I could use some thoughts and/or btdt. Here's the deal.
DD2 is 16 mo old. When she was born she was very similar to DD1 for about 4 months...bright, alert, seemed much older than she was, hit milestones early....kind of an intense child (she would get really ramped up about silly fun, for example) but happy, funny baby. Until she was about 4 mo old and then, holy hell, a different child moved into our house.
Screaming night and day. Intense separation anxiety. Never, ever, ever happy. Ever. Hated everyone who wasn't me. Wasn't happy even when she HAD me. Scowled through fun. Screamed so loud and for so long I often worried the neighbours might call the police. She started climbing things at 6 mo and was into everything. Walking at 8mo, into even more. She started throwing real, intense tantrums at about 8 or 9 months. Angry, angry tantrums. For awhile, recently, she was waking up in the middle of the night to throw a tantrum. Every night. She resists napping and sleep.
She has had a few minor physical issues, she had RSV and was hospitalized around 3.5 mo and since then everything viral goes to her chest, she has slight eczema, she pees a lot and hates to be wet, just little things that I don't think could possibly make her as miserable as she has been. I have had her to our doctor so many times, just to be sure there isn't anything physically wrong.
It's been pretty hellish, honestly. We have finally managed to get her in a better sleep cycle and it has made a big difference. She is much happier, and has returned to that funny kid, playing independently, curious, enjoying things, letting people interact with her. But she is still exhaustingly intense most days. Still a lot of swings between super happy and super angry. Still a low tolerance for frustration. Still very needy for me.
Awhile back, when she was waking and tantruming in the night and her head was black and blue from banging it on things when she tantrumed, our family doctor referred us to a ped. The thought was that we could test for food allergies, explore things like migraines etc.
Shortly after, I was talking to friends about the night tantrums and my friend told me it sounded like my child might be bipolar! And.....I was so gobsmacked....and right then, that seemed so serious and crazy to me, suddenly for the first time I was struck with the idea that maybe the fact that we presume DD1 is gifted is something I should remember and consider when trying to figure out DD2.
Suddenly it seemed kind of obvious to me that when you have ONE kid who sits at the lunch table hounding you with questions about atoms before they turn 4yo...you should consider the idea that your second child may be facing some sort of related difficulty or frustration. I knew DD2 was smart and quick and bright like her sister had been but all we had seen for months was misery and screaming. Since her sleep has improved she is quickly following many of DD1's little quirks, i.e. she is obsessing over the alphabet and is not interested in the story in a book, just wants us to tell her what all the letters in the text are.
So here is my issue. I have never really discussed DD1 with our doctor, there has been no need, she has been very well adjusted thus far. My doctor knows she has always been advanced, she has always loved to talk to dd1with her precocious vocabulary and manners and knowledge, knows her milestones have always been early.....but she doesn't know the depth of it. DD1 presents as a very smart and mature but social and happy kid in public, whereas at home she is much more intense and serious.
So, I had never had any sort of discussion about giftedness with our doctor with regards to DD2 because we'd never discussed it at all and it wasn't on my radar AT ALL as potentially being a cause or related to the hellish behaviour. So now I have this appointment with a pediatrician......I'm still interested in the food allergy testing etcetera....but.....
1) Do I bring this up? I feel like I shouldn't bother because I will get "yeah, sure" and there isn't really anything she would/could do anyway? But then what if she is worrying about the possibility of some mental disorder like my friend did? Has anyone had this conversation?
2) What do I even say?
3) Am I even correct in thinking some of this could be related?
4) Or *should* I be worried about something i.e. bipolar?
Thank you. I have worried more about this girl, in the past year, than I have about anything in my life, I think!! I could sure use some perspective and wisdom from you fine ladies.