I wasn't sure whether to make this post or not, so I hope it's okay, I want to get these feelings out to someone as I haven't told anyone irl that im pregnant yet and have felt lost and alone the last few days.
Ok I got the positive test result on Friday, so maybe I'm still in shock over it... When I saw the test result that day I felt joyful and happy, but that night I didn't sleep very well and didn't know why. Then the next day I felt less happy about being pregnant and more unsure about it but with mixed happy feelings too though less. That second night I had a major meltdown where I felt overwhelmed by anxiety, fear and almost panic about it. I maybe got 3 hours of sleep all night. I was freaking out that I had made a huge mistake and need to look into all my options, whether to keep the baby or not etc....(I know it sounds crazy) It was a total freak out all night long apart from the little sleep I got, I was writing in my journal to try to help myself calm down, praying etc.... I just felt really panicked and like it was all wrong.
Then yesterday I felt better, and slept okay last night thankfully. But I'm still worried and having negative feelings/thoughts about being pregnant as well as some joy and happyness, a real mixture of emotions I guess. I feel very blessed to have conceived, I had wanted another child for many years, and I was convinced this was the right decision, but now it has happened I can't help feeling negatively about it as well.
How I feel is worrying me, it doesn't seem normal to feel like this if it's something you wanted. And when I found out I was pregnant with my son 10 years ago I had no negative feelings at all about it. So this doesn't seem normal.... has anyone else had any freak outs about being pregnant? have I made a big mistake here? I feel like im going a bit crazy because this was a planned pregnancy, and the thoughts I have been having seem more like what women probably feel when they have an UNplanned pregnancy...? Which makes me feel guilt too.
I wonder If my fear could be due to all the big changes having another child is going to have on my life and my family's lives, could that be why I feel this way do you think? I am a more negative than positive person which probably doesn't help. Any thoughts on this, anyone?