So, my two year old was naked after his bath and touching his penis..he thought it was funny, and then asked to see mine. I have no idea how to begin talking about this stuff, and honestly it terrifies me. Can anyone recommend some books or resources to help out? I don't want it to be weird, and he's obviously just being curious. But I don't want to transfer issues that I have to him...I honestly haven't thought at all about how conversations with a two and a half year old should go. Help?
mommy can i see your pee pee?
My son is one and a half and plays with his penis. He's seen both me and my husband naked since we have family baths and showers. He's reached for my husband's penis or my vulva before, and we just don't let him touch it. "Yes, that's dad's penis. But only dad can touch his own penis. Those are mom's private parts. Only she can touch them." He got the hint after a few repetitions and doesn't try anymore. But he doesn't still play with his own penis, which I think is developmentally normal and fine.
Probably, if your son asks to see your penis, you can just tell him that moms don't have penises but they do have other private parts, and that you don't like to show them to other people because they are private. And leave it at that for now?
DD is 17mos, has showered with DH and I since birth, and I'd say DH is a bit more "shy" about it, especially recently (she looks and he'll cover himself and say 'that's daddy's privates, no looking") but I'm much more open about it. Sure she's a girl and has the same parts but I don't see why I'd be any different with a boy - at that age they just want to learn what things are. We talk about using parts to go potty, when se touches herself it's never intense so I just ignore it...DH get a little bothered and wants to tell her to stop all the time and I've explained to him that it can be normal, just let her be - too much "no no no" will make it an awkward situation that it doesn't have to be. Like others have said, keep it simple, let him know you've got different prts and let him decide where to go from there.
Thanks for all of your replies - I know that the behavior is normal and nothing to be concerned or ashamed about, I just don't know if I am reacting the right way. I feel pretty good about it now (I told him that mommy is a girl so she doesn't have a penis and that I didn't want to undress, then he got distracted by my belly button). We still nurse and shower together at times, so the subject has come up before, he just never asked me to take it out before. I have a lot of issues from my childhood and I really don't want to transfer those issues to him, so I am never quite sure if I am doing the right thing.
I bet it is confusing for little kids because we still touch their private area when we're helping with diapers or toileting. I don't know if acknowledging that helps or just provides more information than they need. My daughter (21 months) tried to grab the front of my husband's boxer shorts this morning, and I told her that's daddy's private area and not to touch it and she cried. *shrug*. I dunno.
Yeah, it can be hard to know what to say especially if you're trying to be mindful of your own issues. DD likes to name body parts and enjoys pointing to her vulva and saying "vulva!" and pointing to mine (usually in the shower) and saying "mama's vulva! big big!". Cracks me right up, what do you say to that?