Well, we ended up going in for a follow up ultrasound at about 8 weeks b/c my first lab report had that disturbing line in it about an interstitial pregnancy not being excluded. And since I've had a previous ectopic rupture, we felt that we must make sure I wasn't at risk. We went in and got good news first......that the pregnancy was in utero and my uterus is not forked. But the bad news was, there was no heartbeat. Fetal growth measured about 6.5 weeks. The doctor who spoke with us (who is a neonatal specialist) assured me that this is just a very common early miscarriage. (I was convinced that I'm out for good after having an ectopic and now this). I appear to be healthy and he said there is no reason to believe that I couldn't go on to have a very normal, healthy pregnancy. This is our attempt for number 3 and I've realized that I've been putting a lot of weight on this decision to have a third over the last year and a half. So, I think that over the next weeks and months, I have some letting go to do. Physically, I'm not spotting or cramping yet so there is that aspect to let go of. And then letting go of the heaviness of "are we or aren't we?" and just enjoying what IS right before me. Two beautiful kids and a loving husband. Time to drink an IPA on the deck with dinner, enjoy the warm weather heading our way and just be okay that whether we do or do not have another child is not entirely in my control and realize that either way WILL BE GOOD!
I'm pondering some letting go ritual or celebration to help mark this time. Anyone have any ideas? I can feel myself getting frustrated with my body (which still feels pregnant). It's been a few days since I've learned. And I know it can be weeks until the miscarriage actually happens. Finding some peace with that seems fitting.
Wishing you all lots of peace and joy as you travel down the road towards November!