Thanks for all the replies, ladies.
To update everyone (and anyone else who might be listening out there in internet land -- or will be sometime in the future bc I know I've spent countless amounts of time pouring over posts women made three or more years ago!): I went in for my second HCG beta this a.m. (48 hours after my first) and I'm not exactly doubling. I went from 122 to 205. Given that I *think* I'm 20 DPO based on temping/OPKs I'm pretty discouraged by this. The number is very low in general for that far along and I'm not doubling.
I know based on the anecdotal evidence this could turn out to be a viable pregnancy (especially if I implanted late or somehow miscalculated O date) but I also know it's possible I'll miscarry or it'll be an ectopic. And I don't have a good feeling about it. No matter how much I want this to be our baby, my intuition is that it's not meant to be (or maybe this is my defense mechanism??). In any case the ambiguity is killing me so I'm hoping for a definitive answer one way or the other soon.
My doc seems totally unconcerned, says it's good news and that pregnancy is progressing. She wants to see me back in 10 days for a prenatal appointment but I know I can't wait that long so will probably go in for another HCG two days from now.
I just really wanted to see a number that would give me some confidence and this definitely doesn't do that. I almost want to ask them to re-test haha. I'm having majorly sore BBs, exhaustion (like going to bed at 9pm) and light cramping off and on (I've had this since a couple of days before I tested positive so I don't think it's anything related to a MC). So there are still symptoms, which is a good sign.
Am I the only one who thinks TTC and the early stages of pregnancy feels something like walking through a field of land mines!??! It's impossible to quell my anxieties about all the different things that might pop up and go wrong. My mother told me it was better back when she was pregnant with my sister and me bc women didn't have any of these tests. They just missed a period, took a pregnancy test and that was that. They were pregnant until they either weren't any more or delivered a baby. Miscarriages were unexpected but at least you were able to enjoy the time you had... At this point I feel like I'm only halfway pregnant!