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Body Image trouble

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 

Ugh.

I wish I felt round and beautiful, all I feel is fat. greensad.gif

Right before I fell pregnant, I had lost about 45 lbs. I felt great! I hadn't weighed that low in 21 years. My energy was higher, my body felt much more comfortable and other than sagging skin, I felt a lot more attractive. At 5'1" it made a huge difference.

At my first MW appt. in December I weighed 204, then in Feb. I weighed 193. Last month I had gone back up to 198. I try to eat normally and choose healthy things, and I realize that I still have an overall loss. I am really trying not to obsess, but now that I don't have a scale at home I am worried that I am just continuing to gain. Some of it is the sensation of later pregnancy with belly in the way and general fatigue and windedness, but some is seeing my face start to fill out again. I really don't want to gain. I want to maintain. At my height and weight there is really no reason to gain anything. 

I feel so uncomfortable, and it only makes me feel fat because it feels just like last year before I lost any weight. 

And it doesn't help when my dd pats my belly and says, "Mama, you don't look any different than you ever did."

 

Again, ugh.

post #2 of 9

I hear you. Sounds like it's time to figure out some ways to be kind to yourself.

 

I was overweight to start with and have definitely gained more than I needed to/should have, but I don't feel like it's totally in my control. My new ob (who apparently has 4 children of her own) said that it wasn't for her, but that I needed to watch it all the same. :S

post #3 of 9
Aww. It's so crappy to feel bad about yourself. I didn't start off unhappy with my weight but I'm stil not stoked about my face changing and nothing fitting me, and I even have a big round belly to show for it. It makes me sad to have those feelings show up, because I thought i had let go of body shaming a long time ago. I wish we had a culture that truely celebrated these changes and I wish I'd never felt body shame in my life.
I believe this is a temporary thing, and it will just pass on by without taking full hold. I'll believe the same for all of us.
post #4 of 9
Thread Starter 

It is crappy. 
I think for me it is added to by the fact of my age, and that fear of losing what I had gained (or actually gaining what I had lost! lol.gif) which is so hard to shake. I can't describe how wonderful it was to feel so much better and more active and in shape. I have never desired to be thin, just healthy, fit and comfortable.

Especially after so many years of being 245 lbs., I could hardly believe it when it started coming off. My life changed, weight dropped off and I felt ALIVE! 
I know those feelings will return some time after Kait is born, I am just surprised at how strong my reactions and emotions are to the thought of gaining. 

post #5 of 9

I lost 30 pounds before I got pregnant with Bean, and after 8 weeks I had to stop weighing myself because I was gaining (healthy gain, mind you). Even now it's hard. But I try to think of it as, we've done it already, so after our babies are born, they'll know how to do it again

post #6 of 9
I'm there too, started losing before pregnancy and in first trimester and am starting to feel a shift to gaining. I was doing pretty well, keeping junk out of the house since my toddler is a big mimic and I want good nutritional habits for her. Easter was a huge chocolate disaster (we only bought one small treat for DD, the rest were all gifts) and I'm dreading my next appt. I've always been big but I've always had a waistline and an hourglass ish shape. Pregnancy eliminates that pretty fast and I wind up feeling utterly unattractive. Throw in being months late for a haircut and zero make up or jewelry in two years and I'm in a major SAHM rut in terms of self image - and I feel like I'm about to restart the clock once baby arrives. After the crazy newborn days, I'm committing to joining the 8 week healthy weight loss challenge in health and wellness for multiple cycles. I do well with structure and accountability and I'm resigning myself to feeling blah until I can get up and do something about it. I can't wait for some nice weather so I can take DD out on foot; the exercise always helps my self esteem even if it's not reflected on the scale. Big hugs mamas! We're over halfway there and hopefully nursing will help us all meet our weightloss goals. I can see light at the end of the tunnel smile.gif
post #7 of 9

I lost 50 lbs before I got pregnant this time. I was the lowest I had been in 6-7 years. And I gained really fast once again this pregnancy. I always seem to do that. I feel a bit better since I'm exercising and now more recently have started chart calories on myfitnesspal to make sure I'm not overdoing it. So far, I've slowed the weight gain and feel better. I am not starving or anything. I'm still pretty much doomed to have gained far more than I planned since I'm already over my original goal weight for this pregnancy at 26.5 weeks, but oh well. At least I'm doing my best and I know if I keep my fitness level up, I should be able to get things back to normal soon enough.

 

That would be the attitude I would work towards. Yes, you have lost ground, but you can get it back. 

post #8 of 9
I totally empathize. I was almost back to my HS weight when I found out I was pregnant. I am currently 3LBS away from my all time high weight. It feels awful.

On the one hand, I comfort myself in knowing that a lot of that is good weight gain, but I KNOW some of it is extra from having treats and being less active.

The only thing that makes me feel better is cooking a healthy meal and going for walks/swims.

If "all's well" with your baby, maybe getting more active will help you feel better too?

Those endorphins are a blessing to my mood. I hope they can be to yours too.
post #9 of 9
Two other things:

As a side-rant: does I really bother you when people say things like "treat yourself!" And "this is no time to diet"? I get they are well-meaning, but it's the opposite kind of support I need to make healthy choices. Like, no people, those 10 cookies I just ate? That's not a cute pregnancy craving story. That's a major sugar crash just waiting to hit, and an insulin bomb for my poor baby. Don't let me think it's ok!!

On a more productive note, I got a book called "YOU:Having a Baby" that goes into the physiology of our diets when we are pregnant and explains in simple terms what all the research into nutrition means.

It really helped me remember what important functions nutrients and extra fat are having in my body, and also helped understand the long-term negative effects of having a bad diet.
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