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post #41 of 58

My dad got his from a bank manager. He wondered if i was his gc. And my sil, who's younger than me but doesn't color her hair got that. I felt that about a mom who's dd was in the same pre-k class as dd. I think it's rude to ask but who can stop people. It's hard to follow this all the time but it's a good reminder I have for myself: What other people think of me is none of my business.

post #42 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neera View Post

I had mine late so I can tell u from close observation smile.gif)  that while some are having them late it's usually the 2nd or 3rd that's late. The first is almost always in the 20s.

True -- I didn't mean that women were having their first babies late these days, just that they're having them latER than in the past. I think I read that in my lifetime (born in 75), the average age of first-time moms has risen from the very early-20s to the mid-20s (with subsequent children, obviously, coming later). So the sight of a 30-something woman with small kids shouldn't make people think "grandma." And that's the overall average -- I think women who go to college (which is much more common now than in the 70s) wait even longer before having their first baby -- more like late-20s. I'll have to see if I can find some stats later -- I'm on my phone now so it's tough.
post #43 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post


True -- I didn't mean that women were having their first babies late these days, just that they're having them latER than in the past. I think I read that in my lifetime (born in 75), the average age of first-time moms has risen from the very early-20s to the mid-20s (with subsequent children, obviously, coming later). So the sight of a 30-something woman with small kids shouldn't make people think "grandma." And that's the overall average -- I think women who go to college (which is much more common now than in the 70s) wait even longer before having their first baby -- more like late-20s. I'll have to see if I can find some stats later -- I'm on my phone now so it's tough.

That's true.

post #44 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neera View Post

I had mine late so I can tell u from close observation :))  that while some are having them late it's usually the 2nd or 3rd that's late. The first is almost always in the 20s.

 

Oh, that totally depends on your area. Where I live most of the moms I know all had their first babies in their 30s. Some did it a little younger than me (I was 36 for my first and 39 for my second), but being a new mom in your 30s is totally the norm in my area. Late 20s is not uncommon, either, but there aren't a lot of early 20s new moms around here. I think most of the moms I know had their kids in their 30s. 

post #45 of 58
Wow, I was going to say 33- which is completely honest. I was thinking you'd say late 20s, and I'd look rude! You look great!
post #46 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post

 

Oh, that totally depends on your area. Where I live most of the moms I know all had their first babies in their 30s. Some did it a little younger than me (I was 36 for my first and 39 for my second), but being a new mom in your 30s is totally the norm in my area. Late 20s is not uncommon, either, but there aren't a lot of early 20s new moms around here. I think most of the moms I know had their kids in their 30s. 

 

This is how my area is.  DS was born just days before my 27th birthday, and I was by far the earliest of anyone I know, except for a couple surprises.  Most people here have their first kids in their early to mid thirties (32-36), but I do know a couple who skipped college and started their family early (mid 20's).

post #47 of 58

I was going to guess 30ish, give or take a year.  Certainly wasn't thinking 40 give or take!  You look great. orngbiggrin.gif

post #48 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by pickle18 View Post

 

This is how my area is.  DS was born just days before my 27th birthday, and I was by far the earliest of anyone I know, except for a couple surprises.  Most people here have their first kids in their early to mid thirties (32-36), but I do know a couple who skipped college and started their family early (mid 20's).

Not around here. The moms who have 3-4 kids are all done by maybe 32.

post #49 of 58

I was thinking early 30s. Definitely not grandmother material.

 

It's a mixed bag of ages at my kid's elementary school. I once had a conversation with two other moms with kids the same age - one was ten years younger than me, and the other was ten years older than me, so we were something like 25, 35 and 45, all with kids who were 6.

post #50 of 58

I will tell you, though, that there are challenges with having your kids later. Elder care is a big one for me. My mom also had me later, so she's now 87 with dementia and my kids are just 12 and 9. It's hard to be stuck in the middle and taking care of both your parents and your kids. I have told my girls that late 20s could be a good time for them to think about having kids redface.gif !

post #51 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

 

 

As much as I'd dislike this, it kind of makes me wish ds1 were a girl. We've had several people mistake him for dd2's dad, while correctly assuming that I'm the mom. It's...awkward...

That happened to a friend of mine.  Apparently they thought her teen son was her boyfriend and didn't realize their mistake for months.

post #52 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post

I will tell you, though, that there are challenges with having your kids later. Elder care is a big one for me. My mom also had me later, so she's now 87 with dementia and my kids are just 12 and 9. It's hard to be stuck in the middle and taking care of both your parents and your kids. I have told my girls that late 20s could be a good time for them to think about having kids redface.gif !

Oh, interesting.  I have a 13 and a 9 year old, and my mother would be turning 87 in May, except she died from dementia last year.

 

My younger sister had her children young, which was nice because my parents got to know them.  My dad died before I had children.  My sister is a year younger than I am, and her oldest will be 28 in May.  My oldest will be 14 in May.  She had her first grandchild at the same age that I had my second child, so I have a 9 year old, and she has 6,7 and 8 year old grandchildren.

 

OK, I'm editing again, this time to add that when I used to take my children to the little gym, there was a woman there who I thought of as the grandmother. Sometimes grandparents brought their kids there, so it wasn't that unusual.  I just glanced at her, and mentally assigned her to the grandmother role without even looking at her.  But later, when I was talking to her, I realized she was much younger than I thought.  She just had the hair color, style and glasses of what I thought was a much older woman.  Her hair was colored a very light blonde and in a somewhat bouffant kind of bob, and then she had thick plastic glasses.  This was about 6 years ago, and I didn't realize that the 60's/70's style glasses were coming back in style. When you've already lived through these styles, you have a different association, I guess.

post #53 of 58

I was thinking mid-30s.  You look great!  Makes me consider (just for a brief moment) cutting my hair short.  I have an appt on Saturday.  Maybe. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post

I will tell you, though, that there are challenges with having your kids later. Elder care is a big one for me. My mom also had me later, so she's now 87 with dementia and my kids are just 12 and 9. It's hard to be stuck in the middle and taking care of both your parents and your kids. I have told my girls that late 20s could be a good time for them to think about having kids redface.gif !

 

This is what I'm worried about.  5 years ago we moved into a house w/ my dad, he has his space, we have ours.  After that, we had our third child & our food issues (everyone minus dh has food allrgies) really flared up.  I've put so much time & energy into it, I'm wiped.  I'm figuring by the time, if not before, I'm done full time mothering, my father will need a full time caregiver.  I have a brother but neither my dad or I have nor want a relationship w/ him; he's a sociopath.  I'm hoping to get to do some other things for a few years before I die myself.

 

Sus

post #54 of 58

Well, it's definitely true with the elder care. It's not an issue with DH's family. His mom had her kids in her early 20s so even though DH was in his mid 30 when we had our kids that just put his mom in her mid-early 60s. She's in great shape now at 73. DH's dad died suddenly from a heart attack at 63 which was a huge shock because he was very active.

 

But my dad was in a nursing home the entire scope of dd2's life and most of dd1's up until his death 3 yrs ago. He was unable to walk and on a feeding tube for much of it and had some dementia. I got a huge amount of flack from my (childless) brother for not doing more care for him even though I went down to see him about every other weekend (they lived about 1.5hr away). Now my mom is not doing well at all. We moved her 2 yrs ago up to a retirement community in our town (my brother also lives nearby) and she has progressed from independent living to assisted and now to the nursing home. I go see her 6 days a week (give him Sundays). It's a big strain on me. I love my mom, but I'm an introvert at heart and it's just really hard to be on call so much and to see her decline so much. I often feel torn between my kids' needs and my mom's needs. The kids had spring break last week and I stayed home alone and didn't join DH and them in the mts visiting his mom until the weekend because I felt like my Mom needed me to be close by. 

 

So, I'm all for my kids having their kids say when they're 28 or so and I will still be in my 60s then. I think 60s seems like a great age to be a grandma, but not so much 39!!

post #55 of 58

I guessed 35 before I read your answer. And I certainly don't think you look like a "grandma". If I saw you out in public with a two year old, if I assumed anything about your relationship with the child, it would be to assume you were the mother. I'm still (perhaps naively) shocked that people make relationship assumptions though - you could be the mother, grandmother, aunt, cousin, friend, caregiver, babysitter - so why automatically go for "grandma"?

post #56 of 58
I think people on the east coast have their kids much later ... I more do a double take when I see a 19 year old with a. Baby ...so young!
post #57 of 58

30?

post #58 of 58

It's difficult for me to tell, because I can't see your eyes clearly.

I would not have guessed "grandma" though. Having babies in late 30s and 40s is not uncommon where I am though.

 

I'm about your age, and I've noticed that the people who guess my age most accurately are... women about my age. I confess that I am flattered when people express genuine surprise that my oldest is 14. (Or when I went to a group for the first time last fall and someone said, "There are lots of us in our early 30s! You'll fit right in!") I think it's mostly because I am small and don't have any noticable grey yet. I certainly see the evidence of aging on my skin (noticed first spots on hands last fall).
 

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