Lastly I just tried to be present with the kids. We don't see them all that often and they are really wonderful kids and they are my son's brother and sister. When I would start to feel edgy I would ask myself why? I also did a better job at asking for help picking up from both the kids and their dad.
All in all it was a very nice weekend, and I actually felt a bit sad when they left this morning.
I'm so happy for you. I'll bet it felt more comfortable for them too, to have expectations laid out more clearly, and to have a less tense mom.
What were some of the answers to your "why?" (I'm just curious -- you don't have to answer that if you don't want to.)
That's a great question, and I think probably most useful if we can get to the real answer and not filter it through what we think the answer "should" be or what we wish it was. (I know I do that, especially when I think my real answer sounds mean or selfish or whatever -- I just bypass it and put on a happy face, or go to the other person's perspective before really considering my own. Like in your greasy chips example, I could see myself going to, "I shouldn't feel that way, so what's another reason?")