Homebirthin' Mama's Thread...April 22,2004!!! - Page 4

[tanjarine]

[QUOTE=ketilave]
About NIP - you usually get full frontal with me. My kids lift up my clothes when they nurse so they can see and massage the other!! Of course, I can understand being offended by a 27 yo with her boobs sagging to her knees - it scares me too.
QUOTE]
Same here, only I'm 28!

[sweets]

[QUOTE=tanjarine]

Originally Posted by ketilave

About NIP - you usually get full frontal with me. My kids lift up my clothes when they nurse so they can see and massage the other!! Of course, I can understand being offended by a 27 yo with her boobs sagging to her knees - it scares me too.
QUOTE]
Same here, only I'm 28!

A girlfriend and I were discussing the sagging breast scenario. Her husband said to her "Sure you can look at a woman with her breasts all perky and a flat stomach, but you know she has no life experience. You see a woman with a little extra padding and a few sags and you know she has really lived. Mostly likely she has been a mother and through that done some very incredible things. That is truly beautiful."

A different way to "look" at the whole saggy breast thing.

[ketilave]

Yeah - and those boobs are experienced too!

It takes a lot of man to get behind more natural birth and parenting. I always think how lucky I am the DH has seen me in all my glory and gory and loves me inside and out more now than ever.

It is funny - that I have less issues with my physical appearance now than before I had kids. And, I was in much better shape and everything pointing up.

[tanjarine]

Same here i guess but what i was thinking about the other day, I have been a mom since I was 17 so i went from no breasts hardly at all, to breastfeeding mama breasts for 3 and half years, so I have no idea what my body would have been like as an adult before having children. Saggy breasts is all I know ! But I dont think I would trade them in
Tanja

[TurboClaudia]

I think I will miss my relatively small but perky and round breasts... but then again, now they will be functioning in the manner they were meant to instead of just as eye candy...

warmly,
claudia

[SamuraiEarthMama]

this is my fourth baby, but dh's first... so when i went running into the bedroom the other day after i found a drop of milk on my nipple, i was pretty surprised at his face! i was all excited, of course... it's a reminder of the magic stuff that makes my babies so healthy and happy.

but poor dh! he really tried to see what i was so happy about... but there was a very puzzled and slightly disturbed look on his face. i realized that he's only experienced these boobies in one particular sense, and that hasn't been anywhere along the lines of nuturing babies! i guess i'm gonna have to cut him a little slack and give him some time to get used to what's going on.

katje

[TurboClaudia]

So started our birthing preparation class with our midwives last week, and this week it's been bringing up all sorts of issues with me.

I thought I had dealt with the fact that we have decided not to tell my partner's family about our plans to homebirth -- his dad is an ear, nose, throat surgeon and his mom and two sisters are much more medically minded than we are. But I still feel somewhat dishonest about keeping this piece of information from them, and although it doesn't make me sad that they will not know of our homebirth until after the fact, it DOES make me feel inauthentic. Authenticity and being true to my self and my beliefs is a huge thing for me.

And now as we are approaching our baby's birthday (late May/early June), I have started to wonder what laboring and contraction/expansion will feel like and if I will really be able to handle the pain/discomfort/intensity of it all. I have had the worst pains at the top of my uterus when I wake up in the morning the past few weeks, and I can't definitively attribute it to digestion or gas or uterine practice. It makes me want to cry out. Thankfully it goes away after I get up and start moving around. Sitting is the worst. But the pain/discomfort/intensity worry is still lurking. I believe deep down that I can do it because millions of other women have been able to cope with birthing for thousands of years, but there is still that little lurking thought...

And last night, I was crying off and on for like an hour thinking about what we are getting ourselves into. I don't know if I'm ready to give up life the way I know it now. I like lazy weekend mornings. I like eating out and not having to cook all the time. I like walking out the door with my wallet and keys and hopping in my car to run quick errands or see friends. I know it's all in the attitude you have, but with a baby and later a growing child, doing all these things are going to be more time-consuming and challenging.

I want my mommy...

warmly,
claudia

[mollyeilis]

If it's any consolation, my mom absolutely put her foot down and insisted that weekend mornings be late and lazy. Taught us young that we could get up, but we were to be quiet. Not sure how that worked when we were babies, but I'm sure nursing had something to do with peace and quiet.

As we got a little older she started her meditation practice again, and she'd get up early, put out breakfast in non-breakable Tupperware dishes (including milk for cereal), put on classical music, then go back to her room (back half of the TINY house), and meditate while we played quietly.

Worked for her! Not sure how she did it, but she did.

[tanjarine]

OOO Claudia Dont worry the pain is not so bad.. its the fear that makes it hard, I remember with my first labour i was so scared because i didnt know what to expect and as a result i tensed up for every contraction and it made my labour wayyyyy longer than if i would have relaxed. Its all about state of mind I beleive. With my other labours that fear of the unknown was gone and realization that staying calm focused and relaxed really makes all the difference is what works for me. My labour with Maiya was short and sweet and painless and pushing her out was amazing I would do it again in a minute. I attribute it all to feeling confident and calm and knowing how to relax my body.
Take care
Tanja

[rubelin]

Claudia, I'm so sorry you are having to keep such a wonderful part fo your life from your IL's. I also hate being inauthentic, it rips at me, but I also know that there are times when my well-being is more important than sharing everything with certain people. Luckily we are not super close to DH's family (physically or otherwise) so we haven't had to discuss it much with any of them. I think only a few of them even know of our plans and we've done nothing to clue them in. It makes me a bit sad, but I prefer it to the alternative of having uncomfortable conversations about it, or even possible hostility about it. Oh, and that pain you're having sounds a lot like what I get at the top of my oblique muscles. It's mostly an itchy feeling but can get to burn quite a bit. The muscles start at the bottom of your ribs and they can get bent at a bad angle when your belly starts poking out. And like Tanja said, the fear of the pain is really worse than the pain itself, especially if you can remember that it is all for a reason, that your body is working in a specific way to bring your baby out And walking out the door might get a bit more complicated, but you can still have lazy days, at least for a year or 2 JK, once Ben got old enough to demand getting up to play, we found ways to keep it relaxed for ourselves, the baby is fitting into your life, and things do change, but you are the ones who ultimately guide it.

[ketilave]

I agree - you can and will do this. Birth is meant to be personal and intimate so there is no need to share with anyone unless you choose too.

Also, the fear and fatigue are harder than the pain. Surround yourself with love and support and nothing can stop you.

Your life isn't changing but growing. You are not giving up but gaining. Just like anything you won't be able to do it all at once but you will find a blend that works for you.

[ChildoftheMoon]

Everyone is so right on.........Don't worry Turbo, just remember, this is a different kind of pain. It is your body bringing your baby out to meet you. Fear and focus on the pain will make it worse. Tell yourself, I can do this, my body is beautiful, come out baby! I want to see you. Focus on the positive aspects. My first birth I was scared and the pain was much worse. I did not know much. You are an enlightened birthing individual. Labor will be unexpected and surprising, as you have never experienced it, but that does not mean you are not a powerful woman capable of birthing your baby. Through that fear out the window and think of your new babe. Another note: you can still have lazy days. The first three months of my first child's life was spent on the couch nursing, reading, gazing at my babe with some slow lazy outings thrown in. Don't put too much on yourself right after your baby is born. Slow down and enjoy getting to know him/her. BTW-what you are feeling is normal, even expecting #3, I ask myself what am I doing! I can't do this. Good to get all these fear thoughts out now. Make room for all the bliss you will soon feel!
Brandi

[Breathe]

Hi Claudia,

This is going to be wildly unpopular, but I wanted to validate some of the concerns you're having, so you know you're not crazy or irrational! Motherhood is of course blissful, hence all the happy mamas on these boards who could talk about it 24-7 for years on end. For me, it has turned out to be my calling, even after multiple degrees. So be sure you hear that from me *first*!

But I disagree with the "things are not changing" sentiment . . . I found my world turned totally upside down and changed more than I ever could have imagined possible. In fact, I spent much of my son's first year (ecstatic though I was to be a SAHM), grieving off and on over my lost past life. And some of it is truly lost. But unlike you, I had NO CLUE this was going to happen. My mother (dying for grandbabies once I hit my 30's) had me utterly convinced that you just "integrate the baby into your life" and "don't change a thing." Um. Well. When my days were filled with yoga and meditation and hours of dreaming and reading and thinking and talking with dh (and other fun things!), it was all about ME. I put some good years into me!

And obviously Baby changes that. It is no longer about you. And how wise and mature and forward-thinking you are to realize that now. I truly believe that your worrying done now will help ease your transition and make your new life seem like less of a shock. So I support you in thinking positively, but please don't sweep those worries under the rug, bc they are helping to prepare you for motherhood. Get 'em out!

And by all means, GO OUT as much as you can! Eat out or go to a movie or a concert every night of the week! Do as much selfish fun stuff as you can afford! Not bc you'll never get to do them again, but bc when you do, it will be different. YOU will be different. Almost certainly better, too!

(Oh, and I agree with everyone about not fearing the pain. I experienced A LOT of pain in childbirth until I could remember my yoga teacher's voice saying, "Without fear, pain is only a sensation." And as I recited this each ctx, the pain subsided. You'll find a way to cope, too. But you probably won't know how until you're right in the middle of it. Just believe that you WILL.)

HUGS to you as you prepare for this AWESOME and AWE-INSPIRING event!
El

[sweets]

Breathe.... thank you for you honesty. I would agree whole heartedly with the words you shared.

The best piece of "advice" I got before birthing my son was "go in to the contractions." When I would feel panic or tension I would say those words over and over and it helped me connect with my baby and help him find his way out.

[TurboClaudia]

Thank you all for the hugs and thoughts...

I'm feeling much more on an even keel yesterday and today, and I enjoyed reading all your comments and thoughts. It's nice to read that the thoughts I'm having have been through some of your minds as well, and that the feelings that have come up for me have also come up for some of you. Cognitively, I know that my thoughts and feelings are true and real and valid, but the validation just feels good.

Now if I could just find a comfortable position to sleep in...

warmly,
claudia

[Mummoth]

Warning: Baby Name Vent.

Shoot me now!! I *really* stuck my foot in it last night. I was trying to show DH how much the baby moves now, so he was watching my stomach. After several minutes of nothing happening I said "Oh forget it, the baby isn't going to move when you're watch ing... its Murphys Law!" to which DH replied "Hmmmm.... Murphy?! I Like that name." He went & got the baby book, and it means 'Sea Warrior'. Murphy.... *sigh* .... maybe if it were a DOG we're naming. Although, I have to admit, it's better than Magnus, and Luther :Puke This kid is never going to have a name.

[sistermama]

Claudia, I took Jack everywhere I wanted to go, from the time he was very little. To work conferences, to movies, out to eat, 8 flights in his first year - a sling is a wonderful thing! I think they really help a lot in insulating a little one from too much stimulus, etc. Plus, I forced myself not to get crazy about the amount of stuff I had to bring to leave the house with him. Dipes and boobs pretty much cover it! Life definitely does change, but if you are like me, you'll spend most of your time wondering what you ever DID with all the time you had before. Something else that I think can make a big difference is to let/encourage dh to be very involved in real baby care from the beginning. I think a lot of moms worry too much about everything having to be done "right" that they won't let dads do much. Doesn't it drive you crazy when you hear a mom say that her husband is "babysitting" the kids!!!

[Mummoth]

Something else that I think can make a big difference is to let/encourage dh to be very involved in real baby care from the beginning. I think a lot of moms worry too much about everything having to be done "right" that they won't let dads do much. Doesn't it drive you crazy when you hear a mom say that her husband is "babysitting" the kids!!!

I agree whole heartedly. When DS was a newborn, DH was in charge of cord care (I was afraid to touch it) We both did changes. DH noticed that DS always wriggled over to his left side when he laid on his chest (to hear his heartbeat) so he accomodated DS by always holding him so his head was near his heart. He downloaded a screensaver that made swirly designs to the beat of music & they'd watch that together (it put DS to sleep... not with me, though)

When DS was a few months old, DH took over bathtime. At first he was so nervous, he wouldn't let me leave the bathroom. A few months later, I decided I wanted to have a bath with DS, and it had been so long that *I'd* done it, *I* was afraid to have DH leave (he liked being the expert) Now that DS is older (and becoming vocal about whom he'd like to do something for him) there are certain things that I'm less competent at than DH. DH can wash shampoo out of DS hair without getting water in his ears, so DS prefers daddy at showertime.

Daddy builds better Lego houses (I get told "Away!" if I peek in the bedroom door) Daddy makes "Fawtage & Eggs" (sausage) while I sleep in. Daddy plays better rough & tumble games (DH knows he's in for it when he hears: "Daddy, glasses OFF!") It's fun to watch daddy use his tools. It's all about daddy over here these days!

[chrissy]

Harriet, how old is your son? Mine is 2.5 and is really into daddy these days too. I love to watch!

[Mummoth]

Chrissy... he's about 2.5,too (PLEASE don't tell me it's just a phase!!) I love to watch, too... and listen. They have some pretty interesting talks.

They have this game where DS runs full speed toward DH, and just before he gets to him, DH lifts up one of his legs and DS runs right underneath (they look like a little bull & big bull fighter) I have to bite my tongue, because it *looks* dangerous, but DH is far, far more co-ordinated than I am.

DS mimics him, too! He copies his mannerisms. It's really cute to watch him be a little shadow...

It kinda takes the pressure off, knowing I'm not 'the main event' anymore, since I'll be splitting my time between DS and the baby. Maybe it's just wishful thinking to hope that it'll help prevent/lessen jealousy issues... but it's one less thing to worry about for now, anyway!