Okay, I need some perspective here. My father is kind of an odd bird. I don't want to flat out call him stupid (which is what I think in my head a lot of the time), but he has NO sense of personal space/boundaries, and no sense of how others may perceive him. He's prone to anger and contagious grouchiness, and has the capacity to make people feel just awful when he's in a bad mood. He LOVES to help other people, almost to a fault, and he also likes everyone to know how much he likes to help other people. Anyway - just trying to set the scene by describing my dad as I see him now. Not quite right, not fully capable, a little bit off his rocker :)
Here's the issue: I have somehow made it to my adult life being not quite sure that my father did not abuse me in my childhood. Now, I have NO clear memories or evidence of abuse. I do not know why I am left with this sense of mistrust. But...there it is. I started to fear him at some point in my early adolescence, right around the time that I started to become aware of sex stuff and see those scary videos at school about sexual predators. The fear turned into loathing in my teenage years. Nowadays, it's just sort of a mix of annoyance and acceptance. Of course, at the time I expected him to be a "normal" adult. I didn't understand his chronic flaws the same way I do now. It is fully possible that he did something stupid that I misperceived or associated with the scary stuff I was learning. I was a very fearful child in general, so it's possible.
BUT, now I have a 3 year old daughter, and it is often suggested that my dad should watch her, and I just harbor this worry that he will abuse her. It's getting very hard to continue deflecting suggestions that he should watch her alone, and I'm not even sure I have a real foundation for this worry. I let my parents watch her when they're both there, and I don't think there's been an issue.
So I guess I'm just wondering what I should do. I can't very well tell them that I don't want him to watch DD because I'm afraid he might molest her, when I have absolutely no foundation for that fear, you know? It's just a confusing situation.