Originally Posted by akind1
JJ: I loved my pregnant body. I'm not loving my body now. It feels all mushy and deflated. I'm looking forward to celebrating your pregnancy when it happens.
I'm going though the baby stuff with my sister. So mich I want to get her but don't have $$
Maternity leave is important. Important enough to start working more now to qualify?
I did love my pregnant body last time. Barely thought twice about the numbers on the scale and just enjoyed the changes and how great it felt to be able to -see- baby. I felt SO at home, and 'right' in my body. Right now though, I'm holding so much extra fat/bloating in my stomach area, and am already really self conscious about that area, that I have a feeling I'd spend so much time worrying about hwat I was going to look like afterwards and focusing on looking so much more pregnant than I already was, because of the existing fat. I already worry that people at work and stuff will think I'm pregnant again because of how belly-like my stomach is. Blah. Also, After Ten was born, I started questioning a lot how much relation there was between her birth weight (8lb8oz) and the extra weight I gained that I really didn't need to. I wonder if I'd been healthier throughout with my diet and exercise, if she would have been a smaller baby. My weight gain the the first two trimesters was pretty normal, but I gained a lot more/faster during the last, and a lot of it was me weight and not baby weight, so that makes me concerned too. I guess a lot of it just boils down to wanting to be healthier next time around. Now that I know what my energy level during and after the pregnancy will be like, I know more how realistic it is/isn't for me to be able to get back in shape afterwards. So I want to make sure I can set myself up better than I did last time. I hate hating my body, and being self conscious about it.
Ok I went and looked again. Technically, I "qualify", as in, they would give me the required 50 weeks paid off of work. The problem is that it's based on your income. So what they would be paying me on mat leave, would be laughable. You get 55% of your average weekly earning over the past... 26 weeks I think it is. So... for instance, I'm 'averaging' about 16 hours a week or less right now. So basically on mat leave I'd end up getting about $500 or less each month. Which we could -make- work. But it just brings me back to the point of us really needing to build up a savings again and get some work done on the basement. Before Rob quit his job when I was pregnant with Ten, we had around $10k in the bank I think. It was nice and comfortable. But then we flew through it with him being off work and then doing basement and roof work.
I'd like to get to full time or almost full time hours before going on mat leave again, ideally. I got I think 560 per paycheque on my last mat leave, which is reallllly nice when you're sitting at home enjoying your new baby. But I also know I'm not ready for FT yet, or at least Tenley isn't! They're pushing on me at work though, and -want- me to go FT again... so maybe it's worth revisiting with them, and talking about seniority etc. I could only go back to being classified as FT if they gave me my seniority from before, which would mean I get more choice in my shifts, and also wouldn't ever have to do midnights. Otherwise, I'd just have to stay PT classification and open up myself to more hours. Right now I've been firm on not taking more than 25 hours a week. It's just too hard with child care and adapting with Tenley.
Ugh. Now this has me all thinking about it again, and wondering if maybe I should look into some child care options again. Ten does -fantastic- at Ashleigh's house, she really does. But Ash doesn't want to do more than two days a week. And then Rob's schedule is all over the place, so it means another provider we found, would have to be pretty flexible. Rob is gone either 6am-6:30pm or 6pm to 630am. I would be gone 6-430pm or 2-1230pm. The morning shift is fine, but obviously the evening one causes problems! lol Even if I do PM shifts on days Rob is working days, it means Tenley has to eat dinner somewhere else, and then doesn't get home until almost 7pm, and we start getting her in her jammies for bed at 7pm. It seems like a recipe for disaster. Blah.
The only thing I think that would work would be having someone that could do some afternoon/evening shifts at our house, but that's always more expensive of course than taking her elsewhere.
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes
omg I'm alive! I'm in disbelief! Worst week ever ladies, in terms of illness. So glad our stomach flu is on the way out! Finn is finally eating and drinking again and I finally ate something today, tho i'm still dealing with some, ahem, bowel issues. Awful, awful, awful norovirus. BLAH!
Boot camp is going phenomenally!!! Kiddo peed twice and pooped once on the potty this am, and was so proud of himself!! Clapped and dumped the potty and waved bye bye to the poop and pee each time. He's so thrilled with his new "skill"! Hoping today is the day it "clicks", and we can just hone skills all weekend. He was so sick all week, but did not give up! Tho, not eating or drinking made things pretty slow going.
JJ - your friend. I'm glad she is at least nursing in the beginning. I totally get her feelings, but I too hate the rejection of the term AP. It's not about nursing or not nursing! It's listening to your child and responding to their needs! I know many parents who don't nurse, don't cosleep, don't do blw -- they are still wonderful AP parents! Sigh. Fine, she can reject the label. That's no judgement on anyone. I get that sometimes it's hard to "fit" in a group when too many things differ. I like that you can still be friends, and it isn't coming b/w you.
I suppose what bugs me about her initial stance is that every baby is different, and despite her reasons with her other kids, that new baby still deserves to be breastfed. This is a new baby and a new life. Not a repeat of what's happened before. Which is why I'm happy to hear she at least started to bf.
Oh Carrie, that illness all sounds horrible. I'm glad you guys seem to be kind of coming out the other side of it! Sickness in moms should be banned, I agree!
Isn't it so cool to see them start to hone these new skills!! I need to focus more on pottying with Ten. She -has- it. She really does, we just don't give her enough opportunity. But if I leave her naked, then 9/10 times, she'll either just go sit on the potty by herself, or she'll tell me potty, and we'll go together. But if we put a diaper on, she'll rarely tell me. I think if we spent more naked time, she'd totally be able to make the transition, but we haven't commited to it enough yet.
Oh I agree with you about that NOT being what AP is about. That's the problem though-- is that she's basically had people tell her that if you don't do XYZ then you're not attachmenty enough, and therefore not a good enough mother. It's like the Time cover exactly-- but in real life. People that have talked down to her for vaxxing, and for declaring she likes her space in the bed (even though she co-sleeps and co-rooms on a fairly regular basis), etc etc. It's not that she rejects the practices, she just doesn't want to be associated with -some- of those people who give AP a bad name. It ruined it for her completely. It's not that she feels she isn't/couldn't be AP, more of a "Wow, that's what people who call themselves AP are like? Ok, I'm going to stay far away from people who act like that, since I don't want people to group me in with that behavior/judgement" ... I don't know if that makes sense. I think I'm explaining it poorly.
I get what you're saying about the baby's chance to breastfeed, and I agree, but the thing is that she wasn't tlaking about not breastfeeding this time because nursing was hard last time. She did work through it last time... it was more the idea that for some mothers, the stress of breastfeeding and the pressure of that relationship, can make motherhood really 'unpleasurable' and hard, and when you're looking at someone who already has a lot of obstacles emotionally and could be very susceptible to depression, sometimes it's better to know yourself and your limits and not put that pressure on yourself. Of course I am thrilled that she's decided to breastfeed for at least as long as she feels comfortable, and hopefully it'll be a long time, I also get where she's coming from, and I respect and understand her right to know her state of mind and make the decisions that will make her the most engaged, loving mother. As long as she's making that decision with ALL the information about breastfeeding, and NOT from a lack of support or resources, then I'm ok with that. (Even though as you said, I do think that every baby deserves a chance to be breastfed. But they also deserve a mother who is engaged and present.)
Originally Posted by MarineWife
JJ ~ I forgot before to say that a toddler nursing only 3-5 times a day is normal. So, if Tenley went down to that, it would still be fine and normal. We spent almost the entire day out yesterday and D didn't nurse at all from maybe 10 am until at least 5:30 pm.
The boys finished their swimming lessons. K can swim almost as well as E now. I'm hoping that dh will now take over and take the boys to pool at least 1 hour on the weekends and get them swimming better. I told him the other day that I was just going to start giving him assignments with the boys. I'd tell him what was on his calendar. He agreed. I guess he really does prefer that I just tell him what to do.
I think the 3-5 times seems ok (weird still, but definitely ok), it just seems crazy that she would/could stay at that 3-5 times consistency for another 8-12 months, and not decrease even more, kwim? It feels like... oh she's a 5 times a day now, well next month she'll be 4, then 3, then 2, then all of a sudden only nursing to bed and she'll only be 20 months old. That seems so young! So even though I'm feeling a little touched out, and decreasing sounds like a good idea when I'm in that mindset, on the other hand, I'm like whaaaattt... no! She'll never make it long enough! lol
It makes sense that if Sean is used to taking orders at work, he would feel comfortable with it at home... maybe a bit of a safety net? I know nothing about the military mindset, but it makes sense to me that it would just become his comfort zone of always feeling better if someone else was the one giving the orders, and he just had to follow them. Of course it doesn't help if you don't like always having to give the orders, but it does make sense to me.
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes
I have to say tho, it was all him. We had one day of boot camp, and that night he woke up sick. I was prepared to let it all go and just put him back in diapers, but even sick, he was signing "potty" and wanted to try. It was very low expectations and I didn't make a fuss over any of it, just praise when he tried.
Today was hit/miss. He's really trying hard! We are keeping it light and fun. No pressure. The only thing that's getting to me is that there's been a lot of poop to deal with today. A lot. Messy. And it stinks. Bleh.
But he's really trying hard and doing great!
That's awesome about swimming!
Let me ask you guys your opinion on something.
DH often needs to paint or do a project on the house after work, or on the weekends when the kids are around. I get this in my mind, there's literally no other time when he can do it. But, why does it bother me so much?? I tried to get the kids settled, eating dinner, and yes, do potty training, encourage bites during dinner, do pjs, etc -- and he's right there painting, offering nothing to us. He pours new paint out into the tray and of course they are curious and want to help, but I need to wrangle them away. The walls are wet, so I have to keep them out of the room. It's so frustrating to me that he offers no help with parenting when he's doing these things. But, then, he has to get them done. How can I reframe this so that I don't feel so angry about the situation? Or would you also be annoyed?
It sounds like he's doing great!! WTG Finn!
I'd be angry too. Hey, Rob and I had the conversation today, and it wasn't even because he was doing other stuff, but just because I worked two days of his four off, and so we ran out of time. We were supposed to go do something family oriented today, and then he wanted to work on the car instead, and I got all pissy because he wasn't going to spend time with us. We did end up going to the zoo though, and had a ton of fun. Anyways, MW had a lot of great advice, I just wanted to add that when Rob is trying to do something at home, I sometimes find the easiest thing to do is just leave. Plan an outing and make yourself scarce. Obviously that isn't always reasonable, but could he sometimes make sure that he's planning the work for times when you guys could easily get out for a playdate or something? That helps me to frame in my mind that he's "off limits", and when we're out of the house, I don't feel as annoyed that I'm dealing with Tenley all by myself. And then I'd also make sure that you plan ahead times when he WILL do stuff with you guys and help out with the kids and do family things.