How are your LO's sleeping because mine's not!!! « Back to Group Discussions

[Simonsez2u]

Ladies I need some serious help.  My cute little chub is not sleeping at night.  He goes down around 8pm usually without a fuss but he is up constantly!  He may sleep for an hour then he wakes crying.  We brought him to the pediatrician where he was diagnosed with an ear infection and we thought ahhh that's the reason but he is still doing it.  There was a period at around 8 weeks where he would only wake once in the middle of the night but that changed a few weeks ago.  The crying stops the minute we pick him up.  I try to rock/nurse him back to sleep but the minute I put him down he stirs and is back up crying.  He may fall asleep again but only for an hour sometimes less and then the cycle repeats itself.  I have a three year old and a two year old.  DH and I both work and we are about to lose our minds. 

We do not co-sleep I am just not comfortable with doing it.  I love the idea but I think I would be so paranoid of something happening that I still would not get any sleep.  Plus our toddlers sometimes get into our bed in the middle of the night and I am afraid they might would hurt him (they do not make for good bed fellows).  We have both fallen asleep while he is nursing in bed but it makes me scared.  He does sleep peacefully when that happens though. 

I shamefully admit I let him cry himself to sleep last night but only after going in picking him up, rocking, singing, patting, nursing etc for most of the night.  He cried for a bit and finally fell asleep.  Granted after that he slept for two plus hours, which is a long stretch for him lately, but it was heart wrenching. I don't know what to do.  It doesn't seem that anything is physically wrong with him because like I said if you pick him up he is happy as can be but what do you do in that situation?  I am at the point of not being able to function well mentally and physically.  Am I causing the situation by tending to him every time he cries?  The lack of sleep is making me a bad parent to my other two LO's, a crappy wife, and a unproductive employee.  I have never had to deal with sleep issues with my other LO's so I don't know what to do.  I am open to any suggestions.

[franjapany]

Gosh, I am so sorry! I've read your other post before and thought how tough you must have it with three little ones so close together. My two 'big' ones are 2.5 and 4.5 and I am not working (well not for money anyways lol) and I find it pretty tough already. But I would probably find it even harder if we weren't co-sleeping... I don't really have good advice other than maybe getting used to the idea of co-sleeping after all? Maybe you can improvise an arms-reach kind of thing where he isn'T exactly *in* your bed so you don't have to be scared to harm him but is close enough for him to not feel alone? I really don't mean to be overstepping here, but you don'T sound happy about letting him cry himself to sleep either (who would) and I can understand that you must be so exhausted too, but it really sounds as if you all would get better sleep if you reconsidered the co-sleeping option. Which part about co-sleeping makes you feel uneasy or scared? Is there a way to eliminate those factors and create a safe niche for the baby to sleep right next to you (like putting his bed right next to yours)?

Who takes care of him during the day when you work? I could imagine that being seperated from you during your working hours would make him even more anxious to be close to you in the night. (sorry, for asking, but I don't really have an idea what your situation looks like, I wouldn't have a clue how to manage my life with three little ones if I couldn't be a SAHM).

Hope you'll find a way to figure it out and get some well deserved sleep soon.
 

[kateaton]

it sounds like maybe he got in the habit of waking so frequently.  will he sleep in a swing?  dd2 slept in that thing for her first 7 months.  It was what worked, and honestly I didn't care if she slept hanging upside down from the chandelier, I just wanted her to SLEEP!

[sere234]

Just in case you want to try bedsharing, here's a tutorial that helped me feel more comfrotable sleeping with DS1. 

If you don't want to try it I second kateaton's suggestion about swing sleeping, my DS1 did that for months! Also, have you tried swaddling your LO? That was another trick for my older son. Maybe a noise maker? Or nightlight?

We bedshare and I certainly don't know how the heck I'd get sleep w/o it. DS2 sleeps 2-3 hour stretches beside me or in my arms (or baby carrier) but only 10-40 minutes when not held. It's tough sometimes when I need space... Good luck!!

[katelove]

I absolutely do not think that you caused this by responding to your baby's needs. You are doing the right thing by comforting and reassuring him. That said I, unfortunately, don't have anything to suggest other than bed sharing either. My doesn't sleep well without me either but, next to me she sleeps like a dream. Do you have a spare room where you and the baby could sleep for a little while if you're concerned about your toddlers. They could go to DH in your bed as usual and not disturb you and the baby.

Sorry not to have any other suggestions. I did hear you say you didn't want to co-sleep. I just don't have any other ideas :-(

[Simonsez2u]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Surprisingly we did get some sleep last night after making one simple change.  I let DH go in and comfort him instead of me.  I thought that since Owen is so attached to me if someone else went in then maybe he would just accept the comfort and go back to sleep.  I think when he sees Mama he may want to automatically cuddle and nurse even when not hungry.  It's a theory but I have to say last night it worked and thankfully we got some much needed sleep.  I pray that this will do the trick and continue to work.  If it doesn't I think I will revisit the bed sharing idea.
 

[wantabeanbrat]

My LO had this same problem until he was 1-2 months old. He used to wake up every hour of the night. We co-sleep, so I would nurse him side lying and he would go back to sleep only to wake up again in 30-45 mins. This happened all night. Although we co-sleep and I can nurse/comfort him lying down - my problem is I am a light sleeper. Even a small cry from my LO wakes me up and once awake I can't go back to sleep for another hour (how much ever tired and sleep deprived I am !!!). 

I was ok with this waking up-sleep-waking up again pattern all night long since this is my first baby, I was home all day and could nap during the day and all I wanted to do since his birth is cuddle him, comfort him, hold him whenever he needed me 24/7

But once I started working full time - omg, I used to be up all night and feel sleepy all day. Not to mention about my productivity at work ;)

We changed our daily routine a lil and what has worked for us since then is - 

Bathe him at night, lotion him, then I pump around 4oz breast milk and feed him using a bottle, swaddle him up and then he sleeps peacefully for about 3-4 hrs. He wakes up once around 2am for a feeding and diaper change. Then I feed him another 4oz - that takes care of him till 8 am.

Earlier my LO had the habit of suckling a lil on my breast, then within 5 mins sleeping while nursing. As a result he would feel hungry again and wake up in like half hr. Feeding from a bottle at night has helped a lot. He gets full for sure and won't wake up until he needs more milk or a diaper change. 

Hope this helps you to figure it out what works for you and get some good sleep!

[MrsKoehn]

My Ana has been waking up every hour all night for the past week... sometimes skipping her first three hour stretch. Early in the morning she switches to every 15 min so I open the buffet and was side lie nurse. She sleeps best on my chest (the crib is side carred to the bed) or if she's touching even just mutt leg with her toes. She NEEDS the skin to skin. I also know she hates her arms covered and is afraid of the dark. We keep white noise going too. Right now is a fussy time in their development. Their brains are constantly more aware but they haven't figured out how to process it yet.

[MrsKoehn]

Oh, and she is the Queen of Cat Naps and I can't put her down or she wakes up.

[mommymagee]

What a relief to hear that others are having the same issues! Dorothy sleeps typically 6pm to 12am with a few wake ups that are easy to put back to sleep. After 12am-1am, she's up every 1/2 hour, 45 minutes. By 3am -4am I'm usually so worn out that I "cave" and bring her into bed with me to nurse on and off until 6am-7am. She sleeps in a bassinet right next to the bed but we're trying to transition her to her crib because we think it would be more comfortable for her. During the day she sleeps 30-45 min at a time unless we're holding her, or shes swaddled or in a swing. We've been trying a couple things, combining some of the things we've read in "the no cry sleep solution" and "the baby whisperer". What we're taking from the baby whisperer are the routines she suggests, sleep, food, some activity, wind down, sleep and trying to space her feedings 3-4 hours apart (if she seems ok stretching it out) and just trying to nurse at least 30 minutes at each feeding or a big pumped bottle. What we're taking from the no cry sleep solution is a lot of the reassurance that we're on the right track. So many of the sleep books I've read just make me feel awful, like if I don't let her cry herself to sleep so she sleeps 10 hours straight and let her cry during her mandatory 3 long naps a day, I'm causing irrevocable damage to her sleep and brain development. I don't really have any solutions because I'm in the same boat but I do recommend for sure the no cry book and parts of the baby whisperer bc they've been helpful for us. Good luck! I look forward to reading more suggestions, thanks for starting the thread. 

[ananas]

This all sounds so familiar! Up frequently, nursing in tiny bits before falling back asleep, etc...we co-sleep so it is not so noticeable as if I was going to a different room, but after reading this thread I'm considering bringing the swing out again. I also like wantabeanbrat's suggestion of feeding a bottle right before bed. That just might help her a lot!

[Simonsez2u]

So we have found something that seems to work for us.  I have been putting Owen down in the crib when he first falls asleep around 8pm.  He is good there until time for me to fall asleep, usually around 10pm.   At 10pm he usually starts crying and I will take him from the crib to nurse.  After nursing I put him in the Mamaroo to sleep by our bed.  He sleeps in there waking only once in the night to nurse again.  That thing has been a life saver.  I'm not sure what he likes about it but I am so happy to finally be able to get some sleep.  I have a theory that the shape of the chair makes him feel secure and snuggled.  Also, being somewhat upright probably helps with the gas and reflux.  My only worry is that he may get so use to that that he never wants to sleep in the crib.  I hope by putting him down in the crib first he eventually will sleep in it without waking up so much throughout the night.  As for now I'm going with whatever works, thankful for some sleep finally, and not having my LO CIO.
 

[guen]

Kaelan gets sleepy around 7 to 8 pm, nurses and goes into the Didytai, usually on DH, where he planks out.  He'll sleep up to 3 hours in there, then wakes for a feed, at which time, I take him to bed with me where he nurses and we both drift off to sleep.  How many times he wakes in the night to nurse, I don't know.  Neither of us wakes fully for him to latch on and we both promptly fall back asleep again.  He wakes for a morning feed around 6 or 7 an and then usually wants to get up.  This is how my first, second and third babies were more or less, and for me, this is pure HEAVEN compared to what we went through with my last baby, who was born premature and had multiple minor health issues (reflux, tongue tie, KISS sydrom (don't know what that is called in English)) all of which made nursing while lying down impossible and sleeping at night virtually impossible. The first six months of her life were an absolute nightmare and I don't recall ever feeling so desperately unhappy as we got 1/2 hour to 2 hours broken sleep a night and, with three older kids, no sleep during the day.  It was pure hell.  I was so afraid that would happen again with this baby.  So, I am jumping-up-and-down-thrilled with how Kaelan sleeps!  He snuggles into me at night and I curl up around him and we just....SLEEP! 

All my babies, with exception of my first, who loved her crib, have slept in my bed and napped in my lap, in a sling/wrap/mei tai or snuggled up with me in bed and none of them have any sleep issues.  I wouldn't worry about the dire warnings that we will damage our babies by letting them sleep in our beds, rocking/nursing them to sleep, comforting them when they cry instead of leaving them to "self soothe" (a nice way of saying "cry it out").  They are based on theory and opinion, not on science or any sort of rock solid evidence.  Quite the contrary, in fact. What actual research  has to say about baby sleep, points to babies needing comfort and round-the-clock parenting to develop healthy sleep habits and grow healthy and secure.  A dear friend of mine, who authored and co-authored several books for LLL, including the latest edition of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, is currently working on a book about baby sleep based on research and facts, not theory and opinion, and I can NOT wait for it to come out later this year (or beginning of next, I'll have to ask her when exactly).  Few things seem to be as badly misunderstood as infant sleep, sadly!
 

[MrsKoehn]

Oh I love the WAOBF book. Just had it out a few min ago, actually. Do let us know about that book!

[MrsKoehn]

Okay, this kid. She's slept hourly at night again. I had her out of it for a week maybe, now she's doing it again. I am trying to work her back out of it, so far, well, still working on it.

Today, she woke up at 8:30, slept for like 20 min on her aunt about 11:30, then took 2 or 3 FIVE MINUTE naps nursing this afternoon. She just woke up from a 35 min nap in the wrap and it's 6:30 PM. I hope this means she'll sleep early and well tonight and reset her internal clock. But I'm not holding my breath. I'm just holding my eyes open. Bwahaha

[sere234]

E has settled into a routine of 3 thirty-forty minute naps everyday. Mostly this is because DS1 wakes him up.... Afternoons he'll sleep up to 1-3 hours if he's in a quiet place or we're playing outside and he's in the Ergo. This doesn't happen but a couple days a week. I think we'll get better naps (LONGER really!) in a few months Mrskoehn. At least that's what I remember with DS1 and what mamas with older babes tell me.

E still sleeps on me for all naps, either in arms or in the carrier. At night I can lay him down and he'll sleep happily for a while but this is because DS1 is sleeping and doesn't disturb him with noise or kisses

[mommymagee]

Nighttime sleep for us is still challenging. She goes to sleep by 730 and sleeps until around 1030. ( maybe 1 or 2 easy to put back to sleep wake ups). I can usually nurse her and get her back to sleep for and hour or two, nurse her again, back down for an hour or two and then the rest of the night she's up and down and we're co-sleeping. I swear if I didn't co sleep with her so she could nurse past 2am I would get no sleep, none. I don't have a problem it except I'm worried that the quality of her sleep isn't as good when we co-sleep. I have a very sensitive, excitable baby and I think she gets revved up by the touches and the nursing versus settled down sometimes.

On another note, we've been working hard on our daytime routine and naps are dramatically improved. I try to make sure I get up with her by 7am. She's usually awake but I've been nursing her/ snuggling her to keep her resting and not crying so I can squeak out a few more minutes of sleep. Then we're up and playing, she usually wants to nurse around 830 and she's ready for sleep by 9am. So I've been religiously trying to get her to sleep by 9am, in her crib, and it's been working pretty well. Naps have stretched out, today's morning nap was 845-1015 and she still seemed grumpy, tired so I just got her back down to sleep at 1025, hopefully she'll sleep another 1/2 hour to get a 2 hour morning nap in! I'm also trying to get her down for her 2nd nap by 1pm - we've had a couple 45min-1hour afternoon nap successes but I'm going to keep trying. I have the kind of baby with a small sleep window where if I miss it, she's moved right into over excited and full on screaming if I try to get her to nap. We also try to do a catnap between 5 and 6 if she seems to be tired.

BTW has anyone here heard about this thing called the "wonder weeks"? I bought the app but there's a book too and good a website with free resources and basically it talks about these developmental leaps that babies make that can cause their sleep to get all messed up. I know my little one is right in the beginning if the 5th leap and I can see how it's affecting her.

There's a cry- I guess no 2 hour morning nap for us!

[Simonsez2u]

I've been having some success transitioning O into his crib at night instead of the Mamaroo.  Last night I put him down at 8pm and when I went to bed at 9:30 he was still asleep until about two.  Usually he wakes up just when I am drifting off.  I was so P.O.'d when DH woke me up at 1am to ask me if I needed to feed O.  I mean our baby has not slept an uninterrupted stretch like that in forever.  I finally get the opportunity for some unbroken sleep and he wakes me up!  I told him not to EVER wake me up again for that reason, that having O sleep through the night is the whole idea, and if O was hungry I am sure he would let me know BY WAKING UP!
 

[sere234]

simonsez- I would have been VERY annoyed if my DH woke me during a long sleep stretch! As long as he checked on the baby and LO was still breathing, I see NO reason to wake up an exhausted mama! Hopefully he knows now

[MrsKoehn]

Originally Posted by sere234 

E has settled into a routine of 3 thirty-forty minute naps everyday. Mostly this is because DS1 wakes him up.... Afternoons he'll sleep up to 1-3 hours if he's in a quiet place or we're playing outside and he's in the Ergo. This doesn't happen but a couple days a week. I think we'll get better naps (LONGER really!) in a few months Mrskoehn. At least that's what I remember with DS1 and what mamas with older babes tell me.

E still sleeps on me for all naps, either in arms or in the carrier. At night I can lay him down and he'll sleep happily for a while but this is because DS1 is sleeping and doesn't disturb him with noise or kisses

I sure hope so! But my sil has a 9 month doing the same thing. Aaaaa

Originally Posted by Simonsez2u 

I've been having some success transitioning O into his crib at night instead of the Mamaroo.  Last night I put him down at 8pm and when I went to bed at 9:30 he was still asleep until about two.  Usually he wakes up just when I am drifting off.  I was so P.O.'d when DH woke me up at 1am to ask me if I needed to feed O.  I mean our baby has not slept an uninterrupted stretch like that in forever.  I finally get the opportunity for some unbroken sleep and he wakes me up:irked !  I told him not to EVER wake me up again for that reason, that having O sleep through the night is the whole idea, and if O was hungry I am sure he would let me know BY WAKING UP!

 

Oh man, I would have been so grouchy. Hubby's been coming in from work after she's asleep for the night. Half the time he talks loud - to her- and wakes her up. She'll see daddy's home in the morning. Seriously.

Week, my hours came true! She slept pretty well the last three nights! 3-4 hours the first stretch and 1 1/2 - 2 the next. Today hubby says, "Wrote, so you should be able to work outside a lot today." Can I also him with a fish? He was basing it only on last night's sleep. I'm, let's think. She's five months today, so I haven't slept week in what, ten months? She's been awful for a month. My Crohn's has been flaring up, I've had two colds this month, I've lost ten lbs in about a month.... No, a few good night's won't help that much. He says this as he dragged his carcass out of bed at 11:30 when Ana woke me up before 7. Grumble, grumble, grumble....