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Single mom fears...

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

I am a single mom and I am scared beyond belief of doing this AGAIN. My 6 1/2 year old has her father in her life, and he is a great dad and we are good friends (I have been friends with him since I was 17.) This baby most likely will not. I had a LOT of trouble out of her dad, as he was VERY mentally and emotionally abusive. I told him that and he said abuse is only when someone hits another person. He does not believe that you can abuse someone emotionally and mentally. He said many times that he believes I cheated on him (never once did I. he just didn't like the fact that I had to work with guys as well as females.) He was also irate that I worked with Mexicans. I asked him why, and he said he hates them. I told him that was VERY racist and uncool, but he just laughed at me. He had it in his head that because I worked with males, that I was cheating on him. I told him time and time again that I NEVER did but he didn't believe me. The day we split (after I confronted him on stuff he said about me that he didn't know I knew) he said once the baby is born, he wants to sign all rights over. He thinks that if he does that, he wont have to pay for child support. The law here as I understand it is he can sign rights over (once the baby is 3 days old) but he would still have to pay for CS, my Dr visits, and the birth (and any medical care the baby receives, as she will have a medical card.)

 

I am beating my self up over this. I feel like I am an idiot because I couldn't make it work, and I am a single mother with soon to be 2 children by two different men. These last few weeks I have been very emotional. I worry that this fear and some of the depression is going to lead me to have PPD.

post #2 of 5

*big hugs* It'll all fall into place! I moved out of my home in April of last year until August when DH and I took a break, and just those few months were so tough, I can't imagine doing it alone for the long haul. If he's abusive though, I'd definitely encourage him to sign over his rights, as bad as that sounds... baby doesn't need to be around someone like that. You have a bunch of ladies here to vent to, you can message me anytime if you want, I'm always open ears if you need someone to just let it all out to :)

post #3 of 5

hug2.gif

Even though it's going to be tough at times, it sounds like you're making all the right decisions, with your children's best interests at heart, and that's what makes a great mama.  The father doesn't sound like someone that should be around your new baby; letting him sign over the rights is probably for the best (and no need to remind him just yet that that doesn't exclude him from providing financial support, lest he second-guess his decision)

Besides the support here at the ddc, do you have someone in real life to talk with- family, friend, or single-moms group? having someone to turn to and get a real hug from can help get through rough  times, and don't be ashamed to talk with a counselor too if you're feeling its only going to get worse.. your ob can direct you to someone, or when you're at the hospital there are social workers. Please don't feel ashamed to ask for someone to talk to.. you need to take care of yourself first to be able to take good care of your girls.

post #4 of 5

grouphug.gif We are all here for you! I agree with everything everyone else has written above. Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help or someone to talk to.

post #5 of 5

Being a single mom is tough. I did it for 5 years. It sounds like your ex is a lunatic and should definitely give up his rights. I wish DD's dad would do the same! It's hard, but at least YOU get to make all the decisions when it comes to raising your children. But you never know what could happen! I was NOT looking to meet anyone when I met DH and now we're married and about to have a baby! You've made it so far with one child, you'll figure out how to balance 2. Imagine how much the love in your life will multiply :-) Hang in there, mama!

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