to the baby!



I was dumbstruck. And couldn't decide whether or not to tell dh, but I did, bc I was so sad and couldn't keep that from him. So we were pretty sad all day, bc that it just not the way we wanted to find out. Not to mention that now we don't *really* know, cause she could have been faking me out, or just picking a pronoun, but it seemed like a legitimate slip to me.

Of course, as the day went on, I let it go, bc really all that matters was that the baby is fine -- spinal cord is closed, heart ventricles all there, no placenta previa -- and this is really just a little blip in our experience. But I thought I'd share.

Anyone else ever have anything like this happen?

[Mummoth]

Breathe: In my experience, both my midwives, and the techs at the US have just picked a gender. Since I see the midwives on a regular basis, I know they sometimes say she, sometimes he.

I'm sorry that happened to you, though. You *still* don't know who the baby is going to be... that's exciting, too. is he/she going to be laid-back? Interested in everything that moves? Giggly? A dreamer? It's *amazing* how early on you can see personality traits you *know* he/she got from you, or your DH.

My neighbour asked me yesterday if I'm *sure* I'm not having twins : The ultrasound says no. It didn't really bug me that she asked... I'm just worried she may be the tip of the iceburg. I don't want to be asked that particular question another 40 times before I pop!!

[2BMamaof3]

OH I just LURVE how everyone has a "right" to say something about your size when you're pregnant. I get, "You're not THAT big, yet, are you?" "OH, well, you're not even that big....are you REALLY that far along? You look good though" No. I don't know ANYTHING about childbirth and pregnancy at all...I'm just willy nilly tossing out dates for fun.

I don't know...I guess people just feel like they must say SOMETHING...commenting on one's belly size I guess IS something....sigh.

[sistermama]

The thing I always get from people is how "close" (tsk, tsk, tsk) in age my kids are going to be. They'll be two years and two months apart for goodness sake!!!! I've known plently of people with kids 10 months apart. Plus, what do they want me to do or say in response?

[2BMamaof3]

I just have to tell you all....my mom has just booked a flight to be here between the 18 and 26 of June. I'm due according to ovulation on the 18 and according the the ultrasounds I've had (dating at 10 weeks or so) on the 24. So, she should be here in prime time for baby having.

SO...I have CERTAIN childcare for my kids during those dates. Now, whether or not the baby comes during that week...it's such a risk...BUT...it's what we're working with. Regardless as to whether the baby comes before, during or after her visit, I'm so glad she's coming. I need my mommy!!

Abby

[SamuraiEarthMama]

hey, tanja, if it's not too much of a pain, i'd love to see that list!

thanks...

k

[chumani]

Breathe, A week ago I had an accident with my oldest daughter, she was running full speed down the hall when I walked out of my room. Condensed version my placenta is on the anterior wall of the uterus, a small portion separated from the uterus causing bleeding as well as contractions dilation to 2cm and 50% effacement. During the u/s to diagnose where the bleeding was coming from the tech said "it's a girl, did your want to know". Dh and I have never had the opportunity to find out with our other pg's. I too feel a sense of loss. I love the magic moment when I decide to look under the blanket covering me and our new baby to discover gender. I found that telling our children and seeing their excitement is helping me deal with knowing. It is still a little surreal to know though.

I had a follow up appt. today that shows the placenta has clotted and is healing well. The ctx have slowed down from 3 mins apart to 2-5 per hour as long as I stay down. I posted in i'm pregnant under "bed rest moms" and in midwives and doulas under "preterm labor, advice..."

I am so relieved to have found an ob here that is really friendly to homebirth. He thinks it is wonderful and is very supportive of me continuing my care with my midwife using him only if we feel a need to. He gives his private number to midwives here and will meet them with a transport whether he is on call or not.

Tanja- I would also be interested in a list to post on the door. Thanks!!!

Sounds like there are a couple moms getting close to holding their sweet babes!!!

Sarahb

[Greaseball]

Well, I am 35.5 weeks and medicaid just told me they aren't going to pay for the hb after all. They are going to switch me to a plan that covers hospital births only. I guess they want to pay thousands of dollars extra.

They say they only way around it is if I get my midwife to write a letter stating exactly why I should have a homebirth. Then there will be a hearing, they will review my medical records, and in the end it will be up to the state medical director whether they will pay for it or not.

I don't see why someone who doesn't know me gets to decide where I give birth, and why they are suddenly deciding it now when every month up until now they assured me they would be covering the home birth. If I had known ahead of time they wouldn't be paying, dh and I could have saved some money. We only live on student loans, so if we had to pay the midwives ourselves it could take well over a year to get it paid off.

But I won't go to the hospital in the absence of a medical emergency. If the state won't pay and the midwives don't want to wait so long to be paid, our only option will be UC. But who knows, there is still a chance the state could approve it...I just thought everything was all taken care of and it's not what I want to deal with now.

[pamamidwife]

Hey, Greaseball, did this happen after you already had an open card? Or, did you have an HMO plan with OHP and then ask for an open card? I've had plenty of clients apply for open cards and get them in the 3rd trimester!

[sweets]

With my first child, we were meeting with our secondary midwife for the first time. She was telling us about a glitch that had shown up on the U/S regarding a possible kidney problem. The phone rang and she left the room and gave us the report to read incase we had any questions. Written at the bottom of the report was "fetus is apparently male." We did not have any intention of finding out the sex of our baby. I have never cried as hard as I did that day. We kept the secret to ourselves until our d/s birthday.

This time we have been very clear about not wanting to know. However, we had a practising midwife look at our report. We stopped her before she said anything about the sex, literally before the words dropped out of her mouth. Later on in the appointment she did use the "he" pronoun. I am holding on to the fact that she may have just picked that one. I so want that moment of looking down and my newborn and then finding out the sex.

As for size... i hear you ladies. I spent the first six months hearing about how small I am... and now folks gawk and say "WOW look at the size of you." I wish I could respond with an equally rude comment but I haven't come up with the right one just yet.

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