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Charting to Avoid--SPRING 2013 - Page 8

post #141 of 166

I'm doing really well! Had a delayed thermal shift again this month, but other than that it was a pretty normal cycle. I'm on CD3 now and absolutely LOVING my new diva cup! It's my first period since I got it and it's amazing. No blood in or around my vagina when I wipe after using the bathroom, no blood clotting in my hair at my vaginal opening, I only have to change it morning and night (at least every 12 hours)...I don't feel like I'm on my period at all! 

post #142 of 166

A little off topic, but this has been weighing heavy on my heart and I thought some ladies here might have some wisdom to share.  I started CTA following a miscarraige.  I got pregnant while using the Nuvaring.  I had learned charting back in college when I was abstaining as my preferred method of pregnancy prevention. 

 

Fast forward to life after 2 children, both with high risk pregnancies requiring 4-5 months of bed rest each time.  After my period returned with my youngest (he was baout 9 months old) I went on the Nuva Ring.  It was convienient, but every month when it was time to insert it, I felt a twinge of reluctance.  I used it for 16 months and then during the course of what seemed like a normal period, I passed fetal tissue.  I knew immediately what I was looking at and my heart broke.  Never again, so I started charting.  My husband was more or less understanding but somewhat brfuddled that the hormaonal method could fail.

 

If it were totally up to him, he would have had the vasectomy after our 2nd child.  I just can't get on board with anything permanant.  I just think it is not our place to mess with what nature intended.  I think some of this is also influenced by our own childhood and family of origin.  He is one of two children and his father had a vasecotmy at 28, after having my SIL.  I'm one of six and my parents never indicated htat another child was viewed as a burdon or problem.  But that was a different time I suppose.

 

So here we are wondering if we should add another child to our family.  I've always had this feeling that I would have 3 children.  With the miscarraige, I do have three kids - I suppose.  I am torn.  We have sufficient financial resources to add a child to our family but there will be sacrafices. 

 

The sacrifice as I see it would be not sending our children to Catholic School.  My oldest is about to start Catholic School and while it will be less expensive than full-time child care, it will not free up enough income for infant child care.  My husband sometimes suggests I quit my job and stay home as a way around this but I do like my job, I've figured out how to balance work and kids and my biggest fear is not being able to re-enter the workforce when I want to.  We would also forgo my retimerment/govt pension savings while I was at home.

 

So I am blathering on but after going round and round in my head, it all comes back to this - Are we supposed to have 2 kids and send them to Catholic School or three kids and send them to public school?  I wish it didn't feel like such an either/or decision but it does. 


Any wisdom, advice and prayers are appreciated.

post #143 of 166

How soon do you need to make a decision?  Can you CTA for a year or two to see how you feel and where you are financially?

post #144 of 166

vrclay, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little one. There are always so many factors in these decisions. I have some thoughts, but I don't even know if they are things you'd find helpful. More than anything, of course you have my prayers.

 

First, there are so many possibilities that you can't really account for, and there is a level of trust, no matter what decision you might make. The Catholic school may have financial aid opportunities or you or your husband may experience a raise or promotion or job loss. You may find that you still have what you need by staying home and that you love it or that you feel unfulfilled and your family suffers financially. There are no guarantees about getting back into the work force later, though you don't know what you'll want then, either. So many things you can't be sure about, but you can't know everything before you make these big decisions. It's a matter of trust. As a Catholic myself, I feel that it is more a matter of listening to God's call. If He calls me to have another child, then I can trust that He will make sure I have what I need, though not everything I want, to answer that call.

 

Second, in motherhood, I find it helpful to look at the seasons of life and to put life goals into the proper season. The answers are not the same for every mother. Which things did you do when you were single? Which things were most important in the early parts of marriage before the birth of your first child? What is most important when you have young children in the house? How does that change as the kids get older and are more school-aged? How does that change as they get old enough to take care of themselves for a time while you are away without having to get a sitter or daycare? How about when they leave home? What about when you retire? And when you're old enough that you need assistance in caring for yourself? All different seasons and different priorities in those different seasons. Where is the balance in living out your priorities right now and preparing for your priorities in the other seasons of life?

Third, as far as Catholic school is concerned, what are your reasons for wishing to send your children to Catholic schools? Are the Catholic schools significantly better than the public schools in the area? Is home schooling an option for you if you did decide to stay home? Would home schooling save you enough money to make up for the loss in job? Is it a matter of your faith, that you want to pass on your faith to your children through a Catholic education? Do you feel like the Catholic schools in your area will adequately accomplish this? Is there another way to reach the same goal? Church-based religious education? I think that one of the most important ways to pass on the faith to one's children is to live the faith fully as a family. How can you bring your faith into your home more? This is going to be important to your children's faith formation regardless of where you send them to school. Going full-circle, perhaps a good place to start would be to seek to understand what your faith teaches regarding family planning and responsible parenthood. It's much bigger than making your plans and using natural (or artificial) means to avoid or achieve pregnancy.

post #145 of 166
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by vrclay View Post

A little off topic, but this has been weighing heavy on my heart and I thought some ladies here might have some wisdom to share.  I started CTA following a miscarraige.  I got pregnant while using the Nuvaring.  I had learned charting back in college when I was abstaining as my preferred method of pregnancy prevention. 

 

Fast forward to life after 2 children, both with high risk pregnancies requiring 4-5 months of bed rest each time.  After my period returned with my youngest (he was baout 9 months old) I went on the Nuva Ring.  It was convienient, but every month when it was time to insert it, I felt a twinge of reluctance.  I used it for 16 months and then during the course of what seemed like a normal period, I passed fetal tissue.  I knew immediately what I was looking at and my heart broke.  Never again, so I started charting.  My husband was more or less understanding but somewhat brfuddled that the hormaonal method could fail.

 

If it were totally up to him, he would have had the vasectomy after our 2nd child.  I just can't get on board with anything permanant.  I just think it is not our place to mess with what nature intended.  I think some of this is also influenced by our own childhood and family of origin.  He is one of two children and his father had a vasecotmy at 28, after having my SIL.  I'm one of six and my parents never indicated htat another child was viewed as a burdon or problem.  But that was a different time I suppose.

 

So here we are wondering if we should add another child to our family.  I've always had this feeling that I would have 3 children.  With the miscarraige, I do have three kids - I suppose.  I am torn.  We have sufficient financial resources to add a child to our family but there will be sacrafices. 

 

The sacrifice as I see it would be not sending our children to Catholic School.  My oldest is about to start Catholic School and while it will be less expensive than full-time child care, it will not free up enough income for infant child care.  My husband sometimes suggests I quit my job and stay home as a way around this but I do like my job, I've figured out how to balance work and kids and my biggest fear is not being able to re-enter the workforce when I want to.  We would also forgo my retimerment/govt pension savings while I was at home.

 

So I am blathering on but after going round and round in my head, it all comes back to this - Are we supposed to have 2 kids and send them to Catholic School or three kids and send them to public school?  I wish it didn't feel like such an either/or decision but it does. 


Any wisdom, advice and prayers are appreciated.

 

I apologize if I offend with my nosiness, but are you Catholic?  Is your DH?  If he is, does he know what the Catholic Church teaches regarding sterilization and artificial birth control?  Part of the reason I ask is because even though my DH is Catholic, he doesn't really fall in line with the teachings regarding those subjects and it makes it harder for us to discern as a couple, and for me personally, what we should do regarding having more children or avoiding. 

 

I would look at your reasons for wanting to do Catholic school.  Is it for reasons of faith?  Cost vs. daycare?  The quality/type of education? I work as a sub in both public schools and a Catholic school, and honestly, I'm not convinced that Catholic school is the better choice.  I would be delighted if we could afford Catholic school, but I absolutely don't lose any sleep over not being able to.  I would also look more into your options regarding work and staying at home.  Really get the details about what it would take to get back into the workforce, gauge your tolerance of having full-time work that is not appreciated as such, and how much impact the loss of funds now and in the future (retirement) will be.

post #146 of 166
Hello! Haven't posted here before, but I have a question for you wise women. I charted to conceive my DS, who is now 14 months old. I got my PPAF at 5 months PP. I've noticed since having him that I have a LOT more EWCM than I ever had before. The majority days of my cycle have some amount of fertile mucus. Is this something anyone else has experienced? Any insight anyone can offer is greatly appreciated smile.gif I'm currently bf'ing 1-2 times/day. I'm planning on temping tmrw morning for the first time since conceiving him, wanting to get back into charting.
post #147 of 166

welcome, daylicious-  I know some of the more experienced and wise women will get back with some REAL answers.  but wanted to say that yes, after my babies, i have had some cycles where i spend the whole time in EWCM.  in fact, i was so frustrated by the levels and confusion as to ovulation and just a lot of mucus that i sought support here and got involved w/ a charting method that really helped me identify and be confident in the differences between my seemingly fertile mucus and my ACTUAL fertile mucus.

 

that said, low thyroid function (not necessarily numbers, but actually function of the thyroid) can lead to extended periods of fertile type mucus.  addressing ways to support the thyroid helped me dramatically drop my EWCM stretches and simplify my charting!

 

looking forward to seeing the other wise mama's advice on this as i still struggle w/ loads of fertile type mucus and i'm only 5 months PP and am expecting my first cycle in a month.

post #148 of 166
Hey daylicicious,

I'm not a wise woman when it comes to charting (only five cycles in), but wanted to chime in that I also experienced lots of EWCM in my first few months charting (started on my first PPAF which was 19 months PP for me) and that it has been gradually diminishing. I am also breast feeding (well, DD2 is wink1.gif) a TON. This is my fifth cycle in and I finally enjoyed a cycle of very clear and predictable CM with only 2-3 days of EW right before O. In the first cycle it was like 10 days!! Hang in there mama.

Shawna
post #149 of 166
Thanks for the responses! I've been thinking I have low functioning thyroid for a while now. I'm going to look into it more.
post #150 of 166
Thread Starter 

Well, I'm pregnant.  We DTD on day 2 after Peak....  I had told DH it wasn't safe, he misunderstood, and I was like, "What the hell is he doing-oh-that-feels-gooood...."  I'm not feeling very well, so someone else is free to take the reins of the thread, if they wish.  I would hate to see it disappear, but I'm noticing there is not a lot of activity compared to a few years ago, so maybe it has served it's purpose (this is where I discovered NFP!).  Blessings upon you all and I'll see you on the flip side!

post #151 of 166

Congratulations on the baby, mt_gooseberry! I hope you feel better soon!

post #152 of 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by vrclay View Post

A little off topic, but this has been weighing heavy on my heart and I thought some ladies here might have some wisdom to share.  I started CTA following a miscarraige.  I got pregnant while using the Nuvaring.  I had learned charting back in college when I was abstaining as my preferred method of pregnancy prevention. 

 

Fast forward to life after 2 children, both with high risk pregnancies requiring 4-5 months of bed rest each time.  After my period returned with my youngest (he was baout 9 months old) I went on the Nuva Ring.  It was convienient, but every month when it was time to insert it, I felt a twinge of reluctance.  I used it for 16 months and then during the course of what seemed like a normal period, I passed fetal tissue.  I knew immediately what I was looking at and my heart broke.  Never again, so I started charting.  My husband was more or less understanding but somewhat brfuddled that the hormaonal method could fail.

 

If it were totally up to him, he would have had the vasectomy after our 2nd child.  I just can't get on board with anything permanant.  I just think it is not our place to mess with what nature intended.  I think some of this is also influenced by our own childhood and family of origin.  He is one of two children and his father had a vasecotmy at 28, after having my SIL.  I'm one of six and my parents never indicated htat another child was viewed as a burdon or problem.  But that was a different time I suppose.

 

So here we are wondering if we should add another child to our family.  I've always had this feeling that I would have 3 children.  With the miscarraige, I do have three kids - I suppose.  I am torn.  We have sufficient financial resources to add a child to our family but there will be sacrafices. 

 

The sacrifice as I see it would be not sending our children to Catholic School.  My oldest is about to start Catholic School and while it will be less expensive than full-time child care, it will not free up enough income for infant child care.  My husband sometimes suggests I quit my job and stay home as a way around this but I do like my job, I've figured out how to balance work and kids and my biggest fear is not being able to re-enter the workforce when I want to.  We would also forgo my retimerment/govt pension savings while I was at home.

 

So I am blathering on but after going round and round in my head, it all comes back to this - Are we supposed to have 2 kids and send them to Catholic School or three kids and send them to public school?  I wish it didn't feel like such an either/or decision but it does. 


Any wisdom, advice and prayers are appreciated.

Talk to the school. My parents both work for the Catholic schools and generally (or at least in our area) enrollment is down to a point where, they'd rather give a scholarship to a person who can't afford the whole thing, than have someone NOT be in that spot. 

 

Here's the thing mama- what my doula told me, if it keeps barging into your thoughts, definitely consider it. 

post #153 of 166

Ok, here's my problem with charting to avoid. I"m not menstruating. Do I just start temping and see if I see a pattern? 

I'm also currently having... i'm not sure its my first PP period. Its very very very light. What I would consider "break through bleeding" what I"d have like the last day day and 1/2 of my "normal" cycle. This is the first time i've "bled" since the lochia ended. Babe is going to be 1 on the 3rd. 

:) 

I'm excited to use charting to avoid, because then when we do start to TTC #3- it'll be quick. hopefully. LOL 

post #154 of 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovetchotchkes View Post

Ok, here's my problem with charting to avoid. I"m not menstruating. Do I just start temping and see if I see a pattern? 

I'm also currently having... i'm not sure its my first PP period. Its very very very light. What I would consider "break through bleeding" what I"d have like the last day day and 1/2 of my "normal" cycle. This is the first time i've "bled" since the lochia ended. Babe is going to be 1 on the 3rd. 

:) 

I'm excited to use charting to avoid, because then when we do start to TTC #3- it'll be quick. hopefully. LOL 

you can temp, or chart mucus.  temping doesn't do much good in predicting ovulation.  

 

do you check cervical position?  in 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility'- TCOYF, she recommends 2 out of three signs to chart effectively.  i use mucus and then temps to confirm.  cervical position has been my default check, but i prefer not doing internal exams! 

 

mt_gooseberry- you were TOTALLY here for me!  i hope you stick around.  i want to hang out where you do for sure.  but i'm not expecting to end up in a due date club.  congrats.  CONGRATS!  i'm so excited for you.  good to know that the rules ARE important.  i've taken to paranoia since everytime i'm like 'not now, it's not a good idea, ooooooh okay'  ends up meaning i'm going to be pregnant.  mornings and afternoons are TOTALLY out, which means we're having a tough time since we're both so exhausted at bedtime that we rarely connect at all!  we need to get houseguests out, but that will be another month.

 

vrclay-

it's hard to make a decision, but i find that things work out.  pray about it, and make the decision that makes your heart happy.  logically, we shouldn't have had five, but it's really been way easier than we could have ever expected.  and while i'm a SAHM, and work for farms for food, it's been a real joy each time and i know i wouldn't have been happy w/out each of my little ones.

post #155 of 166

Hi everyone, can I join? I didn't know there was a charting to avoid club! I have been charting since 2008 and used charts to conceive in son (and 3 losses) and to avoid in the other times. I would really like to have another baby but the thought of being pregnant after those losses gives me sooo much anxiety. I am not going to try again until I feel like I can handle it somewhat rationally - and it feels like that will never happen.

 

Anyway, here is my chart link. Last month I had a big dip and spike on 8-9 dpo and was pretty nervous. Luckily, I got my period today. 

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3b2585

We've been doing FAM and using condoms on fertile days, but I am certain at least one of my pregnancies was a condom failure, so I am starting to be uncomfortable with that. I would rather abstain but my husband thinks it is over-the-top to do that (as if he has any idea how stressful 2WW can be). 

 

Does anyone else who has had losses feel like charting keeps your fertility too much at the forefront of your mind? I would really like to get on birth control and forget about it all, but birth control makes me feel yucky and I won't. Taking my temp and watching my cervical fluid and everything keeps me all to aware of my very fertile body that doesn't hold on to pregnancies well...

post #156 of 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleKind View Post

Hi everyone, can I join? I didn't know there was a charting to avoid club! I have been charting since 2008 and used charts to conceive in son (and 3 losses) and to avoid in the other times. I would really like to have another baby but the thought of being pregnant after those losses gives me sooo much anxiety. I am not going to try again until I feel like I can handle it somewhat rationally - and it feels like that will never happen.

 

Anyway, here is my chart link. Last month I had a big dip and spike on 8-9 dpo and was pretty nervous. Luckily, I got my period today. 

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3b2585

We've been doing FAM and using condoms on fertile days, but I am certain at least one of my pregnancies was a condom failure, so I am starting to be uncomfortable with that. I would rather abstain but my husband thinks it is over-the-top to do that (as if he has any idea how stressful 2WW can be). 

 

Does anyone else who has had losses feel like charting keeps your fertility too much at the forefront of your mind? I would really like to get on birth control and forget about it all, but birth control makes me feel yucky and I won't. Taking my temp and watching my cervical fluid and everything keeps me all to aware of my very fertile body that doesn't hold on to pregnancies well...

hug2.gif

 

i've had 2 losses, and i did think it was hard b/c one was so early that if i hadn't been charting, i wouldn't have even known.  it was rather devastating for us.  my other one was easier, and i can't explain why, but i felt peace before i lost the LO, and it was still really life-changing.

 

i think birth control, kind of like antidepressants, seems easier.  but it's not, when you're actually doing it, because it doesn't solve the problem.  i think for me, my fertility is always at the forefront of my mind, and birth control pills didn't work well for me.  my cycles kind of just ignored it, and i was changing prescriptions every 3 months, except for a progesterone only pill.  but that was way scarier b/c when i didn't bleed and i was supposed to, and had horrible hormonal imbalances, it was scary in harder way for me.  

 

give your husband some time.  i had one condom fail (DD2, day 35 of cycle), and also the 2WW is pretty tough on my husband when i'm freaking out, so he's actually warmed up (ha, as if.  but it's true, just in a hard to explain way) to abstinence for our peace of mind and peace of marriage.  also, reading up on the big V, which is the only other option to charting that he'll consider, he's decided that abstinence and charting aren't that hard.  

 

welcome~

post #157 of 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by HouseofPeace View Post

hug2.gif

 

i've had 2 losses, and i did think it was hard b/c one was so early that if i hadn't been charting, i wouldn't have even known.  it was rather devastating for us.  my other one was easier, and i can't explain why, but i felt peace before i lost the LO, and it was still really life-changing.

 

i think birth control, kind of like antidepressants, seems easier.  but it's not, when you're actually doing it, because it doesn't solve the problem.  i think for me, my fertility is always at the forefront of my mind, and birth control pills didn't work well for me.  my cycles kind of just ignored it, and i was changing prescriptions every 3 months, except for a progesterone only pill.  but that was way scarier b/c when i didn't bleed and i was supposed to, and had horrible hormonal imbalances, it was scary in harder way for me.  

 

give your husband some time.  i had one condom fail (DD2, day 35 of cycle), and also the 2WW is pretty tough on my husband when i'm freaking out, so he's actually warmed up (ha, as if.  but it's true, just in a hard to explain way) to abstinence for our peace of mind and peace of marriage.  also, reading up on the big V, which is the only other option to charting that he'll consider, he's decided that abstinence and charting aren't that hard.  

 

welcome~

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is all just what I need to hear. 

And your big V comment made me laugh! 

post #158 of 166

May I please join this thread? I currently CTA as well as  use BC. I'm a lil paranoid as I've gotten pregnant with all of the BC I've tried but thought I would try just one more time. I'm SOOO paranoid of getting pregnant because it seems I'm of the 2% who are able to get pregnant on BC. So I chart because of that minimal "just in case it fails" in the back of my mind. I'm staunchly against getting pregnant right now and my partner and I do not want any more children for awhile if at all, we both have children from previous relationships. But I'd just like to be able to talk to people who can relate to my needs and reasons for not wanting any more babies.

post #159 of 166
Hi ladies,

I am loving reading your comments!!

I am in my sixth cycle charting after the birth of DD#2. So far, so good smile.gif! Only problem is I think I'm pregnant *every* month smile.gif!

I have also had several BC failures. Though luckily, never a loss. In the case of DD2, I had just started charting after my first PPAF with DD1, and I was checking both CM and temp and am pretty sure of O day; she was conceived either due to a condom failure 4 days before temp rise (though all seemed well and we actually used it perfectly, something we sometimes are lax about these days), or due to unprotected sex 3 days before that. Either way, I'm a little paranoid... And I got pregnant before while taking the pill.

Hubby wants to get the big V (bless him smile.gif!) but I'm really not ready for something so final. And I'm just generally not so wild about him doing it. I'm really hoping that CTA can be a longtime solution for us. But honestly I'm also secretly praying half the time for a mistake...and this particular method is definitely not good if you're waffling about whether to have another smile.gif.

It's hard to have your fertility at the forefront if your mind while trying to squelch a baby bug, kwim? But I am also loving getting to know my body a little better.

This forum has been a great support so far and I love hearing about you ladies!
post #160 of 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by BallardBaby View Post

Hubby wants to get the big V (bless him smile.gif!) but I'm really not ready for something so final. And I'm just generally not so wild about him doing it. I'm really hoping that CTA can be a longtime solution for us. But honestly I'm also secretly praying half the time for a mistake...and this particular method is definitely not good if you're waffling about whether to have another smile.gif.

It's hard to have your fertility at the forefront if your mind while trying to squelch a baby bug, kwim? But I am also loving getting to know my body a little better.

This forum has been a great support so far and I love hearing about you ladies!

this is how i feel too!  

 

we'll see how long i go before baby fever kicks in again... usually about now at 6m pp.  no cycles yet, but body tried last week.... 

 

Sweetmama26- what kind of BC are you using? what kind of charting?  welcome!

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