Any Worries About Labour Or Birth? « Back to Group Discussions

[nettlesoup]

I've been thinking about my last birth and it has brought up a few issues I'm worried about when I have this baby. With my daughter I had a bad haemorrhage which they struggled to find the source of (it was the tear), and this resulted in me feeling incredibly weak and having other problems later on. Because of this I'm really worried that it'll happen again. My main worry though is getting to hospital in time in case I do have another bleed.

My first birth was meant to be a homebirth, but after 37 hours of labour and a distressed baby I had to be sent to hospital. I can't decide if that was the cause of the haemorrhage or whether it saved my life.

I also have minor worries about split stomach muscles not coming back together and also piles getting worse, to the point that surgery would be needed.

Does anyone else have any worries about birth or labour?

[Serafina33]

I hear ya, I've still got my pile(s?), pretty prolapsed, from previous births that have never caused much problems, just the occasional small bleed with a BM, and isn't painful unless it's a particularly tough BM.  But it's there, and kinda weird that it lives there sort of on the outside, and whenever I have reason to find it, I'm always kind of surprised remembering it's there, since I forget about it for months on end, or even longer.  But it getting painful, itchy, needing surgery, is certainly a nasty thought.  Basically any degree worse than it is now is a nasty thought.

I don't worry too much about giving birth having lasting damage or danger, but I have had really lucky experiences so far and I feel this fear, like, "What if it's now my turn to have a horrible, traumatic birth story?"  Basically half or more of the mothers I know have had stories I would never ever want to experience.  Just recently a mother told me about her first birth which was just horrible and involved forceps and a blue baby strangled by the umbilical cord (child was fine).  just because my uterus and birth canal has done a stand up job so far of expediently, powerfully and seamlessly (ha!) spitting out two kids before, is not a guarantee that the third time will go as well.  I'm afraid I'm gonna get my comeuppance, so to speak.  (I'm not trying to bra, I have a HORRIBLE time with pregnancy including months of bedrest to stave off PTL, so dont' anyone wanna change places with me).

Thanks for bringing this up, it felt good to let out some fears!

[nettlesoup]

It's good to hear I'm not alone. It is scary just how many things can go wrong. But I think from my last experience I know what to do differently to hopefully avoid tearing again. The good thing about negative experiences is that you learn from them; I have learnt what to do differently so I can breastfeed successfully next time round, which is something I really wanted to do with my daughter, but failed on.
 

[Serafina33]

I truly hope this time breastfeeding works out.  

I had a pretty perfect homebirth experience and the same midwife is available now all these years later to do it again but I'm not able to convince DP yet.  I worry about a hospital experience, as my first was pretty icky, although labor was natural and my body did an incredible job of springing back into feel-fabulous condition.  It's just so smelly, with superbacteria, and crowded public rooms, and I don't even know how they treat moms & babes, as mine was in an incubator while I was there, but I suspect it isn't amenable to cosleeping and EBFing on demand, and I know they give babies pacifiers.

[MamaMash]

I had a scheduled c-section with my daughter. Breech position, I'm totally fine with my decision. This time I'm strongly leaning to repeat c/s but still have some concerns. Nothing huge. But if I do get the c/s I have some specifics I want which I didn't even think of with my daughter. Barring any medical necessities, I want the baby to stay in the OR with my husband next to me or on my chest. Last time they whisked my daughter off and I didn't even get to touch her for over an hour and AFTER they bathed her. No bathing the baby until I give them permission to do so. I want the baby to go back to my recovery room with me. Just things like that. Those are the only things I feel I missed out on. And, if I do a vbac I have a whole list of concerns there haha.

[nettlesoup]

Thank you! I know what you mean about hospitals. There is always the worry that they'll pressure you into things you really don't want. Sadly, because of my haemorrhage last time, I'm not allowed to have a homebirth this time, although I don't think I would any because of the bleed. But my midwife is going to try and get me into the birth centre although I'm over the haemorrhage limit by half a litre. On the positive side our hospital is all for breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

[onematchfire]

I'm weirdly not worried about the labor and delivery part (at least not yet).

I'm mostly just REALLY annoyed by almost everyone telling me that I won't be able to handle the pain of natural birth, so I should just be prepared for giving in to an epidural.

I'm also freaking out about how big my breasts have gotten, whether they'll shrink back to their original size and what my postpartum body is going to look and act like in general.  Shallow and selfish, I know, but I spent eighteen months losing 35 pounds and getting into great physical condition, and I'm so afraid I won't be able to get back to that point.

[katalopolis]

As a first-timer I don't really have any worries at the moment, mostly because I feel I've got no basis from which to form worries. I don't know what the pain will be like or not like or the feelings of contractions or the feeling of a baby coming out of me or anything so I can't really "grab on" to any thing to be worried about.

Plus, it STILL feels like September is SO FAR AWAY.

[LivingSky]

Originally Posted by onematchfire 

I'm mostly just REALLY annoyed by almost everyone telling me that I won't be able to handle the pain of natural birth, so I should just be prepared for giving in to an epidural.

YES, THIS! Why the heck do people do this? It's ridiculous. I HATE it when people just assume that it can't be done, or that just because they couldn't (or didn't want to) do it without an epidural, that YOU can't do it either. It makes me feel a little stabby.

I dealt with the fear and anger around this issue a lot in my first pregnancy - the two big things that helped me were Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (which I need to re-read now that I think about it) and HypnoBabies. I also spent a lot of time in the Birth Stories section of MDC reading positive birth stories (I skipped the more negative ones for my own sanity ).

This time around my worries are about the likelihood that I'll either have to have a hospital birth, or have an unassisted out-of-hospital birth, since I can't get a midwife.

[CDsMom1031]

I'm afraid of another csec. I so badly want my VBAC that I don't know how I'll come to terms with myself if I end up with another one.

And with my first labor, I was all natural until the csec, so don't listen to people. You really can do anything you set your mind to. 90% of pain is mental.

[orangeclover]

I had an emergency csection with my 1st, ds's head was too big.  with dd had a vbac, and it went well.  You can do it!  The biggest things are to know your limits beforehand, have a great midwife/md that you trust so when they say it's time to try something else, you know they have your best intrests at heart.  And know the policies for vbac in your state if you are having it in the hospital.  In Oregon, I pushed for 7 full hours before dd decided to arrive, so things like only being able to push for 2 hours before they wisk you away to the operating room are totally bogus.  and they were only 18 months apart, so bodies heal very quickly!!! Good luck! And I agree, it's mostly just mental!
 

[Serafina33]

7 hours?  

Ok, now I'm more scared.  My transitions have been 1-20 minutes.  7 HOURS?  You're a hero.

[nettlesoup]

What Serafina said; that's a crazy amount of time to be pushing for!

I also second Ina May's books, they really helped me be more in control of the whole process. Birthing From Within is another great book to prepare you for labour.
 

[CookAMH]

I worry about tearing also. My last birth, second baby, was my first vaginal birth and so I'm hopeful I will tear less each time. Last birth, I was read up on and super focused on turning a posterior baby (since my first was posterior). This time, I'm learning about how to better reduce tearing. I didn't have any long term affects, but my recovery felt long (4w before I could sit comfortably at church and walk around comfortably).

I too feel like the birth is going to take forever to get here. I'm eager to have another VBAC. :)

[Bromache]

Originally Posted by Serafina33 

I hear ya, I've still got my pile(s?), pretty prolapsed, from previous births that have never caused much problems, just the occasional small bleed with a BM, and isn't painful unless it's a particularly tough BM.  But it's there, and kinda weird that it lives there sort of on the outside, and whenever I have reason to find it, I'm always kind of surprised remembering it's there, since I forget about it for months on end, or even longer.  But it getting painful, itchy, needing surgery, is certainly a nasty thought.  Basically any degree worse than it is now is a nasty thought.

I don't worry too much about giving birth having lasting damage or danger, but I have had really lucky experiences so far and I feel this fear, like, "What if it's now my turn to have a horrible, traumatic birth story?"  Basically half or more of the mothers I know have had stories I would never ever want to experience.  Just recently a mother told me about her first birth which was just horrible and involved forceps and a blue baby strangled by the umbilical cord (child was fine).  just because my uterus and birth canal has done a stand up job so far of expediently, powerfully and seamlessly (ha!) spitting out two kids before, is not a guarantee that the third time will go as well.  I'm afraid I'm gonna get my comeuppance, so to speak.  (I'm not trying to bra, I have a HORRIBLE time with pregnancy including months of bedrest to stave off PTL, so dont' anyone wanna change places with me).

Thanks for bringing this up, it felt good to let out some fears!

I think this bolded part is pretty much how I'm feeling, too. I've been very, very lucky to have two, pretty routine and easy, pregnancies and births. And they were homebirths, just as I wanted. But there are no guarantees in life, so I still have a bit of fear that things won't go as planned this time.

Then there's always the little worries about tearing badly again (my first was an unusual tear and the midwives were considering sending me to the hospital to have it repaired, but luckily they dcided they could do it themselves in the end and everything was fine), and of course, whether or not the baby will come out needing more medical attention than anticipated. Those sorts of things. And I have to make sure I call my midwives earlier this time! It was a close call last time — midwife got there twenty minutes before birth and only had enough time to check baby's heart and me once before pushing started. That was a bit too close for comfort.

[CookAMH]

I'm with you on that. I had a great birth last time, a successful VBAC. My first wasn't as traumatic as they come by any means, but tore me up having an unplanned c/s.

So for this time, part of me knows that it's entirely possible something will come up that will totally change my birth plans, and I've been working on being ok with that. I trust the Almighty God for his provision and leading in my life, and I know a smooth home birth isn't a right I have. I hope for it, I'm confident it will go well, but I hope also I can take in stride something that alters my plan.   I feel like I'm covering the nutritional bases that can prevent a lot of issues from cropping up, and I'm really thankful for the approach my midwives take. So, we'll see what happens. I'm confident that I will have a great homebirth and if not, I am confident that in God's grace, I will be able to find joy in a different course that brings me my baby.

[amanda bee]

Originally Posted by nettlesoup 

I also second Ina May's books, they really helped me be more in control of the whole process. Birthing From Within is another great book to prepare you for labour.
 

i third (?) ina may's books....i find the birth stories inspiring!

i had a totally medicalized birth with my DS (tons of ultra sounds, fetal monitoring, epidural, episiotomy, vacuum extraction etc.)

my biggest worry is this one will be the same....

this time i really want to have a midwife assisted natural birth (with as little medical interference as possible).

[Serafina33]

Originally Posted by nettlesoup 

I also second Ina May's books, they really helped me be more in control of the whole process. Birthing From Within is another great book to prepare you for labour.
 

Ooh good, those are the books I have bought (but not yet read).  I can't wait.

[onematchfire]

Thank you for your reassurances and book suggestions! 

What resources would you all recommend to read about preventing tearing?

[haurelia]

onematchfire, I think the main things to consider when thinking about preventing lacerations/tearing are optimum nutrition for healthy tissues (plenty of variety in fruits/veggies, high quality protein), pushing your baby out in ways that allow for expansion and stretching (upright, squatting, hands/knees...basically anything that isn't on your back), and avoiding "coached" pushing (like, "3 pushes with each contraction" or pushing while someone counts to 10).  Spontaneous pushing rather than coached pushing can help a woman to follow what her body is doing, and allow you to respond to the feedback your body is giving you.  If there is a tear, using cold packs for the first day or so, then using sitz baths with herbs can help with comfort and healing, as well as continuing the excellent nutrition to promote good healing of the tissues. Some people find honey to be comforting smeared when smeared on the stitched area. 

I second the recommendations for "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" as well as "Birthing From Within." I also adore "Spiritual Midwifery" for it's wonderful, positive birth stories.