Hi everyone...it's been awhile since I've been here, but I need some advice about this situation.
Short backstory: XH and I have been divorced for a couple years (separated a year before that), and DS (5 yrs.) is with his dad every other weekend. X and I don't have the best co-parenting relationship, but we manage to be civil most of the time.
X has always held very different beliefs than I do and has a vastly different parenting style. Mostly, I try not to interfere and respect (at least in front of DS) that his father just has his own way of doing things. This usually means that I end up trying to explain a lot of stuff to DS that his dad has done/said, but only try to have a discussion with his dad if absolutely necessary. ( X tends to view me as controlling and trying to pick a fight and becomes immediately confrontational when I bring stuff up.)
Some things have been waaay crossing the line, though, and I don't know how to handle it. I can obviously try to talk to X about it, but I'm pretty sure that won't do anything except make me even more frustrated. Examples of things X might say to DS... Religious scare tactics like if you don't go to sleep/do what I say/go to church the devil will take you to hell. (Let me be clear that I have no problem with XH attempting to be religious with DS...it's the scare tactics and indoctrination I have a HUGE issue with.) There have also been racist remarks that have come back to me through DS...comments about skin color and how DS can't go to a certain playground (that DS and I go to all the time) because of the type of people there. I have no idea what else DS might be overhearing that I *don't* know about, which is terrifying.
Anyway, I know his dad isn't exactly going to change at this late date, so I've been trying to counter everything DS is overhearing or being told at his dad's (and documenting). We have some pretty good discussions, especially for his age (5), and I try to model open-mindedness, compassion, and free thinking and encourage DS in these traits. I can tell he is confused, though, about why Daddy says "this this and this is all true/the right way to think" and Mama is more like "um...not exactly...let's think of it this way..."
Is there a way to be respectful of his dad (or at least avoid negativity, for DS's sake), and still counter all the stuff X is telling him? Any other thoughts/advice...?