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FTM considering a UC. Husband and mom say "errr.... you'll change your mind."

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 

So first off I think I should say that I am currently driving an hour and 30 minutes to the nearest hospital/OB office that offers midwife care. I like them to an extent. They don't seem "as bad" as most but that's as far as my love goes. I am very happy with them for prenatal care though.

 

Something that I've been considering since the beginning is a home birth. H thinks we are too far away from the nearest hospital with a maternity ward. It's about 40 minutes away which stinks because we are like .5 miles away from a hospital without a maternity ward. I'm not sure in case of an emergency if just A HOSPITAL works or if it has to have a birthing location. Anyways. We talked about it and another point of contention for him is cost of a home birth. I've heard recently that a lot of MW have sliding scales and considering that the price that was quoted to me in the beginning included all my prenatal appointments... I'm wondering if I could get a quote for just the birth and probably one visit beforehand. 

 

Another thing is my mom has been having dreams lately of her delivering my baby. She told me that she was freaking out because she just knew (even though she didn't want to) that she would be the one attending me during my birth. It's not something that I wanted in a hospital situation. I only wanted DH and myself in the room because my mom hates hospitals more than I do and it would be too much of the same energy. But, if she was with my at home I would be very happy with this. She expressed an interest in learning midwifery so I bought her "Spiritual Midwifery" to get her started.

 

Even though animals are different than humans... my mom has been breeding dogs for 30 years, has bred horses, and had 5 natural childbirths herself. I'm starting to think that if my mom read a few books about humans I would feel pretty safe with her experience and my own intuition. She's slightly nervous about the idea but has surprisingly be getting a lot of positive feedback from her "puppy people" when she asks if it's a super crazy idea. I'm only 24 weeks so we have a while to let it simmer.

 

I guess what I am asking is if this is a completely terrible idea: to do a UC with my mom for my first child. If I should start getting info from MWs for backups. Or if I'm too far away and should just bite the bullet and have my husband be a watchdog at a hospital that I feel "meh" about as oppsosed to horrible dread.

post #2 of 9
If there was anyone I would feel comfortable delivering my child as a midwife, it would be my mom. She is extremely intelligent, has had five home births, attended other friends births, and would he awesome help. She lives far away so I just had a UC with my husband and myself. I say go for it!!!! Obviously your instincts (and hers) are telling you to do it!
You could always rent a hotel room close to the other hospital and give birth there. Screaming isnt nessessary in labor (you might like moaning) so noise wouldnt be a problem.
Edited by eknuckles - 3/31/13 at 9:26am
post #3 of 9
Thread Starter 

I will think about it but one of the advantages of a home birth for me is the availability to move around and be as loud as I want. I'm a loud person to begin with so I'm assuming I'm going to be a screamer during labor. 


Edited by inconditus - 3/31/13 at 11:01am
post #4 of 9
I agree and if you feel like screaming go for it lol. I just meant screaming (like your being hacked to death) doesn't usually help, you actually tense that way. Moaning (which is a deeper pitch) helps relax and allow you to open. But really its all relative to you and what you like.
post #5 of 9

I think it would be a good idea to get ahold of the local hospital and find out if they could handle delivering the baby if there is an emergency. If they are, then being so close should be a weight of your DH's mind. You may be able to talk to someone about what they usually do in that situation as well just so you both know what to expect- since they don't have a maternity ward, it's possible that they don't have procedures you'd be comfortable with. (I have no idea, but I doubt it would hurt to find out)

post #6 of 9
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sillysapling View Post

I think it would be a good idea to get ahold of the local hospital and find out if they could handle delivering the baby if there is an emergency. If they are, then being so close should be a weight of your DH's mind. You may be able to talk to someone about what they usually do in that situation as well just so you both know what to expect- since they don't have a maternity ward, it's possible that they don't have procedures you'd be comfortable with. (I have no idea, but I doubt it would hurt to find out)

 

Ooohh. I like this idea. How would I go about asking? Just say that I am considering a home birth and what would happen if I had an issue? 

post #7 of 9
I would highly doubt that a hospital that doesn't do deliveries would be the place you'd want to go if you had a problem. The staff there is likely to have little to no experience with labor complications or newborn issues and may not even have the equipment you'd need to treat a problem. They wouldn't have an OB on staff and if you are rural, may not even have anesthesia in-house. If you're going to the hospital, presumably it's because there is something potentially serious happening and going to somewhere where they never deal with labor and birth is probably a bad idea.
post #8 of 9

So here's my point of view:

 

I live on an island.  To get off the island you have to take a 15-20min ferry boat ride (no bridges).  I live at pretty much the farthest point from the ferry, so it would take me about 15-20mins just to get to the ferry.  There is no hospital on the island.  There is an emergency health care clinic that isn't open on the weekends (and I am pretty sure they don't do births).  If there is an emergency I will most likely have to be helicoptered off the island (luckily my DSHS medical coverage will pay for this, although DP really wants us to buy helicopter insurance because it covers anyone in the household for a whole year for only $80!  And he wants to fake an injury so he can get a helicopter ride.  Yes, he is silly).  Point being, I am pretty far away from a hospital in case of an emergency.  Which is rare if you are not high risk.  Of course things can happen, but I almost feel like being this far away will keep my mind focused and not let me slip into a state of "oh my god, I can't do this, just take me to the hospital."  Going to a hospital for me will truly only be in case of a life or death type emergency.  Again, if you are not high risk, if you are educated and prepared, this is a rare occurrence.

 

Secondly, humans are animals.  There isn't a whole lot different in our natures.  Yes, a lot of other mammals give birth to babies with hooves.  Yes, most all other animals give birth alone, unassisted, with maybe a few onlookers.  People tell me all the time about how we are so much different than other animals, but that is just ego talking.  We are animals.  Period.  If your mom can assist a dog giving birth (which really is all about sitting back and letting the dog do her thing, just being there in case of an emergency), then I think she can do the same for you!  My mom has had 4 vaginal births (I just found out the other day that her first, when she was 19 in 1969, they gave her drugs and used forceps, but all other babies were drug free and completely brought into the world on her own).  She has also raised farm animals for decades, has been around for the birth of cats, dogs, sheep, goats, horses, and many other humans.  She has had to stick her hands up inside a sheep and pull out a baby.  She has dealt with so much birth in so many ways that I really wouldn't want anyone else attending my birth but her!  Sure, she hasn't been around in too many emergency situations (human births that is, many scary births for farm animals), but she knows about birth.

 

My mom has been watching lots and lots of childbirth videos, to remind her what it's like.  I have also given her Laura Shanley's book to read (which I have had to rent from the library about 4 times because both Mom and DP want to read it, but the book has so many holds on it that we can never renew!). 

 

All in all, I think you would be fine.  Tribal women didn't have doctors attending their births, they had the other women of the community, they had their mothers and grandmothers.  I love knowing that I will be getting close to that when I have my UC in June!  Good luck and enjoy the journey!

post #9 of 9

I think you & your mom need to be clear on the differences between UC with her as a support person and a homebirth with her as an unlicensed midwife.  I recommend against the latter. The subtle difference in who is taking on the role of authority might mean the difference between hearing your intuition or turning to your mom for insight she doesn't have. It could even mean the difference between charges being brought against her in the rare event complications get others involved.  IMO, having an inexperienced person (and I mean inexperienced in handling complications, I agree that her experience with animals is actually quite relevant in dealing with a normal healthy birth) in the role of midwife has the potential to make things worse if complications arise. I think the birthing woman has to be in a clear place of authority in a UC -- as a doula, mother, sister, friend, I'd only attend a UC as a support person & I'd expect the laboring mama to be in the role of decision maker <3

 

here are a couple of pieces I've written on the subject that might clarify my response ;)

 

http://thebirthingsite.com/birthing-assistance/item/603-doulas-and-unassisted-births.html

 

http://thebirthingsite.com/birthing-styles/item/484-deciding-if-unassisted-birth-is-right-for-you.html

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