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No foolin'! Dingos are running through April! - Page 3

post #41 of 247
Lofty - hug.gif 6 years ago I went through a traumatic year in which I started seeing a therapist, who I will go back to after several years' break, tomorrow, and began a meditation practice that continues daily. The closest to how bad I feel now was then (although, then, there was a precipitating event). A lot of how I felt that year is coming back to me now, and one thing she said in particular (when I would sob from this bottomless, dark void that was my internal world): "the only way out is through". The last line of your beautiful poem recalled that saying....

JG - "gently suggest" lol.gif yeah, except that these days my luteal phase is the good times. Congrats to your son!!! And you!!

Mamajb - I would go to the one you like. This will be expensive, and energy consuming. It is more of a load on me and Dh (read: me) than I would have ever considered. Who has to remind DD daily about her appliance, and cajole, support, etc. her through the process. Now ds is starting. He will not enjoy this and I will have to talk him down about it all the time. Having a professional as the leader of the process that the kids like, trust, and respond well to will help you help the kids get through it all. They can do reading or school-work in the car during the drives...

Nic - For you, b/c I saw that post about the burger on FB. Scroll down to read a few ... lol.gif

NRR: ... Im sorry to hijack the thread. It will pass, it always does. ... but WTF! I actually had two of the best days Ive had in months on Sun-Mon, and then Tuesday was 180 degrees the other direction. It's like, when I wake up, someone hands me a birth-ball made of steel and I have to carry it around all day. It's grueling and exhausting and it takes everything i have, mentally and physically, to do it, and going to bed is the best b/c I can put the ball down. And then the next morning I get it dumped in my lap again. each day the ball gets lighter, until one day there is no ball, and I know I'm through... until the next time. I can carry the ball and do school-work, just barely. But school-work and teaching scares me. Not that Ill be feeling this way in 5 months necessarily, but I could. School is manageable; I can take less classes, whatever. Teaching is the thing I have to decide about by April 15. (I only have 3 more classes to be done with the MA). Anyway ... I'll make my therapist decide for me tomorrow lol.gif

I want off this crazy train lol.gifdisappointed.gif
post #42 of 247
Sparkle, I want to post something helpful and reassuring (and not about me). In posts I see awareness that the horribleness of how you feel is transient - way too frequent and awful but hopefully soon the negative will leave and not return for a very, very long time. I think having had a precipitous event in the past that triggered a negative time can make a current descent that much trickier. Other dingos are able to be much more able to directly address your immediate concerns in their comments. I am awed by your ability to accept this is more than you want to carry alone. Change is constant and up is the way left for you go.
Thank you for sharing. I hope it helps you and others because it has helped me.
post #43 of 247
Sparkle - I am so glad to hear that you will be seeing your therapist again tomorrow. The load you are carrying is to great for anyone to bear alone. Wishing you peace, and answers hug.gif.

RR: Ran 4.5 miles this morning at the park. Lovely spring-like day and a pain-free run. I credit kettlebells and the chiropractor!
post #44 of 247

sparkletruck - hug.gif  grouphug.gif  hug.gif


jaygee - way to go for your ds!


I have been feeling marginally better since eliminating so many foods. Right now though the only thing in the world I want is a steaming cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream on top. I am resisting - dairy + sugar not a good idea less than a week into this - but I am tired and achey and it just sounds so comforting, much more so than vegetables. Okay, I got that off my chest. Now I am off to make my creamy chick pea soup........ without the chick peas. Jo and everyone who has done this - remind me of how much better I will feel!!

post #45 of 247

Oh. my. goodness Sparkle! biglaugh.gif That site made me laugh so hard I had tears running down my face and then I had to quickly minimize it so the kids would not see.


I had been thinking something VERY SIMILAR the other day when ONCE AGAIN a family-member-to-remain-nameless (my mother) made me nuts by insisting that eating eggs was the VEGAN THING TO DO and anyway...


sit down if you're not already because this is good....




really ready?





dizzy.gif duh.gif


Because, you know, these things are equivalencies.


Attempting to be ever-so-gentle, I said something to the effect of, "I don't want to be a part of the reproductive slavery of any species. That means I opt out of eating the products of commercial egg and dairy industries. To me CHOICE MEANS YOU GET TO SAY NO or refuse to participate, even if you're "just" a chicken or cow."


Then I hung up the phone before I could say more. I realize other people make other choices, and I'm down with that. Everyone has their own accounting of how they want to make decisions about all kinds of things and I get to have mine too. But my family...well..let's just say my mom keeps badgering me to the point where I want to sit her down and make her watch "Meet Your Meat" and read "Eating Animals" so that she begins to get a clue why I believe what I do...but it's not worth it. She wouldn't be able to handle it. So, yeah, I love that site.


Also, Sparkle, I'm glad you are finding your way back to the therapist. I have been in the bottom of that pit a lot lately too and feeling the weight of the steel medicine ball hot potato that always, always, seems to land on my lap. Sigh. I had a session yesterday which left me extremely out of sorts and cranky and I"m not sure why, other than that I am starting to reach conclusions I don't know if I can really live with and adjust to in terms of the discrepancy between what *I* want and what I feel strongly is my responsibility to my kids (for now). Yeah. And career-wise/school-wise I also can relate -- I am overburdened, underpaid, sometimes totally frustrated, and not at all sure what the hell I want to be when I grow up, doctorate and all. Good times.


RR: 5 sunny miles. Still a cold breeze (in the 50s) but I'll take it over the subfreezing temps that we've been having and still have in the early morning. I am so done with this cold. One of my treasure map things is to figure out a way to represent that I want to move back to warm weather climate -- and I just don't see it really as a viable option. Which totally sucks. But I guess I'll put it on anyway.

post #46 of 247

Reading along, thinking of Sparkle and Nick and Mommajb and others with sadness, anxiety, exhaustion, hopeless feelings. Focusing on right now is what is getting me through days like that, and remembering that every person has their burden, even when we don't always see or understand it. I am working on having empathy even when I feel misunderstood and (sometimes even) mistreated by others. For me, it is keeping myself looking outward that helps me, or at least distracts me long enough to make it through another day. Anyway, by the time you read this, I hope that the whole atmosphere around you all has lightened up a bit.


We have company coming today, so I am sitting on the computer waiting for a load of bedding to wash so I can re-make beds. Washed floors, scrubbed toilets, shopped and planned meals. I think I'm almost ready. If I can just keep the house in a semblance of order until they get here. And I hope it stops raining. It's hard to keep the floors even half-way decent when it is wet outside. Between the kids and the dogs - and the dirt they so love to play in - my floors won't stay clean for long. OK, as you can probably tell, I am semi-obsessed with the floors.


RR? RR? What is this thing you speak of?

post #47 of 247
Mel38 - YES on looking outward, and gratitude!
post #48 of 247
Random fly by post...
I was training to help run a track meet and guess who explained the ins and outs of long jump and triple jump to me. Willie Banks. I got to play in the sand with Willie Banks! He does have the personality mentioned - very nice to the parents but I think he scared a couple of new jumpers. I just wish somebody had told me who he was before I asked a couple of embarrassing to me now questions. Hopefully I don't repeat sticking my foot in my mouth next week.
Spring has sprung. We have a track meet and swim meet on Saturday.
post #49 of 247
Thread Starter 
Holy moley, nic. Really? I am dizzy.gif...how on earth do you make the leap from one's beliefs on reproductive rights to whether or not they eat eggs? Sheesh.

It was a busy, busy day around here. DS had a field trip to the children's theater that I went along to, then I had a haircut, then the dog went to the groomer, squeezed in a run, picked DS up from school, ran some errands, home to do a little cleaning. I'm tired. Tomorrow will be more of the same...errands to run, workouts to get in, and a baby shower dinner for a friend tomorrow night.

rr~I ran, outside even! 4.5 miles down my (formerly) usual route. It was almost hot, even with short sleeves and a skirt on.
post #50 of 247
I was sitting in my office giggling about pro-choice for chickens when the kids asked me to explain and I brushed it off as something too ridiculous to understand.

Hugs to everyone who needs them.

I've had a busy week, but did make it to bootcamp last night. This morning was the 4th birthday party for my youngest, followed by a walk in the forest mto leave gifts at the fairy doors, a trip to the hospital (not the one I work at) to visit a family friend who had a stroke, and tonight a night shift. Tomorrow is the actual birthday, and my husband's birthday, too. I bought him new sheets, which the kids have informed me is a "teensy, weensy bit boring" gift. I think they were being kind to protect my ego.

My bootcamp trainer has started biweekly hill runs (basically up a small mountain then back) twice a week. I'm really going to try to make it fit in my schedule at some point next week. I'm writing it here for accountability.

Ps- thanks for the Mac genius suggestion, lofty. Unfortunately my nearest one is still off island, and the ferry travel plus full day to do it is too steep. My reboot attempts have all failed, so I'll take it in to a local shop on Monday.
post #51 of 247

Nic, the egg comment did make me laugh.


On menopause etc., thinking back to how my mother lost her mind scares the living daylight out of me. In terms of diet, I think I am a universe away and in a better place, but Oh My God please don't let me lose a decade of my life to the whirlwind/suckhole that was PMS in that house...scared.gif


sparkle, since I am living vicariously through your experience, I want you to take the TA job and continue to rock. Of course, on a more pragmatic level, I understand you ultimately need to do what's best for you, and this is not about me at all. ROTFLMAO.gifAnyway, I hope the therapist has the wisdom you need for this round.


Gaye, I hope the loan forgiveness program works out for you. It sounds like a perfect fit for where you are, and sure would help.


Shanti, keep going. You will only continue to feel better over time. Hugs, mama.


TM: The day before we left for Kenya, I cleaned out the kids' room with them. It was a serious, serious decluttering that definitely had the effect of readying me for the TM exercise. I was lame about it last year; this year, my thoughts are clearer and hopes for outcomes seem more real. I can't wait.


Kenya was amazing. The flights sucked, but everything else was really great. Our guide was out of this world. The lodge was so exactly how it should be. We could have used another 3-4 days at least, but dh was at work this morning by 7AM (we arrived at home at 430), so obviously the 4 days had to be good enough this time. The weather cooperated perfectly. No one got ill (except for that airplane-breakfast-grain incident). Mosquito nets on the beds, no TV, no traffic noise, no city lights...we awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of grazing hippos on the lawn outside our cabin doors, along with nocturnal birds and bats feeding on the mosquitoes. We didn't see a rhino or a leopard, but we did get to see lions feasting on a buffalo, and a pair of very full cheetah brothers napping after their lunch. Both of these were lucky breaks, as once the cats feed, they disappear for days to sleep it off. We visited a Maasai village and got a short introduction to some of their customs and way of life. People were generally friendly and loved when we tried to use Swahili. Roads were bad, Nairobi is a bit of a nightmare, but the smell of the earth and rain and thunderstorms and animal dung were like a blood transfusion. Totally seriously, if anyone wants to go to Kenya, I can recommend a guide. A former teacher, he shared what he knew about just about any topic: environment, politics, tribalism, education, religion, etc. He knew all the animals and birds, as well as many of the tribes. He illuminated the recent elections and what they might mean going forward in Kenya.


I also indulged in a sugar Stoney soda before leaving the country. It was worth it.


RR: Ha ha. We came home to a dust-rain-mud-smog storm. The sky is opaque and yellow. So I can't even catch up on laundry. The kids are semi-comatose, playing Lego in their room. My day will consist of grocery shopping and cooking something for dinner, and making sure dh is well fed when he finally makes it back here this evening. Poor guy is going to be exhausted. Will likely roll out the yoga mat and hope it clears outside for a morning walk tomorrow.

post #52 of 247

Jo - I am just in awe of your trip. I felt energized just hearing about your amazing adventures.  so so so cool!!!


mommajb - that is so cool! he is from around the time when my DH was really into track and field, so he appreciated the story much better than i did!



sparkle - hope that your therapist meeting went well and you are feeling peace on your decision making

lol.gif pro choice for chickens



we had an amazing weather day today (of course it is the day before DD has to go back to school, whereas spring break was so blah and cold) so lots of outdoors and playdate and tag at the playground.... that is my RR for today.


Great yoga class yesterday, with lots of core work which is what i desperately need; but I'm still feeling it today.


hope everyone's week starts out well!

post #53 of 247
Nic-- egads. Moms can be so fun.

1jooj--your trip sounds nice. I'm glad you had a great time, excepting the flight, and hope everyone can recover the next few days.

callie--yay for good weather. DH always told me spring was the time of year to be in Rochester, but it seemed to me even that was hit or miss.

MelW--good luck with the hill runs!

mommajb--too cool!

OK, that's as many personals as I remember.

RR: 3 on the hotel treadmill Friday (would have been 6 but I'd had a headache for about 12 hours and the run alternately made it feel better and then very much worse. I'd only gotten 3 hours of sleep before I had to get up for the plane, so I gave up and went to bed early, for me). Got up at 5:25 am (!!!!!!) to run outside. Route 66 (yes, that one!) intersected the road my hotel was on, so I ran east a bit which took me up to the top of Woody Mountain, and then ran back down. When I realized they were serving breakfast in 10 minutes I kept going west to the train station and back arriving just in time to get an omlet and bring it back to my room. That was about 5.5 miles, but an hour of running. (Flagstaff, AZ is at about the same elevation as Estes Park, so it counts as my first mountain run of the season.) Maybe some tonight.

NRR: It was a good conference (joint regional meetings of the ethnomusicology, musicology and music theory people). I flew into Phoenix and drove up to Flagstaff. It's a pretty drive. One of my former colleagues teaches at Northern Arizona State, so it was nice to see him. Another colleague had flown in from California to do some presentations, and my advisor also few in for the conference. My paper went well. Some student papers did not, so I jotted down a list of things to check if I'm ever sponsoring a student at the conference (like, "dress appropriately," "save your multiple strange piercings for appropriate venues," "don't do weird special effects with Powerpoint"....) Random observations of men's clothing, as a follow-up to last month's conference where a colleague dressed like an Oxford schoolboy: all of the men, even the one with both nostrils pierced, a chin piercing and weird huge ear piercings that at first made me think it had some sort of horrible growth near his cheekbone, wear either shirt/tie, shirt/jacket or shirt/jacket/tie. My more-stylish colleague did not attend, which I realize in retrospect left me much more relaxed. Go figure.

Next year's joint conference is at Arizona State in Phoenix, so I'm thinking I need to write a proposal or two and hope I can score cheap tickets to Phoenix.
post #54 of 247
Academic dress is a strange and intriguing thing (and *someone* must have studied it, right?!). One of the profs in my new program wears a fanny pack everywhere, or at least every setting I've ever seen him: academic conference, panel presentation, community meeting... My husband purposely dressed down for his small town community college interview and wore jeans and work-style (Redwing) boots with shirt and tie to not look too "big city". I've been called out for not dressing down on Fridays, but it's currently the only day I teach and don't work in scrubs. Our college is very casual.

Real, I'm glad you had a good time at the conference, and good luck for next year!

Jo, the trip sounds wonderful

Today was post-night shift and youngest daughter and husband's birthdays. I took the kids climbing (Hooray, RR!), did some spring yard clean up and kale planting, and made dinner and "sundaes" (ice cream with fruit sauce) for dessert. Dinner was followed by family jam with a chance for the youngest to try out her fiddle birthday gift, ridiculous dancing and general hilarity. When the parents drink wine with dinner the evenings can get fun and funny (best topic of dinner conversation was name your favourite Elvis, follows by bad singing of Elvis Presley, Elvis Costello and Elvis Perkins songs)
post #55 of 247

Subbing in. I've been off MDC for a bit with a crazy schedule. Hoping for a few months where I can keep up with y'all!


Starting reading from here - too much since last I posted.

post #56 of 247

Sparkle - I'm thinking of you each day, hoping the darkness is fleeting and that you can be comfortable following the path to what you want with strong support whenever you need it.  I think the point that you are the first choice and therefor not taking anything away from anyone else is key to remember.  You only need to worry about your own journey, nobody else's.


MelW- That birthday celebration sounds beautiful.


Real - I always found that the music and art majors were the oddest dressers on any campus I attended (and some of those as an uncooly normal looking music student) so it seems to follow that the profs and students at a conference might go all out to impress too. smile.gif I'm glad you had a good time.


Jo - I showed your FB album to dh to inspire him to invest in some travel for this family.  He values his childhood excursions abroad above all other experiences yet now he doesn't want to find the money or time to share that with his kids.  But your trip may have nudged some rusted gears in his brain. 


RR: No.  THis week isn't looking good for that either.  It's spring break so no boxing.  I will however spend all day every day painting and building and decorating the set.  And on friday my boss and I moved I don't know how many hundreds of pounds of weight from the gym to a pick-up and then into the theatre to improve our fly system (my idea I'm proud to say, and everyone keeps saying, "wow! Why didn't we do this years ago?")  The higher ups keep telling me to get volunteers to help but I don't know when I have time to track anyone down, let alone have a project all ready and waiting with clear instructions so I don't also have to do every step of it with them anyway.  I'll keep trying to figure it out because there is too much for one person to do. 

NRR: See RR:


Thinking of you all throughout my days.  Someday I'll be back to normal.

post #57 of 247

Lisa - is your colleague in music at ASU or ethnology/anthro?  I worked for 3 years in the Anthro department there...



The academic dress thing is definitely very interesting.  Even though I tend to dress "nice," I have had some challenges here: I work in an engineering field, which tends toward casual, but my unit also has a strong corporate/industry connection, so there are lots of suits and ties on a daily basis and I get strange looks if I go too casual.  But I also co-teach a class in the design department, and I definitely don't wear enough black, thick rimmed glasses, or have the piercings or wild hair color to fit in there, and dressing too formally actually seems to put a barrier between myself and the students


It is always this strange mix of trying to look professional enough but without looking uppity or too stuffy....  And then there is the added joy of running into the provost or a trustee while I'm going across campus in workout clothes for my yoga class



post #58 of 247

I'm child-less for the entire week. For the first time since 2002. And I'm so incredibly sad and missing my family. It will be a nice week off, but I'm taken by surprise at how quiet my life is with no kids. And how much of my day is spent taking care of them. (it's kids' spring break. But not the university spring break. So they are with MIL/FIL for the week. I think all 4 of them will have a blast and I know I enjoyed spending a week with my grandma/grandpa immensely.).


On what to do academically Sparkle:  on some level, graduate school is about figuring out if you can do this academic thing. If you want to be a writer, then I think having a TA or not doesn't matter. If you ultimately are doing the masters to end up in a teaching job at community college, or university level writing classes, then you're shooting yourself in the foot if you don't have any experience.  My freshman year of college I was on a swim team road trip. The minivan was full, minus the driver's seat. The coach had counted all the swimmers, we were all there. She knocked on the window and said, "what's the problem? why no driver?"  and one of my classmates said, "But coach, we're just a bunch of kids!!!"  her response: "not any more - get in the driver's seat and lets go!" In every phase of my adult career life I've had an experience where I'm reminded, oh yeah, I'm the adult here, I'm in charge. Sure being in charge has a lot of fear in it -- what if "it" isn't what I want? what if I suck at "it"?  But the reality is that you just have to do it. So on deciding: you just have to figure it out. Obsessing doesn't help.


Academic dress:  yeah. I'm making notes on what to/not to do. Somehow we aren't teaching our children/young adults that strange body piercings/hairstyles/tattoos essentially do the same thing that flamboyant clothing does: draw attention away from you as a professional. So yeah, get a tattoo. But don't have a tattoo across your face that is your kids' names that I can't read from a distance. I'm spending the time reading/trying to read your check and not actually thinking about what you're doing professionally. (real story).


Geofizz: we need some more couch pictures


Travel: yes yes yes!  Did I already post -- my dh doesn't need surgery? YAY!  Getting on with summer vacation planning. And once again his damn triathlon schedule is getting in the way. But he agreed to modify to prevent being, "the special snowflake of the family".   Unfortunately it looks like too late to book a beach trip. But we're now thinking Tetons....and daydreaming. Solid plan will be in place before we pick up the kids on Saturday.

post #59 of 247
sparkle, how are you? hug2.gif

jo, your pictures are inspiring in so many ways. Thank you for sharing.

plady you sound crazy busy. asking for volunteers is hard and more to organize but like teaching our children to do something for themselves the payback can be worth it.

kerc, enjoy the quiet but I do get what you are saying about lonely.

geo, yes to more couch photos!

on academic dress: My comment after looking at dh's colleagues is that clean, neat clothes that fit well go a long way. Simple is almost always better. If you want to be taken seriously, be serious. (unless you are a comic, then you should be funny)

I finally made a decision and C has orthodontia in her mouth. For the record, three kids are in treatment, one is mad that she isn't and doesn't need to be right now, and the last is dreaming about the day he is old enough. nut.gif

RR: 4 miles yesterday. C accompanied me on her scooter around the bay while the other two girls paddled. Linus was on his bike but ended up with dh once he refused to move because he had been passed by us. eyesroll.gif quick weights in garage this morning.
post #60 of 247

The couch progress has been a lot of behind the scenes stuff like finishing the cutting of pieces and sewing on scrap extensions where they'll be needed.  It's also a weekend thing, so no more progress predicted until next weekend.  Just hang on.  We expect it to go fast from here, though.  Now we're mostly just waiting on a new piece of foam to replace a bit under the deck.  Yes, I'm now using couch lingo.


Dress:  I have always found how to dress puzzling.  I study it and copy as best I can, but I still fail frequently.  Thank goodness for tenure, as jeans seems to pass for almost anything now.  For my kids I have spent as much as a week of drop offs studying boy's pants, for instance, to figure out what kind of pants to buy DS (note, not jeans). (Remember I live in a fancy place that expects that I'm up on stuff like this, and ignoring kid-fashion has had weird negative consequences for them.)  The stuff about zippy ppt effects and chewing gum is more obvious to me.  I do, as a matter of course, require all students to give me a dress rehearsal of  talks and poster presentation, including outfit.  My only tangible advice to my students on dress is similar to the advice I give them on TAing.  No one should feel compelled to comment to me on their wardrobe.  Too fancy or too sloppy will result in me getting comments.  Too good a job on TAing (time not spent on research) is just as bad as too bad a job on TAing (time not spend doing ones job).  One of my students has tattoos that are only covered if he wears long sleeves buttoned at the wrist.  It makes for summer conferences in hot locales a little interesting.  He seems aware of this, though, and I've never heard comments about his dress.  (Sadly, I've gotten comments about his (lack of) TAing).


More Kenya pictures, please!

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