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Can't HB at home. Where should I have my HB?

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 

I just found out that due to financial troubles we most likely will not be moving to our "new" home in MA as soon as the remodeling is complete this summer. We will have to rent that home and continue living in our current home which we are trying to sell but I do not think will be sold before this baby comes at the end of August. This leaves us with a certain dilemma....

 

The midwife whom I really know and trust cannot deliver in RI, where I currently live.  I had her for my last HB which I had a serious hemorrhage after my placenta detached. She handled the hemorrhage wonderfully which makes me feel very safe to have another HB with her.  I know I will hemorrhage again since I did also with my first child whom was a hospital birth. I am stuck deciding weather to find a different MW, one whom is certified as a CNM since that is the only MW whom can practice in RI.  The laws have just changed and all the professional MWs practicing in our state were issued cease and desist letters so I think I only have ONE choice.   

 

So I can try and find another MW or I can deliver at my MW's house who is 45 mins away from mine. Another option is having the whole family go on a birthing vacation where we go up to our new house 1 or 2 weeks before I am due and stay there until I deliver.  I can deliver at our new house since it wont be rented yet but it is a minimum of 1.5 hrs away. If it is rush hr traffic we could have upwards of at 2.5 hr drive.   My last labor was about 2 hrs long and my MW almost did not make it last time.  That is why we would have to stay there until the baby comes.  The last problem I can think of is that I am due about 1 week before my kids start school at our old house. So If I go a week late then we loose this option of birthing at our new house, we would have to go to my MW's house for the birth.  

 

I feel stuck.  I want this MW but I also want a HB not a birth at a different home.  :( 

 

Any thoughts on what I should do?  

1) Different MW so I can birth at my current house

2) Birth at MW's house 45 mins away

3) Go on a birthing vacation to our new house and hope the baby comes before the kids start school when I am 41wks pregnant.  

 

Thanks ladies!

Andrea

post #2 of 12

If it were me, I would choose my midwifes house, assuming I would have someone who could drive me there right away. Otherwise I would look for a new midwife. 

post #3 of 12
Thread Starter 

Thanks LeighPF for your thoughts!

post #4 of 12

This is such a tough one.

 

I really like the idea of the "birthing vacation", the only problem is there's no way to actually time these things, so baby might come earlier or later than expected and mess up your plans, especially if it runs into school time. you could always try this and then opt for your midwive's home if necessary.

 

on the other hand, if there are any CNMs in your current area, it might be beneficial to talk to them/her and, of course, mention your past complications and fears. you might find that you really jive with someone else as well and your problem would be solved. if you interview others and no one fits, then stick with who you are comfortable with and make it work however you can!

post #5 of 12

I think I would choose the MW's house as long as you think you can leave home for her place as soon as labour starts.  I would be worried about having to travel, but trusting your MW is very important!

post #6 of 12
I've actually done all 3.

The birth vacation was the most stressful because of course we didn't know when baby would come and wanted to be there early enough. We went at 37 wks and baby was born at 39 weeks. We came home a week later. My husband also had to stay back until the day before for work. The plan had been for him to head there when I went in labor, but I'm thankful that it worked out. Labor was under 2 hours and the drive would have been 3 hours.

The next birth we delivered at the mw's because she couldn't deliver in my state. We had over an hour drive and got there 10 minutes before the birth. We left 2 hours later.

After spending the previous labor in the car, we switched mw's for our last. We had a mw that could deliver at our house. It was actually the least stressful of all three. I could labor without worrying about finding a sitter for the older kids or delivering in the car. My one problem is I didn't connect as well with that midwife. If I had only had a 45 minute drive I would have delivered at the out of state mw's. I hope that helps you.
post #7 of 12
Oh, I am sorry that you are having to make this choice. And that 100%mom had to do that, too. You know, be burdened to worry about such obstacles as the law, and so. I also had some similar hurdles with this birth.

Here is another possibility to consider, although the other ladies have had some great thoughts, too.

Could you hire a CNM in RI and also hire your MW in an advisory capacity?

For me, all the choices that were anything other than my current home were just not going to meet the mark for me. Being in my familiar environment, with my stuff and my kids, etc. is what I require for birthing confidently. That's why a birth center or someone else's home just would not have worked for me.

My options came together at the eleventh hour (hopefully ill go into labor tonight or tomorrow), so I hope yours work out sooner than that!
post #8 of 12
Thread Starter 
Thank you thank you ladies!!!! Your ideas and experiences will truly help with my decision. I'm leaning towards the birthing vacation option since my fiancé works from home and can bring his work with him. So we could truly be together as a family while we wait. But the fear of not delivering in time for the kids to get to school is still weighing on me so nothing is set in stone. I think I will talk to my midwife about any possible way we could deliver my home if we hired another midwife from my state as well. I think the problem might arise that their is only one MW licensed in my state and my guess is that she is already booked or it will be cost prohibitive.

I'm hoping with time the solution will come to me. orngbiggrin.gif
post #9 of 12
Is renting a hotel room where you live for birthing day an option?
post #10 of 12
I think a birthing vacation sounds awesome! Go up there before the baby is born, hang out, go for walk, have a stress-free, fun, family time! If the baby comes while you are there: great! If not, birth at your midwife's house. In my experience, finding a midwife you trust is hard. I would stick with the one you have.

If your births are super fast, driving 45 minutes in a car sounds awful. So I would hope the baby would come when you are at your other house on your birth vacation, but stressing about it won't help. It drives me crazy that babies don't send a text saying "eta 3 days", but if you just accept that the baby will come when the baby wants to come and you have no control, you'll feel a lot better.

Sending lots of love.
post #11 of 12
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by alaskanmomma View Post

Is renting a hotel room where you live for birthing day an option?

Sadly the closet hotel room across state lines into MA is basically near my MW's house 45mins away. 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by bannanachild View Post

I think a birthing vacation sounds awesome! Go up there before the baby is born, hang out, go for walk, have a stress-free, fun, family time! If the baby comes while you are there: great! If not, birth at your midwife's house. In my experience, finding a midwife you trust is hard. I would stick with the one you have.

If your births are super fast, driving 45 minutes in a car sounds awful. So I would hope the baby would come when you are at your other house on your birth vacation, but stressing about it won't help. It drives me crazy that babies don't send a text saying "eta 3 days", but if you just accept that the baby will come when the baby wants to come and you have no control, you'll feel a lot better.

Sending lots of love.

 

We are working HARD to finish our house in MA but the dare I say "stupid" inspectors keep changing the rules on us. It is seriously getting out of hand!!! I hope that the house will be done before the birth else we will be forced to birth at our MW's house.  I am getting more comfortable with either idea after I spoke with my MW some more.  She even offered to have my kids and mom come for the birth and if it gets too late she said they could stay in her guest room!!!  I am very happy about this! Having my whole family present and comfortable will let me relax.  Either way this baby will come safely and calmly. I will let go of what I cannot control and focus on what I can; providing a wonderful loving home for our child to be welcomed into.  The rest is out of my control at the moment. But I do hope our home in MA get's done....I would love to get away for a week or 2 before the baby arrives, explore the surrouding towns together and enjoy a mini vacation. :) 

 

Thanks so much ladies. I'll let you know how it goes. 

post #12 of 12
I'm SO glad your plans are feeling more comfortable for you. That's so important! I have no advice, just wanted to cheer on a fellow MA homebirthing mama :-)
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