It seems like there are a lot of queer families with babies due in November.
Should we have a Queer Pregnant and Due in November club?
I am the pregnant one in our case. It took some long talks to reach this decision, as my wife really wanted to carry, but unfortunately medical issues on her part pretty much removed that option :( I carried #1 and 3, and she carried #2 and 4. And so far, I've only had boys and she's only had girls... This baby will be our tiebreaker!
I'm pregnant. My partner has zero interest in carrying a child, as she feels it doesn't fit with her gender identity. That aside, she's also had medical issues this past year that would make pregnancy difficult, as well as mental health concerns that she'd like to avoid passing on. I gotta say, though, if we'd had to go the IVF route, I definitely woulda still considered using her eggs... I don't know if she'd have agreed, but it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling to think about it. Anyway, we got pregnant our first insem, and here we are!
Andi, I read your partner's blog... And as I've told her on here when she posted before in the QP section, I'm just south of you down in Vic. So many Pacific Northwesterners, I love it!
I'm the pregnant one and my partner also has no interest at all in being pregnant. This will (hopefully) be our first. I had a mc last fall at 9 weeks - that time was our first insem, this was our fourth. I'm feeling especially nervous about how this will progress, because of the mc, but I'm really trying to stay positive.
We had an early ultrasound at 7w2d, as part of our last appointment at the fertility centre: I'm not too keen on unnecessary u/s, but it sure was lovely to hear that heartbeat! And though nothing looked like anything but a blob, I really appreciated my RE explaining what we were looking at as he took measurements. "Nice yolk sac!", he exclaimed. I'm not sure when/if we'll have another u/s. We've now transferred care to a midwifery clinic, where they don't do them in-house, but I think they recommend one at 20 weeks or so to check the position of the placenta.
Good luck, escher! It will be early, but hopefully the heartbeat will be easy to find!
(In other news, am wearing a pair of maternity jeans passed on from a friend: SO COMFY!!!)
She's on MDC off and on but not really, no. Her blog about this whole TTC/baby process is makingseven.blogspot.com. As for more kids- noooo, this is DEFINITELY our last! I'm pretty sure DW would like for us to continue having babies until we repopulated the earth but five is so my limit.
I'd love to hear about everyone's experiences with donors... Who/what did you pick, why, etc. We found our KD online and he has just been so amazing!
good luck at your ultrasound, escher! I'm not a huge fan of early ones either but there's no denying the relief they can bring, either. I had an early one to rule out an ectopic pregnancy but it was too soon to see anything but a gestational sac.
LOL! When I met my DP, she was keen on having "a" kid, singular. I was leaning more towards 5. Now we're agreeing on two, quite happily... But I'm making no secret of the fact that I'm really stoked to be having a singleton this time round, so that I get another chance for twins when we try again in a couple years!
We weren't too specific in our donor search. We used the only bank in our country, and our requirements were pretty basic: Caucasian, no allergies, and willing-to-be-known. Beyond that, it was rather random... We ended up with a shortlist of 4 options, and thought we'd give them each two tries (obviously having no clue we'd get lucky right away!). We chose our donor first because he already has a daughter, and because his reason for donating is a family experience with infertility, which made us think he's a compassionate dude. We haven't yet paid the extra fees for his photos or a personal essay from him, but plan to do it sometime soon so that we can put together a file of info for our kid to have.
Andi, how did you find your donor online? What made you choose him?
I'm *also* in Seattle... all PNW all the time, it seems. We are expecting #2 - I carried #1 and am pregnant now. My partner IDs as genderqueer and has no interest in carrying.
Granite, we actually had an IVF consult and we talked about using DP's eggs for #2, but we didn't end up going the IVF route for financial considerations.
Lea, I too am ultra paranoid about this pregnancy sticking. I had a missed m/c at 12 weeks 2 years ago and have been TTCing since (long story below).
We have an unusual donor history (well, I think so anyway!). For #1, we used a KD who was a friend of ours. We made a conscious decision to just do inseminations at home for 6 months before doing any sort of fertility testing, but after 6 months we weren't pregnant and subsequently discovered that KD had a low count and low morphology, though not so low to totally give up on him. We decided to switch to IUI, but that was a nightmare because of the quarantine restrictions being a dealbreaker since we were going to IUI to combat low count, and KD is queer and apparently gay men are not allowed to donate sperm because of HIV risk (idiotic nonsensical rules...). Anyway, after several more months of trying at home we finally managed to finagle our way into a fresh IUI, and only 2 million survived the wash. We spent the next two weeks mourning, drinking heavily (for us, anyway), and tentatively discussing things with a new KD... and then I was pregnant! We have a very close relationship with KD and his family - he is an only child and his mom is the only surviving child of his grandmother, so part of our agreement was that his mom and grandmother got full grandma privileges.
We started trying for #2 when DS was 14 months old - our plan was to do what-the-hell at home inseminations for a few months while we lined up a plan for IUIs (the clinic we worked with for #1 had merged with another and now had a more bulletproof quarantine requirement). I got pregnant on the 2nd try but miscarried at 12 weeks. When we started trying again after the loss, we realized that KDs sperm counts were even lower than they were before - consistently less than 1 million, and often only 100,000-300,000 surviving the wash. Because of our son's great relationship with KD and his family, we were really hesitant to change donors. We did an IVF consult but I'm a teacher and DP is a social worker and we just could not stomach shelling out $30k without exhausting our other options first.
We eventually came to the decision to use KD1's partner as KD2. This was a complicated decision, but both KD1 and KD2 were more on board with this plan than DP and I were. And here we are, 4 years to the day after we conceived DS (same date of LMP, at least!)
We are using a KD who is one of my sister's close friends (I've known him for 10+ years too). After a lot of brainstorming he came to mind and we were thrilled when he said yes. He's a great guy and has been really wonderful through this whole process. But, he lives across the country from us, which has been an added a challenge. We did a lot of research about methods and costs and met with an insemination specialist who gave us a list of tests to run for both us and the KD. She was really critical of our choice to use a KD and strongly encouraged us to, even if working with him, go through a sperm bank and do a quarantine period (much like babyfatty's story above), which we didn't want to do financially or timing-wise. And we didn't really like the insemination specialists' attitude about our choice to use a KD, so we decided to just try it at home ourselves a few times first. We did do all the tests she recommended though, and I'm glad we did. It gave us some really useful information - we also learned that KD has slightly low motility and morphology, which helped us with our decision to try with fresh sperm rather than frozen.
How is everyone feeling? I'm not due until the end of Nov., so I'm just at the end of week 5, and I'm not really having symptoms. Have my first appt with the midwife next week. DP and I are moving this week, so I'm trying to just focus my attention on that (while taking extra super good care of myself at the same time, of course).
We found our KD through one of those "free sperm" (LOL) websites that connects donors with people trying to get pregnant. At the beginning of this process I had wanted to go through a bank as well, because it seemed kind of sketchy to just find someone online and ask for sperm! However, our KD has been nothing but trustworthy, reliable and completely honest with us. He was the only potential donor who wanted to get to know us instead of just offering up his donation with no questions asked, and has also mentioned that though he's been asked for donations several times he is extremely selective about who he actually will donate to- which is nice to hear. We both just had an awesome feeling of "this is the right fit!" Immediately, which honestly surprised me since I thought it'd take ages to find our donor. We actually found him the very same DAY we signed up for the site, and got pregnant on our first try too, so it has been easy every step of the way!
I am actually wondering if I have "come through" to the other side of morning sickness already at 8 weeks. I'd been nauseous since even before my BFP at 10 DPO but for the past few days I've felt reasonably okay other than a few iffy moments. This was my first experience with MS and it SUCKS so I am more than okay with it if that's the case!