No matter how hard you try/ how bad you want something it may just not be meant to be.
Make the best of what you have- look at the positives- love your life for what it is right now and stop focusing on the future.
Trust DH with the baby. He may not have carried her for 9 months, but he can still care for her.
Stop googling everything!
Trust your instincts. Just because someone is a doctor/nurse/experienced parent does not mean they know what is best for your baby.