I'm not sure where to post this but considering many of you may be able to relate to having just given birth/about to give birth, I thought I'd ask here.
My mom left town for 2 days the day my baby was born. I've been very hurt by this but considering I am 4 days postpartum and my emotions are a bit fragile, I'm trying to work through my feelings and thought I'd ask whether I'm being rational about this.
Now, to be fair, I don't expect her to totally clear her schedule and remain at home doing nothing just because I'm about to have another child. But my mom is a fairly self-focused person and does not accommodate anyone- if she helps out (which she does) it is on her time, when it's convenient for her. I've learned to accept this, as there has been a long history of this, but it often comes with frustration/hurt feelings on my end.
I called her when I was in labor and she did come up to get DS early in the morning before the midwives showed up. When we called to tell her baby was born, she brought him back before the midwives were done with all of the postpartum care (this was OK), then she stayed for maybe 30 min. after they left and then left to "beat the traffic" and went out of town for 2 days. I told her I was shocked that she was still going away- I had assumed that me giving birth to her 2nd grandchild would trump a weekend visit to my grandfather who she had just seen 2 weeks before. She also scheduled a family reunion 2 weeks after my due date (and invited me, which was pretty silly) and obviously I can't go, but whatever...my point is, this weekend visit was not a rare opportunity that she could not pass up.
I am the type that wants people around me immediately after I give birth. I know others feel the opposite. As for me, I want help getting around, I feel lonely and isolated just sitting in bed, plus I have a lot of adrenaline and pride in my new child and want to share the joy. I also feel bad putting all of the responsibility on DH. I felt this way with DC1, who was born 3 days before Christmas. My family went about their Xmas holiday without us, never bringing us food or bringing the celebration to our house or anything (this was orchestrated by my mom)- that felt kind of hurtful then, too, but again, why should I be entitled to have everyone stop their lives for us?
I told my mom I was surprised she was going, that I would need help, and she tried to negotiate with me, saying she'd help when she would get back (again, on her terms, when she wants to).
Since she's been back, I haven't called her. She called once while she was gone and I told her I wasn't sure about her coming on the days she said she'd come help, so I think she assumes that I want to be left alone and she hasn't called me either. I just don't know how to process my feelings about this and am wondering how you all would feel about this. DH is pretty hurt too so I don't have an unbiased 2nd perspective.