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Not sure what my role is here! Advice greatly appreciated in blended family! - Page 2

post #21 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by avismama24 View Post


 

Lastly I just tried to be present with the kids. We don't see them all that often and they are really wonderful kids and they are my son's brother and sister. When I would start to feel edgy I would ask myself why? I also did a better job at asking for help picking up from both the kids and their dad.

 

All in all it was a very nice weekend, and I actually felt a bit sad when they left this morning.

 

I'm so happy for you. I'll bet it felt more comfortable for them too, to have expectations laid out more clearly, and to have a less tense mom.

 

What were some of the answers to your "why?" (I'm just curious -- you don't have to answer that if you don't want to.)

 

That's a great question, and I think probably most useful if we can get to the real answer and not filter it through what we think the answer "should" be or what we wish it was. (I know I do that, especially when I think my real answer sounds mean or selfish or whatever -- I just bypass it and put on a happy face, or go to the other person's perspective before really considering my own. Like in your greasy chips example, I could see myself going to, "I shouldn't feel that way, so what's another reason?")

post #22 of 24
Thread Starter 

I think a lot of the answers to my "why" questions were actually that I felt edgy towards their father, who wasn't acting the way I wanted him too. Being more conscious of this helped me to be more present with the kids.

post #23 of 24

I admire you so much for how you've navigated this.
 

post #24 of 24
Thread Starter 

It is a work in progress...we are new to the radical unschooling community and that type of freedom and respect that we give to the kids I have to try to apply to my marriage as well. I think we are so programmed to feel that it is are way or the high way, especially as the mother of the family and primary caregiver. i am trying to relax my view point with dad, and love and celebrate all the wonderful things he provides his family, like financial recources, sense of humor, intelligence, utter trust in me and my parenting choices. Looking at it this way helps me to feel less "edgy."

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