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Ex, pregnant stepmom, their Ped trying to bully me. Help.

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 

I have a 6 year old son who i stopped vaxing at 9 months due to dtap reactions. My ex never cared to ask or know what happened, and i dont think he knows that ds hasnt been vaxed since 9 months. Now ex is having a baby in May, and their ped says my ds needs a pertussis shot. This is not happening. I told ex of ds's reactions, and that ive done tons of research, and that dtap doesnt prevent transmission. He told me their ped wants to see a copy of what my ds has already had.

I really just want to tell them all to p**s off. But i cant start a war. I dont want to give them a copy of his shots, its not their docs business, and its not going to change anything. If anything she will just tell them he isnt adequaltey protected and that he needs more shots or some bs.

Im thinking of printing off all the studies I have of dtap inneffectiveness and serious reactions to the vaccine, and handing that to them. And saying something along the lines of, "here, and if your doc has a problem with it, you can call my doc." (my doc wouldnt necessarily back me up, but my doc is cool with nonvax parents)

This is such bs. my ex never cared before, and now suddenly because they are preg, they think they can start making medical decisions for my son, who they hardly know anything about medically speaking. Any advice on my plan? (i have a religious exemption at ds's school btw) Thanks!

post #2 of 17

My fear would be that he would just take your son in and get him vaxed without your consent.

 

I kind of understand why your ex might be worried. It really can get into your head when doctors start telling you all the dangers and their usual fear mongering. Your ex doesn't have the knowledge about it that you have. He's probably getting it from his wife too. Definitely don't give out his records. Start by sending the studies as you mentioned and see if that pacifies the situation. Good luck!

post #3 of 17

There was a similar thread about this same kind of situation not too long ago. My suggestion was to offer to keep the children separated until the baby got vaccinated because at this point, all the vaccine would do for them would be to increase their chances of infecting their baby. 

What makes your son so special to the ped? Or are they going to request the medical records of everyone their baby comes into contact with and demand they also be vaccinated? 

If they believe in vaccinations so much, why don't they vaccinate their own child and leave the rest of the world alone?

(for the record, my son is vaccinated but I think every parent should have the absolute right to not vaccinate their child). 

post #4 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escaping View Post

There was a similar thread about this same kind of situation not too long ago. My suggestion was to offer to keep the children separated until the baby got vaccinated because at this point, all the vaccine would do for them would be to increase their chances of infecting their baby. 

What makes your son so special to the ped? Or are they going to request the medical records of everyone their baby comes into contact with and demand they also be vaccinated? 

If they believe in vaccinations so much, why don't they vaccinate their own child and leave the rest of the world alone?

(for the record, my son is vaccinated but I think every parent should have the absolute right to not vaccinate their child). 

Oh good point! Pretty much every adult that their baby comes into contact with will not be up to date with their vaxes, or depending on age, may not even have had many of them! People always seem to focus on the unvaxed children their babies/children will come into contact with and seem to forget about the adults.

post #5 of 17
Your ex probably had the right to that information.... maybe you should check the wording on the agreement you have with him.

Sorry you are going through something so hard. Especially given he had a reaction.
post #6 of 17

Do you have primary custody?

post #7 of 17
Thread Starter 

We dont have anything any legal as far as custody or anything. But my son has lived with me full time for, forever. As far as Im concerned I have full custody. And they claim that their ped says that anyone who is going to be around the baby for exteneded periods of time needs to be vaxed because a newborn wont be able to have the dtap. i am starting to freak out. the thought of my ds having vaccines forced on him terrifies me. I am praying that these studies that i have printed out will get through to ex.

post #8 of 17
I don't think a pediatrician who does not treat your son has the right to view any of his medical records. It's none of his business. I find the fact that he is requesting to look at them very arrogant. If I were you I would not give in. Don't let some ped bully you into thinking you have to do what he says.
post #9 of 17

Another ped, who does not see your DS, has ZERO right to view his medical records, and any attempt to bully anyone into getting him that info could actually be filled as a HIPPA violation, and if push comes to shove, you might just have to tell him that. I doubt your ex is running to the doc to update his boosters and chances are he's not up-to-date and will have far more contact with this child than your DS will. 

post #10 of 17
I don't know a thing about your ex or his wife, but I'm kinda wondering if they just told you the ped wanted to see the records to try and get you to agree to vax your son. It sounds really crazy to me that a doctor wouldn't know that he can't ask to see your son's medical records.
post #11 of 17
Thread Starter 

eminurse, please, ive done over 6 years of research on this matter. I know that the pertussis vaccine is a joke, not to mention it could have killed my son. Notice i posted in the non vax forum, maybe you should read that before you post. I am not going to endanger my sons life because my ex is having a baby. Thanks to everyone else! I really appreciate it!
 

post #12 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by eminurse View Post

DTaP- Diptheria, tetanus, pertussis. Probably wOn't get Diptheria in US, tetanus will kill but as long as your child doesn't step on a rusty nail, cut himself...eH. However, pertussis can KILL a baby. And children. And it's increasing in prevalence. If your child gave it to his half brother, how would you feel? How would your child feel? How would your ex feel?

You are clearly lost and posting in the wrong forum. This is the NO VAX forum. Take your peer pressure elsewhere! (and do a little research while your at it)

post #13 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by eminurse View Post

DTaP- Diptheria, tetanus, pertussis. Probably wOn't get Diptheria in US, tetanus will kill but as long as your child doesn't step on a rusty nail, cut himself...eH. However, pertussis can KILL a baby. And children. And it's increasing in prevalence. If your child gave it to his half brother, how would you feel? How would your child feel? How would your ex feel?

You have been all over this board this morning.

 

I did flag a comment.  You are new, so in the spirit of generosity I will give you advice:

 

This is "I'm Not Vaccinating."  You can only post here in support of not vaccinating.  You are welcome to post in the other subforums (but I would read the guidelines).  Continuing to post here will only get you in trouble with the mods - so if you want to stay on MDC, you need to knock it off.  If you intend to stay or leave the door open for staying, it would not be a bad idea to edit your posts on this subforum.  

post #14 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post

You have been all over this board this morning.

 

I did flag a comment.  You are new, so in the spirit of generosity I will give you advice:

 

This is "I'm Not Vaccinating."  You can only post here in support of not vaccinating.  You are welcome to post in the other subforums (but I would read the guidelines).  Continuing to post here will only get you in trouble with the mods - so if you want to stay on MDC, you need to knock it off.  If you intend to stay or leave the door open for staying, it would not be a bad idea to edit your posts on this subforum.  

You are so much nicer than I am Kathy! I have no patience for this type of thing!

post #15 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by eminurse View Post

DTaP- Diptheria, tetanus, pertussis. Probably wOn't get Diptheria in US, tetanus will kill but as long as your child doesn't step on a rusty nail, cut himself...eH. However, pertussis can KILL a baby. And children. And it's increasing in prevalence. If your child gave it to his half brother, how would you feel? How would your child feel? How would your ex feel?

 

I'm not trying to start an ongoing debate, but one could also ask, how would a mother feel if she asked another mother to vaccinate and the vaccine caused a reaction in that child? 

 

I'm a "vaxxer" but I still think everyone is responsible for their own child's health and safety. If someone feels their child will be at risk to contracting an illness (whether they vaccinate or not), the answer is to remove their own child from the risk, not ask everyone else around them to be vaccinated. 

post #16 of 17

I will try to tread carefully here, because I also vac and am not welcome here.  But,   The biggest issue you have is what the custody agreements say, I would be more concerned with the legal side of things than the philosophical or public health ones.

 

Yes, a random pediatrician who is not associated with your child has no right to your child's medical records.  But the child's father may or may not have a right to them and can turn them over to this ped at any point.  That is the issue, what type of custody is in place?  If you have full legal custody (which is separate from physical custody) you are probably okay to refuse.  If you have any sort of joint legal custody you may have a problem if you can't convince your ex to continue not vaccinating.  Yes, it should be a parents decision whether or not to vaccinate, however, in this situation the child has two parents who disagree so the problem  becomes picking which parent gets to make the decision, because it is his son too.

post #17 of 17

eminurse, your post has been removed as it violates the guidelines of this forum. I realize you are not here and we want to welcome you as a positive and helpful member wanting to participate in beneficial and respectful discussion. But general debate of a topic goes to our Vaccination Discussions and Debate forum. Please read our rules and guidelines before posting any further.

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