Sourire and Tracy: Just checking in to see if you posted again. I am sorry. I know after my loss and BFNs the last thing I wanted to do was "talk" to anybody, but we are all here for you if you need us. I checked out of MDC many times, after m/c, after failed cycles, and after a while coming back to talk always felt good and I found support to move on. I hope you are both doing ok. Don't give up hope. There is a baby out there for both of you.
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Spring IVF 2013 - Page 13post #242 of 7675/6/13 at 5:31amAfter my hCG levels dropped on Friday they started rising again but much more slowly (4 days doubling time). I had an ultrasound this weekend which showed a gestational sac and fetal pole that looked about equivalent to 5 weeks pregnant. So the baby is still in there but we don't know if its alive. I'm still bleeding but not as much as before. I have to go in for another ultrasound next Friday to see if the baby is growing.
I've read that the placenta can continue producing hormones even after the baby has died and that its quite common to see slowly rising betas after a miscarriage. So personally I'm still convinced that its over. But the clinic won't let me stop taking progesterone as long as the betas are still rising.
Teresa I remember you went through a similar nightmare last year. When did your doctors finally call it quits? Did you miscarry naturally or did you have to take the meds or get the D&C? I just want this to be over so I can move on.post #243 of 7675/6/13 at 5:43ampost #244 of 7675/6/13 at 6:16am
sourire - I hope that you have a little fighter baby in there and that you will get a happy surprise on Friday. My last m/c had rising betas. In fact they were still doubling when I went in for a D&C. It was horrible to be in limbo for so long (it was like 3 weeks). But in my case I had no fetal pole or yolk sack. So yea, betas can still rise. But it is probably a good sign that you can actually see a baby in there. It could be a twin that you m/c'ed, and the baby that you see now is just fine.
post #245 of 7675/6/13 at 6:51am
Sourire: I'm going to send you a PM. I wrote out an answer to your question, but it was kind of graphic, so I thought it best not to share with everyone lest it's too much info.
AFM: I royally screwed up. My nurse made it very clear that I wouldn't be able to have my FET on Friday if I forgot to start my progesterone last night. Well, Scott's cousins from Argentina came to stay with us last night, and I got distracted and completely forgot the PIO shot. I did it this AM at 7:30, and I'll start the endometrin after my GYN appointment this AM (I'm supposed to be alternating each day PIO and Endometrin). I haven't told my doctor yet. Do you think I can still transfer on Friday??? I really, really, really don't want him to postpone or cancel. Sigh.post #246 of 7675/6/13 at 9:27amQuote:Originally Posted by teresaresa
Sourire: I'm going to send you a PM. I wrote out an answer to your question, but it was kind of graphic, so I thought it best not to share with everyone lest it's too much info.
AFM: I royally screwed up. My nurse made it very clear that I wouldn't be able to have my FET on Friday if I forgot to start my progesterone last night. Well, Scott's cousins from Argentina came to stay with us last night, and I got distracted and completely forgot the PIO shot. I did it this AM at 7:30, and I'll start the endometrin after my GYN appointment this AM (I'm supposed to be alternating each day PIO and Endometrin). I haven't told my doctor yet. Do you think I can still transfer on Friday??? I really, really, really don't want him to postpone or cancel. Sigh.
Sometimes they move the transfer one day. I think the shot(progesterone) has to be exactly five days prior to a 3 day transfer. last cycle I forgot the estradiol the night before and caught it the next morning..12 hours later and that that was okay .post #247 of 7675/6/13 at 9:31ampost #248 of 7675/6/13 at 9:42amThread StarterSourire- I'm so sorry you're just being strung along. There's no easy way to get answers & it's especially hard when your gut tells you to start grieving & your mind wants to hang on to a piece of hope. I'll keep praying that the small babe is hanging on & making a comeback.
Teresa- I'd ask them if its okay. Only because I read somewhere that the lining age has to match up with embryo age or it can cause implantation failure (which can be the cause of infertility in general for some women). I don't know how much of a difference 12 hours makes.post #249 of 7675/6/13 at 1:08pmSourire- My second miscarriage had rising betas with bleeding. It's a heart wrenching horrific rollar coaster ride. I'm so sorry. Just remember, it's your body and you can do what you want. If you want to quit the progesterone go ahead. If you don't, that's fine too.
Hugs Tracy. I hope you find answers.
AFM- no AF, so I tested and sure enough it was positive but faint. I went in today for a blood test on 15 dpo and it was only a 36. It should be closer to 140. So I go back in 2 days for a repeat blood test. Right now I'm just hoping I get my period and the beta falls nicely so I can start the IVF cycle without any delay. This is my fifth miscarriage. What the #%^* is wrong with me.post #250 of 7675/6/13 at 5:45pm
I missed a lot over the past 2 weeks, hi everybody!
I had an ultrasound this morning and there is no heartbeat. Not surprising but sh!tty all the same. I haven't started spotting or bleeding yet so I made an appointment on Thursday for a D & C. My doctor recommends a natural miscarriage (which I did last time) but I want them to do genetic testing to see if they can see a reason for it. Maybe it's just my age or bad luck, but I feel like there must be something else wrong. They've referred me to the Women's Hospital here for that testing.
This is probably unfair to DH but I feel like his sperm quality is so bad that maybe there is actually an underlying genetic issue that's causing the miscarriages as well? He was tested for chromosome microdeletion but they did say there could be other problems that don't come up on the tests.
In any case I don't want to do another IVF cycle, I guess I'll have to ask the doctor what's involved with embryo donation.post #251 of 7675/6/13 at 10:00pmpost #252 of 7675/7/13 at 4:21ampost #253 of 7675/7/13 at 5:31amThread StarterLaggie- sending strength your way through this awful time. It is so so unfair & just not even explainable how sad. I'm so sorry for what you're going through & the emotions that never go away. It just breaks my heart all over again. Hope the d&c goes smoothly. I know there's opposing views but I really felt it was the best thing for us too. Let me know if you want to talk, I know this isn't your first go at this but if you need anything I'm here.
RCR- we do need some good news. Too much sadness.
Teresa- what did the doctor say about your PIO?
AFM- I made an appt with my doctor Wednesday to ask some questions before transfer. My first ultrasound is Friday but I'm worried about LPD after miscarriage. My LP was only 9 days the last 2 months so I'm hoping he'll agree to a split trigger to support my LP.post #254 of 7675/7/13 at 6:06am
Laggie: I'm so sorry. I think you are right to want to the D&C for genetic testing. It will help to know if there's something going on there, even if you don't want to do IVF again. I think one of the hardest parts of all of this is having tons of questions, and very few answers. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Tooth: What's a split trigger? Is that like a slow release trigger?
AFM: I emailed my old doctor at SIRM, and he told me not to worry about taking the PIO 8 hours late. However, then I spent hours last night googling, and everyone referenced the window of viability for the uterus which is determined by when you start progesterone. So, I emailed my nurse this AM and asked her to call me. I fervently hoping that everything still works out for Friday. Every cycle has an issue. It is absolutely never easy. I must have done something really crummy in a past life ;-)post #255 of 7675/7/13 at 9:56am
xerxella - positive beta?? i won't get all gushy, since it sounds like you feel this isn't going to work out and you definitely know best. but i'm thinking of you and hoping for a different outcome this time.
laggie, sourie, tracey - this is all so overwhelmingly sh*tty. i just wish i had something more helpful to add.
teresa - hoping you get a solid answer to your question. i often wonder if i did something really crummy in a past life, too! :)
afm - my cycle is officially canceled. the 10.4 turned into a 16.1 as of yesterday. had a 10.83, an 8.0, and a 3.92 but those are obviously quite a bit behind the lead. my E2 was at 371. I still think it could have gone either way if I continued to stim... who knows... maybe the others would have caught up without having to sacrifice the lead... but I decided to call it quits. Triggering tonight and no IUI since I don't think IUI has any bearing on us getting or not getting pregnant. I have my follow up appointment with my doc next week and I'm going to talk with her about mini IVF with clomid. I think she will agree that this is the best route. So far I have had really terrible response with FSH but had pretty great response to low dose clomid. of course, that was a year ago and a lot can change in a year. but if i do two rounds of mini ivf and embryo bank... i should hopefully end up with more eggs than if i went to retrieval this time for one maybe two. And since I won't be transferring immediately, the clomid/lining thing shouldn't be a problem. I don't know. This is what I'm thinking today. It could all change tomorrow. Or next week.post #256 of 7675/7/13 at 2:07pmIndie- please don't get excited. 36 on 15 dpo is a horrific number. My 2nd and 4th loss were just like this. I'm sorry about your cancellation. I think the mini IVF is a great idea. I've thought about that myself. I'm only expecting (hoping) to get one good embryo per cycle anyways. I think I'll charge forward with this first IVF and if we only get one (I'd be thrilled with anything greater than zero) than we'll try something different next time. I'd really like to just get to retrieval.
Teresa- I wouldn't worry about an 8 hour difference. The implantation window is about 3 days. So, yeah, if you get outside if that then worry, but 8 hours sounds alright.
TF- I think a second or third trigger sounds like a great idea. I also hear about women taking estrogen to support their luteal phase. I don't know much about that. I assume you're already on progesterone.
Laggie- hugs. It's always hard to hear the definitive news. I'm sorry.post #257 of 7675/7/13 at 3:52pm
Laggie - oh no. I am so incredibly sorry.
Xerxella - that really sucks. If you don't mind talking about it, I was wondering if all your losses have been very early? How long does it usually take until everything is over?
indie - Cancelled cycle? Arg.... is this shit on infertiles week or something?
rcr - I agree we need some good news around here... I think you're that good news! You're still pregnant! That's cause for celebration! Please stay pregnant my friend. I actually have a confession... remember when most of us were all posting in the Infertility One Thread last year? There was a period when pretty much nobody had a BFP for a super long time, like 9 months or something. And of those who did get BFP's, every single person lost the baby without exception. After a while I started feeling like the thread was cursed or something. Then I got really superstitious and decided I couldn't post in that thread anymore because it was cursed. After everything that's happened here in the past week I'm starting to feel like this thread is cursed too!!! Maybe I am the one bringing the curse? I'm a bit worried even though it's all ridiculous superstition. But basically I think we need someone to have something good happen to them so that the curse can be broken!
Teresa - I've heard the window of implantation is actually a couple of days long. Before my FET I asked my doctor what would happen if my 1 remaining blast did not survive defrosting (when I did my first FET one of my blasts didn't make it). He said in that case we could transfer a 3 day embryo instead (I still have 5 frozen 3 day embryos). I said, is that even possible? Won't we have missed the window of implantation? He said no it shouldn't be a problem. So I think that being a few hours off shouldn't be too bad either if my clinic was willing to do a transfer that was off by 2 days.
toothfairy - are you on PIO? I have never in my life had a normal length LP on my own as you know. It took a few different tries but my doctor finally found the perfect solution for me: Crinone twice a day. I think if that you are on the right form of progesterone for you, you don't need to worry about the LP.
AFM - thanks for all being so supportive. This may sound really weird, but most of the time I'm not even upset about losing this pregnancy. I feel totally normal and DH and I still joke around a lot and have fun. My favourite joke these days is that every time something bad happens to me I say "well that's the worst thing that's happened to me this week!". I find it completely and inexplicably hilarious to pretend that minor annoyances are worse than losing a baby I've been trying to have for 3 years. But really I feel mostly fine, just a bit numb. I honestly am almost convinced that I had a really wonderful dream that I was pregnant and then I woke up and I'm back in my familiar life as an infertile trying to reach a goal that seems unattainable. I'm not sure I even believe that I ever really was pregnant.
I went to see my psychologist yesterday and she says that my reaction is actually quite common and I'm really in a state of psychological shock aka having an acute stress reaction (which is kind of like a less severe version PTSD). It doesn't mean that I'm not upset about this, it just means that this event has caused me such an incredibly huge trauma that my emotions have simply shut down and stopped functioning most of the time and my way of protecting myself is to subconsciously deny that any of this really happened. I was honestly relieved when she told me this because it makes complete sense and I was starting to wonder if something was wrong with me because I don't have a history of handling things well and I was kind of surprised that I didn't feel more upset.
Anyways on my psychologist's recommendation I went to see a doctor this morning and the doctor gave me a 2 week leave of absence from work because even though I feel fine now, my psychologist says eventually I will have to face reality and it's not going to be pretty. Also I wasn't very functional at work because I just feel so numb and dazed most of the time. Also it's hard to really get over something when I don't even have closure from my clinic on how this will end.post #258 of 7675/7/13 at 4:52pm
Sourire~ glad you have time off!
I was reading your thread...obviously and I have never heard of a 3 day embryo transfer after a blast. Usually it is before because of that "window". I would double check with your doctor on that one.Usually I am pretty lame with my info but my doctor would not do the blast before the embryo last time. I am glad though that you have blasts and embryos......so you'll just keep trying until it happens right? This is good news. Relax on your time off.
X~ I am really curious about your beta. Please let us know the outcome on Wednesday okay?
Indie~Im sorry about your cancelled cycle. Keep us in tunned to what you are thinking. It's nice to see the strength we all seem to still have.
Tooth~Want to hear all about your appointment wednesday. Hopefully good news.
Laggie~ Will be sending you strength on Thursday
Teresaresa~ Glad it's all gonna work out for Friday...That's good news.
afm~ I'm okay. That negative just slapped me across the face..so to speak. The good news is that we do have 3 good blasts and I thought we were out of everything. So donation embryos I am not thinking about now
And the good news is we are all so strong and have so much more hope combined than anyone I know. We rock so hard and any baby that comes to us will not only be our gifts but be the most treasured and loved being!post #259 of 7675/7/13 at 7:04pmTracy - the doctor was talking about transferring a 3-day embryo INSTEAD of a blast, not of doing both in the same cycle. I'm glad you've been able to find some strength to keep trying. I will definitely keep trying as well as soon as my current situation is settled. I don't have any blasts left though, only 3 day embryos.post #260 of 7675/8/13 at 8:21pmTracy- wow! 3 good blasts! That's awesome. I think you have a real good chance with those.
Sourire- I'm glad you have a psychologist to talk to. Everything she said made a lot of sense. But I'm surprised you'd want time off of work. Being idle during time of stress just makes everything worse for me. I usually need something to distract me. But I'm super glad your doc is giving you what YOU need.
AFM- beta of 52 today, progesterone 9. I wish the beta was going down, but at least it's not doubling. (The hardest losses IMO are the ones where the numbers are just barely doubling, but they're low. Not a lot of people realize this but doubling in 48 hours is just a quick rule of thumb. They actually should double in about 24-36 hours very early on and with a longer and longer space between the numbers as they get bigger. A 5-6 day doubling when they're in the 10,000s is perfectly reasonable.)
The good news is the progesterone is dropping. IME, when the progesterone finally drops is when I'll start to bleed.
So my losses: First was a blighted ovum. We didn't discover it until 11 weeks and I finally miscarried at 13 weeks on my own. Second was beta hell. The RPL doc called it a pregnancy of unknown location and thought it could've been ectopic. I learned 90% of ectopics actually resolve themselves. But if they don't they could rupture and kill you so naturally most docs don't risk it. The betas then were low and slow, but always rising. This was my first hard beta lesson. I started to bleed at 7 weeks and nothing was ever seen on u/s.
My third loss was the monoamniotic twins. This was incredibly hard. Everything looked great. Betas were great, they were growing great. I was starting to feel them move and then they died at 13 weeks. The docs say the process of monoamniotic twinning itself dooms these pregnancies from the start. Only 50% make it to birth even with the best of care. I knew this, but I was sure I'd be in the winning 50%, right?
My fourth loss was similar to this one. Betas were low and slow but it was completely resolved by 8 weeks. And this is my fifth loss. I'm hoping that since my numbers are less than they were last time this will resolve even quicker.
And writing that all out made me see what a freak of nature I really am. :P But it all does seem to come down to various forms of implantation failure. I really think my uterus is too receptive and lets embryos implant that shouldn't. But, I also think the last doc may have been on to something with the hormone imbalance. He was right with this one. So hopefully we can get some good embryos and do an FET into a hormonally balanced cycle. During my negative times I'm sure that won't work either and there's really something else wrong with me that we haven't even heard of yet.
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