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Multiple kids with disabilities?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

So, tonight, I just sent in my request for an evaluation for my youngest son.  My oldest son is on the autism spectrum.  He's come a long long way since he was first put iin special ed in K.  He's going to highschool next year.  His academics are going great.  His behavior is great.  He still struggles with organization and social skills.  My middle son is gifted with a learning disability, and the special needs help he's recieved has helped him to blossom and show his stregnths.  And I suspect my youngest son is gifted with a learning disability too. 


By next year, I will most likely be dealing with 3 IEPS.  I am just feeling kind of sad and overwhelmed about it all.  Usually, I can be so strong and so positive, but there was something about sending in a request for evaluation for my third son that has set me off.  I know it's irrational, but I keep asking myself, what have dh and I have done wrong.  What is with the combination of our genetics and parenting that has lead to 3 kids who struggle?  I know I shouldn't be feeling so forlorn at the moment, but I just can't help it. 


Has anyone else gone through these feeliings?

post #2 of 11
grouphug.gif Yes. I have a child with big issues but it's the smaller things I see in the other child that set me off more in some ways. I understand what you wrote. grouphug.gif
post #3 of 11

I seem to wonder the same thing almost on a daily basis. DD1 is SPD, anxiety disorder, and severely dyslexic, the combination of all is just exhausting in her. DD2 has asthma/allergies. It doesn't sound like much but her's is not just a simple case and she has literally spent her entire six years of life bouncing between specialists and hospitals. She takes 5 meds a day, gets pneumonia 4-6 times a year, I spend all my time analyzing what is around her, what inhalers, meds do I need to increase now. DS1 is ASD. DS2 is 20 months and already in speech therapy. His verbal skills are at an 11 month level. WTF is what I want to know. Every single kid has had to have speech therapy. The medical/therapy bills are just killing us. I know so many families that don't have a single child like mine and then I get this melting pot of children? It is what it  is. And that line that people seem to spout off about I must be so strong and I can handle it or some other diarrhea. Um, no. I deal because I am forced to, just like all the rest of us on this board. I'm not strong, more like chronically completely exhausted and jacked up on way too much caffeine. 


There was a thread very similar to this one somewhat recently about the same thing, there are a few of here in the same boat. grouphug.gif

post #4 of 11

Yes, DS has ADHD and we have IEPs in progress.  He is gifted, but very focused (math/science).  DD has multiple problems stemming from an anoxic brain injury at 4 months of age.  She is severly developmentally delayed, and receives homebound services.  Strangely, her IEPs are fairly easy.  I find DS's IEP meetings much more difficult.

post #5 of 11

Yep, same here.  I have one with deafness and speech issues who is on an IEP.  I have another with ADHD(he has every single aspect of it) as well as a bit of SPD and I think he may have a learning disability(it's hard to tell if it is ADHD affecting his learning or something else) and I am planning to get him on an IEP or 504 or some sort of behavioral plan for this coming school year.  My youngest, I am fairly certain he has ADHD though he has not been formally introduced, add in some social anxiety and I think he will be on an IEP/504 in the next few years.  It's exhausting!  And the easiest of the kids is the one who is deaf as none of his issues are behavioral.  I'd rather 3 deaf kids than the ADHD.

post #6 of 11
Thread Starter 

It's nice to know that other people get exhausted with all the things that go into the IEPs and just the general everyday stuff that goes into having kids multiple kids with special needs.  Sometimes, I feel a bit alone IRL with things like this.

post #7 of 11
I have 3 kiddos. Oldest, 9 has severe adhd, middle, 5 possibly has aspergers, autism or spd. She is currently being evaluated. My youngest is 23 months. She has no known issues but is in the terrible 2s horribly. I see a lot of my middle in her and that terrifies me. I have no friends around nor family and a hubbywho works 6 days a week. I myself have an anxiety disorder and feel like I m losing my mind. Fighting with the school almost daily. I often wonder why my kiddos have to struggle so much.
post #8 of 11

I have two kids with type 1 diabetes. It's so stressful. And exhausting. And no one gets it, which makes the stress feels so lonely...  DS also has asthma, allergies, ADHD, migraines, a reading disorder and several surgeries to correct a birth defect. I absolutely hate dealing with the schools and get filled with anxiety just thinking about meetings. The daily calls (highs, lows, insulin needs, etc) are fine but medical plans are so frustrating because I just want to ask them why they work so hard to be difficult. I realize the requests are only obvious to someone involved in diabetes but I wish that just once someone would say, "You would know best. Let's do that." and not fight me!

post #9 of 11

As much as I know that my kids came to me with their own particular hardwiring, and as much as I know that dh and I are, overall, pretty good parents, I still do have those moments of wondering, What did we do??? How responsible are WE for how these kids are?


And sometimes, no matter how capable, strong, accepting, and positive I feel on a given day, parenting different kids with different special needs or disabilities is just plain exhausting. Typical kids are exhausting, much less those that bring a little twist to the parenting journey!


So yeah, sometimes I wonder...and sometimes I'm so tired...and sometimes I think, for just a quick second, of what my life might be like if my kids were plain ol' vanilla, instead of rainbow sherbet. I don't dwell on those thoughts and feelings, because I really do believe that my family was designed by God, and that I am equipped to be who I need to be for my kids, but yes, I do have my moments.


Joni and kids, incl. Michaela, 16, w/syringomyelia (full time wheelchair user), Gabe, 14 (w/Down syn. and autism), and Micah, 8 (Tourette syndrome and accompanying behaviors)

post #10 of 11
Thread Starter 

plain ol' vanilla, instead of rainbow sherbet

What an awesome visual!  Thank you sharing your story. 

post #11 of 11

Here, too. DS with ADHD and SPD and DD1 with ADHD and visual impairment, plus ODD. I am exhausted all.the.time. And I am grateful for them, because every one is a bright shining star, they are just so INTENSE, and one has so many problems that are so not necessary. Like all these: If you would just be more strict with them.

Or: I don't believe in ADHD. - Yeah. right. 


DD2 is quite active and hates to sleep. And she'll get it probably, too, since you cannot really stay sane if you live with four ADHDs, can you...

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