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Mothering › Groups › November 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Need support, advice.... having negative feelings about this pregnancy, confused and unsure

Need support, advice.... having negative feelings about this pregnancy, confused and unsure

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

I wasn't sure whether to make this post or not, so I hope it's okay, I want to get these feelings out to someone as I haven't told anyone irl that im pregnant yet and have felt lost and alone the last few days.


Ok I got the positive test result on Friday, so maybe I'm still in shock over it... When I saw the test result that day I felt joyful and happy, but that night I didn't sleep very well and didn't know why. Then the next day I felt less happy about being pregnant and more unsure about it but with mixed happy feelings too though less. That second night I had a major meltdown where I felt overwhelmed by anxiety, fear and almost panic about it. I maybe got 3 hours of sleep all night. I was freaking out that I had made a huge mistake and need to look into all my options, whether to keep the baby or not etc....(I know it sounds crazy) It was a total freak out all night long apart from the little sleep I got, I was writing in my journal to try to help myself calm down, praying etc.... I just felt really panicked and like it was all wrong.


Then yesterday I felt better, and slept okay last night thankfully. But I'm still worried and having negative feelings/thoughts about being pregnant as well as some joy and happyness, a real mixture of emotions I guess. I feel very blessed to have conceived, I had wanted another child for many years, and I was convinced this was the right decision, but now it has happened I can't help feeling negatively about it as well.


How I feel is worrying me, it doesn't seem normal to feel like this if it's something you wanted. And when I found out I was pregnant with my son 10 years ago I had no negative feelings at all about it. So this doesn't seem normal.... has anyone else had any freak outs about being pregnant? have I made a big mistake here? I feel like im going a bit crazy because this was a planned pregnancy, and the thoughts I have been having seem more like what women probably feel when they have an UNplanned pregnancy...? Which makes me feel guilt too.


I wonder If my fear could be due to all the big changes having another child is going to have on my life and my family's lives, could that be why I feel this way do you think? I am a more negative than positive person which probably doesn't help. Any thoughts on this, anyone?

post #2 of 11

Hi im sorry you are feeling this way, i'm not to sure what to say but its good that you've opened up about your feelings and I hope others might be able to relate more with how you feel, I would also add that I'd imagine everyone gets some doubts/concerns/ambiguous feelings but if you think it may be more than that then I truly hope you can find someone to discuss your feelings with and get some support xx take care and well done on opening up xx 

post #3 of 11

hug.gif I think what you're experiencing is totally normal. I think it's really normal to freak out about things after you've followed through on the decision, iykwim. It really does sound like you're just worried about the changes in store for your family. I know it's easier to say than do but letting go of the guilt for feeling the way you do might help you feel better. It's okay to freak out and be worried, it's just your mind's way of working through your fears. Personally I haven't had any freak outs but I am still having a hard time believing it's real (and I'm 7 weeks today and experiencing awful morning sickness!). I do worry about miscarrying all the time, though. I'm a more negative person as well, and I can definitely relate to having disturbing thoughts that I'd really prefer not to have about all sorts of things. It's tough, but it's not a reflection on you personally! It's totally possible (and normal) to experience emotions that are in contrast with what you know intellectually, but it can feel really awful. Is this something you could discuss with your midwife or doctor? Hope you start to feel better soon!

post #4 of 11

I was there with my second. For me it just wasn't an ideal situation and I was scared! It took awhile for me to calm down and enjoy the pregnancy. With this one I'm freaking out too! I'll be 38 when the baby is born, my fiancé is DONE having kids, we are suppose to get married next August, we are already struggling financially with our 4 kids. I think it just takes time to adjust to the thought of doing it all over again, it's a huge change! I hope you can find some peace and to the best decision for you! Thinking of you!

post #5 of 11

Mine was a planned pregnancy too, but I also spent maybe three nights not sleeping and in a total panic right after I found out I was pregnant.  In my case, it was because my last pregnancy was very hard, and I had a baby who was up every two hours every night for nearly three years.  I was so exhausted and angry a lot of that time!  I was awake thinking something like "what have i done to myself! I shouldn't have done this!"  I was also having a lot of anxiety because I discovered that the doctor wouldn't let me have an appointment before 8 weeks, even though I had hyperemesis in my last pregnancy and early treatment has been shown to help.  I was scared that I would get sick and end up in the hospital again, which would be really, really hard on my husband, who started a very demanding job in July and doesn't have any time to look after things at home.  But, after those three days, I called the doctor again and again until I got him to call in a prescription for zofran, which eased my anxiety a lot.  Then, best of all, I don't have much morning sickness yet (7 week, 1 day today), and I'm starting to think that I won't have HG this time. 


I'm more negative too, and I also don't really like change.  I am excited to have this baby now, and especially excited for my three year old to have a playmate.  Yay!  We all still have 7 months or more to adjust to the idea of a new baby.  I don't think it's strange to have negative feelings at first.  Just remember that you won't have this baby tomorrow.  You have lots of time to adjust, so it's okay if your feelings are complicated now.  Even if they're complicated until the day the baby is born, you'll love him/her as soon as you see him, and it will be okay.  Plus I bet your 10 year old will be really excited!

post #6 of 11
I think feelings of apprehension are normal. We were ttc , but I really didn't think it was going to happen so soon(like 2 cycles in). For one, my husband works 5000km away on a 2 week on 2 week off schedule. Which means he is only home 2 weeks in a month..... Cycle happened to coincide perfectly. So I am alone with my DD (10 mos) and our dog half the month. Winter was challenging this year, I won't lie. Shoveling, walking a dog twice a day wasn't awesome almost everyday....so there was excitement and shock when this pregnancy happened so fast. I will be back to work for 1 1/2 month before summer break, then 2 months in the fall, and off again for another year. My sister is getting married in October and I am the MoH. I will be 36 weeks preggo.... LOL. I am scared of having an 18 month old and a newborn, but oh so excited too!!

Been looking at chariots and bob duallies
post #7 of 11
So if anyone has tips or insights on the easiest ways to travel in cold winters and warm summers with 2 LO's and a 100lb dog, please suggest away!!
post #8 of 11
Thread Starter 

Thank you ladies, your words have helped me feel a bit better. I'm just shocked I feel this way when I had been wanting it for so long, it doesn't seem to make sense. And yes I'm mostly fearing the changes it will bring, especially worrying about how it will affect my very close relationship with my 10 yr old.... I don't want it to come between us in any negative way, im pretty confident he will be happy about it though as I mentioned before he has wanted a brother or sister for years, but I don't want him to feel like he's being replaced you know? I worry how he will be affected by this.


The other major thing I'm concerned about is my family taking the news badly. I know they will be extremely shocked and even disappointed, probably thinking it will effect their lives in some bad ways, like feeling they have to help more etc, which they don't.


I'm wondering if I should just hurry up and tell them I'm pregnant to get that part over with so I can at least stop worrying about that issue, and also so I can get their advice on what they think I should do. Will they want me to keep the baby? I just don't want to upset anyone I love, I don't want to cause them any distress.


Each day I think I'm feeling slightly calmer than the day before at least. I keep reminding myself that although I don't know what I want to do right now, I do have options and some time to make that decision. I don't want to make it based on my fear of what everyone else feels though, but that is stopping me from knowing how I myself feel about the baby.... if that makes sense. I guess because I love these people so much I want to do whatever is going to make them happiest.

post #9 of 11
I hope to get back to this when I have more time but I could not read without sending you a huge hug. You are not alone mama. We will be here for you, no matter your feelings.
post #10 of 11
Ill be thinking a lot about you! I didn't have the MAJOR freak out but it is just this lingering feeling like did we do the right thing?! We are moving to a new apartment in a month, DHs work insurance is SO expensive for kids, and I am still on my dads insurance so I am freaking out about telling them... Especially since we live 700 miles away from our families currently! I think that, even though my worries are different than yours, the fears are completely normal. It takes a huge adjustment especially because it has been quite awhile since you have had a newborn around. I think it's really scary. You have to do what is right for you, and I'm sure you'll come to terms with a fitting way to fit everyone comfortably into your life. I'm super glad you posted this because its pretty obvious that you're not the only one struggling here, but the fact that you could open up is a good sign that you're feeling more level headed about this and ready to sort out your emotions smile.gif
post #11 of 11

Lots of people feel like that - don't worry about your worries!  :)  Of course there's a lot to think about with a baby on the way, but most likely the crazy hormones are making it easier for things to hit you negatively.  Give it time and don't be mad at yourself for being scared, and things will get easier.

Before I had my first, when I was trying to make up my mind whether to go in and have a c-section like everyone was telling me to do, or do what I felt was right and have the baby naturally, the thing that stressed me out the very most was worrying about what people were going to think.  My mom was freaking out about me not being in a hospital (I'd been planning to be at a free-standing birth center with midwives, but that was different in her mind somehow), and even my grandmother was sending me emails about how I needed to be safe (even though she'd had three breech babies vaginally herself... under twilight sleep, ugh), and I just knew that if anything were to go wrong everyone would think it was my fault, even though all my research, and family history, showed that things were at least as safe for the baby out of the hospital, and way safer for me.  I spent a lot of time lying on my bed just trying to feel safe.  (Meditation might help with your anxiety, too - I had a special safe place that I would visualize, not that I'm particularly practiced in meditation.)  The weird thing was that the anxiety lasted even past the great birth - I'd find myself feeling those same feelings again for a couple of weeks afterwards, completely nonsensically, since the baby was RIGHT THERE, safe and healthy.  So, feelings don't always make sense, and your family can give you more stress than anyone, but you have to do what you believe is right for you.  In the end, they'll be happiest with that, even if it doesn't seem like it now.  Doing something based on fear of what they might think will just make you resent them and damage your relationship, especially if you feel like they pressured you into something you later regret.  So I can't tell you whether to inform them sooner or later, but make sure you're secure in your own mind either way.  You can love them without obeying them.  :)

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