I feel uncomfortable posting this but I think I need some support. I will probably be vague until I get comfortable posting on the internet.
My children came to me one night and told me a family member on my side of the family had abused them. I believed them, confronted the family member and it caused a huge problem on my side of the family. I approached my children's school counselor because I didn't know who else to turn to and I trust her and had to subsequently report my family member and there were legal implications. I put my children in therapy and I was in therapy for a while. My children went to therapy for a while until we all met together and the therapist said the kids seemed fine and they didn't need to see her every week anymore. My kids have been fine. I have a close relationship with my children. They are elementary school aged. They have made it clear they do not wish to contact the person or talk about the person who abused them. It's me who seems to be a wreck.
This was my family and I was close to them and saw them a lot. We are not in the same state. We had plans for the future of them staying with us. We had rituals in our lives where we saw them for certain holidays all the time. But now all that is gone. My relationship with those people I still talk to in my family is strained. They decided to side with the abuser and I didn't. Much as it hurt me, I felt so betrayed and hurt that this person would do this to my children when I trusted them. I was told by my family I needed to get past this, I needed to quit telling my friends what had happened because this was a family matter, that I need to stop any legal proceedings (which were out of my hands and I was helpless to do anything about). But my friends were all I had to lean on and I only told a couple friends anyway because I didn't want my children to be treated differently. My husband has been wonderful support through everything and I don't know what I would do without him.
But I can't seem to get over the sadness I feel. Sometimes I feel like I will be ok but some days I can barely function and I cry all day. I am very aware that I have only my husband to fall back on and I feel like he is my only family now. I tried to find people who have made the same choice I did, to cut off the abuser but I can't find anything. I find so many heartbreaking stories of children who weren't believed or didn't tell and they carried it into adulthood. I believed my children with no question. I cut off the family member who abused them and I have lost all my biological side of the family because of it. And I have watched my children grow and recover and I *know* in my heart that I made the right decision. I need some support that I am not alone in what I did and maybe someone else is going through what I am going through. Is there a support group for parents of children who were abused? I felt like my family was all so close and now I feel like they all still have each other and I lost them and I am so confused as to why it turned out like that. Then I get annoyed, like I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself when I have my children and my husband and, for goodness sakes, I'm an adult- why do I still need my family so much? But there is still so much loss. For what it's worth, I have not cut out all contact, I still talk through email but it's infrequent and seems strained, without the happiness we used to have. I have cut off only the abuser and I wish that person no illwill. I am not angry, I just have no desire for contact. I know I made the right choice. But why does it have to be so difficult? Thank you to anyone who read this, it got longer than I planned.